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Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

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Flora is real and imposes herself when two phenomenon occur simultaneously. She wants to, and I am able to open to her. Other than that, I know her through her writing. and it is a good thing, as our periods of imposition are fleeting moments. