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Blayze's tulpa log and Kyoko's host log


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Haha, kites is a pretty cute thing for her to talk about! It looks like she’s coming along very well! :)

Fun facts:

1. Mostly cat, but also part butterfly!

2. I love playing games! Board games, card games, and video games!

3. Tulpa of SquareWave.

4. Excitable and enthusiastic, but also compassionate and understanding.

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Day 74

 

- There’s a video by Ford/Jade and Aury on youtube that Kyoko loves to listen to during most of our meditations. It’s the ‘you are real’ message to tulpas. But when I went to play it today, it was gone, as was the entire channel and their accounts elsewhere. Both me and Kyoko are panicking over what might have happened to them. We managed to find a Skype and email from their profile on tulpa.info and tried to message both to offer help if something was wrong.

- Kyoko is very depressed because they were someone she really wanted to talk to when she was able to communicate online. This is the first time I’ve felt Kyoko get so distressed. I know it had to happen for some reason eventually, but I still worry about her. I meditated for a long time tonight to try to comfort her.

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Oh no, I just encountered that channel a few days ago, and it looked super interesting!...

Maggie David (she or they, birthday June 4)

 

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Day 76

 

- Got in touch with Ford and Aury. Didn’t find out why they took videos down but got permission to repost them. They’ll be emailing me a link to an archive of it.

- The two friends visiting on the 14th and 15th said they would draw me and Kyoko together, so I’ll be posting that when I get it.

- When I told the friends mentioned above about Kyoko mentioning kites and me not really having an adequate place to use kites, they suggested a paper sky lantern on a string, which wouldn’t require wind. If Kyoko still wants to by the time she can give me input about which type to buy, I’ll see about doing that.

- Haven’t heard Kyoko vocalize fully since the short kite conversation, but I hope to have more full conversations with her soon. I look for tips for doing so occasionally but I haven’t really found anything.

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Day 78

 

- I haven’t heard anymore words clearly yet, but I often feel pressure in my head that might be her trying to talk. It’s different than the pressure in my head that I got when I first started, because it fades in and out in a sequence like words being spoken. I think it’s the same as pressure I felt when I heard her actual words, so I think it’s her trying to speak.

- Unfortunately, I’m still making very slow progress though it seems. I asked her to sing some songs with me and I noticed that the head pressure was in the same pattern as the words of the song when we did so. Maybe I can ask her to say certain things and compare to better hear her.

- I’m still having doubt issues, but I’m also very determined not to give up. Saying it’s all in my head really isn’t an argument against it, since obviously she’s supposed to be in my head.

- I haven’t spent a lot of time looking at forums or other people’s experience which I keep meaning to do.

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If you’re really making slow progress, I recommend getting some personal help. Have you joined any of the tulpamancy Discord servers?

Fun Facts:

1) I'm a furry.

2) I make video game music (and I’m on my way to getting paid for it!)

3) I'm the host of Pixie and Follery.

4) I get along with cats better than people.

 

[01110101 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110100]

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Day 79

 

- Asking her to say specific things wasn’t a bad idea, and I heard a few more random things. They were extremely quiet though, so I only made out what they were when I had told her what to say. Otherwise, it just sounded like chatter from far away or whispered too quietly to understand. I did hear my name again, but that was it. Still, that’s progress. I just need to get to the point that we can do that consistently so we can go past it.

 

Day 81

 

- Went to the zoo with two friends, Kyoko enjoyed seeing animals she’d never seen. She liked the tigers, lions, lizards, and sting rays. It was interesting to feel her reactions to animals that I’ve known about for years but she is seeing for the first time.

- Tried to let her twitch fingers while I walked around and got some response. It’s good practice for me too to help me resist the urge to instantly take back control of fingers that twitch.

 

Day 82

 

- Kyoko asked ‘Did I do good?’ after adult play with two friends from yesterday. I suspect she was worried that her being there might cause issues, so I assured her she was fine.

- The friends also bought Kyoko some paper lanterns so we could do something similar to kites without being able to fly an actual kite. I really appreciate that people that have no personal interest in tulpas are so accepting of Kyoko and I think it’s helped her feel good about herself too.

 

Day 83

 

- I took some time off today to deal with recent issues and spent a lot of time meditating with Kyoko. We also took an idea I read about and listened to songs we like while she tried to sing along with them. I could feel the effort even if the words weren’t clear yet.

- While we did that, I took my dragon form in the wonderland and flew her to a part of it she hadn’t seen before with a large bonfire and teepees. Maybe eventually there will be more characters there, but for now my wonderland is still pretty empty so I can concentrate on Kyoko. She had fun; we need to spend more time like that because we haven’t enough lately.

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Day 84

 

- This morning I concentrated on letting Kyoko talk and she got out some clips and phrases. A lot of them were just things like “How’s this?” and she tried out a few different voices. It’s a good sign that she took the initiative to try other voices without being asked to. I prefer one that matches what she looks like currently but told her whatever she wanted in the end was fine.

- Tried to help Kyoko vocalize a bit on my own with meditation. I heard her humming a simple tune and some broken speech, most of which I couldn’t make out, but she is clearly trying hard.

- I think I’m having more luck with my own meditations to music rather than the organized tulpa hypnosis. The ones on GearHeart were great to get started to, but now that I understand Kyoko a little more, I’m trying my own thing.

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I think I’m having more luck with my own meditations to music rather than the organized tulpa  hypnosis. The ones on GearHeart were great to get started to, but now that I understand Kyoko a little more, I’m trying my own thing.

 

It's usually best to find your own thing than follow pre-determined guidelines, yeah. More freedom to do things the way that work for you that way.

 💡 The Felights 💡 https://felight.carrd.co/  💡

🪐 Cosmicals: 🔥 Apollo Fire the Sun God (12/3/16) Piano Soul the Star Man (1/26/17)

🐉 Mythicals: ☁️ Indigo Blue the Sky Dragon (10/2/17), 🦑 Gelato Sweet the Sea Monster (12/11/22)

🦇 Nycticals:  Dynamo Lux the Shock Rocker (3/3/17), 🎸 Radio Hiss the Song Demon (2/8/00)

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