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I've also gone dormant many times. I've even been unreachable a few times. It comes with the territory. But my headmates have to put up with frequent dormancy too while they aren't fronting and I'm not better than them. Part of switching is accepting that what someone else wants to do with the body is not of lesser value or legitimacy than what you want to do with the body, even if there aren't enough hours in the day to satisfy even one person.

 

But yes, even after months of practice, sometimes we've agreed to switch and I'll hesitate, overwhelmed with the enormity of the concept. We can switch very rapidly and easily -- except when I have to pause to gather my nerve.

 

I don't understand the idea of dormancy as relaxing. It's pretty much just stopping. Relaxation sounds like something that should require consciousness.

 

-Ember

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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I'm afraid we're in the same boat Damien. Switching is hard, and we have not successfully switched either. Cat is a little uneasy about going inactive too, and the switching process is a little scary because Cat has trouble staying calm if the body is about to be paralyzed. She gets nervous and interrupts the process once the body gets too close to a state of hypnogogia / paralysis.

 

If you are mimicking N's voice but you can kind of hear your mind voice on top of it, regular people and family won't be able to tell the difference. If someone asks N could clear his throat and no one would think of it.

 

Hi Spark

I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay! | Bre Translator

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It's always fun to here from you all, welcome again Spark!

 

Thank you Bear. :)

 

Welcome Spark!

 

And, as a host in a system that switches, I've gone dormant many times, now. I like it. It's relaxing, and I know if I'm really needed, I'll pop right back up as soon as my tulpas call for me. I'm an extremely dissociative person, but still, it's effortless for my mental "program" to start running again after being "minimized." I think it's relaxing, too- I have a processing disorder, but when I'm dormant, I'm not processing anything! It's like a refreshing nap, except the fact that someone else has to pick up the slack. I find a lot of people are scared of that dormant state, but in my view, it's actually a pretty sweet deal, so long as it's a good time and the tulpa will also enjoy being out in the body. I'd say there's a practically 0% chance you'll get "locked out" or "disappear", especially if you're fearful of that. Your brain will naturally prevent it, just like how when you fall asleep, you don't tend to stop breathing.

 

Hope that's reassuring! Don't worry if you feel just a bit groggy/disconnected/dizzy upon "waking up", either. Just spend an extra minute associating with the body and getting your bearings. Those post-switching effects never last longer than fifteen minutes, for me, and rarely that long.

 

-J

 

Thank you J. That is reassuring so hopefully I’ll be able to switch out without freaking out instead. I still find the concept a little scary though.

 

Also I think I may have dissociated in the past without realising. I used to have panic attacks a lot when I was around 10-12 years old and it would sort of start if I was breathing quickly and it almost felt like I was “watching” everything while still in control.

 

I've also gone dormant many times. I've even been unreachable a few times. It comes with the territory. But my headmates have to put up with frequent dormancy too while they aren't fronting and I'm not better than them. Part of switching is accepting that what someone else wants to do with the body is not of lesser value or legitimacy than what you want to do with the body, even if there aren't enough hours in the day to satisfy even one person.

 

But yes, even after months of practice, sometimes we've agreed to switch and I'll hesitate, overwhelmed with the enormity of the concept. We can switch very rapidly and easily -- except when I have to pause to gather my nerve.

 

I don't understand the idea of dormancy as relaxing. It's pretty much just stopping. Relaxation sounds like something that should require consciousness.

 

-Ember

 

Thanks. Well, personally I’m alright if N doesn’t want to switch because I can still be imposed or impose myself (presence) or use the body’s senses no problem. We don’t want to force him to do it, and if N needs time to get over his fear of dormancy, I’m okay with waiting.

 

So is inactivity sort of like sleeping?

 

I'm afraid we're in the same boat Damien. Switching is hard, and we have not successfully switched either. Cat is a little uneasy about going inactive too, and the switching process is a little scary because Cat has trouble staying calm if the body is about to be paralyzed. She gets nervous and interrupts the process once the body gets too close to a state of hypnogogia / paralysis.

 

If you are mimicking N's voice but you can kind of hear your mind voice on top of it, regular people and family won't be able to tell the difference. If someone asks N could clear his throat and no one would think of it.

