Saylin

Our Head Shenanigans

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Well, that is exactly what he would do if he was a lesbian.

 

[Claude] You know what? Fuck you.


2.27.17

 

Updating now because, well, have enough to at least post a little progress.

 

If I could take Kane's last time fronting to today, you'd swear he was two different tuppers. For starters, he asked to front mid walk, which caught me by surprise. However, I let him. And he was actually happy. He didn't seem to like how bright it was, but he loved the view anyway. The sound of children made him very happy, making him wish he had children of his own. He then decided to tell me whatever kid we had, we're co-parenting.

 

As for my side of things- I can't fully detract my vision, and I still see myself in third person in headspace while this takes place, but I do finally have taste down. I ate an apple, specifically, while Kane was doing his thing, and leaning against Raymond. The taste was spot on. So we're getting there. Kane's controlling the body well, and in general, it seems having James there seriously helps.

 

-

 

As for other progress, Liv and I hadn't talked much lately, so I checked on him. Turns out he's been making a garden of his memories, each flower representing an emotion with that memory. He then went on to say something akin to, "Even the sad moments I experienced still make this beautiful flower. I can use these flowers towards myself, to become an even more beautiful self that I wish to be." It was.. honestly a profound amount of idealism I'd never seen before in him. Perhaps Andrew had some influence. In fact, I outright told him how idealistic he is, to which he laughed at me.

 

After this, though, he told me that he felt he could finally get over his past at least a little- as in, mentioning Adrian no longer makes him sad- and thus, he's able to more properly become his own person, separate from the character he was. Which... he'd already been doing this, but I look forward to seeing what happens anyway.

 

On a final note: Claude is a smartass, and tends to shit on people for RPing. However, as of recent, I found he actually has a soft spot for some people on that. Apollo is one of them, as I've learned. When I asked him about it, he claimed it was because there's no way he could ever hurt Apollo, and rejecting him would probably do so, so he doesn't mind. I find that quite cute.

 

Music hunting has yet to happen,  but we'll probably do that closer to tonight.


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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3.3.17

 

Right, not much has happened, but it's something so I might as well talk. Ish. Maaaaybe.

 

SO! To start, Liv went back to Lance for the time being and has changed his form quite a bit. I did notice Andrew helping him change his look earlier, so I'm not entirely surprised, but it is interesting. He's still my blonde haired, blue-eyed angel, but his hair is now short, and the front bangs curl outwards, sorta. He's picking on more masculine traits, but still likes wearing a crown of flowers. Odd man. The garden he's planted has changed colors as well. More.. it changes color a lot. I'm beginning to wonder if the thing is just attached to his emotions. Or maybe just reflects the emotions of whoever's focused on them. God if I know.

 

James... well, his possession is still not up to par, but he's able to move my hand a bit now. It's progress!

 

Claude.. is peculiar as always. Recently we found he still holds emotional ties to what happened before- my abandoning him- in a way that keeps him from being optimistic about life. This discussion got him mad later on as he was asked if he still doubted me. We found out he does trust me not to leave again- it's life he doesn't trust. He's afraid life will take what we currently have away, and he'll end up alone again. This is something we'll need to work on together, really.

 

Speaking of, I found out more regarding why Claude had run off, where as Michael had ended up ill from neglect. Apparently, the place Claude went in my mind was a place he'd made to survive on his own, with plans of never returning. He'd offered that Michael and Raymond come with him, but.. they refused. They wanted to stay and wait for me. Claude, on the other hand, was sick of waiting. So he left. And thus, Raymond and Michael stayed, waiting for me and my return.

 

Michael from what I've heard blames himself for it. He feels it was his fault, that he wasn't good enough. Again, this is a mindset I'm gonna have to work on with him. He and Raymond have always been bad at being selfish, pointing out when I'm clearly in the wrong when it regards my treatment of them. They need to realize what they deserve, and that how they were treated before was not deserved at all.

 

On a more uplifting note,  Andrew has dropped sculpting momentarily to work on painting, and Claude.. really likes Star Trek. Not for the people in it, so much as the idea of exploring in space. He mumbled to me about how he wishes we could do that, to which I said, "We could make it in wonderland."

