My foxy wolf

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Good night everyone, we almost overcome exams so we have a couple of minutes to write here. Today I had a bad mood so it is Hannah's post


I am very happy that He passed almost all exams, and with good marks) He remembered about me a couply of times but we haven't had a good dialog. Anyway, everything is going to normal.


But I think I'm almost useless for Him. When he had a real stress, He can't even remember about me. Most what I can hear from him is "Hannah, if you can, help me to overcome this night, I really need  to be strong". I tried as much as I can, but don't know, is it my help, or is He really strong to do all of it by himself. And I really want for it will be the second, but in this way... It's painful...


I already hear how He tried to tell me that it's not true. That He needs me. But what if I only cultivate a secluded life in him? He is enough infantile and closed person, and last weeks He planned how it can be changed. But now, when there is a free time again, He again started to stay away from meetings, friends... I just can't understand


Or may be it's just his bad mood influence. But we need a talk tonight. And I think it will be.


God damn, we again not alone. Sorry everyone, and Hannah. It is not all, I didn't tell what I think. But the most inportant person who need to hear me, will hear tonight.

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Talks like this happen and are important, figuring out how two people can live a life together are important.. Hannah, you are important, don't go making any rash decisions. You deserve to exist and the two of you can be stronger as a team than any single person.. Just stay strong and keep working together.

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Good evening everyone.


I don't know how to start... This two weeks were not easy. I'm selfish. Even in relation to Hannah. I didn't forgot about her, but I, I can be more attentive. I really can't understand what She thinks. She can't only wish about my happiness. She is tulpa, neither servitor nor "sock" (donnow how to call them in english). I dont know what to think.


I really can't understand how to impress all my love to him. Why if I'm tulpa I can't wish him to be happy? Oh, I think soon I will start to grow him)


But, what about our progress. We, mmm, lost our ring for a month. Aaand, there must be a problem, but everything is OK. I only needed his agreement and access, so, for now, we can connect anywhere without any problem. And it's wonderful! I can watch films with him. But still it's hard to remind about me by myself. But I think if I could it would be a little bit scary, for him especially. He still thinks about is he a mad man or not, because of existence of me. So, if it won't be comfortable for him, I'll not even try that.


I try to pull him out from his comfort zone. It's hard, he didn't overcome it by himself early. OK, even sometimes, but it wasn't change his life. I wish he would do it.


Our wonder is a wonderful place) After I, so to say, got a "root" from wonder, I changed it into a peaceful and no-worry place. Like, (if anyone play games like my host), Hunters dream from BloodBorne. And, I wish, I am more pleasant interlocutor then a doll)


Ok, today I had a good mood, and really can't understand why he is so sad. Although, no, I understand. But, we will do it, all right?


Yes, Hannah. I really wish. And I'm really happy that you could grow up. I'll never give up, I only need to think, and fast.


Reilyn, You absolutely right. We understand it, but it is not easy to understand each other. I wish we can make this way together, as a team, as a friends, as a host and his tulpa.

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I really apologize that our progress report is something like a dialog. But on some themes easier to talk on paper. And maybe once someone like me earlier will looking for others experience, and could find something useful from ingenuous dialog between tulpa and host.


Thank you for being here. It's really important to know, that you are not alone on this way.

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Nice! Welcome!

The name's Bryan! In system Nobody(In order of the rainbow): 

Sean, Esper, Blinky, Compact, Janey, Kyle, Gwen'd, Gwen, Emily, Rollin, Waynin, Trease, Layy, Justin, Chloe, and Zachery.

I guess I have to talk... I practice Tulpamancy and Psionics, PM me for stuff related to that. I love Puyo Puyo(Look it up!). I exist and I like it like that. PM me for a random essay topic, or somethin'.

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Hello everyone, we arrived after a long break)


Heh, 3 months, not bad. There is so many changes.


