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Tulpa Rejection after Abandonment


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All I can suggest is to attempt an apology...

 

When I went to boarding school at 15, I asked Jester if I could move on alone. He was born from childhood trauma, so I wanted to see if I could try life on my own in a new school, new city, away from my abusive family. Plus, at the time, I used to talk to him out loud and I didn't want to carry that with me in public since I wasn't sure how to do the whole mental conversation thing. He willingly let me go, and was happy, and hopeful I'd do well.

 

Almost 5 years later, in college, I realized I missed him terribly. I meditated trying to find him and he almost literally leapt back into my arms, just as happy and chipper as ever. It was like he'd never gone at all.

 

I can only assume she's upset... You might want to try talking to her. Just sit outside her door, and talk. Even if she doesn't open it to talk to you or say anything in response, just talk to her and see if you can coax her out.

• My only Tulpa is - 

Jester •

~Art by Me~

 

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All I can suggest is to attempt an apology...

 

When I went to boarding school at 15, I asked Jester if I could move on alone. He was born from childhood trauma, so I wanted to see if I could try life on my own in a new school, new city, away from my abusive family. Plus, at the time, I used to talk to him out loud and I didn't want to carry that with me in public since I wasn't sure how to do the whole mental conversation thing. He willingly let me go, and was happy, and hopeful I'd do well.

 

Almost 5 years later, in college, I realized I missed him terribly. I meditated trying to find him and he almost literally leapt back into my arms, just as happy and chipper as ever. It was like he'd never gone at all.

 

I can only assume she's upset... You might want to try talking to her. Just sit outside her door, and talk. Even if she doesn't open it to talk to you or say anything in response, just talk to her and see if you can coax her out.

 

That is so sweet and almost like a happy ending to a movie! I swear I felt that in my heart. It's very interesting that both you and OP have discussed it with your tulpas before leaving, but only one of you found acceptance in your tulpa when you returned to them. I wonder if it is an inherent difference in personality, or how the intervening time was spent by the tulpa? Can you ask Jester what it was like when he left? Perhaps that can shed some light. Thank you for sharing something so heartwarming and helpful!

: Both/Neither???, 14th of February 2010

|Forrest|: Male, 10th of December 2014

{Luna}: Female, 21st of October 2015

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That is so sweet and almost like a happy ending to a movie! I swear I felt that in my heart. It's very interesting that both you and OP have discussed it with your tulpas before leaving, but only one of you found acceptance in your tulpa when you returned to them. I wonder if it is an inherent difference in personality, or how the intervening time was spent by the tulpa? Can you ask Jester what it was like when he left? Perhaps that can shed some light. Thank you for sharing something so heartwarming and helpful!

 

I'm going to guess it's definitely a difference in personality. Jester's always been super accepting and calm. He acts as my guide and mentor, and he shares a lot of wisdom and opposing ideas to make me think. Especially when I'm angry, but mostly when I'm sad. I'm not sure how OP's tulpa was before leaving to know a gist of how they likely would have taken it... but it seems like she resents the time it took for OP to come back. /I/ relate to that, since I would totally do that in real life. >> But Jester's not the same.

 

I asked him what he did when he left actually a while ago. From what he'd told me, he just hovered and waited, lol. Kind of a, "I'm leaving but I'm not going away. I'm just telling you I am, and I'm gonna watch in case you ever need me again." And from when I tried to meditate, I'm telling you it was SECONDS and he was back to hug me and ask how things went. Even though I suspect since he told me later he was there all along, that he already knew, haha. 

 

I was actually writing a novel about that period in my life, from before at home, to school when I left him a while. It was called "Exorcism of the Butterflies" and it was a mix between reality and modern time wherein I even drew illustrations of us, and then a flashback to fictitious England wherein he was a human who died and I was telling his life. I should really finish that, but the story in the modern RL period was actually REALLY REALLY too close to home and it wound up actually disturbing me. My life was definitely not a great one. It was meant as a therapeutic "time to let this go" story, but it wound up being too personal that I knew if I ever published, my family would /know./ >> Maybe someday. 

