Sachiko

Creating my 1st Tulpa, a Journal

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WEEKLY REVIEW 01 (06.14.17 - 06.20.17)

 

After re-reading this week's progress reports, I've noticed the following things:

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  • This has been an amazing journey of self-discovery and personal improvement.
     
  • I've adjusted my methods often. I've established Sundays are rest days, and Tuesdays as review days.
     
  • Sleepiness is a constant problem while active forcing.
     
  • I am slowly getting better at passive forcing. I've had some degree of success while browsing the web, watching TV and reading a book.
     
  • Fluctuations in my the ability to feel Mariko's presence and visualize her are quite common.
     
  • We've achieved some very exciting milestones: (1) Deciding on her name; (2) Deciding on a temporary form; (3) Feeling a brief emotional response - happiness; (4) Establishing physical contact - touching, hugging, hand holding, etc ; (5) Discerning her opinion on something; (6) Feeling her presence around me. Additionally, though unlikely, Mariko might have briefly spoken already. 
     
  • It is easier to imagine Mariko teleporting than walking side-by-side with me.
     
  • Mariko's independence is currently proportional to my degree of tiredness.
     
  • Mariko and I are bonding very well. My feelings for her are growing exponentially.  

All in all, I am extremely pleased with the way things are going! I believe we are making good progress while pacing ourselves, and see a lot of potential in our developing relationship.

 

I would like to thank everyone who has been reading this report. Knowing that there are people following our progress keeps me highly motivated. Please don't be shy to leave your comments and suggestions. ♥ [/align]

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SESSION 09 - PERSONALITY FORCING (45 MINS)

 

This post refers to yesterday's session, during which I had very lukewarm results. I didn't begin forcing until after midnight and, therefore, had no time to write this post afterwards. However, I took some quick notes, which I'll be using to guide me now.

 

Setting: I did not try anything new this time. Indeed, I simply laid down in my bed with my eyes closed, while listening to my electric fan. I had an extremely lazy day yesterday so, despite it being very late, I didn't feel sleepy at all during the session. I was supposed to follow Vampire's advice and set an alarm for a longer period of time than I'd normally force for, but ended up setting it for 45 minutes instead. My aim was to see if I would succeed in pacing myself this way. As it turns out, I didn't. I finished the core part of the session in just over 32 minutes, and spent the remaining time idly chatting with Mariko. I have no idea why I am unable to force for 45 minutes these days. Likewise, I am not sure if my shorter sessions mean that I'm becoming more efficient in my communication with Mariko, or if I'm simply rushing through the contents. I also noticed that it is quite hard to talk to a developing tulpa for more than a few minutes without a specific topic in mind.

 

Theme: The topic for this session was the trait "Committed". I was inspired to chose it by a few people that I've recently met in the tulpa community. Initially, the people in question seemed very motivated to create their first tulpa, but they quickly lost their initial enthusiasm and gave up. I was surprised and a little disappointed in their surrender. Strangely enough, it also caused me to become even more motivated in my pursuits. In the end, I thought it was time to teach Mariko the value of unshakable commitment.

 

I started by defining commitment as faithful dedication to someone or something. Afterwards, I briefly described a committed person's typical worldview and core values, as well as their most likely behavior in different situations. I took the time to explain the importance of being selective in our commitments, in order to avoid over-committing. I also made it clear that there are different levels of commitment, ranging from simple interest to full investment. Next, I reinforced the impossibility of universally pleasing those around us. I achieved this by informing Mariko that, even though the ability to wholeheartedly commit is usually perceived as an admirable trait, there will always be those who criticize others for it. That being said, people are definitely more likely to have an issue with whatever we chose to commit to than to simply shame us for taking our commitments seriously. Moving on, I tried to figure out how commitment might influence one's likes and dislikes. However, I quickly realized that, while a committed mindset will certainly help us stick to a new hobby or resolution, it will seldom influence our interests. 

 

To approach this topic on a deeper level, I chose the following keywords: (1) Mindset; (2) Passion & Purpose; (3) Self-confidence; (4) Planning & Prioritizing; (5) Time Management; (6) Accountability. I was very careful in my selection of these, for I wanted to be able to apply them to different types of commitments. As it is, they are relevant to both "all-in" and scaled commitments of different natures, from romantic relationships to work and leisure activities. As you might have noticed, the topics of mindset and accountability made their second appearance, having been used to describe curiosity and forgiveness respectively. Additionally, passion and self-confidence might end up being forced as individual characteristics.

