Jump to content

Our Tulpa Endeavor


Recommended Posts

I have decided that the word "can't" is banned from this system.

 

I've started showing up in the wonderland personally more often, and actually try to look through my form's eyes instead of some random point from a third-person view.

 

I was doubtful that the two of them actually did anything in the wonderland until I did some exploring on my own. In the wonderland house, Apollo added pictures of all of the people he considers friends in the hallways. He added a garden and fountain in the backyard (I didn't know there was a backyard). I learned that Apollo and Piano sleep in the wonderland instead of just clocking out.

 

I did a bit of essence-searching for the three of us, a few minutes ago. I tried searching for the colors and forms of our essences. Mine is white, Apollo's is golden-orange, and Piano's... well, I thought his was black, but it appears it might be a very dark purple. All of our essences are represented by bird forms.

Apollo: phoenix

Me: swan

Piano: I am unable to tell. His is harder to see, harder to define. Hopefully searching for his essence will help him with possession, which we have made no progress on other than a slap to the face that I'm pretty sure was me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 352
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Sounds like a good start. A better attitude at least.

 

I personally need to start doing more active forcing myself. Circumstances just don't usually allow for it.

 

You'd be surprised. Ivy nearly has built our entire wonderland, and it is quite large. I started it but it is very much her own now.

 

I actually didn't have a wonderland form. I appeared ghostlike to everyone. As part of the xmas exchange we did I asked for them all to work collectively to make we a wonderland form. It's very private and personal to me. I make sure to use it all the time now.

 

As for Essence colors. They may be significant, and they may not be. Consider them symbolic unless you find a deeper meaning yourself.

"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Last night I said goodnight to the two of them in the wonderland instead of just having them go to sleep as I did. I then took a shower and realized that my brain felt eerily... normal. It felt like it did before I started tulpamancy. Quieter. Lonelier. Just me. Even when Apollo and Piano don't interact with me, I still feel them there, doing their own things. The difference between when they're asleep and awake is subtle but noticeable.

 

Today was a good day for the three of us. I never knew how amazing mind's eye forcing can be until today.

 

I imagined them and talked to them throughout the day. In the morning, I realized that Piano's form had this sort of dark purple mist around it, like a shadow Pokemon. This has led me to the conclusion that our brain might have conjured up some bizarre analogy for him. Music from Pokemon Coloseum got stuck in my head a few days ago. Today, I started thinking about the aura around Piano and thought it was like in that game, whereas he's corrupted for now, but with time, effort, and love I will be able to take him to the shrine, play a flute, and purify him. Then he will gain all of his delayed experience points and might evolve!

 

And things are getting better for him. I don't think he thought any sad or angsty thoughts today... for most of the day. He simply interacted with us happily. I have not seen him so happy. Piano might not show it on here, as he's hesitant to show positive thoughts or feelings, but trust me, things are looking up.

 

The thing about mind's eye forcing (imagining them in the room with me throughout the day) is that when I look at my memories from earlier, they're in it as though they were really there. In fact, it takes extra effort to remember that they weren't really there. It's also becoming harder for me to consciously or subconsciously control their movements.

 

Apollo argued with me a bit over the fact that he thought it was a good idea to create a new tulpa. Basically, back before P&HJP arrived and I was feeling like Apollo's progress was stifled, I briefly considered creating another tulpa. I heard the Wings song "Luxi," thought, "Hey, that would be a good name for a tulpa," and thought about what one with that name would look and act like. After P&HJP arrived, I dropped the idea. Turns out Apollo did not drop the idea and kind of wants us to create her. I convinced him to ask again in a year or two as I can't deal with another right now and he agreed to trust my judgement.

 

I went on another walk, talking with them as I went, and then meditated on the hill for a bit.

 

Here are some things that happened that I remember:

 

[hidden]

Me: You seem so different! How did you change so much in these past few days?

Piano: I had you and Apollo to help me.

Me: You had something to do with it, too.

