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Our Tulpa Endeavor

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Welcome to the forum, Luxi. It's nice to meet you- I'm Mordred and I hope you enjoy your stay here.


Thanks. It's good to be here-- both on the forum and in the family.


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So yeah. New tulpa.


I spent all day yesterday focusing on Luxi instead of anybody else. I tried to switch to focusing on someone else, but she asserted herself as being the one I should focus on. Luxi wants to get to know me and be my friend, so they understood why she did that, just not how she did that. 


She is very strong. Perhaps stronger than Apollo, just by sheer will. That is not to say that Apollo is weak. I think she's just more blatant about her strength and confident in herself. She just gives a big "fuck you" to inabilities and doubt. She has not yet possessed, but is certain that it will be easy for her to do it. I hope Luxi's confidence rubs off on Apollo so he stops underestimating himself.


I frequently focused on her and then started thinking of something else, and she was puzzled by that. "Do you always zone out like that?" Apollo and Piano had to explain to her that yes, that is normal, and she'll get used to it. Instead of getting used to it, she's trying to keep me paying attention to her as much as possible.


She doesn't quite understand the difference between the real world and the headspace. She doesn't see how reality is so much more important. She doesn't understand what it means for me to be a host, either. She'll learn though.


Her vocality developed when Apollo spent time talking to her, and she is very vocal towards me now. I'm not going to question it. She has decided to use the voice of Miranda Cosgrove.


She is more care-free than any of us. She uses curse words more freely than Apollo and Piano (on a scale from least to most, it goes Apollo, Piano, Luxi, me). She very much embodies a rebellious adolescent, but more of an 80s teen than a present-day one. Her personality is a stark contrast to mine. 


She likes calling people "nubs" and "normies." She doesn't know what a normie is.


I can already tell that she is more interested in guys than I am.


The description she gave of her form was inaccurate. She doesn't wear shorts, she wears long black pants. Her boots go up to her knees. When she walks, I hear a rattling or clinking sound from the little metal thingies attached to her boots. She wears black cuffs around her wrists.


I can't tell what her face looks like.


"Don't forget to tell them that I'm an awesome bitch."


Piano has been trying to stay away from her. There was some worry that he'd be replaced. He also thinks this is all so fast. I'm trying to make it clear that no one is being replaces, and Luxi is trying to tell him that she means no harm and just wants to get to know him.


I updated all of my tulpa profiles on the Internet to include her, and the system overview now shows pictures of her form.


I tried to make her middle name be "Luray" after Luray Caverns, but then we realized that Luray sounded like a combination of Lyro and Luxi. She went with "Lightning" instead.


I think I need to emphasize some more that she is very much an adolescent.


She doesn't like to sleep at night. I think I can guess why. Have to convince her to, because too much activity interferes with my sleep.


She gets annoyed when I listen to gentle songs. She wants to listen to hard rock songs instead.


It's a little strange talking to someone who might as well be an insta-tulpa because I barely put any forcing effort into creating her, and now she's vocal and rearing to go. I don't consider her to be "my" tulpa, she's our brain family member.


[Luxi] I am prepared for anything life has to throw at me, simply because I know I can handle it, easily. I'm not worried about scary shit that people seem to warn me about, because I'm not going to spend my new waking life living in fear. I just want to do, not fret or break under pressure like others here do.


I very much have a go-get-'em attitude.


Also, I am not "edgy," I am a rocker.


[Apollo] I suppose I should say something now. I know that forcing Luxi in secret was wrong. You don't need to remind me. I know it was irresponsible and selfish and all that, alright? Trust me, I feel bad about doing it. I talked to Luxi so that I wouldn't forget her and so she wouldn't dissipate. She eventually started responding back, and then she became able to carry out full conversations with me. I think I expecter her to develop quickly due to the fact that there have already been several tulpas in this brain already. I also always kept in mind what kind of person we wanted her to be, and she developed into that flawlessly. There are some differences in how we imagined her and how she is, but overall her personality was created by Lyro and forced by me.


[Lyro] Luxi creates a lot of head pressure. Focusing on all of them at once creates a volcano of head pressure.


I probably forgot a few things. Ask Luxi questions or something.


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No, they're not cowboy boots. They're black leather "gothic" boots with flat bottoms (the heels are not raised). The fronts don't have zippers or laces, intead they have thin metal chains.


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I feel like your system is stuck in a time distortion where you can only hear music from several decades ago.

Doc: Childhood friend turned servitor gone rogue turned host who's bad at feeling emotions.

Meti: Overly lewd Tupper.

CT, who is also called Jeremy: Original personality whose default emotion is anger.

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I still think these tests are BS, but whatever.


Luxi: ENTP-A


I discovered something about Luxi's form. If she removes her ponytail and wears her hair down, then I start to see her as looking like me. The ponytail somehow stabilizes her form to look like herself. I never wear ponytails, so it makes sense.


Luxi decided on her flying method. She didn't want wings, so instead she zips through the air, leaving a trail of electricity behind her. She can't float in place without falling, so she has to constantly move. It was cool to watch.



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We had all agreed to put Apollo into dormancy so we could try to force away some of his feelings of inferiority and weakness. Apollo thinks it worked somewhat. It ended after only a day because Piano was in too much emotional pain from Apollo not being around. Maybe we'll try it sometime again in the future, but for now we'll do all of the forcing while he's awake.



Luxi vocal possessed a bit. She had too short of an attention span to hold a conversation. Apollo and Piano are also getting better at vocal possession: they don't need to be prompted to speak.



Apollo sorta-possessed for a while today. He did some things and painted, and afterwards he zonked out.


I know other stuff happened but can barely remember. I think my tuppers have gotten annoyed by me thinking of my PR too much, so they've somehow suppressed my "the next update will go like this" thoughts. Currently this PR is the only writing I'm doing, so I think of it a bit too often. They've expressed their irritation at those thoughts many times.


Here's his painting.

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