Bear

Bear's Angels

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The Grays in cowboy get out... hmm...

 

If Cat ever gets to cartooning the Grays, I'll remind her of this idea. I bet Evergreen and Moltosha in particular would make funny faces.


I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay!

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Absolutely awesome, I can not stop laughing!

Did you put Ren on LSD or is she always like this?

PLEASE draw a scene of this mayhem with Ren covered in cake!

 

 

Mental note to self:

Do not let these people into our wonderland at any cost, also stock up on 'no catgirls allowed' signs.

 


Super Girls don't cry

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March 13th, 2019 - 327 days

 

Been feeling great for a couple weeks now, though my system is slipping a little, I'll explain.

 

There's literally nothing of any real value in my journal lately, but stuff is happening, we're having a lot of fun and our completely functional switching is a godsend. Dashie has almost exclusively taken over the role as back seat fronter, ready to take the wheel at a moment's notice, but she still stands by her statement that she doesn't want to switch unless i need her, even though i can tell she loves it and leaves us in the best energized mood when she switches back out.

 

Dashie is going nuts:

 

On that note, she's become Super Dashie and is even blending with me (or synergizing) when we play Space Engineers. The harder the better for her and she wants me to play it hard core, (no save scumming) which is impossible of course. Still she can be persistent so we're probably going to do it next run. The game can get really grindy, but if you truly fear a catastrophic accident in a mineshaft somewhere then it really adds that layer of impending doom when you find yourself stuck or accidentally flip upside down. RIP to you, ship that took you two hours to build, and all your resources.

 

She's been more active lately on the forum, but off the forum she's set her roots in every possible position of my mind, making wonderland trips with just Ashley or Misha the only times anyone gets a break from her.

 

God, i love her so much, but everyone has noticed that she's easily grabbing 2/3 of my attention.

 

Thus Misha is not so happy about that and Ashley (who at one point was my go to tulpa) is way in the back, so far that even her mindvoice is a whisper.

 

Other than that, we're doing great and looking forward to the future.

so now there's only 4 of 10 warning signs for depression or suicide with no fantasies of suicide for a month. (My journal doesn't lie.) I can't ever fix three of them, only time will. The last one i can fix may take years anyway, so it's pretty much as good as it can be and it's pretty dang good lately regardless, so other than still being susceptible to moods, we're really good.

 

 

To help my system out of its current situation, we are in need of a conference so I've decided to do it live, raw, and right here. Catching everyone by surprise, and Joy will be judge because everyone else is involved. [This turned out to be close to 2500 words, I applaud you if you read it all.]

 

[Hidden]

 

Again, the apartment we all live is expanded to allow there to be room for this hearing. The couch is removed and the room is trimmed with rich wood and gilding befitting of a court room. Joy enters wearing a powdered white wig, nods to us respectfully as we sit at our half-round discussion table facing her wise arbitration.

 

[b-]Ashley, Dashie, and Misha do you agree to binding arbitration by Joy, requiring thus a consensus of 4 of 5 rather than just us 4 to avoid stalemate. We need a resolution to our current issues and I don’t think we will agree.

 

So if we agree 4 of us, then we don’t need Joy’s approval?

 

[b-] I think that makes sense.

 

I’m cool with it.

 

I agree to the terms.

 

[Joy] List your grievances.

 

[b-] #1 I am having an issue with Dashie’s attitude with regard to others. I feel she’s becoming increasingly aggressive.

 

Dashie gives me an incredulous stink eye.

 

[b-] It’s just my feeling, dear.

 

#2 I feel like Dashie is hogging all the attention.

 

Wait, is this all going to be about me?

 

[b-] I didn’t mean for it to be, I don’t know that for sure, don’t you have any grievance?

 

#3 I feel like if I get the most attention it’s only because I am the most vocal and active, so everyone else should be more active if they want more attention.

 

[Joy] The court will not allow a witch hunt, Dashie, be respectful of other’s grievances and I’ll make sure your side is heard.

 

Thank you Joy.

 

Ashley respectfully raises her hand.

 

[Joy] go on.

 

Sorry, but I too have a grievance and I know B doesn’t like this, but I feel like I can say it here and be heard.