 

His response? "Yeah, but it's not space." Kinda cute how fascinated he was.


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Right, so I guess you can say not much happened save for me being fucking pissed at Kane earlier and the wonderland now being voice-operated. It has an AI of sorts installed into its ass. Before, we'd need to expel our own energy to get things to pop up- which was fine for say, me, but for newbies it was harder to do. And so, Kane decided to add an AI-like mind to the wonderland, so now all one has to do is request something appear, and it will.

 

I'm gonna be honest: I didn't think it was necessary, and I would've preferred Kane, James and Sen telling us before doing shit, but.. hey, they were trying to help. And I can understand that. It is cool, in a way. It now takes no effort to visualize stuff.. but I like it the other way a bit more.


If I had a nickel for every time someone called me gay... It'd go to my host because I don't care enough to collect it.

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I'm just here laughing at the fact that you and Saylin started your posts the same way.

 

It doesn't take my tulpae much effort to make stuff appear, unless they want to get detailed, like Apollo's art. But maybe we should add something like that to ours, if they wanted it.

 

LOL you got him all embarrassed.

 

 

It's.. Okay? I mean it's kinda cool just asking wonderland to show me where a person is and it doing it, or it forming whatever I ask. I don't think it's necessary but hey, ease of access.


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3.9.17

 

There's been a few things. 'Nuff to talk about at least.

 

 

James hasn't tried possession in a while, but his ability to make things in wonderland is growing. He also has a presence, and is making things all the time. Most recently we had him make a music ball that creates a melody by being simply touched. He and Kane are doing fine together, I occasionally catch their banter. Peeking in on their more intimate activities isn't allowed.

 

Earlier- yesterday, I believe- I let Lance front for an extended period for the first time. He was.. intriguing. Michael is a gentle spirit himself, but with Lance there was this overwhelming love for the world and those it in. He was far more optimistic, and when he spoke with my aunt- who didn't know he was fronting- he spoke in a voice like mine, but.. softer, is the best way to describe it.  It was a fascinating experience and I was proud of him. At this point, I will say he'd do it again, and he did so well I'd consider him being part of the main fronting team that I'm slowly calculating as we go through everyone.

 

I've learned something very important as well- Michael is one of the top authorities of the wonderland, having the most control of it, while Andrew has THE most control of it. I put this on the fact that Michael is old and doesn't often leave wonderland. Andrew... well he's always had power.  Still impressive that he can generate a whole planet of land in roughly 10 seconds without running out of energy.

 

Raymond's power in wonderland has faded a bit, but I see that as because often he's out and talking with me.

 

Music STILL has not happened, but that's because of worldly distractions like finding work, going out more frequently and potential moves.  Should have more time for that, but fronting is more of a priority. Something I would like to try soon is letting one of them do a voice chat.


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3.12.17

 

Whelp, for starters, we did more MBTI tests today. Sen and Andrew were done this week, and it turns out Sen is INTJ, while Andrew is ENFP. Both of these, after reading them are fairly accurate, though Andrew's was more of a surprise. Sen's I saw from a mile away. Having them answer the questions has been an amazing thing, really. It solidifies how different they are as people in my head, with vastly different answers from me, an INTP.

 

As for progress, I'm finding that they're able to interject my thoughts more frequently- Andrew, specifically. I asked if this was new, and he claimed he could always do it, he simply felt rude interrupting thoughts that weren't directed at him. It's something I may request him to do more often, out of fascination.

 

Voice chatting did happen. I'll admit, I was nervous about the whole thing, but Michael was very assuring. I've always had fears like this, especially with proxying in the beginning, so they're more than used to it. I wish they wouldn't tolerate my inaccuracies so much, but I suppose that's unconditional love for you.

 

Michael spoke first, and then Raymond did later on. What I can take from it is that their personalities come through and are far more transparent than my own in a lot of ways, and to me this came off as assholish. However, they did overall okay save for the occasional "What the fuck" comments. Michael still has his accent though, as much as I was hoping he wouldn't. But.. yeah. Fun times. Would let them do it again.