 

Here's a gallery of the illustrations I had done for it. It was 320 pages, the goal was 360. I was VERY close to the goal.... but I stopped. (For the woods scenes, to clarify, when I was little I had a HUGE woods behind my house. That's where I would talk to him, haha. So no one could hear me.) https://postimg.org/gallery/11xiyskse/

• My only Tulpa is - 

Jester •

~Art by Me~

 

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I'm going to guess it's definitely a difference in personality. Jester's always been super accepting and calm. He acts as my guide and mentor, and he shares a lot of wisdom and opposing ideas to make me think. Especially when I'm angry, but mostly when I'm sad. I'm not sure how OP's tulpa was before leaving to know a gist of how they likely would have taken it... but it seems like she resents the time it took for OP to come back. /I/ relate to that, since I would totally do that in real life. >> But Jester's not the same.

 

I asked him what he did when he left actually a while ago. From what he'd told me, he just hovered and waited, lol. Kind of a, "I'm leaving but I'm not going away. I'm just telling you I am, and I'm gonna watch in case you ever need me again." And from when I tried to meditate, I'm telling you it was SECONDS and he was back to hug me and ask how things went. Even though I suspect since he told me later he was there all along, that he already knew, haha. 

 

I was actually writing a novel about that period in my life, from before at home, to school when I left him a while. It was called "Exorcism of the Butterflies" and it was a mix between reality and modern time wherein I even drew illustrations of us, and then a flashback to fictitious England wherein he was a human who died and I was telling his life. I should really finish that, but the story in the modern RL period was actually REALLY REALLY too close to home and it wound up actually disturbing me. My life was definitely not a great one. It was meant as a therapeutic "time to let this go" story, but it wound up being too personal that I knew if I ever published, my family would /know./ >> Maybe someday. 

 

Here's a gallery of the illustrations I had done for it. It was 320 pages, the goal was 360. I was VERY close to the goal.... but I stopped. (For the woods scenes, to clarify, when I was little I had a HUGE woods behind my house. That's where I would talk to him, haha. So no one could hear me.) https://postimg.org/gallery/11xiyskse/

 

When you were describing Jester, I was thinking a lot about my own Jesse; calm, rational, voice of reason whenever I'm being way too emotional, ha... Now that you put it that way, it does seem like a difference in personality. The way he came back to you is so sweet and heartwarming! I'm so glad it all worked out in the end. It seems Jester is very caring and protective of you, which I can understand from your description of your past. Actually, I saw the gallery and to be completely honest, I was blown away by the amount of time, care, and detail placed into each image! It was enjoyable to view these images, as I really felt like each image had its own atmosphere. My favourite would be the "chapter 6-1" image, I just love the way the faces on the mirror was portrayed! And, reading your description of what the story would've been like, it seems like it would've been really interesting, I really like the concept of a mix between reality and modern life. It seems you put a lot of care and time, so it almost feels like a shame that you've stopped it, but to be honest, your safety is more important. But if you ever do decide to resume the story... Make sure I'm the first to know! Ok? ;)

: Both/Neither???, 14th of February 2010

|Forrest|: Male, 10th of December 2014

{Luna}: Female, 21st of October 2015

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Jade and aury's life of a tulpa/draw my life video has a segment on what it felt like for aury to be abandoned by their host. You should go watch it, it'll probably give you some insight on what it was like for them, which might make it easier to apologise.

 

uh, sorry, I just went looking for the link and can't find it. i'll edit my comment if i find a mirror somewhere.

 

I have found the Draw my Life video if you would like to see it for some insight as Spice described. I'm not allowed to link it here, as I have too low of a post count. If you would like to have it, you can PM me (hopefully)!

--~♥~--

 

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