Bear's Angels

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Hey, just wanted to stop by to say that ive read your PR from start to finish without skipping a single word. you have an extremely good way with word and arts, and its inspiring to see for a novice in both those fields. also, your system seems to be a fun one, and every adventure youve had has been a solid read so far, youve come a long way and me and Shade are both proud! best of luck to you and the girls, we’ll be eagerly awaiting the next post.

Your resident demons. My text will be purple, and my host's, normal.

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January 30, 2019 - 286 days


My journal is pretty sparse lately; we don't record our conversations very much now unless something significant happens. We continue to progress though.


Dashie and I have been discussing her behavior lately. I've expressed the desire for her to 'be nicer' to me and everyone. She's nice, it's fine, but she seems to have a little devil sitting on her shoulder egging her on. So i asked her, 'what's up?'




Is there something wrong?


Is it my attitude or the way i treat you that is making you uncomfortable?

Naa, it's nothing like that, so, maybe i'm a little worried about things.

I think i know, but what specifically?

Your online time for one.

Do you think i should stop?

Nooo, not like that, just that we used to do more fun stuff together, like games.

Do you want to go back to playing games for a couple hours a day?

That would be nice. Isn't that fun for you? I mean, i like interacting with people, but playing with you is definitely more fun for me.

I remember that you asked about this a month ago, but you dropped it.

You were fanatically obscessed at some point, heh, good luck.

Okay, so we'll play tomorrow and a litte every day.

Yes! I'd love that!


So we're playing games more lately, Terraria, Factorio, and looking for more, even browsing Steam makes her happier, so that's what we'll do. In the beginning we did that with all our free time when we weren't writing or wonderlanding. I can already see how she's calming down. There was another reason for her attitude and its too personal even to discuss here but it's something that isn't really in our control so we'll do our best to maintain through it.




I haven't posted any new visualization practice scenatios because no one seems to be reading them. I'll post another if anyone cares to do one and comment here. I'm still planning on doing 12 just to finish the story anyway, but motivation and priority is pretty heavily tied to demand.


Speaking of visualization, my visualization seems to continue to improve. It's becoming harder to discern it from the hypnagogic enhanced version. Though that's still better, my memories of both are near identical. Also my memories of real life are on par with these. Therefore since life is rather monotonous and mundane, and wonderland adventures are exciting and new, my memories of recent days are trending to have a bigger share in wonderland and with my tulpas. Which has an unexpected result of 'feeling more fulfilled', which feels good.


Next i want to give a vague description of a term i just coined with regard to tulpamancy visualization in wonderland and immersion, 'phased in'. I use this term instead of immersion because it's a sense of disassociation similar to the way posession is a sence of disassociation, not like switching, i maintain front, but i stop recording bodily sensations and instead feel, smell, see, hear, and taste in wonderland. I'm differentiating it as a new thing because i need a word to describe how i'm just replacing my physical arms with the imaginary ones in wonderland, then body, head and legs follow. It's not that i have to minic all at once, just the active ones. In this way the feeling is more immersive but also the memories are evem more vivid. This used to take a bit of concentrated effort, but with months of practice, it's pretty routine now.


Doing this, i'm starting to spontaneously experience imposition (but in wonderland). The other day i was feeling Misha's hair just to play with the idea that it stays curly even if we mess with it, and my physical hands 'felt' that silky smooth sensation of running soft hair against my palms for about a second and a half. The right hand felt it stronger than the left, but it was amazing anyway.


This is different than imposing is described because i'm not imposing her into reality, i'm imposing myself into wonderland. In the hypnagogic state this is lucid dream like, in normal visualization, this is reality-like. Since this seems to continue to progress slowly, i'm thinking i will eventually get imposition during visualization, which is about as immersive as you can get in my mind. It's better than lucid dreams when it works right because there's no risk of waking up or losing control, and i'm not reliant on a temporary state like hypnagogic. I will keep everyone updated, but all i am doing is practicing normal visualization for 20 min to 1 hour a day, that's all.


