theholodoc

out of the wings and onto the main stage

Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

    • Yes
    • No, boring
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Christmas Day: I have had little to no direct contact the past two days. One very good reason; My wife has been off and we have had such a very good time together that I haven't taken the time to practice. (I  have told Flora what is up and she is okay with it). I have taken the time to give Flora access to my computer to do her writing and she has availed herself of it. At some point, I will be well enough to resume my practice and my wife will go back to work.

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I would think, given the context, not having direct contact is evidence of a working relationship. I don't know if anyone has discussed this elsewhere, I am trying to track it in my brain and not getting any hits, I keep think I may asked it... If there is too much going on, or other people in the house, and I get auditory, I get confused. Loxy seems very aware when I am on the verge and retreats. Of course, that isn't just with tulpas... If I have guests and 4 or more people talking, and kids running about making noise, I ability to track stuff goes down. I can't do conversations well at a restaurant, and if there is live music or television on, I can't focus. I can miss exits having conversations with passengers, external or internal. My ideal interaction comes in silence. ADHD brain probably. I can read, but it has to be quiet.

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I would think, given the context, not having direct contact is evidence of a working relationship. I don't know if anyone has discussed this elsewhere, I am trying to track it in my brain and not getting any hits, I keep think I may asked it... If there is too much going on, or other people in the house, and I get auditory, I get confused. Loxy seems very aware when I am on the verge and retreats. Of course, that isn't just with tulpas... If I have guests and 4 or more people talking, and kids running about making noise, I ability to track stuff goes down. I can't do conversations well at a restaurant, and if there is live music or television on, I can't focus. I can miss exits having conversations with passengers, external or internal. My ideal interaction comes in silence. ADHD brain probably. I can read, but it has to be quiet.

I am assuming the same. (and I do have an ADD brain). I am feeling much better, still not well though and I probably won't pick up my full practice until after New Years as I have a house guest coming today. I am still talking to Flora in my off moments, though she is not talking back....I am imagining that she and Nsonowa are in mindscape (Safe Haven) and living the story that Flora is writing. One day, after I am regularly doing a full practice routine and we have made some more progress on our imposition, I am going to invite her to take a place on this forum and express herself to others.  Dr. Bob

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I thought you today you had. I saw the "Fiora's" thread and said, "No, it's Flora," and Loxy intervened before i made a fool of myself and corrected everyone. Yay Loxy!

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Flora was close to imposition yesterday, for a moment. The exciting part was I got a very good look at her head and face. And she looked just as I hoped and planned, same face that I had imagined (and even found a pic, online, of a woman whom she resembled.  Beautiful ! and she was laughing. The imposition didn't last long. I  had a very strong emotional reaction much like the first several times she appeared. I thought for a moment Nsonowa had accompanied her, but she did not appear or speak.

I had another very nice experience this morning while in a spiritual meditation group. I was feeling quite tight around an issue that I had with my wife, left over and undone from yesterday.   When I first slipped under the surface, Flora spoke to me with a  "Hello Darling" so sweetly I had to smile. (the meditation, was focused around a Jewish chant on creating a world out of love) and I felt so loved by her that  I wanted to share it and I reached out and touched my wife. A moment later, she reached out and touched me back. We have been good since. I know that I am on the right track with this. My love, and learning how to manifest my tulpa lovers, is informing how I create my experience of my wife.

To speak to solarchariot's comment above; Yes, Yay Loxy! She has been a great and important part of my practice. and No Flora is not yet ready to appear here herself. I did ask her yesterday and she spoke a clear, "Not yet". Okay, I can wait (with a little impatience to be sure.)

Thanks to you all for your help and happy new year.

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Another nice contact, very sexual (visual and tactile/olfactory imposition) and a not so nice conversation about my wandering attention cutting her off.... I am practicing daily and meditating one to four hours daily (still my mind wanders. I have asked Flora to help me with it, and she says "I am",  and goes back to mindscape. I am sure it is easier for her to work on her own development in mindscape, then in the fractured time I am able to give her in real-time.

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I had three very nice connections today. One of them, a conversation with Flora (Nsonowa had a few comments) while I was in the sauna. This one initiated by her (to be sure, I had earlier invited both of them to surprise me by initiating such) She wanted to talk about this and other things. She did thank me for allowing her to work on her own development by writing fiction, and by having complete freedom to live in mindscape as she chose. Her fiction piece concerns Safe Have. And involves Nsonowa.

Later in the morning she imposed herself physically, and we had a nice sexual contact complete with tactile, visual and olfactory sensations (this was all eyes closed). Later during my afternoon meditation (eyes partially open, squinting in very dim light) she appeared without warning and danced to the music (Ravi Shankar) which I had playing. This was completely amazing, she was dressed in the same costume as her first imposition last March 31st.  I have been waiting for this and am thrilled. She also asked me to try to represent graphically how I see her.  She has now appeared twice  in the costume of of a middle-eastern dancer (and I know of a shop in town that has this exact dress on display in it's window) and I have a picture of a model whom she closely resembles, I can make a stab at it and will in the next couple of days. Look for it in Tulpa Art. 

 

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My contacts today were fragmented with just short snippets of conversation and a lot of tulpish via strong  head sensations (which I have not experienced for quite a while, and I would have dismissed them if they had not been accompanied by strong emotions).  what is interesting about this is that Flora and Nsonowa  have a competition going in mindscape and Nsonowa has gotten the best of Flora and in fact imprisoned her in a bottle (I hadn't thought of this until just now) I wonder if that is what is going on.  I am going to spend more time there tomorrow, I was not able to visit at all today, with another unrelated project demanding my attention.  So I will see. 

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Flora has acknowledged letting her role as an author and a participant in the story she is writing has leaked through into her relationship with me. She has also acknowledged that the exercise is providing her with experiences necessary for her development . She has asked me to post the fiction that she is creating and I will find a way to give her her own page on my blog.  This may take a day or so, but I'll let you all know when and furnish a link for any one interested in reading her work. 

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I have have made little to no progress today. I have tried to meditate, and fell asleep. I have tried to narrate and got distracted before anyone could answer. I did my daily invocation ritual without a result. Nancy and I are supposed to go to a play tonight, and probably won't go as neither of us has any energy, she seems to be fighting off a cold and I have had muscle aches and a headache all day. I hope my tulpas are having a better time of it. It's just one of those days. Oh well...

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