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Vixen's Frustration

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Good lord it's been a while. So this could use an update. Probably ten actually but Fuckit.


So IRC keeps insta-crashing on my phone so I migrated to discord and then up to the two run by Lyra and vampires systems. It's been great and a lot of fun but typical for me I tended to be 'that guy'. The one who has a tulpa or claims to but just posts as himself 99% of the time.


Huh. Didn't think this was gonna go into self-reflective way it is but I'll just continue I guess. I think I kinda used it as an excuse in a way- our progress has always been painfully slow and I'm pretty sure I'm mostly responsible for it. Always have been lazy and not put in the time for it, instead fantasising about how awesome it will be WHEN I get there but doing nothing to reach that goal.


So there I am, convincing myself for months now that 'this makes it legit' and whatnot. It's true it kept tuppering and Vixen in my mind a lot more and in that regard it certainly helped, but I used it as a crutch to avoid doing anything significant. Lyra, ponytail, saylin and vampires systems have all commented on this at time to time in different forms- many of them light hearted and perhaps intended as encouragement but I never really acknowledged them. It was stupid really looking back on it. There I am watching all these systems converse with eachother an I'm just joining in alone for the most part.


Well that changed last week when Raven properly called me on it- not in so many words but basically ordered me to make an account for vixen. I don't know why exactly but something somewhere clicked. Perhaps it was how Ravens own lazy nature mirrors my own in some way made me feel like I couldn't say no? I don't really understand it myself.


Since then I've mostly refused to use my old TheSanctuary account on discord, and vixen has got the voice she's deserved to have for a very long time now. It's been a really great experience.


Most of her conversations have been random questions, and a few direct conversations with the aforementioned groups. Specifically Raven, Ivy, annabell and Tula though. Huh that's interesting. Mentioning Tula i felt .. A desire to protect? I won't explain why because that may be too much intimate information for the public forum but that's something I'll look into tomorrow.


She talks with others completely differently than she does with me- when we talk there's a lot of bravado and aggressive language/actions but with others she uses very different vocabulary. I must admit we still blend and mix up who was really talking occasionally, but when it happens she usually just says 'eh it's close enough to what I think leave it' unless it's bollocks then i correct it or tag myself post message.


We also have found that since giving her a real voice things have become even more vivid in wonderlanding. She is more unpredictable now, also faster and more creative. Plus seems to have upgraded her polygon count and shader model XD.


From her point of view she said it feels like she can move more freely and openly now. Does that make sense to any fellow tups?


We also tried basic hand possession and at first nothing but then got a really weird finger twitch for like two seconds that i can't even emulate if I try. We are counting that as our first success.


Yay word wall. So I guess we will just keep cracking on with it and whatnot! Onwards and upwards etc. Thanks again to all those who pushed us towards this. It may have been intentional or perhaps not, but either way we thank you all for the support so far!

... .. Oh!

Shit almost did it again. I'll see if she wants to say anything.


I'm here bitches! By that I mean hi! Talking is nice every once in three years. He has stuff to work on but it's better than ever now. There's so much to keep track of in the real world! I dot think I'd want to take control in the future.


Rollplay language in chats is really embarrassing! Like describing actions and appearances is eww. I don't want to describe how my wings move. They move. That's it. I found out that others have their hosts do it for them which is what we were doing so maybe it's ok?


I'm done for now.

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Hey- just wanted to say we are so glad Vixen's finally talking more! Hey Vixen!! It's good to see you!! Really need to pop on discord if just to see this. Also funny how this makes the title extremely accurate, but hey, what matters is she's out there now. Past is the past.


We can relate a lot on the aggressive thing- Raymond used to do it a lot. I feel, in some way, it was a protective mechanism. Was nervous about all the people, so he played up his bravado. That said, Vixen might just like being that way, which is fine too. Just trying to compare for no reason. That said, this seems like a new leaf for you guys. Congratulations, hang strong.

Hiya. Member of the Horrible Hosts Club (HHC). If you wanna learn about my system, here's my PR.

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Tewi! Oh my god it's been so long since I checked in with you guys! I'll have to read up on your latest exploits when I can. My keyring collection is growing. Still trying to find a Lucilyn Keychain then I have all of you! (At least your avatar forms. I know you aren't the literal characters).


Thanks saylin! Sure we will at some point- good to know you experienced similar stuff XD

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