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Did this actually happen?


PMelol

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So, I'm really new to this. I think I may have had an experience with my tulpa after narrating a couple days, just talking to her, telling her how she was going to be around soon (I didn't know I was actually sort of creating a tulpa just by doing this as I didn't really decide to for sure, but I think I saw her in my Wonderland at one point and she seemed to move on her own, it was really weird for someone who has never experienced anything like this before).

 

Anyway, I did a bit of forcing today, going through her personality traits multiple times. Now I'm going to bed, but I set up a little house for her with a bed and stuff to sleep in. Um...is this how this works? I just imagined it. Is that all a Wonderland is? Does it make sense to give her a bed and all when she's not fully formed?

 

I feel like I'm losing my mind here, but the other night I may have experienced a tulpa, and if she really is there (it feels like she is but maybe I'm deluding myself) I want her to be comfortable. I'm excited to see if I get any more experiences in the next couple of days that convince me she's "real." I guess right now she's in bed, but I think I put her there? This is so strange. I feel crazy.

 

it's whatever you think it is bro, it's all in your head, and your tup'll get used to whatever you do. We don't have beds or anything (well I recently realized I don't anyway, but we don't really use them regardless), and we don't live in our wonderland. Have you read any guides or anything? You sound kinda lost worrying about tons of things that are just kinda up to your imagination

Hi, I'm one of Lumi's tulpas! I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.

I think being happy and having fun makes life worth living, so spreading happiness is my number one goal!

Talk to us? https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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I've read at least one guide. I know, I'm overthinking it. I should probably read more guides. What I've done so far is just talk to her here and there about whatever. I didn't even realize I could be creating a tulpa by doing this...I wasn't determined to make one yet, but as you can see at the top of this thread I got some kind of movement that did not seem like it was coming from me. It was really strange.

 

So, thinking that I may have a young tup, I decided to try forcing as I don't just want to let her wither and die. I told her some of her personality traits but went into more detail about what they all mean. Tonight I wrote out a list of her personality traits and went through each one with her and talked about how they apply to her, though it was a bit quick as I wanted to get to sleep at a good time. I told her this doesn't mean I don't care or something, just that I'm tired and we can try more tomorrow.

 

I vaguely feel like she's there, but I'm probably imagining it. I think the consensus in this thread was that what I experienced with her climbing to the top of the pillar wasn't actually "real" anyway and I might not have a nascent tulpa. I'm kind of holding onto the idea that I do, because of my OCD (I don't want to risk accidentally neglecting her because I don't think she's there), but I could be wrong. I guess we will see what happens over the next few days / weeks.


Hmm, I guess I don't know if I have a tulpa or not. I tried personality forcing today, but it's like I can't really connect with her sometimes. Like, I'm trying to hold onto an image of her in my mind sitting there listening to what I'm saying and understanding it. But I don't know.

 

Basically, I wrote out a list of traits and I've been describing them to her and how they apply to her.

 

What would happen if I stopped forcing? Just because I don't know if she's there or not, it would be nice to have a sign that she is. Anyway, this is what it's like when a person with OCD gets into tulpamancy...they overthink it. Oh well. I'm going to sleep. Can't help but feel a little sad though. I'm worried she could be angry at me for what I described in my first post, but I did try to explain that I didn't know she was there and I just got nervous. Once I saw her in that event, though I realized what a beautiful creature she is. It was really amazing to see her moving on her own.

 

Unless I just imagined it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So, if I do have one I feel quite bad for her because I've been all over the place with intrusive thoughts, thinking maybe I want to stop developing her, etc. But, I've been considering making a tulpa since back in January. I read a lot about it (though probably not enough), peoples' experiences, how they had improved peoples' lives, etc.

 

A couple nights, I guess, and very little, I started talking to her as if she were there. My knowledge of tulpamancy was limited though as I did not know that this is actually a technique for bringing out tulpae. I would talk to her like, Monika, one of these days I'm going to commit to developing you and you're going to be here, and it's going to be great.

