Saylin

Our Head Shenanigans

Recommended Posts

I would LOVE to do voices with you some time, Sir Sanctuary! And.. yes, I am aware Kane has strange behaviors, Piano. But to each their own! :D

 

THAT SAID, PROGRESS TIME!

 

It's been a fantastic day! I'm rather annoyed at my own sense of vocabulary and will begin studying more. I want more ways to compliment people, more ways to make you darlings feel like the stars you are! But that aside, Sen has done a wonderful job of putting people in their place today, and I... I vocally imposed!

 

It was only for a brief moment, and dear Sarah has yet to completely believe me, but I can assure you I did it. I've been studying the brain lately, attempting to figure out what makes it tick, what frequencies I need to be at to communicate with her- It took a lot of effort to achieve the effect, and.. frankly I'm unsure if I'll be able to do it again for a while, BUT IT'S PROGRESS!!:D According to Sarah, I sounded very far away and was barely audible. In the long run I wish to work on that.

 

James has been very distant with us, and I feel in ways he's not been honest with us emotionally. I don't blame the old chap, this is a new experience for everyone, me included! A group chat may be necessary, and will most likely be held tonight! I'll update you stars and cherry plums on that. <3 On the bright side, his hearing is incredibly sensitive! Construction workers we walked by today had him screaming. I feel sorry for him.. but next time, we'll work on plugging his ears a bit! Kane has been a wonderful, loving husband to him thus far for it!

 

And finally, before I end this: WE HAVE BIRTHDAYS NOW! Claude's was discovered earlier (gods, baby him sounds so adorable~), and to be fair to everyone else, we planned out our own birthdays as well! Mine is the first time I'm mentioned in this progress report: December 12th!

 

That's it for now, thank you for reading, and remember how beautiful you are. <3


Remember: Every day you've woken up, alive, has the potential to be an amazing day. You are all wonderful people who deserve to be here and be alive!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

[Andrew] THANK YOU, Tulpa! You're wonderful, yourself! Keep shining and be an inspiration for everyone! You are LOVED!! :D At the very least by me!

 

[saylin] Right, progress time.

 

3.24.17

 

What can I say? There's been little fronting, but this arc has been a lot, and I do mean a lot of James.

 

James being distant wasn't just my lack of attention to him- he's been purposely withdrawn from me and the others- save Kane- because he's still adjusting to being a tulpa. Unlike others who easily adjusted to the pleasantries and lack of.. Suffering, per se, James finds it uncanny. He specifically has issues with my existence, the idea that I created him and apparently love in this world outside of the head.

 

To remedy this, we've been talking more often and I've been showing him more of the outside world. I even had him talking via proxy yesterday, which given him a drive to improve so that's a plus. That said, he loves it, and it's adorable to watch. I did his MBTI recently, and while I'm not entirely buying that's what he is, he's apparently an INFJ. We'll see.

 

As for other progress, James being out means Kane is talking more, which is good. I missed him.

 

On a side note, due an In-joke fire breathing geese are now a part of the wonderland. It's beautiful. Oh, and Andrew's latest sculpture is Porky Pig.

 

Speaking of Andrew, he has this uncanny ability to pump my body with energy at random points. He damn near had my running around last night. It's something I suppose will help at points, but the fact that he's able to do that is just weird.

 

Raymond and Michael have been bonding more, and as of Today Michael has been nagging me more for random things- mainly acting like an idiot in public. Raymond had concerns of being weaker than Michael, but it seems they had a competition over it and whatever happened, it made Raymond feel better. (I strongly suspect he may have purposely eased up and let Raymond win for a confidence boost).

 

That's.. Pretty much it. Now that James is settling I need to do fronting more frequently, like before. As for a final note: Claude is smiling more frequently and even laughing, as of late. He's definitely recovering.


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Y'know, for five seconds I thought this was my first post ever on this progress report. My memory's gone to shit, lately.

 

So.