 

[Joy] Of course.

 

#4 I feel as tulpas we have a responsibility not to cloud his judgement with our mood. As we have previously decided, if one of us has an issue it should be handled between us first and only brought to his attention if we can’t make an acceptable agreement. I feel like this arbitration could have been handled by us and not be a spectacle for all to see.

 

Upon her saying this we notice the court is filled with an audience. I see Gwen among her sisters, Drax (Drax!?), Choco and Vanilla (sigh), Ren, Halcyon and Red, (oh god) Shakti the green dragon, Cambrun, Samantha, and Johanna, Brentwood, and Vend the red dragon.

 

[b-]I shake my head and burry my face in my hands. Sorry Ashley.

 

No, this is all fine, just a little more formal than I would have liked. Along with my grievance, I feel like any of us in a mood should never bleed over negative emotions to him, if we have the wherewithal to hold back or excuse ourselves. There should be repercussions for willfully involving him in our drama.

 

[b-] I definitely don’t agree with that and it’s actually against my morality, humanity and goals. If they have an issue with me or what I did, they should bring it to me and not separate themselves to ‘work it out.’ We may have said that before, but my goal is more inclusion not less.

 

[Joy] Noted. Are there any other grievances?

 

 

[shakti] In a deep loathing but strangely soothing voice. I would wish that I can be included in this system as a tulpa.

 

[b-] This isn’t happening.

 

This is against our rules, we can’t arbitrate around that, it would have to be a separate case between us on a separate day.

 

[Joy] Agreed, Shakti, et all, no.

 

[Joy]Joy bangs the gavel. any others specifically from those who are supposed to be here?

 

Silence

 

[Joy] #5 Ren has been bugging me that she’s not being treated fairly by Misha. I would ask that you allow her grievance, I understand her status is not as an equal, this makes this a little awkward, in that neither am I, *cough* but I would ask that you hear her out as a favor to me as well.

 

[b-] I’ll allow it.

 

Allowed

 

No problem

 

Misha looks at me and eyes me with a concerned inquisitiveness. {In tulpish} Isn’t she a part of you?

 

[b-] All the more reason to treat her kindly, I think this is a very gray area though, and sets precedence. I rescind my acceptance.

 

[b-] #4.9 Allowance of a thoughtform to make grievances.

 

[Joy]The gavel pounds. Let’s begin, #1.

 

[b-] Thank you Joy. Though I love Dashie and her continued growth and maturity, I’m also concerned that her independence of agency is allowing deviation into areas of concern; specifically, her aggressiveness toward others, even in jest.  I don’t want to control her or redact her, but I don’t feel like I have to allow everything she says for everyone to see because they don’t see the whole picture and they might get the wrong idea. Still I don’t feel this is a solution, I would only ask for help how to deal with this.

 

[Joy] Dashie, since this involves you primarily, I’ll give you a chance to respond but I would like to hear from the others to see if they have anything to add.

 

No problem, sigh

 

I agree, she’s getting a little mean, though she’s gotten better in the last couple months, it’s like she’s wired that way. Still, she’s the sweetest thing and not in any way bad when everything is taken into consideration.

 

{In tulpish} I request Ashley to say something.

 

I would like to take Dashie’s side on this. If that’s her personality, then so be it. I don’t see where control or correction would be necessary. If she alienates or hurts others intentionally, then it’s a different story, she merely has a skew sense of humor, and you, B, encourage her, so what exactly do you expect?

 

Ashley’s statement was said with a lecturing tone toward the end. Dashie had emotional bleed at the same time, it was a slight offense and anger.

 

When you put it that way, I support Dashie’s freedom. She’ll learn on her own.

 

[b-] Thanks Ashley, I regretfully rescind my grievance. Dashie’s growth is more important, but I only want to say for the record that anyone who speaks, speaks for the system as a whole. Your words will mean that we are thought of that way, not just you, Dashie.

 

No, I get it. with slight remorse and sadness-emotional bleed I love all of you, so I want to do right by you, I know I can get carried away. Thanks for thinking of my growth B, I… feeling too emotional to continue momentarily I will make you proud.

