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Lumanatrix

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Day 106

 

We didn't force today, but I have some good news...

 

A piece of me broke off today, I feel free like a weight has been lifted from my heart. That was depression. It's gone. If it ever comes back, we know what to do.

 

I know what I'm here for now. I'm free. It all makes sense. Good things are in the future, I know it.

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Day 107

 

I'm happy to say that things are looking a lot better. I am trying to possess right now. It's easier when I only control one hand. I've been training the servitors, there are 6 now. Our wonderland is becoming more detailed and clear, and I feel like we've started a new chapter in life. Especially for my host, depression has been hard on him.

 

There's one thing that was bothering me though. You see, Ember wasn't going to say this because he thought it should be private, so I won't go into much detail. I will say that it was several psychics who destroyed the depression and at one point Ember asked a woman a question:

 

"Did you sense anything, like, not something negative or a spirit guide or anything like that, but something like another consciousness living beside me?"

 

To which she replied "No, I didn't."

 

I don't think that this means I'm not real, but it was a little bit hurtful to be dismissed like that. Ember's guess is that she was focusing on him alone. Maybe if I was fronting and she gave me a reading it would be different.

 

So overall, we've both been so much happier, kind of reveling in our victory. Although we didn't get much forcing time in today, Ember thought it would be good for me to practice possession (I have almost complete control over the right hand now.) I could update later too. Bye for now.

Tulpa to Lumanatrix.

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Edited by Ray

Tulpa to Lumanatrix.

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I think my tulpas had roughly the same experience, but they were more enamored with the small things. Little details, textures, things the senses tend to ignore at this point in life. Though it was much later, I think Lucilyn had a lot more fun playing just about anything than I did. Well, she still does, I guess. Anyways, happy for you, that's not really something hosts ever feel because the joy and freedom stems from a limitation on those in the first place. Hosts just take that stuff for granted I guess, having had it for years.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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I'm so proud of Ray and so glad he glad so much fun  :D We're switched back now, I'm in control, but we're going to do it again later.

 

My experience of switching was uncomfortable at first. I was sitting on my bed as Ray was at the computer, but my body wouldn't stop moving and bouncing. We eventually found out that it was because I was still trying to breathe with the physical body and once I let go of that my tulpa body stopped glitching. But it hurt still because I was trying to lay on my bed and go to sleep but my senses were still somewhat attached to the physical body so it didn't give the feeling of stretching. Silly me.

 

Eventually I went unintentionally into the wonderland and that's when I really lost control. It was really cool, like lucid dreaming. I ran and flew through a bunch of places. It was when Ray jumped off the swing that I was kind of shocked back into the body. Ray tried to maintain control but it slipped away.

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I need to ask. Do you have metaphysical beliefs? Because if you do, then you should talk to someone about an exorcism.

 

If you don't, consider the idea of the self fulfilling prophesy. The idea that things happen because we believe they will. This is an effect that happens purely in the mind. It makes persons of minorities do terrible on tests, because they think they will do terrible, so they subconsciously try less. It is a mind thing. When we are fed beliefs by the outside world, those beliefs are given life by the mind. They are formed and worked into a perfect reflection of our expectations. Then they influence and control our behaviour.

 

But It's probably not that.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Are antidepressants out of the question? I realize there are people who don't want to/can't take them for whatever reason, but I'm just curious if you're able to give it a try.

 

Depression really can feel like another person, and it's not easy to fight it alone. I hope you're able to get it controlled soon.

pr // discord: Heckhound#6112
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