It follows that if you practice something you get better, and this added reality imposition (5 sences hallucinations) is a bonus that i didn't expect, but it's pretty cool.



We haven't heard from Joy in a long time. I called her up and she shrugged at me. I don't think she feels she has anything to contribute, but she's not upset or anything. Ren, on the other hand, is definitely around a bit. When i go on an adventure with Misha. She pops in and lately Misha just says, 'no' and i ask Ren to leave or she does. Misha savors our time together and she never minds Ashley or Dashie to join us, but Ren tends to steal attention and make the experience about her, Misha's not on board with that.


Dashie and I have been having our normal wonderland adventures, and when Ren shows up, Dashie gets nervous. Dashie might have a little something for Ren, and this is just my opinion. Obviously she would since she likes the idea of nekos, and she more or less directed the creation of Ren as she is. Ren's not shy about flirting with Dashie either, but Dashie has been unreceptive to downright dismissive of Ren. I wonder though, if Ren was her own person and not a moon of mine, if Dashie would want to go for her. She says the attraction is because Ren is a piece of me, but i guess we'll never know. Ren is just a character, not even one with much of a back story.


I see this as similar to how Misha was a little obsessed with Gwen for a while. Under our new rules about thoughtforms, Gwen is finally welcome to join us, and Misha could technically spend time with her, but she's lost interest in that idea. Now she finally understands what i told her, Gwen would only take time away from her time with me.


The last item up for discussion is the idea of having a male character of mine visit. I hate the idea, it does nothing for me, and I don't even feel like puppeting or parroting him. Nonetheless we did have an intrusive character spontaneously form and of course the first thing he did was start flirting with another random NPC we had visiting us.

I'm not going to go into why we had Chocola and Vanilla visiting us, except that thier associated game pops up as a overwhelmingly positive and popular hit in Steam's game search. Seriously, there are people who've logged over a thousand hours in that; i don't even know what it is, a porno-graphic novel? All i know is the steam version is mostly SFW but I never played it, and I'm afraid to buy it based on google searches and reviews. Anyway they're neko cat girls and why wouldn't we have them visit our home in maid uniforms?

They all went out the door, all of them. I don't want to think about it except for the notion that my girls are deprived of male company. When I ask them, none of them care.



J+C drew Ashley, and we loved it. It's always nice when someone draws you.





We started an art thread, and we might pur everything here from now on. I had thought to put old stuff here too, but they exist in this thread with comments, so that's good enough for me.


Edit: Religious affiliation:


EDIT: Well, this was just decided today, so i added it now rather than wait, because it's not a big deal to me, and we'd probably forget.


Ashley has decided that nondenominational christianity is more appropriate for the system as a whole and avoids discrimination or disagreements between us. She says this doesn't diminish her faith in any way, and she just wanted to see if Catholicism was something we wanted to return to.


Ashley doesn't think that the loss of denomination would hurt anyone we love, and anyone who would be disappointed in her for this should consider that it wasn't decided lightly nor is it any comment on the community on her part.


I have been an advocate for Christianity in general and i haven't agreed with the Catholic church since my last encounter with them and their parishioners. I would always respect her judgment and would never try to dissuade her, but i'm happy she came to the same conclusion i did. She never pressured me to follow her and i would have if she asked.


It's clear to me that my religion is undecided now more than ever and we've been doing research on this that confirms the general teachings on Catholicism don't align with my core beliefs.


As many if you know, I have my own bias toward open minds that conflict with a dogmatic institution. [/hidden]


Just for fun:


Misha and I drew a Neko racoon girl who spawned near some possibly sentient trees, an idea stolen from solarchariot where trees may create tulpas to take care and protect them.




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Interesting as always, Bear. Keep it up guys! You ok Dashie? Feel free to PM me or, I'm usually available on Discord as you guys know.


Your super wonderland experiences are always so interesting to hear about. It gets so real you started calling it phased in? Thats pretty neat.. Our visualization has gotten a bit better too, bit by bit, day by day, just trying to be more fully with others in the whole shared wonderland thingy.