 

I used my journey with tulpamancy to illustrate every keyword. First, I highlighted how important it is to decide at a core level to hold nothing back in the pursuit of our objectives, and to not let anything stand on our way to success. I also explained that the right mindset encompasses a readiness to sacrifice wholly. Then, I defined passion as what motivates us to canalize our raw and unrestrained dedication to something, and purpose as the real meaning behind our passions. Next, I emphasized the importance of not doubting our potential, and the benefits of eliminating "can't" from our vocabulary. After that, I spent a long time covering how to draw a plan of action, starting with nailing down exactly what we want and figuring out how and when we're going to achieve it. To this effect, I stressed how indispensable it is to decide how much time and energy we want to spend, as well as the importance of preparing for eventual set-backs. I encouraged Mariko to be ruthlessly selective about what she works on and what she ignores. I also taught her to set specific and achievable daily or weekly goals, and advised her to periodically evaluate her progress. Moving on, we reached the topic of time management, in which we covered how to set an appropriate pace to avoid burning out, as well as the value of establishing a good work-ethic and creating good habits. We also discussed different strategies to focus on what's important while avoiding distractions and procrastination. Lastly, we focused on the subject of accountability. I approached it by telling Mariko that there are three main reasons why people quit: (1) Perfectionism; (2) Lack of faith; (3) A history of failures. Then, I explained how these are all connected, and how important it is that we push through when our enthusiasm starts to fade. Finally, we talked about some motivation strategies such as pep-talks; joining a community of like-minded people; and avoiding complaining and making excuses.

 

Finishing notes:

 

 

  • During this session, I experienced some intrusive thoughts. These continually disturbed the session and ultimately had a negative impact on its results. Please let me know if you have any advice on how to fight them. It seems that the more you try to ignore them the stronger they become. In the meantime, I will try not to become unnerved by the possibility of their return. Something tells me that the more we fear them, the more powerful they become. 
     
  • Mariko and I have read almost half of Shipwrecks. However, I am not very happy with our overall reading experience. Maybe I should begin by saying that I am a massive bookworm: books are among my favorite things in the entire world. As such, it is very easy for me to lose myself in a story. No matter how hard I try, I stop sending thoughts to Mariko as soon as I start visualizing the landscapes and plots described in the book. I am honestly surprised by how hard it is to share a novel with a tulpa, but refuse to let myself be discouraged by it. If anyone who likes to read to their tulpa reads this, please share your tips and tricks.

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SESSION 10 - PERSONALITY FORCING (35 MINS + 50 MINS)

 

Once again, I wasn't able to post after yesterday's session. I took some notes, as usual, which I will be using to write this report. I expect that this post will be quite long, so please make yourself comfortable and enjoy the ride.

 

Setting: I forced this session twice, first for about 35 minutes and, afterwards, for 50 minutes. The reason for this will be further explained at the end of this post, in the section entitled "Finishing notes". Nevertheless, the setting was the same in both instances. I laid down in my bed with my eyes closed, while listening to my electric fan. I also followed Vampire's advice and set an alarm for 90 minutes, which worked quite well. 

 

Theme: The trait that inspired this session was "Polite". There are two main reasons why I chose it. First of all, the last few sessions have felt quite content heavy to me, causing me to feel a bit burned out. Thus, I wanted to pick a more lighthearted topic. Politeness is something inherent to my own personality, so I have an easier time explaining it, and coming up with examples to illustrate it. Secondly, politeness is extremely important in Japan. It's not only the norm here, but ingrained in our culture and completely pervasive in our society. Therefore, I wanted to introduce it to Mariko early on, in hopes that she would make a habit out of it. Truthfully, she has come across as extremely well-mannered since the beginning. Even so, I saw no harm in encouraging her intrinsic politeness.