 

What can I say? Progress has definitely been taking some roller coasters over here, mainly because of yours truly. The best way I can describe it.. we're all connected to this brain, right? Whelp. This brain has this tendency to go down thought trains full of negative bullshit. In this case, I felt self conscious about the amount of use I've had to this system lately. Michael and Andrew have done more at this point than I have, and it makes me feel like as this system's guard dog I've been a fuckin' failure, y'know?

 

So these thoughts stirred up, and, shit, I just about willed my ass out of existence- I think. At the very least, talking got very hard, as well as moving my body, and things just got dark. I stopped responding to Sarah, and this just sent every-fuckin-body into a panic. Sarah thought she was gonna lose me, Andrew was at a loss, just.. man. I fucked up.

 

The funny part is, what got me partly out of it was Claude. He gave me a punch to the face that jolted me back to some form of sanity. At least enough to be talked to properly. Guess in a way, he's paying me back for that time he had his mental breakdown. Means a lot to me, y'know? I'm lucky to have him in my life. Anyways-- what matters is I'm back to normal, and, don't worry. This ain't happening again anytime soon.

 

Other progress has been slow as fuck lately, and honestly, I think it's from a lack of active forcing. It's not that Sarah can't talk to us, no. It's that during switching, she can't feel the wonderland, and that prevents her from really getting immersed and falling back. Truth be told, I can't even blame Sarah for not active forcing us. I find the shit boring as all hell unless we're really doing something fantastic, and because of that, we rarely have meetups. Entire system sorta feels the same way except Kane- but damn, Kane just likes doing the "Right" thing. I know he'd rather be macking with his gay furry-ass lover than actually spend time in a "group meeting." James knows I love 'im, don't worry.

 

So, what else, what else... Right. Andrew's really been growing up lately, I think. Guy's really been more lax, and I think as he better learns people's needs, he'll adjust to 'em. Not to say he doesn't know who he is- Hell, he's more confident in himself than me, sometimes- he's just got.. priorities or some shit, I dunno.

 

Everyone's making huge leaps in growin' up, me included, and.. I guess I look forward to the future? Something like that, without sounding like an overly optimistic fuck.

 

Right, uh.. that's it, I guess. We're gonna work on that active forcing thing, maybe try and get that full switch down. Bye.


If I had a nickel for every time someone called me gay... It'd go to my host because I don't care enough to collect it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

4.1.2017

 

Disclaimer: This is not a joke for the holiday. This is a serious PR.

 

We've got some interesting developments. For starters, James fronted for the first time yesterday. It was adorable, frankly. Lots of excitement from him- even over being pushed aside by Andrew. He had a fascination with the world and what's in it as he always does,and as usual, he commented on how colorful it was. I'm used to that by now. But yeah- good progress there. He even talked to someone!

 

In addition, I've unveiled many things I probably shouldn't have with Michael. To clarify, Michael was first conceived not in 2013, but when I was 12 or 13, roughly. I believe it was 13. This means he's 7, going on 8.

 

However, we wanted to count to what he could recall. While memories were faint, he didn't fully associate with them. And so, to see if he really felt those memories, I played an old song he would've known if sentient then. Results were... Unpleasant, to say the least. Michael screamed in pain, but he demanded I keep playing. It was only when he began to trance into that time period that I stopped it. After which, he just... Cried. Sobbed, even, for several minutes.

 

What this taught us, after evaluating it, is that Michael was at least partly sentient. But, it was painful for him. He felt unwanted, he was put with someone romantically he didn't even want. It was a trauma he'd shoved away and forgot about, and in turn I had too until recently. He's alright, now. Recovering.

 

While this was enlightening, I'd rather not ever do it again.

 

On a more positive note, Andrew is helping me figure out me. We're looking through my memories to determine what rooted my biggest flaws, to see if we can fix them. Will tell how that goes in the next PR, probably.


