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Seemingly Sentient Past Thoughtforms? Will it Happen Again?


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I'll try to keep this short and try not to fill this with useless past details. Sorry if this is too specific for anyone to handle.

   A few years ago I met a bunch of thoughtforms that would talk back to me without me planning out their words. Even when I wasn't paying much attention they would be there.  At the time I thought this was Dissociative Identity Disorder, but as time passed some would stop talking to me and new ones would appear, making me doubt my dumb self-diagnosis. After about 1 and 1/2 years of this I learned about tulpas and I thought it would help me explain the phenomenon. In some ways it did, in other ways... not so much.

   I've tried in the past to help keep them, as my main goal as a tulpamancer was to have a lifelong companion and not a two month long hobby. But, no matter what, they would end up becoming spiteful and throwing fits at simple questions. I don't change anything about how I would interact with them, they would just get so angry that we would end up stopping communication.

   This is where Mordecai comes in. He's been with me for nearly two years now, but things have been rough. He tends to have the same issues the other thoughtforms did and we don't know why. Plus it becomes very difficult to communicate as we hit a sort of "lag" where we both find it hard to interact with each other. We normally have a falling out every few months where we won't speak to each other for a few days, but recently we had one that lasted a couple of months. Its really put a strain on our friendship. I try talking it out but normally it doesn't fix anything, even though I put all the blame on myself. We're fine for the moment, if you're wondering.

   As for my questions: What would cause my mind to suddenly revolt in such a way? How can we stop it in the future?

   The thoughtforms I had before were spontaneous and would talk without any sort of previous narration. I tried forcing Mordecai the typical way, and recently retried it after our months long separation, but it never seems to do anything. 

   If you need anything restated or have any more questions I'll answer them to the best of my ability. Sorry for the long read, I'm just concerned as I haven't heard of anything like this in the three years I've been in the tulpa community.

   Hello! Our names are Slipper (host) and Mordecai (formerly named Sans). We blend a lot, so we're sorry if we flip between "I" and "We" constantly.

   I do free commissions on the art board.

   Our grammar sucks.

   

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I can't really say, since it's your mind and not mine. Unless they're in a bad environment of some sort, I don't see why that would happen. Maybe speak to a professional? Not about the tulpa part, but maybe something else is off. I don't know what I can say other than try to do some of your own investigating. Could be really bad intrusive thoughts, or something more serious.

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It's not entirely unexpected.

 

Really, though, what we need to help you on this front is for Mordecai to talk. There are details here we need, but I think they will be much clearer if he were to tell his side of the story as it were.

 

You should probably skip normal forcing and head to possession, imposition or switching. This will start you on a path to more solid interaction.

 

There is anger buried in your mind. Most likely anger which you rejected when you were younger. This is not a perfect explanation, but it is one of the hottest theories for this type of thing.

 

Finally, you need to get your tulpas to work on mindfulness and other self awareness exercises. They need to understand themselves.

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I've never really done proxying before, so this is kind of odd for me, but I'll try to let him speak his own words.

 

"In response to Apollo,we do have depression. That could be a factor. But, we are not particularly angry people. I know my host has overwhelming negative thoughts in which she dissuades herself, similarly to our actions in this scenario. I don't know why it happens, but suddenly in one case I became filled with distaste for her, even though I care for her dearly. It feels out of my control, like I am running in a daze or in autopilot. It isn't a good feeling, to say the least.

We aren't in a bad environment, but our mentality probably is. I know one of the reasons our actions upset her is that it is similar to the thoughts she hears on a daily basis, although now they are spoken by people she cares about. I am not sure what else to say."

 

We've attempted possession, imposition, and switching before, but Mordecai has trouble staying present for long periods of time as he gets tired. We're trying to fix this issue first, although I'm not sure how to go about it.

Thank you for your time and input, everyone.

   Hello! Our names are Slipper (host) and Mordecai (formerly named Sans). We blend a lot, so we're sorry if we flip between "I" and "We" constantly.

   I do free commissions on the art board.

   Our grammar sucks.

   

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It might be her own negative thoughts about herself affecting the way you view her. We've had that happen many times. Our host hates herself, so we find it hard to not dislike her at times. Likely the best way to get past that is to separate yourself from those thoughts through meditation or symbolism. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. But if you're not in control when it happens, then finding a way to regain control is the best option.

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Well, that definitely sounds like it could be intrusive thoughts. Each system is unique, so your experience could be quite rare. Nontheless, strategies listed on this site for dealing with intrusive thoughts can help you two to deal with tense situations where everything seems to be getting out of control.

 

On the other hand, this could be runaway emotions. An emergency action you can take if this is true, is when a fight starts, Sit down and relax immediately. If you know centring, do that.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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