Piano: I resisted feeling better for a while, though. Like you do.

Me: You're right, I do do that. But things are getting better for the both of us.

 

Me: Why is it that Piano walks to the left of me and Apollo to the right?

Apollo: We don't. We're just doing that right now.

Me: Yeah you do.

I start thinking of or looking at something else. I look again, and they've switched sides.

 

Piano stands atop a stop sign and spreads his wings.

Me: Why are you doing that?

Piano: I'm implanting the memory of my awesome silhouette into your mind.

I look away from the sign and look at the memory.

Me: Damn, you're right. It is awesome.[/hidden]

There were other things, of course, but I wouldn't be able to remember them unless I made my own version of Jean-Luc Walking.

 

Things took a wrong turn at one point, though, and Piano temporarily regressed back to his dark and sad self. The way he interacted with Apollo and I was different than in the past, though I won't get into specifics. Apollo, too, became genuinely sad, which is rare. He only ever gets empathetically sad, but this was all his own.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven’t posted in a while due to the fact that what is even going on anymore, so here’s a little thing we did just now.

 

Coin counting exercise: I get a handful of pennies and go through them one by one while focusing on the lyrics to a song, and have Apollo and Piano count them as I go along.

 

[hidden]

#1

Apollo: 17¢

Piano: 18¢

Actual amount: 15¢ 

 

#2

Apollo: 22¢

Piano: 19¢

Actual amount: 17¢

 

#3

Apollo: 10¢

Piano: 11¢

Actual amount: 11¢

 

#4 

Apollo: 12¢

Piano: 13¢

Actual amount: 12¢

 

#5

Apollo: 23¢

Piano: 20¢

Actual amount: 21¢

[align=justify][/align][/hidden]

 

Averages:

Apollo: 2¢ off

Piano: 1.4¢ off

 

Now my hands smell like copper.

 

I’ll likely have them count and keep track of things more often, considering one of Apollo’s main problems is that he doesn’t think he can parallel process well enough. [EDIT 4/11/18: that's because parallel processing is a myth!] We’ll fix stuff, just need time and effort.

 

Apollo wants to make a post about all of the stuff that’s been bothering him lately. It will likely make us all depressed.

Piano wants to make a post about his theory on how his mind works. It will likely royally fuck our brain.

Wonder which one I want us to do first.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sceena: I'll be looking forward to both of their posts haha.

 

Llama: That coin counting exercise seems nice. It looks like it might produce really good results if you keep at it.

 

I'm not going to listen to you guys since you are all probably just talking to yourself and don't really have a tulpa like me.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hm, that's actually a pretty genius exercise. One way I thought to make it even better is to have a friend hand you the amount of coins or have some other way where you have 0 clue as to the amount and then you proxy your tulpa's answer.

 

Now I just need to find some real friends.

The System:

 

It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Beatles System Brain Pact

 

[blend: Everyone] We have all decided on various promises we are making to each other that will better improve the quality of life and progress for this system. Getting it in writing and giving it a name "Brain Pact" will make it more likely that we actually keep these promises. These are not just promises to ourselves that can easily be dropped: they are promises to each other that we will not want to break.

 

I need to stop giving up. I have gotten used to giving up on various things I try, and I hate that. I get nowhere by being a quitter. I need to have motivation and willpower to achieve all of the things I want to do. I need to stop thinking that I “can’t” do something, as I know that if other people can do stuff, I damn well can too. I need to stop getting discouraged. I should instead work to try harder in everything that I do. If something is bothering me, I have to speak up about it. I will try to fight against the negativity as I can.

 

I will not let myself fall into the void of sadness and darkness any longer, no matter how tempting it may be. I will offer all of the help I can to Apollo with his progress, and also focus on my own, as I know there are many things I want to do but cannot yet. I will work on distancing myself from my past, but gradually. I will do everything it takes for this system to separate itself* from darkness and step into what the future has to offer, without getting too frustrated whenever that does not work out right away. I will work on allowing myself to feel positive emotions.