 

I started by defining politeness as behavior that is respectful and considerate of other people. Then, I described to the best of my ability how a polite person might act in different circumstances. This description turned out to be an introduction to the keywords that I went on to cover shortly after. In fact, it's not the first time that this has happened. More often than not, I end up prefacing the chosen keywords, and sometimes even summarizing what I go on to describe in more detail later. Consequently, I am thinking of readjusting the outline that I've been using to guide my sessions, in an attempt to make it less redundant. I moved on to explain that, while most people will highly appreciate politeness, some might perceive it as an unnecessary formality. Additionally, some people might see it as a sign of elitism, or a desire to maintain a certain distance. Believe it or not, in some cultures, it's considered disrespectful to be too polite to your immediate family and close friends! 

 

I divided the concept of politeness into the following keywords: (1) Awareness; (2) Appropriateness; (3) Gentleness; (4) Agreeableness; (5) Display of Interest; (6) Etiquette. These are all so strongly interconnected that I sometimes had trouble deciding where one ended and the next began. However, I think that this struggle might actually have been a positive sign. Let me attempt to explain why. My goal is to paint a complete and accurate picture of each trait, in as much detail as possible. Only then will Mariko be able to make an informed decision about which traits she would like to incorporate into her personality. That being so, each trait should feel like a unit, instead of a series of keywords. In conclusion, the fact that it was hard for me to completely separate each of the topics seems to indicate that I did a good job of conveying the big picture.

 

My approach to the first keywords consisted of an explanation of how different settings require different standards of formality. I made it clear than, more often than not, it is those same standards that define what is considered polite in each case. I also told Mariko that, as a result, it is imperative that she remains aware of her surroundings at all times, as well as the expectations that go with them. Afterwards, I tried to explain how she should respond to each situation appropriately. I urged her to listen, and to respond thoughtfully and at an appropriate volume. I made a case against being sarcastic or too casual. I vouched for the importance of always greeting people, carefully describing the best ways to do so. I also advised her never to forget using the "magic words": excuse me, please and thank you. Moreover, I explained that she should keep her hands to herself and not touch others, unless they had shown the initiative to touch her first. Further advice included never letting on that you know more about someone than you should; not ignoring the elephants in the room; and not partaking in gossip. I then introduced Mariko to the concept of gentleness, making a point of clearly distinguishing it from meekness. I let her know that she should always be considerate of other people's needs and opinions, and that she should avoid putting any unnecessary pressure on those around her. I also instructed her not to be too insistent with her questions and offers, and to back off should someone show that they are uncomfortable. Next, I made Mariko aware of the necessity for always being courteous to everybody. I explained that she might meet them again in another setting, and that she wouldn't want to have caused negative memories that could potentially give her a bad standing. Furthermore, I recommended against getting into arguments with people, even when they annoy or insult her. I urged her to always remain graceful and charming, and to never make derogatory remarks. We also went over some efficient strategies for diffusing disagreements, such as politely debating; agreeing to disagree and changing the subject, or excusing yourself from the conversation. After this, we moved on to the topic of small-talk. I started by telling Mariko that it is very considerate to at least look interested in those around us. As such, I instructed her to start a conversation by asking questions about whoever she is addressing, and to listen attentively to their answers. I advised her against monopolizing the conversation and talking about herself too much, explaining that others will ask for more information if they are interested. In order to avoid any awkwardness, I encouraged her to always remember people's names, and to politely laugh on cue. Lastly, Mariko and I went over different types of etiquette, including dinner etiquette, the correct protocol of introducing people, and the appropriate way to answer the phone. Once again, I explained that manners vary depending on cultural regions, and urged Mariko to learn about these differences before travelling. 

 

Finishing notes:

 

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  • As you might have been able to guess, the reason why I forced this particular session twice is that I feel asleep the first time. This is a problem that has been afflicting me since the very beginning, but I was hoping to have it under control within 10 session. As such, I felt extremely disappointed in my persistent inability to stay awake. I confided these feelings in my husband, who suggested redoing the session. In case you are wondering, my husband is fully aware and wholeheartedly supportive of my attempts to create a tulpa. His advice proved to be quite helpful, since my second session went extremely well. I am considering forcing with my eyes open as a desperate measure to fight my tendency to fall asleep. Therefore, I'd love to hear from people who have a habit of forcing this way
     
  • As I mentioned earlier in this post, personality forcing has started to burn me out. Moreover, it has been increasingly difficult for me to decide which characteristic to force each session. The reason for this is that the personality traits that I've already forced are extremely interwoven with the remaining traits in my list. As a result, it feels to me that Mariko and I have already covered most of them, when in reality we've only looked into 9! While I am not willing to give it up personality forcing, I am considering a few strategies that might help. One possibility is to simply introduce a mid-week rest day, in addition to Sundays. Another possibility is to alternate active forcing days with passive forcing days. Until now, I have been actively and passively forcing every day, but my main focus has always been on active forcing. Since I struggle with passive forcing and, therefore, need to practice it more often, this strategy might be the most suitable. Please let me know if you have any alternative suggestions!

