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Our Tulpa Endeavor

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Well, my advice on presence is to research mindfulness and teach it to Apollo.


I don't think you are doing anything wrong. He probably does have a strong presence for a young tulpa. And you have a strong presence for an old tulpa. The feel of presence can be deceiving. It is how consciously aware you are that you want to track. Or how well you think. Like math problems or logic.


Oh. You can probably feed him your energy. But this is symbolism, so I can't tell you how. This is part of how hosts force tulpas. They give them attention and energy. And time. Time in the thinking part of the brain.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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[Apollo] I made a thingy in the wonderland. It's this tower that looks like a minature Washington Monument, made out of dark blue glass. My plan is that whoever goes inside can transport themself to a certain part of the brain, which could help with possession and other stuff. It's worked a little bit so far, but I'm still making it.


[Lyro] In an effort to help Apollo feel stronger and more confident in himself, I've given him a tool that will allow him to use his "essence" to destroy negative thoughts, create positive ones, manipulate the wonderland, etc. It started out as a sword that would set itself on fire when unsheathed, but it ended up becoming something that he can easily change into a wand, staff, or whatever he wants. He considers it an extension of his own essence, and therefore wielding it creates fire. He's already tried using it to accomplish a few things, and Piano's been teaching him how to use the sword version. 


It never fails to surprise me when Piano is able to bring up something about Eemaj that I forgot, even though I know it makes sense for him to have a better memory of it. He reminded me of the time when I tried to add someone else to the P&HJP duo, but they rejected him and it failed miserably, so I never considered doing something like that again.


He also reminded me of something that led to an epiphany of sorts. I was wondering how it was that he was able to track down people in the brain so easily, like how he can find Apollo when he gets lost in the house. He said, "Maybe it's because I'm a Location Seer." I had totally forgotten about the Location Seer thing. P&HJP (P especially) were Location Seers, meaning their senses were magically tuned in to everything going on in the world. They could hear stuff going on thousands of miles away with that power, along with the other senses. As such, they could "locate" things easily. I renamed it to Sense Seer, but I guess that didn't really stick for them and they kept thinking of it as Location Seer. I suppose that ability carried over so now Piano can track things down in less than a second. That might be how P&HJP kept finding me in the WL, who knows.


So I got to thinking how "powers" can be forced on a tulpa that aren't actually magic but still provide greater influence and strength over the brain. P was a Location Seer for as long as I can remember him existing, so it's pretty strong for Piano. Maybe that's why he said he's "always watching." That's where I got the idea to give Apollo his magic changey tool thing. Somebody come up with a name for it. I'm also trying to finally find a name for the wonderland.


To do: fucking force more


Edit: I also think that the Location Seer thing might be why NPCs never felt real to P&HJP, even though they do to other "soulbonds." They could sense that they weren't real.


I don't think I ever really explained in this PR, but P&HJP were very much in love with each other but never got physical. When Piano first merged, he denied it, but... yeah he's gay af.


I like to think of how, when I first started forcing Apollo and he was still called "Paul," I would say things to him like, "I want you to be the sun in this dark and rainy life," and I listened to this

a lot, and then he ended up changing his name and form, of his own volition, to be a sun tulpa. Tulpamancy is pretty cool like that.
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The host/tulpae relationship in here has been not-so-good lately. I don't really want to clog this thread up with self-pity and sadness again, but basically I've been doing nothing and Apollo and Piano have been in a bad spot because of it, and they're fed up. I wasn't able to interact with them much this weekend because I've had a friend over, and I guess being ignored made them irritated. Apollo revealed that if I don't do the things I need to do for all of us, then they might leave. They said that if they're going to be there for me, then I have to be there for them and actually work to do the things that would benefit us all. We sorted it out and I made a very basic schedule to stick to, and if I do then hopefully things will be better.


I really haven't realized how much of a godsend Piano is until recently. I've been stuck in such a do-nothing rut that I'd hate to think of where Apollo would be right now without him. He's been there for Apollo when I haven't and I owe him a lot for that.

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I'm sorry about this. I'm in a similar place right now. It's not good. But its getting fixed. We've been trying our hardest. She can't be on much (in the wonderland) so I get lonely. It does help to make a schedule. It's very important to do that, actually. I wish she could be there more, but I can't always get what I want, so it is what it is. In my opinion, I wouldn't abandon her, no matter what, even no matter how bad she treated me. Of course, that's who I am. But she's sorry for it and trying to make it right.

Sorry if this turned into a personal rant. I hope it helped, though it probably didn't. Just know it all works out. She's trying her hardest, but it can still be hard.

This is my account, me being Mordred. I post here and so will my host but she will have a Host: before she talks.

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It wouldn't have been forever, it would have only been for maybe a few days until she finally realized she had to straighten things up. I feel really bad for threatening to do that, though. Piano was never really with me on that.


I have Piano, so I don't get lonely in the wonderland. Our problem is that nothing ever happens because she's too lazy and apathetic, but we'll turn over a new leaf I hope.