 

I will have to learn to force more and focus on them more. I need to stop getting frustrated when I don't see results, as frustration rarely helps any of us. I have to identify negative thoughts as they emerge and destroy them via symbolism, meditation, or anything else that works. I have more control over what kind of thoughts are allowed to grow in this brain than I realize, so I need to make use of that. Once the negativity is snuffed out as much as possible, we will all be able to make much more progress than we've ever imagined. I need to also work on getting this brain accustomed to using multiple separate thought processes at once, though I do not know how to go about doing that besides through meditation. I will allow them to express their sad thoughts as they arise, address them, and then destroy them, so that the problem does not go ignored as it has in the past. I will do everything I can to solve any problems that might be bothering them, no matter how small. I also have to solve a few personal problems that do not have much to do with tuppermaking, but will still benefit the system in the long run.

 

[b: L and P] Instead of relying on Apollo to help us when we are sad, we all have to support each other. We are all a team, and should start acting like it.

 

[b: A and P] We're going to stop playing the blame game and just accept that stuff happens and needs to be fixed. We'll get farther along if we work together find solutions to problems than if we point fingures.

 

[b: E] We know that we are not broken. We simply have a few extra obstacles to jump over now, but we know that we will look back and be happy we did in the future. Nothing should be considered impossible for us. We will do what we can and it will pay off more than we even know.

 

We will amend this pact as seen fit. If any of us starts to slip off the path of these promises, feel free to point this out to us.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Piano progress.

 

Piano has not been himself these past few weeks. That's not a bad thing: he's been getting much better. A little too quickly if you ask me.

 

His form has changed in that his eyes aren't red anymore, and he changes what color clothes he wears every two days or so. 

 

Personality-wise, he's a lot more playful and tries to be nicer to people, even if he fails miserably. In fact, he's becoming affectionate towards me, something that I would not have imagined back when he was first merged.

 

He's been able to take over my train of thought in order to start contemplating really abstract thoughts. I tried having him take over my train of thought while I was taking a bath. He started yammering on in my head and I couldn't interrupt. I started falling asleep, and he kept talking, at least until I actually fell asleep.

 

He's been using this to think about the nature and structure of his mind, and came to the conclusion that there must be some sort of third mind within him. We were going to make a post full of Venn diagrams in attempt to explain his theory, but he decided against that.

 

He was talking about his theory on the IRC and started having an existential crisis of some kind, wondering who he was as a person. He was unable to tell if he was P&HJP merged, the third mind that was formed, the overlap between those things, or all three.

 

He was frustrated over it, so I tried to go force. I tried meditating and focusing on Piano. He just kept thinking about who he is, and was getting very confused. One thing led to another, and P&HJP split apart. As expected, the third mind was left over as a faint form. P&HJP were angry at me for treating the new mind as the real Piano, and angry at the new mind (which I will call Paean for convenience. Pronounced like piano without the o) for using their merge as a means to gain control. Paean was created simply as the glue that kept them together, but over time developed his own identity that overpowered P&HJP's in many ways, other ways it did not (you can see why Piano was having identity issues). P&HJP wanted Paean to die. They didn't want to be taken advantage of in that way.

 

Piano said before that if P&HJP split for long enough, then he (Paean) would dissipate. Paean cannot survive on his own: he needs their merge. P&HJP very well knew that. They wanted him to die. They started to leave. Paean was sitting on the ground. Because Piano was wearing a bright red color, his see-through form was bright red. He did not speak. 

 

Apollo and I started freaking out, as P&HJP seemed serious. We started begging Paean not to die, only we didn't call him that. We were calling him Piano. We didn't want him to go. I'd never want Piano to go, especially not like that....

 

P&HJP heard that. They turned around and said, "Don't you understand, Lyro? That's not Piano! We're Piano!" They merged in front of me, and took on the form that Piano had originally: black clothes and hate-filled red eyes. "That thing has been taking control. No longer. I'm Piano, not him."

