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Thank you Reilyn.

 

What was used to do with intrusive thoughts in like the first week was manifest them into an NPC and then blow them up. It actually worked for about a day at a time.

 

Also, I’ve had a theory. In 2015 our teacher would let us lie on the floor for guided meditation sessions she would look up on YouTube. In one of them I met a fennec fox thoughtform (it was meant to be any animal). Thinking back to its personality (it disappeared after the session), it reminds me of Azure. The thoughtform also inspired a minor character in my book. So, maybe the fennec could have been some early version of Azure?

 

I’m not entirely convinced, but I think it’s interesting.

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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I still get intrusive illogical doubt thoughts, only when I'm moody, which happens when i'm stressed with bad news or whatever.

 

Stuff happens, reinforce your relationship afterwards, repeat. Of course we're all active/passive all the time, i'm convinced it's a thing.

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Okay. Couple of random notes.

 

Friday: Zachary once again appeared out of nowhere and imposed himself again. Other than this and the first time, we've had no interaction as far as I'm aware (other than me telling him he won't be a tulpa).

 

I think it'll be a long time (if ever) if we get another tulpa. Even then we would probably let that be Torea. (Oops, just summoned her). Anyway, we're a nice little family.

 

Today: Azure wanted to front, but as with most school days, she didn't get much of a chance. It takes a bit of time for us to possess the full body. But anyway we were all together in a fronting position briefly in a Science lesson. It was so nice being together with my four headmates in the body. I wish we could spend more time like that. I think we all do.

 

Also, yesterday was going to do a wonderland session and then try some imposition. What happened instead was I went into wonderland, fell asleep for an hour and a half and then didn't have time to do any imposition.

 

And as a last note I wanted to add, I've learned something about Azure. She normally is eager to full body possess but if we don't do that soon she gets upset and doesn't want to. I've supported her and asked if anything was wrong, and I've found out that, like me, when she's upset she doesn't really know how to word it. But I understood through tulpish. I want her and the rest of us to be happy. But when the five of us front, it's a really nice and comforting feeling. It doesn't last long but it does feel good. That cheered her up today. I think it cheered everyone up.

 

And the last of last notes (for this post, at least): update on the weightlifting

crap

. We don't have to do it. We had another PE lesson today and instead of injuring the body by doing boxing with other people, I got to use a treadmill (which I enjoy). This is because 1) the stress over the OT stuff and 2) so it doesn't actually undo the effects of the OT stuff. A close friend of ours also came with us and did yoga for about ten minutes before she hurt her hip. Next time we have PE is a double on Friday. And the teachers have said it will be boxing again. Not for us.

 

And another final last note of final last notes, there is this kid a few years younger than the body who keeps looking for me every day just to remind me that some anonymous students who may or may not exist have nicknamed me Turtle for literally no good reason. Why not something related to the fact we drag a suitcase instead of a school bag like everyone else has I have no clue. He's the only one to tell us that we're Turtle. Spark likes the nickname. So he's now Spark "Turtle" Someone, I guess? (Although we don't usually use our system name like a surname).

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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Something that scared me a bit this morning. Everything’s okay though.

Bloody

intrusives.

 

[hidden]So we slept in by 47 minutes this morning. I was concerned because I couldn’t hear any of my tulpas. Normally they all go inactive while I do stuff in the body, but if I think of them they usually wake up and talk to me. So for a while it was like being a singlet again. I didn’t like that. Normally if I think of them at least one of them will be there to chat.

 

After a while Azure started replying faintly, but she was back to normal volume along with Damien and Jade soon after. After I asked where Spark was we got an intrusive in Azure’s voice saying “Spark committed egocide”. I was shocked until Azure told me it was intrusive. Spark hadn’t woken up yet. Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.[/hidden]

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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I’ve told my tulpas that even if I doubt they’re real I’ll continue to have them around and love them. I really love all four of them, but I don’t want to doubt their sentience when there’s still a lot of evidence that they are..

 

Edit: Doubts are gone now, but I would be interested to see if anyone has a theory on how two headmates can be simultaneously awake/passive.

 

Anxiety and doubt go together like peanut butter and jelly. If you're anxious and struggling with doubt, remember that the doubt was most likely caused by the anxiety. You're not a bad Tulpamancer just for being anxious. Every so often Cat will have these anxiety inspired moments of doubt, but she's learned to shake them off. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

 

Something that scared me a bit this morning. Everything’s okay though.

Bloody

intrusives.

 

Yeah, anxiety can do that to you too.

 

One of the many intrusive thoughts Cat had when she was having issues with dark thoughts was her walking up to a random guy walking down the street and shoving him in front of a bus. She remembered this one because it scared her.