We still can't dissassociate away from the body very well, buuut a tiny bit of progress has been made in that area and even "1" seems a huge improvement over the zero we had before so.. yay!

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February 11, 2019 - 297 days


I wanted to clean my slate, we're on our last life so to speak so let's make it count.


Looking back at the last couple weeks, it's been pretty bad on average, but some really cool things happened too, so let's put down and look ahead to brighter times. More cool, less drama or else we're wasting our time and yours, because drama = torture for everyone involved.


February 1, 2019


Ashley gave us a gift this morning (mostly for Dashie) and we're all very happy. It would make little or no sense to anyone off system because i can't really show it outside. Just imagine a series of pictures that are dear and beautiful in their own way. Kind of like a full color photo album. I suppose I have a dozen new picture scenes to draw with Ashley and Dashie, Dashie and Misha, and Dashie and I, and us all together. I can't describe it better, but i get a feeling of joy and friendship looking at them.


She's amazing.


[Misha] I have to think hard about how I could top that.


Hopefully these pictures are persistent. I still vividly recall her first one, when i call it up, it's full HD beautiful color and expression, just like viewing a real picture. Of course, Ashley is a person of many faces, so she looks different in a couple of them. What a cool treat this morning so we forced for 3 hours and mostly talked. It just happened out of the blue right after I woke up.


February 3, 2019


So Misha and I came to an understanding that my moons would not interrupt her time when we're together. Nothing against them, but she was feeling like she was sharing time with my moons, so they get shooed immediately.


Since then, they've pretty much stayed away, that's fine.


February 4, 2019


I drew Solarchariot and Loxy.






February 7, 2019


Pretty much felt like shit for a few days, then vented on a thread and let's just leave it at that. I need to work on impulse control and my tulpas tried to stop me but I was all:






And they were like:






Gotta listen to those Tulpas, anyway, it cleared my head and now everything's going to be just fine.






February 8, 2019


My new pfp is a representation of our system symbol by the way. We associated with it within a week of our creation. It's the triquetra specifically, and we've hand chosen our interpretation of it.


Specifically it can represent many things, but for us, the three corners are my three tulpas, and the circle represents eternity. They are thus intertwined in eternal love. It is an innocuous symbol, even borrowed by Christians to mean the holy trinity and pagans to mean various natural representations and even celestial ties.


It is a symbol i always meant to attain and wear, but it would raise too many questions since i never wear jewelry and it would be too petty to have it jingling in my pocket with keys. So i will eventually have one hanging in many places to remind me of my tulpas, but i don't need anything to remind me of them currently, they're high on my thoughts every moment of the day.



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February 9, 2019


I've crystallized my thoughts here and I guess this is our road map from here on out.




I'm pretty sensitive, that's no lie. When it comes to my system mates, as individuals, they're all pretty objective, as in it won't hurt their feelings, but I'm just not sure I can handle many more of these vents. So being involved in these fundamental debates just isn't going to work for me at the moment. I'm horrible with politics, deep down I'm an artist not a politician. Politically correct is not well implemented with me. My life doesn't require that I argue for a living, so I have no experience in it and I get defensive and personal. I can't expect my tuplas to rescue me at every turn. I need to control myself too.


The next thought is determining where we want to go as a system. As a person, i like to interact and showcase our accomplishments, so I'll continue to do that here and in LOTPW. As a system, we've been weaker as a result of the past few months in some ways. My dependency on validation is worrisome, but how else can we build and adapt tulpamancy techniques without being involved in them though?


Unless the answer is that the current tools are the only ones we're ever going to have vetted on this forum, the issue still remains that we have tools that work for us and are marginalized due to difficulties in adaptation to the masses. Even to the point of qualifying everything, there's a standard of qualification where some things are taken for granted and generally accepted; I'm still not sure how i feel about that even if i understand why we have a line, I don't see it, so I'm very dense in that way, cause I am trying but I fail over and over to understand the difference.