  • During this session, Mariko might have exhibited a small independent reaction. While quickly reviewing all the traits that we have forced so far, I jokingly commented on how she seemed to embody all of them, except for curiosity. To my amusement, she replied to this by acting mock offended. However, I am not completely sure that this response wasn't parroted by me. My confusion stems from the fact that I never intentionally parrot Mariko's actions or responses. Indeed, I've found that I am more comfortable with her silence than with putting words in her mouth. Nevertheless, I believe that it is possible that I sometimes parrot her without meaning to. As you can see, I am very confused. Please let me know if you have any advice that might help me. I am also very interested in knowing people's opinions on parroting. Is it essential to the development of a tulpa? Should I start actively doing it?

  • I feel somewhat obliged to inform this community that will be temporarily moving to China at the end of the month. After checking the internet, it seems that this forum is not blocked by the Chinese authorities. However, my free-time will dramatically decrease after my move. This might be reflected in both the length and the frequency of my posts. I will still do my best to update my progress report on a daily basis, but it might not be possible sometimes. Likewise, my average of 1000 words/session might be drastically shortened. While keeping such a detailed journal has been invaluable to me in terms of developing my tulpa and improving my English writing skills, I fear that it isn't sustainable in the long-run. Should I suddenly vanish for a period of time, please know that I will not have given up on Mariko.

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There is a tulpamancer I know that actually enjoyed forcing while pacing the most. I tend to sit in a chair and fidget with things while I'm trying to be active in the mindscape with them. Personally you don't need to lay down and close your eyes to active force, you just need to be able to calm your mind and focus almost entirely on Mariko. You could practice general meditation to help you with this.

 

I personally reccomend Headspace.com to people as a vocally guided intro to meditation. You can use their website but there's also apps for Android and iOS. They have a free 10 day trial that is only 10 minute sessions a day. They ask you to register but do not ask for any payment information during it. Once you are done with it, you should be able to relax your mind and meditate without requiring a guide. Doing this should allow you to have stronger forcing sessions.

 

As for being worn out on personality forcing, maybe take a day to study someone you consider a good representation of certain traits on your list and why you think so.

 

There are sentience tests you can do. A simple one is to go to the mindscape and put a box onto their head so they cannot see and balance an object you can visualize well on top. Focus on the object on top and try and put all your attention into keeping that object balanced. Something like a feather standing on end. See what Mariko does during this. If all of your attention is on the object then you should be unable to also unintentionally parrot/puppet Mariko at the time. I'm not really a fan of parroting as I feel it just leads to more doubt later on on whether or not you are parroting because you get used to doing it.

 

Best of luck in China!


"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

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Just a very quick update: I have not been able to actively force for the past three days. It's been insane with the move! I have been passively forcing, though, but have not managed much progress. Tomorrow I will be re-starting my daily active forcing sessions, and will try to post about it.

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Just a very quick update: I have not been able to actively force for the past three days. It's been insane with the move! I have been passively forcing, though, but have not managed much progress. Tomorrow I will be re-starting my daily active forcing sessions, and will try to post about it.

 

Good for you! just remember to enjoy the forcing sessions and don't stress out if you can't always force in 100% concentration. Trying makes the master!


hey i am a human host. my tulpa is Alexandra and she talks in pink  we like to answer questions so don't be shy :)

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I'm still at it. Mostly passive forcing. I am moving to Shanghai in a few hours so these last few days have been hectic. I will return to the forum once I'm more settled.

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I hope your move goes well! :D


'Ello, I'm Sail! 

I'm Hallie...hi! (Hallie was "born" May 28th, 2017)  

 

 

 

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