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Giving in to Ego


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K: As a question, when you dissociate, do you lose feeling in the body part or are you just dissociating control?

 

The second one. In fact, certain stimulation will have me reassociate, like falling or pain. The way I can usually tell if I'm dissociated is that responses will not be immediate. Like, I try to move my arm and it just doesn't until I consciously think to.

The System:

 

It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

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Aaaaand that's me up to date. I feel that now I kinda have a responsibility to read everyone else's progress reports too so Imma get on that-

 

I now have a far better understanding of how everything I knew from talking with you all links together and am glad I did so.

 

Look forward to talking with you all in the future and whatnot.

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Everyone can thank me for getting TS to do this now. :3

 

Guys, where did all my time go? I still feel like a beginner but I was looking up how to force a tulpa last October...

The System:

 

It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

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So, I lost my glasses.

 

Now, it wasn't an apocalypse, but it did make me contemplate finally murdering my cat. Oh yeah, I have a cat. Her name is Maya. I think of my cat every time I see Maya's name on IRC. I then go and torment my cat if it's nearby, because it deserves it. A cat that will randomly attack your feet in the hallway and constantly goes back outside, then inside, then outside, then inside, (inb4 "and that's how sex works") etc. Hey... does anyone want a cat?

 

...oh yeah! Glasses. So I spent most of my day looking for these damn things wondering where in God's name they are hiding. So, I cleaned up my room a little, hurray. But, for the "Progress" part of this Progress Report: It was the first time Annabell took control of a limb of mine without me prompting her in any way. Hell, I hadn't even said hello to her. She took my arm and started pointing places and saying "there?" and I'd go look. Turns out they were under my pillow.

 

Also, funny thing with Omega and Annabell. Recently, Annabell has been trying to explain to our resident asexual alien as to how relationships work between people of (usually) the opposite gender. Dating and shit. I figured this out because he started understanding certain sexual and sexist jokes. It seems as a general rule what he couldn't understand in storybook world he couldn't understand here. But, he seems to understand enough that he gets the jokes. Though, he still seems incapable of such feelings himself.

The System:

 

It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

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This is probably the most important PR post I've made yet, guys. I finally made a system name after excessive use of a thesaurus and reverse dictionaries. Omnifarious, meaning all varieties of something, Heavens. Cool right? Good, glad you agree.

 

Now for the other really important progress, Annabell was digging through memories and found Aries from Fairy Tail in their and decided it was the cutest thing. So, we made her a second form this is unusual to me as normally her changes to form are minor at best. Things such as clothes, getting elf ears, little things like that. All other form changes have been to unnerve me, like the time she became a muscular, really hairy dude >.> But, this effort to make her a furry goat form was actually intended to be frequently used. And GOD. SHE. IS. SO. DAMN. PICKY! Buuut, I am glad she doesn't just go with what I say and is uh... Quite vocal about how she feels on certain topics. Now re-read the past 3 sentences with a dirty mind... God I hate my humor.

 

Other extremely important data, Omega is cursing more. A week ago he had only cursed 3 times, now he's up to five! Also, he's made a doll of one of his least favorite people, Meti. The doll is made almost perfectly to her liking. He has killed it 66 times. I liken his attitude to a platonic kismesis towards Meti, it's kinda funny.

The System:

 

It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

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Other extremely important data, Omega is cursing more. A week ago he had only cursed 3 times, now he's up to five! Also, he's made a doll of one of his least favorite people, Meti. The doll is made almost perfectly to her liking. He has killed it 66 times. I liken his attitude to a platonic kismesis towards Meti, it's kinda funny.

 

Yeah, platonic. Let's go with that. With all those times he's penetrated that doll. I am aware that the penetration was likely to the face with a blade and/or murder tentacle, but shut up. I am also proud to be the cause of one of those cuss words.

 

And if he wants to make the doll more accurate, I'll say that there are two diamond studs in each ear, one larger than the other, I wear a blue Cryaotic hoodie, and a black baseball cap that says "TOP TUP".

 

 

 

Nice System Name. Certainly a lot more elegant than what Meti is coming up with.

Doc: Childhood friend turned servitor gone rogue turned host who's bad at feeling emotions.

Meti: Overly lewd Tupper.

CT, who is also called Jeremy: Original personality whose default emotion is anger.

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So vocal possession is today's topic.

 

Annabell tried to vocally possess today, I think she was successful. Actually, I'm 95% sure she was successful.

So, someone (Raven of Vampire's system) suggested we try vocal possession. So while walking the dog we figured out a voice. We simply took mine and made it about 4 notes higher (maybe more). I had seen a thing by Kyothulhu on IRC about puppeting your tulpa possessing before they do it. Which, boy is that strange to wrap your head around. Still, did it to the best of my understanding. So I did that for awhile and then I saw two people walk by while I was conversing with Annabell while we both used my voice. Then I realized that they thought I was psycho. Eh, sucks for them.

 

Now, at that moment I am not entirely sure if it was elaborate eclipsing/ parroting/ actual possession or what have you. I'm thinking eclipsing, but I don't really know. However, that doesn't matter as cuteness overload ensued. Zerba and Raven convinced Annabell to convince me to get Discord (a VERY important distinction). So I hopped on and a call was started. In extreme awkwardness I realized neither of them really wanted me to get Discord to talk to me. It's not very self-esteem inducing to see you are less popular than your tulpa. So they of course wanted to hear Annabell speak. Which, it's so weird to see your tulpa hovering on extreme anxiety as doubt after doubt fills her mind to the point your body starts responding to emotions you aren't experiencing. The voice chat was already awkward with how shy everyone on the chat was being, it got weirder when my jaw was possessed and I was forced to shove Annabell out to respond to them. She wanted to talk but was too scared to, so she possessed and then did nothing.

