Jump to content

Blayze's tulpa log and Kyoko's host log


dragon cake

Recommended Posts

Hello Kyoko,

 

Yes you're strong. I see you're a very wise, caring and bold person and I understand why Dragon is so proud of you.

Hi, I'm Vādin, Zia's tulpa/permanent guest.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 167
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I somehow had an hypothesis come to mind about one of Strength's possible origins. Take that with a grain of salt but:

 

When Dragon used to be religious, did he used to pray? Praying is a very similar exercise to narrating / forcing, so maybe praying would have created a thoughtform he was talking to. And when he stopped being religious, he stopped "praying", and thus stopped narrating / talking to Strength. And thus, Strength felt abandoned when Dragon "abandoned" his religion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

23 March 2019

 

Dream

 

·         Today I looked for Kyoko in my dream as I do sometimes but for the first time I found her.

 

·         Kyoko has suggested for a while that I go to sleep while meditating to increase the chances but usually I get distracted before sleeping. Today I didn’t and fell asleep while soaking with her in the crystal cave lake in Haven, so maybe that helped.

 

·         It was simple as a dream, I found her in a school I was at and we walked around some classrooms talking, but it was still nice to have her there. The conversation mostly consisted of her telling me what I meant to her because she knows I’ve been terrible lately. She said (in the dream and before in Haven) that I didn’t have to worry at not doing anything exciting with her because she loved me just being there.

 

·         She differed from the other dream characters in a few ways

  • She didn’t disappear like my normal dream characters when I announce out loud that it is a dream, but also asked me not to do that again because she liked the other characters being there.

  • When she talked, I saw her mouth moving but her voice still felt like it was in my head. It was still clearer than when I’m awake though.

  • I could see her but she wasn’t material. She wanted to get sexy but we couldn’t because of that.

  • I forgot to ask the other dream characters if they could see her, but none of them reacted to her so maybe they couldn’t.

·         I confirmed with her the next morning it was her and I wasn’t just dreaming about her. It thrilled her, but she wanted me to make the post.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Kyoko,

 

Yes you're strong. I see you're a very wise, caring and bold person and I understand why Dragon is so proud of you.

 

Thank you for being nice.

 

I somehow had an hypothesis come to mind about one of Strength's possible origins. Take that with a grain of salt but:

 

When Dragon used to be religious, did he used to pray? Praying is a very similar exercise to narrating / forcing, so maybe praying would have created a thoughtform he was talking to. And when he stopped being religious, he stopped "praying", and thus stopped narrating / talking to Strength. And thus, Strength felt abandoned when Dragon "abandoned" his religion.

 

 

We considered that too, it is possible. Strength has concluded though that he IS the original host, so we don't know what to think about that. Strength seems okay with his toy room that we put him in though. I check in on him sometimes and he is quietly playing. I think he is just confused on who he is but it really worries Dragon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

11 July 2019

 

-         I’ve been having trouble keeping things together but am trying to put together a schedule and focus. Schizophrenia symptoms fired up and it took a while to get things under control.

-         I’ve applied for permanent disability. I tried to put it off for a long time and hate myself for resorting to it, but both Kyoko and my doctors encouraged me to take the step. Unfortunately it takes 3-5 months at least to get a result back and sometimes much longer.

 

Kyoko

 

-         Kyoko still does her best but I’ve had a lot of trouble communicating with her. It's difficult for her to help with the new symptoms as she doesn't experience them herself.

-         She encouraged me to keep a schedule and I’ve been able to push through the chaos in my head more often than not via her encouragement, but it’s still hard going.

-         We haven’t really had fun the way we used to with play-fighting or sexy stuff because meditating at all is a battle on its own. She told me it was okay to just talk to her if I couldn’t get into a trance.

 

Strength/Seka

 

-         Strength took on the NPC form Seka and now appears during meditation occasionally and during walks or other things. He continues to be very child-like and Kyoko seems to have taken a mother role to him, which has kept him from acting up.

-         Recent symptoms haven’t been related to him. I don’t think he was aware I even had other symptoms, which made him unaware of how much his actions affected me.

-         Even though the NPC he took over was herm, he has been identifying as male, though I still get it wrong when referencing to him occasionally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 July 2019

 

- Meditation was relaxing today but I kept spacing out and didn’t concentrate a lot. I think Kyoko wanted to play-fight, but I couldn’t concentrate enough to do it.

- I had a productive day yesterday but I’m scared because I always crash hard after a few good days. Kyoko says I should concentrate less on not crashing and more on more quickly recovering from them. The last crash lasted less than a week, which was shorter than any in recent memory.

- I went to sleep earlier than usual so I could try to get things started early and maybe avoid a crash better.

 

13 July 2019

 

Kyoko is sad

- Today during meditation, I couldn’t find Kyoko in my headspace at first. I sat in front of her house, waited, and watched the sunrise behind the forest in the distance. I perceived it a lot more vividly I think than usual, but I was alone.