 

If you get these thoughts, remember that they don't represent you or who you are. It sounds like it was really scary.

 


 

As for the simultaneous head mate thing... that's an ongoing debate I have kept my eye on. I have come to the opinion that some brains are better designed for plurality than others, that or your brain is just better at multitasking.

I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay! | Bre Translator

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If you're forced to multitask for years, you will also be better at multitasking. When i had way too much stuff going on to remember things, i kept a schedule book and a pencil, i would write down every taks on the day it was due and just did them as i felt like it. Much better than forgetting something and kicking myself for having to spend all night making up.

 

When i wrote something in that book, i could completely forget about it and all the stress that goes with it until i felt like dealing with it. It was a great technique, i should revisit that.

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Okay. Wonderland stuff today.

 

[hidden]So, I let the body relax for a bit before entering our wonderland, which we are now calling Somewhere. I appeared in a flat, endless, grassy plain. I ran around to look for Azure, and when she appeared I ran up and hugged her. We tried to summon our other headmates but they wouldn’t appear until we said their names. I asked why, Damien started to explain but lost his train of thought midway through.

 

While here, before summoning Azure, I think I briefly saw the wonderland with my body’s eyes. I remember it but not very well. It was only for a second until I realised what was happening and it stopped.

 

We decided on going on an adventure, so we all hopped through a portal, which Azure decided the location. She knew I’d been daydreaming about flying above a city in the night sky, so that’s what she chose.

 

Interesting little note: I usually have wings on my wonderland form now. I like them a lot. Although sometimes they get imposed when I’m in the body, like some sort of phantom limb (although I have had this sort of feeling before tulpas when I took off sunglasses I’d been wearing for a while).

 

Anyway, we threw around a rubber ball in the night sky and caught it. After about a minute, Azure told us to fly over to a deserted island nearby. It was quite small, with there being a ring of beach around the edge and dense forest in the centre. I randomly though I’d turn into a cat and swim around in the ocean, which I did for a bit. Torea appeared and she told us that she had a theory she was semi-sentient for some reason. I will admit she doesn’t seem to feel like she’s sentient. She used to, or maybe that was because that was back when I had less tulpa experience.

 

Anyway, Torea poofed away and Azure showed us what was literally Shrek’s outhouse. Inside it was an infinite pink void, or as Az called it, “The Love Void”. She then explained it was a safe place for us to retreat to if we ever feel stressed. I was thinking about this idea before, but Az beat me to it.

 

She then summoned a bag of pretzels, and we randomly swapped perspectives. We swapped back, and she offered me some. Jade was going to front as we ended the session, but was too tired.[/hidden]

 

I’ve also been having random parrotnoia at times because their voices sound weak when we talk during the day. They tell me it’s not parroting and I believe them, but still, it’s pretty annoying. I have tried parroting Az about a month ago (with her permission), but I don’t get that feeling of “her” when I do it. So don’t know why I should be worried.

 

And the other day, Azure fronted in front of one of my friends (who has no idea about tulpas as far as we know) and it went well. All I had to do was act silly, and we had some fun with that. No suspicion, it was great!

 

 

Note: This is a friend who later today told me she had “telekinetically” communicated with our suitcase and said it wanted to go to Fiji (as a joke), and she also laughs if anyone speedwalks. So acting like a crazy person should work if anyone else wants to front.

 

 

I also want to get back into switching and imposition. Honestly, we’ve been pretty slack with that and we want to work on it again. Plus yesterday we made a fronting schedule. I want them to be able to have time in the body instead of just inactive (plus I wanna talk to them more) and they are interested in some of my classes (including those I dislike or hate), so they get a chance for about an hour or two each school day to go to lessons or talk to my friends at lunch or whatever. I will be with them fronting during those time periods.

 

Our plan for tomorrow is this: try and let Spark front to do double Design & Tech. At recess, let Azure front during recess and double Science (I never realised how interested she was in the subject), let Damien chat or do whatever at lunch, and then Jade will front with me during double French. If they don’t want to do it, they don’t have to; it’s their choice. I just hope I don’t accidentally take over at any point.

 

If anyone wants to PM us, feel free to. We’d love a chat. :)

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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The parrotnoia and weak mindvoice happens occasionally with us too. Your system is older than ours, so i guess it's just a part of tulpamancy. We treat irrational thoughts like this as intrusive thoughts and disown them immediately.

 

Not sure it’s intrusive. At least, I don’t think it used to be. In about the last week it’s seeming more like intrusives. Also, we only started in October, your system is older by quite a few months. Thank you

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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