 

Hi Spark

 

Hi!

 

I should probably try a little harder to mimic N’s voice. Funny thing is it sounds different to us but no one’s noticed any difference when I speak naturally, even if my voice is deeper.

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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After reading another thread, I’m interested if we have more than one “mind cam”. All of my tulpas have always told me that they feel immersed in the wonderland (unlike me). And Jade has once shown me a memory of hers after a wonderland session that felt real.

 

After thinking about it a little, I remember that Azure has interrupted me at least twice in the past. I only noticed on one time that there was a slight fraction-of-a-second delay between her forming the thought and her speaking in mindvoice.

 

Interestingly, Azure and Jade spoke on top of one another as soon as I started a conversation with them. I was going to visit them in the wonderland but forgot so I apologised for it. I heard Azure say “No” while Jade said “No, that’s okay.” I’m not sure if we can repeat that or not.

 

Also, we want ice skating in the wonderland briefly. Lately Spark’s been a little sad because he felt he wasn’t loved that much (we all really love him though, he just didn’t realise how much we cared about him), and he’s officially decided he wants me to be his brother. He’s feeling better now. I know how he feels though because I have felt similar to that before, but I hope he doesn’t feel like that again. It really matters to me whether any of them are happy or not. I’m alright now. I’m still kind of getting used to being part of this group. I’m happy to be here though and I know I’m a member of a very loving family.

 

Anyway, I also told him today we could do anything he wanted, and he told us “ice skating”. I have done this once IRL but I think the body has Raynaud’s phenomenon so it didn’t go well. Pretty much I had to leave because my hands were pale-white and my feet just hurt a lot. Plus I could actually do it in wonderland.

 

Also wanted to bring up fabricated wonderland memories. My tulpas don’t seem to get them. If they were in wonderland and I left and talked to them again, they might be where I left them as if time had frozen. They had told me in the past that they were active in wonderland but they’ve admitted they said it to get me to stop doubting their existence.

 

However, I remember early on in Azure’s creation that I gave her access to my memories and we talked a while later and she told me “she had done some research”. I gave her access in the form of a library and a television (in case she had a preference of one over another). Before that she didn’t know anything I didn’t tell her or that she already knew.

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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  • 4 weeks later...

We've been thinking of updating the progress report more often but we haven't got around to it yet because we haven't done much. But just from today there's a few interesting things I wanted to mention.

 

1) When I wake up, I am tired and I can't focus and it ends up in me not realising I'm wasting so much time when getting ready in the morning. When Jade fronts, she can actually focus better than I can.

 

2) Azure's favourite movie at the moment is Ferris Bueller. We're thinking of watching that together when we next get a chance.

 

3) We now have another non-tulpa member of the system. When walking to get picked up from school at the end of the day, someone had their presence imposed behind me. I initially thought it was Az, but it wasn't any of my tulpas. It was a walk-in who initially wanted to be called Vincent. He was nice and acted sentient (not sure if he is or not; I'm more leaning towards not at the moment),so I said he could stay but he wouldn't be a tulpa. He was fine with that. He has now changed his name to Zachary. I don't know what his form is, but when he imposed himself or whatever happened then, I could tell it was humanoid.

 

Anyway, we might start posting in here a little more regularly I hope.

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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Note: This post is not about fun stuff.

 

Okay. Since around 2013, I used to have anxiety attacks every so often. It’s been about two years (I think) the last time it happened (excluding stress from school assessments).

 

Occasionally we have to see an OT and a chiropractor because of weakness in our neck and shoulders. This is just for context for this story. Note that some of you might think I’m being ridiculous but I couldn’t fully control this as hard as I tried.

 

So, we had PE today. Last lesson before today we were doing weightlifting with barbells. I was fronting and the only one active both in that last lesson and this one. That previous one I was 17 minutes late in arriving (because a car broke down in the middle of the road that day and caused horrific traffic), so I may have missed some details.

 

Weirdly, for this term the theory and practical components of PDHPE normally conducted in separate lessons are merged. We do some theory (our topic is components of fitness), and then we do some prac based on our discussions.