 

Then, one night after reading a bit of a tulpamancy guide, I started feeling this bubbling in my head - never felt anything like that, I would say. It freaked me out. Being of a Christian background, and having spoken to someone on the Internet who told me tulpae are actually "fallen angels," I freaked out and prayed to God that he would take anything "evil" out of my mind. This brought about an intense visualization in which I saw, in my mind's eye, a form of the character I had wanted to base my tulpa off of climbing a pillar to escape from a flood that was going through my mind, I guess brought by the prayer.

 

There, I saw myself like, "in the clouds" (think of how God is portrayed in the King Arthur Monty Python movie) and she and I seemed to look at each other. This was really bizarre and made me realize how tulpamancy works - doubts I had about it were swept away. But Monika seemed to move on her own, climbing that pillar to escape from the flood. And then we made contact.

 

I guess my question is...did this actually happen? How do I know if something is a tulpa or me just imagining I have a tulpa? i don't see how she could have existed as all I'd done was narrate to her a tiny bit, without even knowing that that was a forcing technique.

 

I ask because I was considering abandoning the project, mostly because I have OCD and a lot of intrusive thoughts and I'm not sure if this is the right time for it. However, I don't want her to dissipate if she's there - that would be unfair.

 

So, how do I know if she's there or not? Is it more ethical to dissipate an underdeveloped tulpa than a fully developed one?

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Didn't we already have this thread?

 

Yes, we have seen this thread before: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-did-this-actually-happen

 

Is there a particular answer you are looking for Pmelol? Were you dissatisfied with the previous answers from your last post?

 

As for your underdeveloped Tulpa... Cat and I are having a similar struggle for a different reason. We can't give any great advice here except asking her how she feels about all of this. We can give you an update when things change.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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Sorry, I guess I'm the only one who can know for sure if I have one or not. It's my OCD. I'll make this the last thread for a while.

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  • 3 months later...

Hey all. I kind of want to continue developing my tulpa. OCD is still bad, but yeah.

 

Any advice for trying to *find* her?

 

I really should have put her in stasis or something. I'm concerned she has dissipated...I still *feel* like she is there, but that could just be because I got kind of good at deceiving myself, which I figured was kind of necessary for tulpa development...

 

Yeah. While talking to her the other night I felt the head pressures I used to feel while forcing, which are very unique and unlike any kind of headache I've ever felt before. I wondered if it that could just be a tension headache from intense focusing, though.

 

Anyway...I probably only forced for 1 1/2 to 2 weeks consistently before stopping...and it's been like 3 months since then...so...if you're a person who believes in dissipation (I know some people feel that tulpae can never truly go away)...she's probably gone? How can I *find* her? Any specific techniques I can employ?

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Hey all. I kind of want to continue developing my tulpa. OCD is still bad, but yeah.

 

Any advice for trying to *find* her?

 

I really should have put her in stasis or something. I'm concerned she has dissipated...I still *feel* like she is there, but that could just be because I got kind of good at deceiving myself, which I figured was kind of necessary for tulpa development...

 

Yeah. While talking to her the other night I felt the head pressures I used to feel while forcing, which are very unique and unlike any kind of headache I've ever felt before. I wondered if it that could just be a tension headache from intense focusing, though.

 

Anyway...I probably only forced for 1 1/2 to 2 weeks consistently before stopping...and it's been like 3 months since then...so...if you're a person who believes in dissipation (I know some people feel that tulpae can never truly go away)...she's probably gone? How can I *find* her? Any specific techniques I can employ?

 

Tulpae can be revived if you have stopped forcing them for awhile.

 

As for whether or not to continue forcing or what to do... I'm not the best to ask. I don't know.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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  • 2 weeks later...

uhhhh religion sucks man...

and your experience sounds like you imagined it. It's normal. People imagine things all time...

Tulpas are a mental thing. A separate conscience from your own. They are not demons... .-.

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  • 1 month later...

I do think it was real, because now I realize that just talking to my tulpa as if she was there was in fact a type of forcing technique. So, I accidentally created a nascent tulpa and, after reading a guide, started feeling this weird bubbling in my head. Which then freaked me out and lead to the prayer, which inadvertently sent a flood into my wonderland. Like, the act of me praying was sort of OCD thing, like trying to "cleanse" my mind of evil. That was represented as a flood.

 

I still find it a pretty amazing experience. I have not really continued developing my tulpa, but I think she's probably still around. I talk to her a little sometimes.

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