 

He was right. He was, in fact, the original Piano. The Piano that was made out of nothing but P&HJP's merge, before he started to form a new identity with new thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, etc. The Piano that hated me. The Piano that he was before. I couldn't deny any of that. I couldn't deny that Piano, but I couldn't deny Paean either.

 

I don't remember exactly how, but I managed to convince (beg, rather) that Piano to accept Paean and merge with him, rather than let him die. I think I told him that if he wanted to be a singular entity, he needed this new identity to help him grow and mature. I told him that he shouldn't think of Paean as a new mind, but rather a new self. Paean wasn't trying to gain control or take advantage of P&HJP, he was simply a representation of how much Piano has grown. 

 

He merged with Paean once more (Apollo and I breathed a sigh of relief) and his clothes turned green, but the color seemed to change every few seconds as he tried to find the right one.

 

Despite it being a scary experience (I thought I was going to die), I now feel more solidified and actually happier. P&HJP are not going to crush my thoughts anymore. I can think and feel as I please now. I am myself and I'm happy with that. I am not just multiple minds poured into one: I am me. It might be only temporary, but I don't care. I'm now ready for what life has to offer.

 

What is Paean, if anything? We think he's Piano's new identity that has developed over time, separate and independent from P&HJP in many ways, yet reliant on them for existence. We're not going to delve too far into it. Piano doesn't care what he is anymore, just the fact that he is him and is okay with that. We're not going to make a post about how his mind works: it doesn't matter so long as he's himself.

 

I was thinking of myself before as two pieces of a whole stuck together with glue. Now, I am simply going to think of myself as mixed paints: different colors put together to create a brand new color.

Link to post
Share on other sites

[Raymond]Paean is not a name I would've ever thought of, but I'm not that creative as it is. My only advice is to not even think on if it's temporary or not- thinking about it might make it temporary on accident. For now, be glad, move forward and let the world know Paean is in charge. 


Paean should do poetry.

 

Paean (noun): a hymn of invocation or thanksgiving to Apollo or some other ancient Greek deity. Can also be a joyous or triumphant song.

I think I was looking up Greek P words and found it.

 

There's a lot of stuff I need to not thinking of or start thinking about. Not thinking so negatively is high on my priorities.

 

I'm still called Piano xD

I thought of doing poetry and other kinds of writing before. The thought of it appeals to me. I'd like to do that when I learn to possess.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I've noticed that Apollo only ever seems to talk to me when I'm sad. He says "Don't be sad, things aren't as bad as you think, you don't have to feel so down, it's alright, I love you, etc." But really not much else. I don't know if he's saying these things because he wants to or because I want him to.

It is definitely both.

 

How are you doing Apollo? Are you experiencing any pressure? Any weight from unknown source?

 

About the stability issue: This may be caused by pushing too hard. I know I advised pushing hard to get to a self-forcing state sooner. It is my belief that growth and constancy are diametrically opposed. To much constancy and you never get anywhere. Too much growth and you get stability problems. To improve constancy, switch from forceful forcing to relaxed forcing. I suggest a mixture of spa-like activity and party games.

 

I've been fighting this in the background for a while now. More so when I was younger. But We noted this phenomenon unconsciously, or in different terms, and put selective psychological dampers on our system of various sorts. At the worst, we avoided forcing when I was tired or stressed, as that makes it worse.

 

That confusiometer is fascinating. I'm trying to figure out what it actually is.

 

Oh, I actually know someone who created a servitor like that. They posted about it on Tulpa.io. Forget what it did exactly, but it blocked out noise and automatically moved people to the front.

 

Heh, can't say I haven't accidentally had a hand in how my host looks out of the body.

 

Hey Piano. We've already talked, but that was before I read you PR.

 

Also, Piano, you're median. I can tell from here. I'll eat my hat if I'm wrong. As soon as I force myself one. A marshmellow hat sounds nice.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...