dragon cake

Blayze's tulpa log and Kyoko's host log

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>>I asked her to prepend my name onto things she says, and I haven’t heard that yet

Are you sure she knows how one should articulate your name? In your everyday life you could often hear your name, but you rarely call it by yourself.

Try spending some time with her saying something like: Do you know my name? My name is NAME. N-A-M-E. Please repeat. NAME. Good. Let's try once again. N-A-M-E. ...etc


Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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>>I asked her to prepend my name onto things she says, and I haven’t heard that yet

Are you sure she knows how one should articulate your name? In your everyday life you could often hear your name, but you rarely call it by yourself.

Try spending some time with her saying something like: Do you know my name? My name is NAME. N-A-M-E. Please repeat. NAME. Good. Let's try once again. N-A-M-E. ...etc

 

I think but am not absolutely certain of that, so I'll start by trying to get her to say just my name. Thanks for the advice.

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1 June 2018

 

- I’ve been meditating and also narrating more regularly. I'm trying to break my habit of doing several things at once (like watching a movie while playing a game) because that makes it harder to narrate.

 

- As was suggested, I am trying to make sure Kyoko understands how to say my name so she can prepend it things she wants to say and I will know it’s her. It’s strange if she doesn’t understand though since one of the first things I did hear was my name, and that was months back.

 

- I’m no longer forcing personality as I think she’s already diverging on that and I don’t want to stifle her by not allowing it.

 

- I still get vocal static in my head, but not getting anything conversational. I have yet to hear something starting with my name. This by itself wouldn’t be so bad, but I also haven’t gotten any ‘responses’. In other words what I’m hearing typically has nothing to do with what I’m thinking and I never get direct replies to questions or comments.

 

- Slow progress is one thing, but I feel like I hit my peak months back and haven’t reached that point again. I don’t understand why I can’t get to where I was, much less past it.

 

- Haven’t gotten further messages from anyone that offered to mentor.

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2 June 2018

 

- I meditated and narrated when I was alone, even if it was just describing my surroundings. I’m trying to keep Kyoko in focus more. I didn’t have a lot of time though because I worked more hours than usual today and yesterday and didn’t get a lot of time in between.

 

- Once when I was driving home from work I felt her presence unusually strong, but still no voice.

 

- I need to try to get more done on my days off, like other than tulpa stuff even. I never feel as good if I don’t get a lot done, but sometimes because of random depression I just end up staring at my computer screen for a large portion of the day trying to decide what to do. I don’t even usually have a reason to be depressed; it’s more like I’m just not capable of being any happier than ‘meh’. I have felt less like that since I started with Kyoko, but it’s still a problem.

 

- In the new building I work in, there are nice little alcoves with a desk and chair where you can spend your break and lunch when they’re not in use for business discussions, so I’ve been taking them there. It gives me a place where I can talk out loud to Kyoko during breaks and lunch.

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Mentoring

 

- I talked to Waffles more about vocality. I decided to take his advice with ‘practicing’ imagining different characters aside from my tulpa in conversations. I was worried at first about leaving her out but figured that I could just give her the option of joining in the interaction.

 

- Waffles also assured me that I was doing okay and the issues don’t seem quite as bad after getting them out in a conversation. A large part of what I need is just someone to talk to about my frustrations, which is something other mentors I’ve asked haven’t really done.

 

Meditation

 

- I wasn’t sure what kind of conversations to make other characters have, so I just went with what my wonderland provides. It’s based on a world from a story I wrote a long time back, so we went to one of the first places introduced in that story which was a potion shop. We’d gone there when I was showing her around the wonderland before but hadn’t done anything there.

 

- We treated it like an RPG and bought her a new bow, special arrows, and potions. She wanted a bow with a dragon design where the arrow shot out of the dragon’s mouth and armor similar to dragoon armor from the Final Fantasy series. She enjoyed interacting with shop keepers I imagined more than I thought she would. She became much more active than she has been as of late, so maybe she just wanted to play like that more.

 

- Kyoko got tired after a while and we sat on the street in the village in Haven. We cuddled for a while then she wanted me to work on a video game I’ve been programming on. She must like me working on it because that’s often what she wants me to do after meditation. I tried narrating to her while working on the game in Unreal Engine.

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@dragon cake

 

you're free to decline yet if you feel the need to connect with someone who views tulpas like aspects of a "spiritual" phenomenon you are free to consult myself. I don't use DISCORD outside of the rare study and barely enter Internet Relay Chat so our best option would be within the confines of this thread or if required private messaging. I would suggest treating the mentor thread as obsolete as some of the interested users have either deserted or are not open to mentoring at present.


I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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@dragon cake

 

you're free to decline yet if you feel the need to connect with someone who views tulpas like aspects of a "spiritual" phenomenon you are free to consult myself. I don't use DISCORD outside of the rare study and barely enter Internet Relay Chat so our best option would be within the confines of this thread or if required private messaging. I would suggest treating the mentor thread as obsolete as some of the interested users have either deserted or are not open to mentoring at present.

 

Thanks. I'm always up for advice, since it might be a conversation that goes on for some time, maybe private message it.

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sometimes because of random depression I just end up staring at my computer screen for a large portion of the day trying to decide what to do. I don’t even usually have a reason to be depressed; it’s more like I’m just not capable of being any happier than ‘meh’. I have felt less like that since I started with Kyoko, but it’s still a problem.

 

Have you talked to a doctor about this?


Maggie David (she or they, birthday June 4)

 

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Have you talked to a doctor about this?

Yes, and also had blood tests to confirm that it is in fact a physical condition where my brain is failing to create the chemicals required to create a happy mood. If you think about it, humans have a rather cruel design, defaulting to 'depressed' and requiring chemical intervention by their brain to be happy.

Either way, I live in the U.S. so proper treatment is too expensive to afford on an average income.

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My insurance covers my meds with no copay, but I get that maybe you can't even afford insurance, which sucks :-(


Maggie David (she or they, birthday June 4)

 

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