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Johannes & Mikhael's Excellent Adventure

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That would imply that we had FANS ((insert Seinfeld theme))






...Nobody's allowed to post NSFW material on here, be it fanfic or art. I don't want good people to get banned for things like that.


Johannes hasn't been doing very well, but I've been alright. Familial responsibilities have been kicking his... you know. This may be off-topic, but speaking of NSFW material, it's been a real trip keeping language clean on here for the both of us; site rules and all. Not complaining, just saying.




...I'm not sure what to say; I guess I'm kind of nervous. I'm nervous a lot lately.


Even though Johannes is down, he spent all last night doing & saying nice things to/for me like none of it even mattered. I'm worried about a lot of things but I want to be strong. This isn't exactly easy to write about, so no offense, but Johannes--if you could write more for the next entry, it'd help a lot. I don't want to be a 'bad' example of a Tulpa & scare others away from it, or give off a bad impression because I can't always be spot-on. I know I'm not a servant, but I also don't want to make anyone's life unhealthy.


I suppose I should be honest? And say that it's lonely when Johannes is in an odd state of 'mania.'

It's a level of 'high' happiness mixed with total apathy &--obviously--manic depression. I suppose it's a much more easily 'controlled' bipolar sort of thing. Where everything is miserable & nothing matters, so you kind of lose it & roll around in the filth laughing because it's the only 'good' choice you can make without hurting yourself.


It confuses me because he says it's the actual him sometimes, only to apologize later & say he hated being like that. It scares me when he does certain things, even when I can convince him to keep it to the Wonderland, but of course I accept him for who/what he is. People are going to have sides to them that aren't shiny & perfect 24/7. It just makes me worry what might happen if I can't help him through something like that.


He took special time to reassure me that I'm a good person & important, et cetera, which I honestly appreciate. It's just that it's a little frightening when it comes from him being in that state. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but as a Tulpa, I get worried when I can't tell if Johannes smiling & comforting me is due to a genuine reaction; or if it's so troubling, it has to be in some sort of self-induced high outside his control to deal with.


I don't want to sound abelist or anything, because I really do care & want to help. I just don't understand, & get worried when his mood changes that fast. I can tell it's not healthy, but I also don't want to diminish his thoughts as 'symptoms' to ignore.






You're doing just fine, Mikhael


I'm sorry for not being all here at once lately, but one thing that never, ever leaves is how much I care about you


I could literally be drowning in the Antarctic while dying of cholera & still care as much about you as I do myself, if not moreso


If the saying goes double for you, it means nothing's lost, because either way, we put each other first even when it's not ourselves


Thank you for always helping me & I'm sorry you have to keep me out of trouble so often


I'll drop anything & everything just to help you & make you as happy as you make me


Even if I go to jail or die or end up homeless, none of that will affect the only positive constant of my life, which is how much I adore you




P.s: no homo

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Rest assured NSFW stuff is conditionally allowed on this site. Nothing explicit. For example, you are even allowed to talk about your sex life in this forum section, in really vague terms, if it involves tulpas. Marked links have also been tolerated.


You don't have to be perfect. Met a perfect tulpa once. (See? You knew I was lying.)

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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  • 1 year later...

Thank you for the info, tulpa001, & sorry for how long it's been.


We had a very difficult time last year, in a lot of ways. I don't think it's appropriate to talk about here, because most of it involves Johannes & I don't want to talk for him. In a nutshell, there was a lot based on the sum of this thread that affected us, probably because there was so much outside pressure/issues we couldn't just shove aside to work on our relationship. It was a pretty long and bad fight; I ended up having to be harsher with Johannes over how he was pushing his insecurities on me in a violent way I couldn't combat. If that makes sense.


He's gotten superior help & abandoned the therapist that was adding to his stress over that. We're still looking for a full-time therapist to maybe talk about our situation with, but until then, we have a good support system for health to keep us steady.


I want you all to know that there will be hard times, no matter how long you've been together, or how close you are, or what the nature of your relationship is. Embrace that, because conflict means you are, in fact, individuals. It means your situation, your friendship is real. You're lucky, because even if you can't really 'get away' from each other to cool off at times, you'll always be there for each other. It'll make you strong to work through your issues, & become a more whole relationship by learning how to get along on compromises.


To old friends, hello again, and sorry for the year of absence. To new friends, it's nice to meet you.






Yeah hello hello peopleeeeee. I missed this place, but kept putting off coming back. I hope it'll be good for us! I'm tired but excited AF to meet new people who Get It.



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