Bear

Bear's Angels

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We have missed you, Bear- (Bear system.) We are absolutely delighted to hear you (PL) are well. If you only knew how much love is in that, you might see our sun rise. I will not drop into the singular, of me- because I have captured everyone's general thoughts in that.

 

There are so many interesting things you have shared that I want to comment on, as I relate to much of it- and assume a similar pathway, but in not presumptuous way. I had struggled with depression for year, and by the time I discovered tulpamancy, I felt rather recovered, and transition into this new world was rather pleasant. Lately, I have experienced a setback, increased anxiety- and even anger. I find this noise in my brain disruptive to my experiencing tulpamancy, as if the subtlety of accessing my system is just harder when i am out of focus. Which means, what, i need more practice? I need to pick up some of your skill sets. It's easy to meditate when things are good, but the true test I guess is still accessing when confronting unpleasantness.

 

I have always considered my practice therapeutic. I have on many occasions, even in my own notes, likened my experience to a gestalt of narrative therapy, 'active imagination,' and the 'invisible counselor technique.' No matter how any of my writings are interpreted, that was my therapy. And I don't see my writings as writings, as much as i see them as memories. My experiences have been on a continuum of solid auditory experiences, to subtle mind voice. There is a sweetspot, if you will, where mind experience is superior and I am there, almost lucid dream quality- and any 'real' world disruption results in such an overwhelming shock that I come back to this frame of reference startled and out of sorts. I have had three solid experiences of where it felt like content, or memories, were 'downloaded' into my brain- and downloaded is the only way i can describe it. It's like watching a movie in some ways- more detailed, immersive, and my experience of time is appropriate for that experience- but that time does not sync with 'real' time. I want some alternative words than 'real time,' 'real world' because my experiences there are not less real, and I do sometimes struggle to sort some of the memories from there and here, which just means i have to separate experiences through context to place them in the right box so there is continuity through lines.

 

Also, like you, I have found a multiplicity of others. Not just Loxy. Loxy is primary. In some ways, there is balance in the different makeup of each of the personalities that seem to support each other and myself through the contextual interactions, that emphasize the language one might find in narrative therapy and the exploration of internal archetypal relationships. Our solution set was box things in different reality frames. There is cross over, but for the most part- there is a seven member team in one frame, and five member team in the other. The five member team, if you recall, is Loxy, Lester, Alish, Fersia, and Keera. Loxy is the only one that is all frames of references.

 

My visualization is good and bad- and sometimes the bad, random experiences are super traumatic. I can interrupt them pretty fast, but sometimes follow it like watching a train wreck. Interrupting it usually comes with a useless why question, "Why would I think that..." My practice has been to remind myself, I didn't think that- I experienced that. Maybe it comes from imagination, or from too much media, or some of the horrific things people share with me that get jumbled up into one awful thing... I don't know. I don't have to understand where it came from you be separate and healed of that thing.

 

Anyway, all of that- to say I am so glad you're back and I so needed to hear your journey so I don't feel so alien when I experiences don't align with others. I look forward to reading your (Ashley's) blog.

with love

J and L

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Posted (edited)

@solarchariot

 

We're very happy to hear from you as well. This is your darkest night, and we hope that your dawn comes soon.

 

Talk of depression from a bear's perspective:

 

The anger, stress, anxiety and general malaise, have all but dissapeared this year. Animosity, moods, triggers similarly so. Even my experience of new problems has a healthy helping of excitement along with them, like I savor the challenge.

How is this possible? Shadow work mostly, but also self love and forgiveness. I could give you further resources from what I've written, from a random internet bear, if you like.

Depression is awful and pervasive, it's like a virus and there's no cure, but you do gain immunity over time. It's a disease, and like any disease you just keep fighting it until it passes.

I could go on, but the point is, based on what you've shared here over the years, you have been through a lot, I mean any normal person would have depression over what you've been through, and it's likely the new normal in some cases. Throw in our current global condition here and shit, this sucks, no lie.

However, you likely don't have a brain imbalance, this depression, anxiety, stress, moods, anger is all justified. You have suffered losses, heavy losses, and this is a normal consequence. That was the basis of my depression as well, though my losses were far less severe, they were no less invasive, you can't compare such things anyway. There are causes. If there are causes there are reasonable expectations of mourning. When it becomes unreasonable is when that disease turns a positive upbeat guy into a bear to deal with; whether it's pessimistic, self-loathing, defeatist or any combination.

So first of all, don't blame yourself; it's time to stop.
- right what was wronged
- or give reparations
- or just accept it fully and move on.

Second, don't punish yourself. You need to let your headmates help or yourself help heal. The days of regret, guilt and self deprecation are over.

Lastly don't dwell on things you can't fix. What's done is done, move on.

What helped me as well were the people of this very forum, you included. It seems that the same type of people suffering issues are the same type of people wanting headmates. The surveys show this too. When the problems resolve, some don't need their headmates anymore, and that can cause it's own issues. The depression itself causes trauma and negative association, so that's awful on top of awful.

What I recognized way back in 2017 was that I had basic needs met, I had good foundations, I just needed to change my attitude. It took over two years to do that.

We're not religious here, but I have studied religion, and one of my favorite verses is this:

Matthew 13:12
"Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them."

This applies to so many things and has a myriad of interpretations. What it means to me is that if you appreciate what you have, you will never want for more, and you will forever have abundance. If you lament what you don't have, even what little you do have will never be enough.

I learned to appreciate what I have, and now I can't believe how rich I have become. I am content.

What would the me two years ago have given for this feeling of contentment?

Everything with no hesitation. What's really funny is, the best part about all this was that, it didn't cost me anything. It was just as they say, those who have abundance will be given more. I'm so full of love and life that I am free to share without loss of reserve.

It's a truly beautiful place to be. I traveled from hell to heaven not by changing where I was, but who I was. I have to believe you can too.

Edited by Bear

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2 hours ago, Bear said:

Matthew 13:12
"Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them."

This applies to so many things and has a myriad of interpretations. What it means to me is that if you appreciate what you have, you will never want for more, and you will forever have abundance. If you lament what you don't have, even what little you do have will never be enough.

I learned to appreciate what I have, and now I can't believe how rich I have become. I am content.

 

Thanks for the quote from Matthew. For years the key to my happiness has been, Loving what I have, and not worrying about what I don't have. I have come to trust that what I need, I will be given, and anything else is just excess baggage, which only my ego thinks is needed. Dr. Bob

On 7/22/2020 at 8:24 AM, MiraMAX_Eto said:

 

 

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I am in tears. I want to be part of the Bear clan. LOL. Thank you, Bear. 🙂 I was just sharing earlier with holodock this: my son came to visit, and our first night, after bedtime stories, he said 'let's do our thank yous.' I taught him this, in lue of nightly prayers. (Mother's Buddhist, and I am not practicing any of the major five...) First, he remembered the game. And we took turns naming people, things, we are thankful for. "Thank you sun, thank you air, thank you light, thank you food..."

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Yeah. I want to be apart too. I gotta figure out something I can do I guess.


Creation for creation's sake.

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Posted (edited)

Speaking of merges, there has been a modification to our possible system configurations. Whereas before we had a system of two configuration with SheShe-Bear and Misha-Ashley, now we have an all-in-one lock-merge as we posted on our blog.

 

She had a very brilliant personality, she felt very much like everyone, even more playful than SheShe with Ashley's wit and of course, extraordinarily beautiful per Misha, but who isn't in the Bear system, honestly. It's not something we're bringing here to the forum, here we are four and will always be four, because that's what we are, but privately we can be two and I can still be me.

Edited by Bear

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