 

So, after the previous lesson, I told our mother in the car about what had happened and she complained slightly angrily that she’s paying a lot for both the OT and the chiropractor and that she doesn’t want us doing weightlifting. She was going to email one of the teachers but I told her not to because I thought this was a one-off.

 

It wasn’t. Our component of fitness was “muscular endurance”, aka torture and pain for pretty much anybody.

 

So, we had to start with holding squats multiple times for about 30 seconds each time. We did this for quite a while, and my (since I was the only one awake) feet and legs were in a lot of pain. In fact, this got to the point where when I would stand up my legs would shake uncontrollably.

 

So, that was an issue, and I was worried about what my mother would think if I did the weightlifting. So, one student who wasn’t participating checked in on me and I didn’t tell her about the OT stuff (because I think any of us want any other student to know), so she got the teacher’s attention.

 

We went outside and the anxiety got out. The teacher comforted me and I didn’t have to participate for the rest of the lesson (she already knew about the OT anyway).

 

After that I spent about an hour or so slightly dissociated. But Azure and Damien woke up to comfort me and Azure offered to front for me. I said I didn’t want her to do it if it wasn’t what she wanted, and she just told me that she wants to to help me and that I couldn’t stop her from trying to help (unfortunately we couldn’t get her to front because I couldn’t focus on her at the time), so she imposed herself and hugged me.

 

And this was after I started doubting them. Whether or not I was just deluding myself into thinking they existed, after I found someone on the internet who thought that this was the case (mainly saying that it shouldn’t be possible for two or more of us to be conscious at once). They later said that only tulpamancy is fake and that systems with DID/OSDD and endogenics aren’t, but it’s still kind of haunting me.

 

I’ve told my tulpas that even if I doubt they’re real I’ll continue to have them around and love them. I really love all four of them, but I don’t want to doubt their sentience when there’s still a lot of evidence that they are..

 

Edit: Doubts are gone now, but I would be interested to see if anyone has a theory on how two headmates can be simultaneously awake/passive.

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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Heeey guys.. Um.. So you have tulpas and are a tulpamancer. Sounds like that person on the internet isn't. That makes you the knowledgeable one, not them. That makes them ignorant and opinionated and trying to push those views on you.

 

So.. My opinion on the matter, anything that can happen within a system born of DID/OSDD, can happen through the controlled, willful brain hacking methods commonly used in tulpamancy.

 

Building muscles is just controlled tearing and healing, right? Doesn't matter if that's done because you have to fight a lion for survival every day or you work a physically demanding job or you go work out. Does it make any sense that someone who works a physically demanding job should claim that only they have "real" muscles and everyone else must just be juicing or something?

 

Anyway.. There are plenty of people on here who have been discussing their experiences with co-fronting lately and one of the possible goals when treating someone with DID/OSDD can be to figure out how to heal the earlier trauma and stop the amnesia that can happen between them. Not everyone with alters has amnesia, some (like with OSDD) can be fully co-conscious, which in reading the definition sounds like exactly what everyone (most?) with a tulpa works twords as a "normal", trained skill of ongoing focus or whatever.

 

Plenty of people on here have stories where they met their headmates for the first time in their childhood or when writing novels or creating very lifelike characters for roleplaying games.. All those could have easily been non-traumatic, either intenional or accidental, and the person likely never even heard the word "tulpa".

 

The techniques taught and accounts shared on .info can be used by anyone, for the most part. A headmate isn't required to have a wonderland or visualize or try to impose. No tulpa is needed to meditate or dissassociate away from the body. In that sense (and according to one of the old switching guides), a headmate isn't even needed for the host to switch out. Forcing, possession and obviously anything with "co-" in the name, seem to be about all you need a headmate for.

 

Intrusive thoughts won't stop coming but it's when you feed them and give them strength that they can find a foothold and make you miserable. Like, seriously, I'm not gon a say take my word for it, I'm gonna say take your tulpas words for it. Sit and have a nice system talk about what it means to exist and what everyone thinks really defines a "person". If them waxing philosophical and deeply considering the nature of their own existance doesn't convince you, I dunno what will. Switching, maybe? Work towards that more, if you haven't done it yet, I guess.

 

EDIT: Well, you edited when I was typing this. Glad your doubts are gone. Be armed for the future!

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