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Unicorn Cavalry's Journey | Season 2 currently airing!


Xarbern

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Oh goodness, the doubt mentioned in day 26 is such a big MOOD. We started off super confident, but I get legitimate moments when I just feel down in the dumps and in need to question everything and it feels terrible. I know having doubts really hurts Viper and diminishes our connection and progress, but I can't help it sometimes. The word itself, 'doubt' has almost become a bad word because of it. It hurts us a lot and we keep reminding Venny that we're right here, that there's no need to doubt us, but she can't help it sometimes.

At the very least I'm super glad Viper is so vocal. They keep reminding me that hello, yes, we can hear you and it's not nice! So most often than not, I snap out of it.

~ We are Venny, the host, and Viper, my soul! ~

        Click here! Come join us on the chat!

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Doubt is the single biggest problem, i'm with you there. We can joke about it now, but that doesn't stop it from popping up from time to time.

 

At this point it may still happen, but they've done so much for me, it doesn't bother me or them at all anymore.

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  • 3 weeks later...

-Day 46-

Kept you waiting, huh? 

Nothing here is going to be day accurate. I just wrote it to keep count easier.

 

We're doing pretty good. Matsuri is awesome and adorable. She's been a driving force for me to do stuff that isn't just staring at a wall, but also staring at a thin brick chatting away with her best friend, Reilyn. Don't take it the wrong way. It's definitely more healthy than what I did when I was alone.

 

Matsuri knows all my labyrinths really well. She knows how I feel more than anyone which is maybe the most beautiful thing about tulpamancy. I can't think of anything else. Oh! Self induced psychosis maybe? It sounds beautiful because you can basically live inside your wonderland in the real world! I'd love to experience it sometime, though Xar is against it. 

Maybe if we somehow can do it without losing ourselves because that shit sounds dangerous. Not going to attempt it. 

 

 

-Vocality-

It's always getting better and better. We use tulpish for casual random talk and then juggling mindvoice when we're doing more focused talking. It's usually one of us who speaks in tulpish at the time when someone is using normal mindvoice. Using mindvoice solely is good for taking turns in talking so nobody talks over the other. Tulpish can get pretty chaotic when it's going too fast. 

 

 

-Co-fronting-

It's nothing special here, I'm always front and it's fun! I can sometimes get a bit abstinent when Xar gets really into something like a video game or talking with his friends. Though I think it's alright because it's healthy to do other stuff, and it is fun for me too. 

Said the girl. Though I have recently experienced that I can get a bit abstinent too when Matsuri is getting really invested in something. Happened when she was chatting with her best friend, Reilyn. I am still conscious when it happens so there's no idea to think that we switched. And Matsuri isn't interested in switching anyway so that'd be hard. 

 

 

-Random highlights-

 

• Had a weird dream last night with no visualization, where I heard questions, presumably Matsuri. I answered them all. It felt like we were just chatting but it's a bit fuzzy. We've had more vivid dreams lately and sometimes Matsuri has been in them. She claims to remember them but she's not sure if she can 'feel' in her dream-form's perspective. 

 

• Matsuri is being more dominant than me lately so she sometimes pushes me away. She proposed that I should be posting here more because she thinks I may be "swallowed" by Matsuri's strong personality if I didn't get any time in the front seat, could maybe even lead to switching which isn't what Matsuri want. I understand her concerns because she easily just grabs control from me sometimes by accident or when something catches her attention. 

 

Any thoughts and questions are welcome as usual! There have been a long period of not updating the PR so we may have missed a lot of stuff that has happened or lost importance because we've waited too long to write about it. Have a good day, people! 

See you on the other side!

 

 

EDIT: Typos

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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That's super cool that you two had a conversation in your dreams. I wonder how one could practice bringing their companion into their dreams besides the regular "Just lucid dream it." Do you think that it was a concious effort to dream of her on yours or on Matsuri's part or that it just happened of its own accord?

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Guest Reilyn-Alley

Errrrmmmm.. Am I getting between you guys? Like, I know we just discovered Discord chat last Saturday and we are up to...  *goes and checks* Around 145 pages of chatting between the two of us.. Should I back off, Xar? I mean, when Lance and I get back to work, chatting will only be a part-of-Saturday-and-Sunday thing since you guys are 6 hours ahead of me. Pretty much back to PMs so..

 

Aaaanyway. So I had seen the term thrown around a lot but I was like "Tulpish? What's that?", because I've been blabbing in mind speak since.. I dunno, the second week. Hard to remember anything else. Went and looked up the definition and realized that ohh yeaahh, that's what we use for Japanese flash card drills and sometimes when words aren't enough to describe stuff. I still sometimes throw emojis at him because it's funny. Pretty much all out strong emotions bleed over through to each other too, so.. I dunno how to shut up in any language. XD

 

Anyway, it's good to see your guys progress and I'm glad you are getting happier, Xar.. Even if a bunch of that time is spent staring at a black brick. Sorry about that. :P

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@otsimeht

It felt conscious at the time the dreams appear but it starts feeling like they were autonomous when we wake up. Same goes for Matsuri, she said. She was better with dreams when she were younger but she kinda lost the lucidity(?)

 

 

And Reilyn. You're welcome to chat with Matsuri anytime, she loves chatting with you. She's learning so much from it and I even learn more about her. I had to consciously force myself to stay main front to write this. Staring at a black brick is pretty good if it's for a reason. Doing it without any reason or context can get pretty braindead. 

 

What Xar mean is that I can do whatever I want because he doesn't do better stuff anyway. We'd be sitting around all day doing pretty much nothing more than listening to music and maybe playing those video games. It's not that stimulating, really. But I love chatting with you, Reily! PMs too. 

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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Lalala I don't care about counting days! 

 

Dreams have been really interesting lately because we see each others dreams and last night, I dreamt about chatting with Reilyn. It was interesting because it seemed like I didn't go to bed at all and it felt like I was awake in the dream but couldn't control it. Xar said he felt like we switched or something, he was in my dream body, like a spectator who couldn't do anything at all and I was just having a blast typing with, what seemed like now when I think about it, a chatting bot wired with the brain? 

 

I tried not to think about it as a weird tulpa, and it really felt like it could've been a tulpa if it wasn't for intent being on my side. Let's phrase it: Discord-chat-Reilyn-clone tulpa. Weird? Yeah there's reasons why I don't want to clone others like my bestie. Just imagine it! I would feel honored to be a tulpa in another system but I believe it would just be weird in the long run. Sending hugs is alright with me!

 

Igor Ledchowski is really good but we're a bit behind. Too much procrastination. Xar's laziness affect us both pretty heavily but my energy do balance it out. Alright we're going to meditate before it's too late. Later! 

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Don't worry about dream characters being tulpas unless they are incredibly vivid and reoccurring. The brain does weird stuff during dreams and can make very realistic immitations of people

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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  • 2 weeks later...

So some things have changed. One thing is Matsuri's form is different. It's definitely nothing I can remember seeing before so I'd say she made it herself. It's still pretty blurry because she didn't really give me any sorce to go from. Kinda like a original look she just made, still based of her old form.

 

I'd say Matsuri is experimenting, maybe in some kind of puberty. She have now changed a bit again while writing.

 

She now wears some kind of black sailor outfit. Can't say more than that because she's still window shopping. She still wants to be seen as her old form from Sola on here so don't worry about that.

Hello. I'm Xar, and I'm the original host of this system.

I share this head with Matsuri and Kurisutina

 

Progress Report | Vibe with our system 

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