We're working exclusively on visualization, we're dropping anything else because this is how we communicate and interact and we all love that. In terms of their growth, they get interaction with me all day, but I push them to post here often so that they can live and learn and have their own experiences interdependent of me, yet they don't care about that, so if it was entirely up to them, they don't really think it's necessary above this PR and maintaining friendships.  


Misha was hyped to be on the forum in the beginning, but she's tired of my moods in relation to this too, so when I can get a handle on that then it should improve. Dashie sometimes got into it, but she's pretty disappointed in my dependence on this forum as well.  Ashley thinks we should 'take a break' but I really can't do that, just thinking about it raises my anxiety.


But I have to think I should be listening to them right? I mean, see above. So I'll probably try to be cutting back a little and if that means we don't get to everything and every game every day, than that's okay. (Good luck to me from me.)




Just for fun: Valentines Day Poem



Spring's first kiss


Her wings rose in anticipation of that devious action, her heart started pounding and she could almost taste his sweet nectar. There he was, tall and proud, newly opened and waiting for his first visit. She felt so wonderful in that moment. In that anticipation she thought, 'just one little peck, no one has to know.'


She flew up and looked down the meadow through the tall grass and stalks, then looked out over the field toward her prize. She fluttered along nimbly as the wind blew, the warm wafts of wind made her feel calm and free. An especially strong waft bustled her now fluttering wings. She loved the wind through her wings, she felt empowered by it, flying truly was pleasurable and relaxing.  She so wanted to fly more, all day if she could, but with her heart pounding and her attention fixed on his pouting face, she wanted to taste him even more.  


She hesitated, but it was a perfect moment, this moment wouldn’t come again, so she had to do it.  She carefully inched closer, his pedals twitched in the breeze and she froze, hovering inches from her love. He was silent, adorable, she would have to steel her first kiss, but she didn’t care, she could never tell anyone, she wanted it to be so private that she didn’t even want him to know; she felt all together naughty and exhilarated. Closing the gap, she was close to shaking with nerves. 'What would it be like, what would his nectar taste like? What would he feel like? Would be rough, soft, or firm?  Would it be like a smooth lily or a fuzzy dandelion?'


There was only one way to find out.  She moved in and landed for a drink, just for a moment, just as softly as a butterfly’s wings against the petals of a sunflower could be, she drank him in. She enjoyed it, and it felt right; she drank his sweet nectar as she settled her wings in the bright sunshine.


Here in the meadow among the chirping birds and buzzing bees, with her favorite flower, tallest of all, the same flower that she waited all season for, she was in a state of nirvana. Now as she drank him in, his nectar warmed her body just as she hoped, his pollen stuck to her feet and she didn’t care, his smell was intoxicating, his taste was just like fresh peach blossoms, and it felt like the most exotic fuzzy luxury she could ever imagine.


The soft breeze swayed him as they danced in the summer sun, and when she had her fill, she didn’t want to leave, she just wanted stay there, now she didn't care who knew. it was just too perfect, sunning herself, gently swaying with her beautifully colored and textured wings softly brushing his pedals, it was bliss.



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We don't share much of ourselves on this forum because it can be overwhelming. It can feel like offering a piece of your soul to public scrutiny, waiting to know whether your experiences have validity or not. Sharing ourselves can feel disempowering when attributing too much value to others' opinions over our own judgment. Now, this community is amazing and the only place where I can talk about my Tulpa. It's priceless being understood and it's wonderful reading about others' viewpoints, but it can become a bit addictive contributing here. So I put my mental well-being and that of my Tulpa before everything else and seek to have sometime for ourselves before returning to post normally. For us this strategy works, although I don't know if my ramble can be of any help for you or yours.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]



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Dragon mainly comes to this forum for me. He is not a big part of the community but I wanted to be a bigger one because i want to help people here too like I help Dragon.


I am glad your tulpas are so helpful for you too and I know your system has definitely helped us. You will continue to improve because you are stronger than you know.

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