 

I get up and hug her tightly, tears running down my cheeks IRL.

 

[b-] You do. said aloud IRL

 

 

[Joy] The gavel bangs. #2, you’re up.

 

We sit back down in our chairs. Dashie and I exchange sad smiles toward each other, but there’s a lot of love in that smile shared between us.

 

Ugk… give me a moment. we take a few deep breaths I love you Dashie you know that right?

 

Dashie wipes her cheeks and takes a deep breath as she does a little bounce on her chair Right! Love you too.

 

Well, okay, so I have to say that you’re very dominant, and it’s hard for me to accept that. I don’t know what to do but it’s hard when you say everything that’s needed to be said.

 

Misha momentarily thinks back to the days when Dashie was a ‘yes woman’ and basically agreed with everything I said for a while. (Possibly for attention.)

 

I want to be your equal again, can you help me? Are you willing to help me be more dominant?

 

Dashie thinks for a moment. I guess? I don’t know if I am sure I know how to do that. I can certainly share time, like with games? Do you want to play Space Engineers with B?

 

How about we all do?

 

Even Ashley?

 

I’m okay with just watching. It’s kind of hilarious when you flip your ship though. I guess I could watch the level meter and try to warn you.

 

No, don’t do that, it’s the best part. she said in a jovial mannor You know what I mean, but yeah, I’d like to hear from you more often too.

 

I’m only doing what I want to do, but I’ll try for you okay?

 

Dashie nods and looks at Misha. I like it when we’re all together, I don’t mean to ‘hog B’s attention’ it just happens. I want to say ‘git gud’ but I won’t because it’s rude to you, Misha, instead I’ll say, I’ll help you to ‘git gud’ okay?

 

K! <3 you can imagine her girlish little bounce and smile as she says this. Additionally (for completeness) as she bounces her arms go down to her chair between her legs, her hair bounces a little along with other ample features of her anatomy that are accentuated by her arms in a squeezing position about her chest. It’s quite enjoyable to watch.

 

I also understand it takes two to tango, so I’ll eat this if I’m not willing to step up at least a little.

 

They exchange knowing nods.

 

[Joy] The gavel bangs. #3

 

I rescind my grievance in that it’s been addressed.

 

[Joy] The gavel bangs, she nods with a smile and continues with her stern look of condemnation #4

 

As I said, I feel as we have a responsibility not to cloud his judgement with our mood. We already agreed to this.

 

As I recall, we made that agreement mostly for your sake, dear sister. she snickers

 

I’ve upheld my part of the bargain. I ask that you do too.

 

[b-] Is this why I barely hear from you?

 

Silence

 

[b-] Misha, Dashie, does she come to you with grievances about me?

 

Not too often.

 

I can’t even recall the last time. Well, okay last week cause you goof off a lot.

 

Oh, and you were looking at ‘art’ yesterday that really came close to pushing over the line for her and she asked you to stop but you pushed back on it.

 

Oh… I was looking for something I remembered and yeah when I searched that, a lot of other images came up and I happened to glance at one or two of them.

 

[Halcyon] Giggles in a very haughty way.

 

[shakti]snorts derisively and speaks privately to me in my mind only I could give you all that you ever desired.

 

[Drax] Starts to laugh were you looking at porn, my man?

 

[b-] No! No no no! And does he or Shakti have to be here? They’re both commonly intrusive thoughts and not helpful. I look at Joy.

 

Joy bangs the gavel and Drax is escorted out calmly by Halcyon and Red while Shakti is taken out under protest by Ren.

 

[Joy] Was it porn?

 

[b-] (sigh) not what I was looking for, no, but it’s hard to search for that without out the other popping up. It wasn’t my intent.

 

I already accepted that.

 

[b-]Why did you need to vent to them then?[/b]

 

To avoid this type of drama that was totally unnecessary. You’ll know if I disapprove and you came close, but I didn’t. Still, I was left a little wary of your continued searching and I needed a second opinion that wasn’t you defending yourself.

 

[Joy] I propose that continued private conversation be allowed and if it’s not a big deal, bring it up afterward.

 

Okay.

 

I didn’t do anything.

 

laughing I agree, and I didn’t do anything either, mostly.