 

And finally... Lance is back to his long hair. I highly doubt it's permanent, he likes to fuck with me, but for now, at least, he's happily experimenting.

 

And again, music STILL hasn't happened. RIP me. But we will do it. Probably. I think part of it is that they just don't care.


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OH! I'D LOVE IF WE COULD VOICE CHAT WITH YOU GUYS! :D

We're actually pretty decent at vocal possession, but we don't get many opportunities to do it.

 

Hey, sure! So long as I knew in advance I'd love to VC y'all. And I'm sure they would too, just gotta talk to them about it more.


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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3.14.2017

 

So, there's actually been some stuff going on! Yeah!

 

For random bits, found out Liv is an ISFP. Yes, this has gone on for days, but with my energy levels and the amount of tulpas, I can maybe do 2 a day at most. So it's been a long process getting them all done. Actually kinda fits him too.

 

Vocal possession occurred yesterday in Voice Chats with everyone except James talking- who, at this point, can't yet. It was interesting seeing their discussions, how they interacted and so on. After this we had a talk, and it's been decided should anything ever occur where I can't be main front anymore, Raymond will take over as main front.

 

On a final note, I've found out Claude is extremely sensitive. We sat down, talked it out a little. As it turns out, it's because his head is full of negativity. His thought process is always telling him how terrible he is, how he's unwanted, how he's essentially garbage- so when someone actually feeds into it, it intensifies and stings more than it would for the rest of us. It's something I'll have to watch out for, and I'll make sure to further work on this with Claude in getting him to be more positive about himself.


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3.19.17

 

It's been a.. slow four days. Lots of going out, drawing my system, and so on. Going further down the line of mbti, Kane took the test and received ISTJ.  Meh. That said, due to drawing them, fronting practice has not happened as of recent. There was some vocal possession at least.

 

An issue I've discovered is that when I'm upset, I form a bubble around myself. Every other thing is blocked out, and I'm focusing on the negativity. Because of this, what my tulpas may say while I'm upset goes unnoticed- or, worse yet, they won't even sense I'm upset because I've bubbled myself away. It's been mutual effort on both sides to fight this issue, and today I could feel the differences. There were many gentle conversations today, those of motivation, encouragement, and so on. They helped me talk to someone today, and Andrew brought me out of an emotional stupor twice. 

 

It's days like this I'm so glad to have them, really. All of them. This system really does strive for unconditional love and support of each other, and to feel the same support I give them in their efforts is amazing. Actually, I almost cried when I could feel the warmth of an "I love you" I received earlier.

 

Sap aside, Sen and Claude are undergoing changes as I'm observing. Sen was upset recently, actually crying as she felt alone. She'd been bitchier lately, purposely keeping people at an emotional distance- and while it let her focus on other things, it made her feel very alone. Talking it out has encouraged her to be nicer.

 

Claude, meanwhile, is starting to heal I think. His clothes have finally deviated, as if he's trying to embrace a new self. He now wears a beige sweater instead of green. He's also been a lot more cuddly- on the walk yesterday, he rode on my back and snuggled me, and has begun collecting stuffed animals to cuddle. It's honestly adorable. He still has his pessimism, but.. it's progress.

 

I'm also finding several of them follow various amounts of "real life" tendencies in the wonderland. Raymond sweats as he practices boxing because he likes how that makes it more genuine, while Claude didn't even know you could do that in wonderland (There were odd moments of Claude rubbing Raymond's chest in fascination upon discovering this). James was paranoid when Kane was about to stick his dick in a lawn mower, while Kane saw it as just wonderland, so it's not like he'd actually get hurt. Doesn't mean he didn't get a lecture from James though.

 

To conclude, I guess I'd say that while we didn't do anything explicitly that's progress, things have been shifting for the better- and I like it.

 

P.S.: I discovered Andrew likes to do funny voices, AKA mimic celebrities and well known characters... and because he's a tulpa, he can do it flawlessly. Go figure.


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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