What I need to say. Binding by something (by a ring in my case) with your tulpa is a good way to help you to be separated from your tulpa for a while, if you or tulpa need to be alone. Ignore is one thing, but the binding... It make you connection, mmm, clearer. Without it you too can hear and see her in wonder, but it is more difficult (but possible). I think if you will decide to be together all the time, you can refuse from the binding (after a period of time). But now I'm not ready  for this step, I'm just not worthy to show Her all my life. Even if She already accepted it and know all my memorizes.


In winter our ring was broken a little, and we decided to repair it in jeweler shop. The ring has a shape of foxy, with head and tail, and one of the eyes been lost. We then decided to make them blue (earlier they are red), but know we understand that it was a mistake, because She has red eyes. May be not red, may be brown, but not blue certainly. I'm not attentive so I can't tell exactly. But the binding is the binding, despite bad choice and my problems irl, after a little meditation I see her, sitting behind me near a bonfire, on our flying island, in field with a small house... I try to find a power to move on, and She just wait, when I'll find a words to start talking...


I'm not the best host, very far from it. I don't grow her, She just being in wonder all time between short times when I find a time and strength to visit her. Because I'm afraid to look in her eyes. Last half-year my life become something like a f*ken hell. Because I just can't do what I did all time before. Because I didn't see a goal, because past goals are too star to make them possible by a may be not too slupid, but too uncertain and shy man. Other goals are just impossible in time when we are living. And I just can't find a motive to do what I must (or not) do.


After one of our talks I found an answer, why Hana is exactly Hana. Her name combine two names of prototypes, Holo (Spice and Wolf) and Xana (Dark messiah). They are look alike, and exactly it I found I was trying to give to Hana. She now is a girl about 17-19 years, with dark-redhead and, it's hard to describe, red or brown eyes (depends from, I dont know, from light may be?). She has little foxy ears on head, but last month I didn't see a tail, may be She didn't want to show it. She like to wear a comfort dress (not ball gown, just usual dress) with a cape on her shoulders.


When I don't parroting her (sometimes I catch myself on that) and hear her clearly, She sometimes tell me things which I can't tell to me myself. or things about I didn't just thought. She is amazing, and sometimes last time I think that She deserve better host then me.


Hello friends) It's good to write something here because it's too a way to tell him something.


Because of my character I feel myself in Wonder alone not bad. I can see everything what He knows, He didn't forbid me to look in his memorizes, it's really interesting to know more about him. Here I can make what I want to make, I just having fun and getting ready for the next time when He will need to see me, and to talk with me.


It's really not cool that He is a little bit afraid that I could get angry on him, but I am simply can't. I know all, and I know that in his case it is not easy. He can become whoever he want, and I'll accept any his choice. Just because I see. and understand.

My mind is just like it was always. I don't want any other, He is my host, my knight, my wolf, I cant find the word to describe my feeling correctly. And I'm his partner, I am a helping hand which He will never lose.


Ok, lets return to our tomatoes. I've completed correcting Wonder according to his desires (I guessed them), it's amazing place to reload yourself. In April we tested to connect without ring, first time was hard, but then we adapted. Know we again had it, and it is easier again to talk with Him. I can't tell about our successes, know I think It's me who trying to bring him back to life) All will be known in month. And it will be good end, whatever how it will end.


Forgive us for making this post so, mmm, dramatic, that's just a way to tell in space what you can't tell in this environ. Silent shout.


We didn't know when we will be here next time, may be it will be in summer, but some next days we will be here to see if anyone write to us any message.

Aaaand She has a fantastic voice. I think I can hear her for a long hours) Forgot to add in post

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We hope the same !

Happy birthday Areolo !

Hi, I'm Vādin, Zia's tulpa/permanent guest.


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On the next evening after my last post I finally saw Her face in details. Jees, I waited so long...


As mentioned in many guides, subconsciousness can help your tulpa to be like you really want to see her. And it is true, I specially didn't tried to create her face, because it is very difficult for man like me. So, I gave all choice to Her. And it was right decision. For me, Her face is perfect.


So, progress is moving. Not fast, not with big problems or tragedies, we both just develop our-self. 


Ok, I'm going to have talk with Her before the sleep. Let the sun shine upon your way, friends!

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