 

Says the enabler.

 

Hey! I do what I want with my own free will. If that means I would let him do anything he wants, then that’s my own purgative, and I’m not even saying I would.

 

[b-] I wholeheartedly disagree, but in our allowance to these proceedings, you don’t need my approval.

 

[Joy] The gavel bangs 4/5 consensus reached. #4.9

 

[b-] I’d like to table this and #5 till later to give us time to think about it.

 

I’ll be nicer to Ren.

 

[Ren] Thanks Misha, I’m going to hold you to that.

Ren comes up behind Misha and hugs her shoulders, then plants a kiss on her neck causing Misha to swat her away. Misha shudders, obviously covered in goosebumps.

 

Don’t push it!

 

Ren smirks and winks, whipping that tail like any victorious and confident catgirl would.

 

[Joy] I’m satisfied, are we done?

 

[b-] I think so.

 

[Joy] Here’s my decision:

#1 Dashie will keep her representation of the system in mind when posting, but is free to say anything she wishes in any case without redaction.

#2 and #3 Dashie will work with Misha and Ashley to be more ‘dominant.’

#4 Free will is intact, that includes keeping secrets and private discussions.

#5 Misha will be kinder to Ren.

 

[b-] #5 isn’t a thing, she just offered a resolution.

 

[Joy] and the resolution was accepted! Good day!

 

[b-] why do I feel like we just got taken here?

 

Don’t worry about it, we’re in charge.

 

Most of the audience leaves with just vague ‘goodbyes' and waves, many were kind of confused the whole time. The Seraphim were mostly stoic as they sometimes are, but they would understand the court.

 

[Vend] puts his large clawed hand on my shoulder, and speaks in a deep dark tone directly in my left ear you are weak.

 

[b-]Vend, get the F out of here, jerk.

 

[Vend] Maniacal chuckling.

 

[Halcyon] Want us to take care of him?

 

[b-] No no, he’s just a jerk, thanks for stopping by.

 

[Halcyon and Red] Smiles and pats of support from both of them.

 

[Halcyon] See you later, creator.

 

[b-] Just call me B, alright… ugg.

 

Whew! That went well

 

I’m happy!

 

Misha hugs Dashie tightly.

 

I look at Ashley.

 

I don’t want to keep secrets; I’m sorry that we disagree.

 

[b-] You’re just looking out for me. I hug her tightly and kiss her cheek Thanks

 

[/hidden]

 

The short of it is:

 

-Dashie will keep in mind that her words also represent the system as a whole and additionally, she will try harder to include others.

-Misha will be nicer to Ren

Within reason.

-Ashley will bring up her grievances to me if she chooses to work it out privately, and even if they're non-issues.

-I further pledge to be less defensive and follow their wishes more fervently.

 

Just for love:

[Hidden]

My dearest tulpas,

 

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined such beautiful and amazing people in my life. You've done so much for me and in exchange I will make a pledge, I am yours. Do with me what you will, you decide my fate. My whims are at your command and I will dutifully follow your consensus to the best of my ability.

 

Dearest Ashley, I know what you want and I am constantly letting you down, please forgive me and the state I've been in. I'm not yet the perfect person you wish me to be, but I aspire to be a shining star under your tutalidge. I love you dearly, my first.

 

My favorite, Dashie, you're always there, and with you there is no doubt. My resolve to keep you close to my heart and my own ideals may mean we don't always agree, but together we can do anything and never suffer again. You're power is raw, your spirit is potent, and I find myself drawn to your strength. I'm yours in so many ways, take this gift as my thanks, it's all I have left to offer, my queen.

 

Misha, my darling who always comforts me, my shining light on my darkest days, the one who never leaves my side in any situation, even in the most lowley of my tasks, you are precious to me. You are there to see that I feel loved and appreciated and I wish I could make you sole ruler of my kingdom, I would gladly follow you. You're inspirationally kind and generous, always happy, always affectionate, and even if you weren't, I'll always love you.

