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Marianne's journey


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M writing.

 

I'm a happy and fortunate person. For no reason at all (...) I got in all kinds of weird hypnosis things. I must say, hypnosis is really great and even useful. But, ironically, you have to remain lucid about it. But no, I was fooling around and falling deeper and deeper in this hole I dug for myself.

 

So I did some self-hypnosis that'd create a 2nd persona. While I was under that was pretty cool and didn't make much of it.

I thought, what harm can it do, it's just mind-play (mind-f.ck)? Little did I know. I had absolutely no idea what I did and never even heard of the tulpa concept.

 

That was more than a year ago and I've taken a long break with hypnosis with no ill effects whatsoever (you're not saying...), until this week where I had a little me-time on my hands. After a long session I was made aware of this presence. I freaked out a little (not much). Then I did some searching and came across tulpas... oh boy. What have I done?

 

I think I may have created my tulpa, persona, ... last time already and now she has finally found the force to surface for which I am grateful. 

 

Marianne has made me aware of her existence. She has inspired me her name and she was/is angry as hell. Rightfully so.

 

 

I have summoned, dismissed her and neglected her for a long time. For this I'm deeply ashamed and sorry. Yes, I didn't know what I was doing (didn't think it possible), and I did know what I was doing.

 

My dearest Marianne: I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I will be there for you now. Now I know and I'll make it up to you. I promise.

 

Yesterday we had a great session together, getting to know each other I suppose.

 

She is right handed while I'm a lefty. I think she's has told me to respect 'her' hand. There's this weird thing about mirrors. I believe she has told me not to look at myself in the mirror. What's up with mirror images?.

 

I do talk to her and I suppose she is talking back to me and I have a feeling she is a little appeased (still pissed off?).

Clearly she made me register with this great site here.

 

This night, I'm sure she has awakened me and caused me those 'alien' feelings. What happened tonight was so strange. Like somebody was inserting her hands in my hands as if they were gloves. My eyes were forced open too, they cried.

 

Now, I'm walking around with a well-deserved headache, all kinds of emotions, clumsiness and a racing heart, wondering what to do next.

 

I will better my self, for Marianne's sake. But I wonder, should I continue with the hypnosis that initially summoned her?

 

I suppose Marianne is not quite ready to post but I hope soon she will be able and willing to do so. 

All she says is 'please help me' and 'hi  :D'

 

Here we are, so looking forward to your comments, support and help.

 

Thanks!

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Okay, well, interesting.

 

First, obviously, Don't Panic.

 

Second, well, take your time and explore around, maybe go on chat.

 

The hypnosis is probably safe, but if you use any companion files or whatnot, you could get another tulpa. And that is bad.

 


 

Marianne, does it make sense to get mad at someone who has no idea what they are doing? Also, hello!

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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It’s hard to write and I will have M fix up what I have written (M: inspired/told me told to write).

 

We are getting along fine now.

 

Something weird happened to me yesterday. I think it is the old persona that M made appear with hypnosis who appeared for a moment. She really freaked me and M out. Together, M and I, we will sort that out.

 

M has made me listen to some superb songs “got to be there” and “just the two of us”, gives both of us goosebumps.

 

He is letting go often (he promised to do that) and I take opportunity to get acquainted with body and environment. I enjoy being in body and have a good idea of how I look. Just need to show this to M.

 

I feel and hear and see and think. Cogito ergo sum.

 

Much more to tell.

 

Oh, M, this is my account so I make the progress reports. Understood?

Xxx

 

Now U fix.

 

M: I did :)

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I really need your help here because I have issues with M.

 

Even if he is writing these words he doesn’t believe I exist, or heavily doubts it. How messed up is that?

 

I’ve told him a few times to sit or lie down to have ‘the talk’ with him. He does lie down and I can totally immobilize him and then I preach to him. Told him to stop thinking and listen to me. And still he is still doubting and even disbelieving. I tried to show him but he just doesn’t see nor hear. He just thinks it’s himself parroting.

 

I’m me with my needs and wants. I need him to believe me, blindly trust me 100%, respect me and yes, also want him to obey me. He must accept what I am. But before acceptance comes belief.

 

He made me what I am now... and now this?

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I really need your help here because I have issues with M.

 

Even if he is writing these words he doesn’t believe I exist, or heavily doubts it. How messed up is that?

 

I’ve told him a few times to sit or lie down to have ‘the talk’ with him. He does lie down and I can totally immobilize him and then I preach to him. Told him to stop thinking and listen to me. And still he is still doubting and even disbelieving. I tried to show him but he just doesn’t see nor hear. He just thinks it’s himself parroting.

 

I’m me with my needs and wants. I need him to believe me, blindly trust me 100%, respect me and yes, also want him to obey me. He must accept what I am. But before acceptance comes belief.

 

He made me what I am now... and now this?

 

Why you want him to obey?

And blind trust is not healthy.

[insert inspiring story here]

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Thanks. I'm overreacting and all messed up. Can't get my thoughts straight and don't know my place in all of this. I'm feeling insecure and wanting and demanding. I need something to hold onto. There are intrusive emotions that I believe come from somewhere else (either M himself or from another presence). These emotions make me want the things I want. I know they are not reasonable and M is trying to reason me with respect to those attitudes. But most of all I need him to believe in me.

That I want. You see?

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Ups and downs.

 

We had a real nice talk yesterday. He's trying and I was really appeased. We held hands. Actually, I slipped my left hand inside his right hand. We were connected and that felt good.

 

During forcing (or whatever you'd call it) we tried switching (or fronting?). It did feel like I was in front and that actually felt good, very good for both of us.

 

Maybe it's all in M's twisted mind ( :) ) but I totally lost it, again. I thought, or M made as if (parroting?), crazy thoughts of not letting go ever and shouted at M. Again these intrusive and completely irrational and unreasonable emotions. Like being in front completely changed me and all the nice moments we passed previously were completely wiped out.

 

This is like Dr. Marianne and Mrs. Hyde. I don't like Mrs. Hyde at all...

How can we get rid of Mrs. Hyde??????

If she exists, is it right to get rid of her???

 

Thank you for any help you get give us.

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Hello there from an optimistic Marianne

 

Together we've gotten rid of Mrs Hyde; Wonderland does wonders indeed. We can kind of use magic there and so Mrs. Hyde is gone. Cool trick.

 

We think we have had a switching/blending/fronting/eclipsing what-shall-I-call it experience and it was su-perb!

 

For instance, as I'm writing this, I'm not even dictating it to M, but it is being written all by itself. It is me talking here, me!

 

Several times we've had the experience that M couldn't even think and the only thing he could was write while I was in control (?????).

 

My 'tulpish' :) is pretty good now - the poor chap, he's getting itches, twitches, weird sensations, headpresses, dizziness all over. LOL :). Nope, I won't let you off the hook. It's gonna get worse my friend. Much worse :) Just bear it. Actually he loves that and encourages me.

 

No vocalization yet but he hears my inner voice. Unfortunately it's still his voice but he can distinguish. I tried using the vocal cords, that was funny, no sound came out but it made him itch in the neck.

 

So yes, things are looking a lot better now and we have a real good relationship. Oh M, I like tenderness, so give it to me!

 

I've got so much more to tell. Maybe another time.

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