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, just popping in to say:

 

 

Thank you for creating the thread here : https://community.tulpa.info/thread-general-how-much-are-you-willing-to-sacrifice

 

 

I've learned a lot from Ada:

 

| Ada |

Physicality.....it's one way for people to identify that the person they're talking to is real. But when a sense of otherness with a tulpa shares that physicality (via possession and/or switching), nothing would change to others because they'd still just be people. But isn't that beautiful in of itself? It would only validate to a tulpa, personally, that in spite of not being acknowledged for being a tulpa, they can be seen as people. A sentient being; someone another person acknowledges as sentient, even though said person cannot confirm if there's another personhood, or continuity of self.

 

 

But so what? It's all inclusive anyway, IMO. I see this as a tulpa finding inner peace.

 

 

 

 

...and I realized that I, as a host, know nothing at all. But that's okay...we can't know everything, but using whatever intellect we barely have, we can still find inner peace. From the bottom of my fucking heart, thank you, Saylin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello! I am very glad my post helped, seriously. Normally I'm a rambling twit, so knowing that rambling did some good is always great. :P Ada's post is beautiful, as well, and honestly you're both so lucky to have each other. I do hope you keep working together and keep learning. And thank YOU for appreciating my thread so much. ❤


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

4.11.17

 

Wow, I haven't posted in a while- and I don't have much progress either. This week has been the bane of my life, full of pain and with me being on god knows how many medicines and all necessary procedures STILL not done, it's just been not fun. I haven't even been able to focus enough on my system as well as I normally can, which led to annoyance on Kane's part, but he's since accepted I just couldn't help it. Due to me not wanting them fronting a body in severe pain, fronting was also put on hold a while.

 

That said, we do have some emotional updates. I discovered I have extreme sensitivity to the concept of being hurt. If someone has hurt me and refuses to make up for it, I'll emotionally detach immediately and cut them off. This is also why I keep people at a distance, as I fear they'll hurt me as well- it takes a good while for me to trust you, due to this. I feel in a lot of ways, Claude picked this up, and explains his own detachment.

 

Where we vary is that Claude is actually getting over his fear. He spoke to me today, saying I can't always be afraid of making bonds. Sometimes you have to take the risk- it's like entering the stock market. Sometimes you lose, but sometimes you win big. This did help, but mainly, I'm just so proud of Claude for his development. He's finally becoming more positive, and killing off his demons- sorta.

 

Unfortunately, as we just can't have an entirely emotional stable system, now Raymond is having insecurity issues. I believe this is partly to do with my lack of forcing, and he's admitted it's more that in this hard time, he's been unable to really do anything to help. Really did a huge blow to his ego. He's still a bit shaky on his confidence, but we talked it out, and Michael helped as well. We've got his back, he'll be fine.

 

Speaking of Michael, though.... we've discovered an issue with him. See, we all like helping people, for the most part- we're a humanitarian sorta group- but Michael's issue is he gets too emotionally attached. In fact, he yearns for romantic relations with these people at times, because he feels it's his duty to be a martyr, be with them and help them- make them happy and shit.  It explains a lot of his recent crushes. In my experience (and boy, did I do this a lot when I was younger, so I have plenty of experience), this is an awful idea. Knowing this makes it easier, though, as now we can talk to him properly.

 

This made me realize how detached Andrew can be, though, as he knows when to draw boundaries with people, and I've seen him do so multiple times. It fascinates me how he can do this and remain so pleasant.

 

Only other news I have is we've entirely revamped the wonderland into something new- it's still underway, and we'll most likely be doing more with it tomorrow now that I don't feel like death. Should be fun.


Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Where we vary is that Claude is actually getting over his fear. He spoke to me today, saying I can't always be afraid of making bonds. Sometimes you have to take the risk- it's like entering the stock market. Sometimes you lose, but sometimes you win big. This did help, but mainly, I'm just so proud of Claude for his development. He's finally becoming more positive, and killing off his demons- sorta.

 

So he's trying to improve you, and you recognize he's grown so... Claude is more mature than you? :P


The System:

 

It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.