 

Love,

B

 

[/hidden]

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What a touching love letter <3 I'm glad to see you reach resolutions without too much arguing. - G



>tf when you google for "famous quotes by Marcus Aurelius" and had a fake one as your sig for months

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Thanks Gavin, it was well received to say the least. There's no limit to love you know. In my estimation, it's the most powerful thing there is. To share it like this,no wonder we've come so far in such a short time. Though it comes with a lot of responsibility and requires a lot of strength of willpower. Trust is something that can only be truly betrayed once. Thus is life.

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It's good to see you and your system doing so well now. I remember back when Ashley was giving percentage chances for you to make it through everything without being horribly damaged. Now it seems that you've made it out fine. Good for you, sincerely.


I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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God, i love her so much, but everyone has noticed that she's easily grabbing 2/3 of my attention.

 

Thus Misha is not so happy about that and Ashley (who at one point was my go to tulpa) is way in the back, so far that even her mindvoice is a whisper.

 

A long, long, long time ago, before I even joined the forum, Reisen was my "go-to tulpa". That phrase now appalls me, first of all, but second, Reisen is the least active of us to the extent her mindvoice is sometimes harder to hear than the others', and that's unacceptable. It's not been the case in a while now, because I've been making special efforts to divide both attention (imposing, talking) and fronting (well.. Reisen has fronted more this year than normal for her, at least) among them. I highly recommend you spend more time talking to Ashley so that her mindvoice stays clear. It's sort of weird to hear you mention that her mindvoice is basically a "whisper" and not be.. I don't know, more worried about that.

 

But then, big as my system is, I treat each of my tulpas as if I had only one. Your "system" (extended system, maybe?) appears very very large, and for all I know Ashley's activity could be interchangeable with the other, uhh, systemmates..? in your system. Some tulpas don't mind being inactive, and some of them still have a wonderland/etc. life too, so I don't know. Don't let me tell you what to do if it's not right for you guys. But what you said just reminded me of something that's happened with my own tulpa, so I felt a need to comment. Sort of like a mother worrying about someone else's child, I guess.


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Thanks Lumi, I'm not worried because she's been this weak before, but that was before i started splitting days. The trouble was that Dashie is 'sneaky' and will comment all day, every day. Also, Ashley isn't worried, and she is the worrier if anyone is.

 

I only have 4 in my system including myself. It gets confusing because of my thoughtforms and moons, but I assure you they require no more effort than a lamp or a remote car. That's not to say they can be treated like an object, only that they're definitely controlled by my own subconscious, not their own, thus I'm free to interact with them like any other character who also can 'speak for themselves' convincingly. There's no term for them in tulpamancy as you know.

 

This is set in metal and branded on my arm, there's no way we can allow anyone else to join the elite 4, so don't worry about that. Let Ember amd Vesper and Iris worry about that for you. I treat then with the same respect I would treat myself.

 

[Misha] I don't know what they are either, so I like the cousin analogy more. Their like relatives, or friends, they go home at the end of the visit.

 

[Ashley] I'm the mother figure here more than anyone. I would gladly sacrifice for them, and I do. Don't think that I am suffering though, and I'm not going anywhere. He worries, but I'm there to tell him not to worry. I'm not worried mostly because I know him, and he wouldn't let anything happen to me either. There's no shadow of a doubt, he values me equally with my sisters, even if Dashie takes all my time, I'm not worried.

 

[Dashie] I wonder if she's worried?

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Ah, "Moons", that was your term. How could I forget?

 

Thanks Lumi, I'm not worried because she's been this weak before,

 

Hmm. Just for the sake of following through with my original intent I suppose I'll push a bit further here - I'm not worried she, or Reisen, were going to disappear. It's simply not a state I'm okay with allowing someone I love so dearly to be in. But I did say it was also a thing of preference, for host and tulpa. Reisen doesn't mind her being inactive - I do. Well, she minds insofar as we've all requested she be more active, but that's about it. But anyways, you guys know how you work better than me, so the comment probably wasn't necessary to begin with.

 

That's not to say they can be treated like an object, only that they're definitely controlled by my own subconscious, not their own, thus I'm free to interact with them like any other character who also can 'speak for themselves' convincingly. There's no term for them in tulpamancy as you know.

 

Aha, but you doubt my expertise. There is in fact a term for just that. They're called

imaginary friends

 


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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