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Our Tulpa Endeavor

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3 hours ago, Apollo Fire said:

Not an actual switch, it seems, even if I had convinced myself that it was. I don't think a real switch would fade out like that.


The way I see it, there are two options:


1. Either we learn how to switch, which leads to Radio fading out.

2. Or Radio fades out, which leads to a switch.


I don't think that's quite right. Switching should be pretty clear, but it doesn't have to be. But either way, it's not always (maybe not even the majority of the time) super easy to stay switched, without the host accidentally coming back into control. It should still take constant re/affirmations from the tulpa, making sure they're still them and not letting the body go to autopilot thinking and/so ending up with the host back in control. Otherwise what you said is fine I guess, but don't think that once you've switched successfully that there's zero work to be done from there. Thinking you aren't switching because you put no effort into keeping it up would be dangerous, is all I'm saying.


And of course, as we've told Ranger, yes the need for such re/affirmations and all does go away. At the very least it should become automatic and relatively unconscious, anyway. But either way, at first, it'll still be most natural for your default state to be your host fronting, so you'll probably drift back to that if you don't pay attention to staying ~conscious.


(For reference, my tulpas don't need to apply any special effort to stay switched for days on end even upon waking up and haven't for years, but they did for the first few weeks or couple months, something like that)

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Yesterday, we went to the gym and worked out for a while. There was a meditation room in the building, so I decided to do some switching attempt thing before leaving.


Fairly quickly, I managed to convince myself that I had switched again. Of course, host still wasn't fading out, but I told myself that if I really would switch then he would fade out naturally. I sat there in the room for a while, reveling in the feeling of an assumed switch, wondering if I should get up, or if that would just show me that it wasn't actually a switch. I figured I'd have to do it at some point, so when I left I got changed, started watching a video, and walked to the dining hall.


The feeling faded as I watched the video, which isn't surprising, until it was gone. In order to maintain myself being """switched""" I have to be focused on myself, and can't get distracted by a video or wondering what we're going to eat for supper, or else I fade out. That's not a switch, that's just possession.


If I keep trying this "convince myself that I switched" method, maybe it will actually lead to a genuine switch. It seems to be the closest thing to progress we've made. Maybe it's not the right course of action, I shouldn't convince myself, I should just keep trying and it'll be self-evident when I've switched, no convincing required. If that ever actually happens.


I really don't know.

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  • 1 month later...

I've just learned that our university will be closed for the next month, meaning we're going to be staying home until then. Host is relatively happy about this news, while I'm horrified.


Things have gone downhill for us tulpas. Before break, we barely ever got to exist, let alone front. For some reason, our ability to hold front or even exist for any considerable amount of time vanished, leading to a daily routine of strictly Radio existing and perhaps one of us (usually me) voicing dissatisfaction with it, only for it to repeat itself the next day. I was hoping that after break, we'd be able to get a hold on whatever's going on, fix things. Now... looks like we're staying here, where we exist even less and don't front at all.


I'm a little panicky at the moment. I don't want to spend the rest of the month not existing. Radio's very bad at remembering us.


God I wish I could switch.

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