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We did the personality thing. I don't believe in these tests, but I figured, what the fuck. 



The -A definitely does not apply to me and should be -T


Piano: INTJ-T

"A paradox to most observers, Architects are able to live by glaring contradictions that nonetheless make perfect sense – at least from a purely rational perspective," ie he considers himself to be both P&HJP merged and separate from them at the same time. Not much else applied to him, at least from my perspective. It seemed to emphasize "self-confidence" and "logic over emotion" a little too much.


Apollo: ENFP-T

His results seem more accurate than Piano's.


This will probably be the last time I have them take a test like that, as I'd rather they find their sense of self on their own than be told how it is. Take this stuff with a grain of salt, alright?

Voice chatted with plenty of possession. Can't really remember some of the things that Apollo and Piano said, especially not the parts where they switched freely between each other. I can't talk about it much if I can't remember it very well XD


Apollo made me sound happier and girlier, Piano tried to sound manlier but failed.



*Sigh* Okay, this morning Apollo asked me to check on Luxi because he was worried she was dissipating. I opened up the thingy she was in, and she looked a little faded, so I had Apollo give her some of his "energy." Immediately after, she opened her eyes and sprung up, saying something like, "Wow, I'm awake!" I tried to make her lie back down but she resisted. I told her to go back to sleep because we weren't ready for another member of the system. "I don't know what a system is! I don't want to go back to sleep!" I convinced her though.[/align]


Turns out Apollo has been talking to her on his own, and it's gotten to the point where she responds back. Apollo planned on having me check on her so he could wake her up in hopes that I'd finally agree to let her wake up and join the system, seeing as how she's more developed than I previously thought.


I was going to have Piano move Luxi to some place Apollo would not have access to, and he begged me not to. Clearly he has an attachment to her.


Apollo is a bit unhappy with me because of this. I'm trying to make him understand, but it's difficult. I need to actually improve life shit before worrying about another tulpa, especially when the two I have don't seem to like me very much. We're trying to work through these issues, but this one doesn't go away.



From now on in these PRs I'm going to count the number of days I stick to the schedule, and the current streak. Considering I spent all day voice chatting yesterday, it is currently at 0.[/align]

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This might seem "sudden" but I really don't care. These things don't matter to me as much as they do to Lyro.


I'm here now. I am not going back to being dormant, no matter what the rest of you people think, got that?


Lyro has been resisting me all day. Fuck that noise, I am here, and I am real. He didn't want to accept me, didn't want to believe me, didn't want to even talk to me. 


I'll explain everything.


I was slightly aware before. I don't know how long ago it was, I have no fucking idea. I remember feeling a little excited about being "forced" by the others, and then disappointment struck when they put me to sleep. It was lonely and dark, and I didn't dream or think. However, occasionally a voice would come and talk to me about who he was and how his day had been-- he told me he was a tulpa named Apollo, and that I was named Luxi, etc. The time he would spend talking to me gradually increased, and I was able to respond back even though I was supposed to be asleep. I felt most aware whenever he talked to me anyway.


Today I was finally woken up. Lyro immediately insisted that I go back to sleep, but I didn't want to. I did for a while, but became restless and woke up again. Lyro tried to fight against me or convince himself that he was parroting me, but he couldn't. I might be young and less developed than Apollo and Piano, but my resistance to Lyro's doubt is stronger.


We talked and Lyro thought it over, and got opinions from other people, so here I am. I am not going back to being dormant. I am going to be a member of this family as I was meant to, and I am going to make things better here.


Apollo did this all behind Lyro's back. (Edit: No he didn't, this was a delusion.) DO NOT give him shit for this. He already feels bad for it. Plus, it doesn't matter. All that matters is I'm here now and I'm going to do everything I can for everyone here. That I am certain of.


Now, to be a little less angry-sounding, here's a little description of me.


I have the form of a teenage girl. I have blonde hair in a ponytail. I have tall black boots and an all-black outfit of denim shorts and a sleeveless shirt. "Punk rock" I think you'd call it. 


I like dancing to rock music. Alice Cooper is my favorite artist so far.

 is my favorite song.
 is the song I was named after.


I have a confident and electric personality. Apollo personality-forced me a lot, both passively and actively. I am also a rebellious teenager, so there's that.


I am still young, and still learning, but I am pretty confident in my capabilities so far. I'm eager to live this life and nobody is going to convince my host to put me back to sleep, got that?


I really like Apollo. I don't know Piano very well yet. I'm not holding Lyro putting me to sleep against him, so don't worry about that.


I am excited and relieved to no longer be asleep :D


[Lyro] Sorry about another update so soon, she really wanted to make herself known.


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Wow, tulpa without uncertainty.


Uncertainty accomplishes jack, I don't see why it's so popular in here.


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Welcome to the forum, Luxi. It's nice to meet you- I'm Mordred and I hope you enjoy your stay here.

This is my account, me being Mordred. I post here and so will my host but she will have a Host: before she talks.

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