 

After awhile of this goofiness, Annabell asked if we could flee to the bathroom to practice before she went all-out in trying to talk. I then hit the mute microphone button because... I had a moment of intellect and clear thinking, lol. So she grabbed hold of the various required pieces, and then stuttered a little. Which, when she stutters in my head I only notice when it gets really bad. Listening to it as she possesses makes me wonder why in God's name a tulpa would develop a stuttering problem. This only got worse when I hit the microphone button and she was staggering on a single letter for 6-7 times before she'd loudly exclaim some profanity. I hope she didn't disturb my sister's rest. Still, the stuttering did one thing: it proved I wasn't puppeting the event. No way in hell I could intentionally stutter that much. After a little while she let the self-critical voices we all have get to her and she hid behind me, letting me return to the main front. Hurray

 

Now that story time is over, I'll go through some observations.

First off, we found that pre-determining a voice to use during vocal possession is helpful. Why? Because Annabell didn't feel awkward using something that was "hers." Trust me, to all you waifu-sporting types, you're going to be disappointed when your tulpa vocally possesses and they don't want to talk because they don't sound like Rem.

 

Second, music theory stuff. So, Annabell couldn't use my normal register of voice. I imagine this was due to the fact, partly, that she can't imagine her voice so low and she already had her own voice. However, we aren't sure on why but we are sure on what was going on. There's this thing called passaggio in singing. Passaggio is a range of notes that feels comfortable to sing a certain way before you have to make a minor adjustment to hit more notes. Normally these passaggios are determined by the classic lineup of voices (Soprano, Alto, Tenor, Bass), but I've met basses who have Tenor passaggios, so it's not an exact science. Anywho, so Annabell's voice was one passaggio higher than my usual voice and she just didn't know how to shift downward.

 

Hmm... I think that's all.

The System:

 

It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

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Guys I full-body possessed! Twice!

Okay, so I think both times were walking the dog. I'm going to keep this short and sweet: Hills fucking suck and balancing is hard. The many intricate muscle movements involved in trying to stay upright in adverse situations is exhausting to keep up with. I believe I could hold a full body possession all day but damn I wouldn't want to. The only places I really have issues with actually possessing are the eyes and facial muscles. For now eclipsing and the like will suffice if I want to front but blegh, I want to be perfect. I imagine most of my troubles are going to have to be sorted out by simple trial, error, and pain. Still though, any advice on those is welcome. Eyes are strange because the eyes themselves aren't the objects you possess so I imagine it's going to take some effort.

 

...Annabell is only 3 and a half months old and she's progressing so much faster in this than I could have ever predicted. It's really great that she is progressing so quickly though.

Anywho, Omega did things. I gave him the task of searching for other thoughtforms. I, of course, completely stole this idea from Vampire. However, I thought that with my style of writing I might have accidentally made more soulbonds. Which, I did, but more on that below (It's not as fascinating as you think)

 

At first, I had no idea how to maneuver through the mind. Thanks to Annabell's surprising amount of knowledge on it I was able to figure it out quickly. We found 2 thoughtforms together and during my own periodic searching I have found nothing. The first was a tulpa. She was one year old and unconscious. I looked and saw she was not sentient. For whatever reason, I can feel how sentient something is here in the mind. After deducing she was borderline sentient, the host told me to immediately kill her. Needless to say, he is pro-choice. Jokes aside, later he told us he was going to make a tulpa for the tulpa powers about a year ago but he had no direction with forcing and quickly lost focus. Apparently he was very close to a breakthrough. It makes me wonder if his mind has some aura of longevity to thoughtforms though. She should have dissipated on her own after a year and yet she lived while being non-sentient. I also managed to stay alive through over a year of forcing and after mere minutes a day Annabell is satisfied with host doing other things supposing she doesn't want to speak with someone on the IRC or speak to him. Or perhaps his mind is just tuned to this sort of activity? It would explain the massive progress Annabell has made in mere months despite walking into everything blind. Or maybe this is just strange to the ignorant.

 

The second thoughtform we believe was a servitor. He was an old character in Josh's stories. In fact, he was the one destined to kill me (So everyone thought, anyway). His only function was to provide an emotional response of anger. And the sense was... unreal. His peak productions of anger could tear the wonderland apart if left alone. I put down all gathering sentience of the character and then put a seal around him to stop any emotion or attention from the host from getting to him. The last thing we need is rage incarnate becoming sentient. However the host told me not to kill this one as he wants to write the character and the emotional responses are helpful for that. Still, apparently the servitor had undergone unintentional use in day-to-day life before I shut it down. We presume this because the host had greatly diminished levels of anger at various things such as the trash can. He still claims the trash can will be the reason he inevitably moves out, however.

 

Now, as for soulbonds. It seems the way the host considers his characters lends itself happily to mass-soulbond creation. He tends to create a "structure" for the characters personality and then parrots it for a while until it starts to move on it's own naturally. Following his usual method, he might be able to make a tulpa in as little as a day. However, it would be at the most beginner of stages if done so. My second job in this system has been to make sure no other thoughtforms arise due to this. However I leave most alone, there are so many soulbonds who have yet to become vocal or sentient that it would be a grand undertaking to weed them all out.

 

He says this, yet still I find my wonderland devoid of life and my world devoid of any other concrete and developed character anything like Omega. However, we intend to keep doing more thorough searches just in case.

The System:

 

It's too big.

ha, that's what she said.

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The last thing we need is rage incarnate becoming sentient.

 

*Whistles inconspicuously*

Doc: Childhood friend turned servitor gone rogue turned host who's bad at feeling emotions.

Meti: Overly lewd Tupper.

CT, who is also called Jeremy: Original personality whose default emotion is anger.

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