- I heard her say more clearly than usual that I’m good without her, and I think she is depressed. That really worries me because she isn’t usually, but she showed up and I hugged her. I told her that I’m not better without her, that her advice yesterday to concentrate on shortening the crash time really helped and that I’d be lost without such advice.

- I promised we could play-fight and do things in the headspace more often, but she didn’t feel like doing more than cuddling right now. She tries to put on a happy face for me all the time, but I reiterated that it’s okay for her not to be, that I am happy to help her too and that it makes me feel better to do so.

 

Seka

- Seka didn’t appear during meditation, but that is normal for her since she spends much of her time playing with toys in her room. Her room is now the large crystal cavern that is next to Kyoko’s house, the likes the large open area to put her toys and the lake there.

 

Walk

- I’ve been taking walks when I can and talking to Kyoko and sometimes Seka, though she isn’t always there. Today Seka wanted me to find a nature trail in the woods next to my apartments but there wasn’t one, and the forest was too thick to walk through safely. I told him maybe we can clear out a path in winter when it’s less thick.

- I assured Kyoko more too and she seemed to feel better. I can feel her grasping my hand during the walk, which she’s learned to do to get my attention. She holds it in both her hands and stays close. Seka held the other hand, though she is smaller so usually ends up just holding a finger like a child might.

 

Night Meditation

- Since Kyoko was sad, I meditated more at night so we could play-fight. For some reason she wanted to cosplay Tohru from the anime Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid. Like she was still Kyoko, but wearing a maid dress and cosplay horns, it was cute.

- We went to the arena where we first play fought. At first we tried to fight each other, but she was too fast and I didn’t have the guts to hit her even playing, so we went beneath it too like we did the first time. I imagined monsters for her to fight and she fought them off with magic and a giant halberd. She seemed to have a lot of fun, then we cuddled in a stream and both went to sleep.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear you guys have been having a rough time lately.

I often have down days with tulpa stuff, at some point after a good day, there might be a few where nothing seems to work or go well.

Just keep being there for each other through the ups and downs.

Host: YukariTelepath

Tulpas: Aya, Ruki

 

Imposition log

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear you guys have been having a rough time lately.

I often have down days with tulpa stuff, at some point after a good day, there might be a few where nothing seems to work or go well.

Just keep being there for each other through the ups and downs.

Thank you for messages. Right now I am concentrating on getting Dragon's crashes shorter since trying to avoid them didn't work good and just made them feel worse when they hit.

 

14 Jul 2019

Dragon has been down for a while but is doing a lot more and it’s making me feel strong. We got to play-fight and fun-play for the first time in a while and I felt a lot better. Seka is helpful too now and does her best to make Dragon feel strong. Seka often just wants to play in his room and that is fine too. I’m glad Dragon didn’t get rid of him.

 

I wanted to share that I have done full-body possession twice now, but it was not a really happy event because I only did it due to Dragon going catatonic like they due sometimes due to illness. I didn’t know what to do so I mostly kept them moving and tried to do a few things that they were putting off to make them feel better.

 

Still it means that we can do that, so we should be able to when he feels good too. I hope we can do it under better circumstances soon so I can talk to nice people when they visit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 July 2019

 

Morning Dream

 

- This morning I woke up to the sound of Kyoko scolding a character from my last dream telling them they should have been nicer to me. I can’t exactly remember how they were mean to me in the dream, but it’s the second time she’s stepped into my dream after I ended it and it kept running in my head after I was awake.

 

Day

 

- During our walk this morning, I realized there is a park across the street from our apartments, not sure how I missed it. We went there and saw an albino squirrel, but it ran before I could get a picture. I promised I’d be ready if we saw it again.

- Seka was there off-and-on during the walk but was more interested in doing her own thing in the headspace.

 

Meditation

 

- Kyoko rode me in my dragon form and we went to the Haven castle where we haven’t been in a while. I took my time getting there and tried to see the path we walked vividly. On the way, we discussed what I could put in a game if I programmed one, since I have been trying to get back into game programming.

- We sat on the throne in the castle and cuddled and other things. She encouraged me to keep doing well and said she was proud.

 

Seka

 

- I was thinking about where Seka originated from, and the fact that he is under the impression that he is me from when I was younger and that I might have taken control from him at some point.

- It occurred to me that for years I have regularly thought about what my younger childhood self would think about what I am currently doing and often imagined them watching me. I can’t help but wonder if that resulted in an accidental tulpa or at least contributed to him having that impression.

- It’s odd though because he also may remember things about our childhood that I don’t, which gives him sort of an ‘alter’ edge, like how some DID patients have trauma-holding alternates that protect them from certain memories. That could be my paranoia though.

- I like the idea that he’s an accidental tulpa better obviously, but I don’t want to warp him into thinking something he’s not either, so I’m trying to let him be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...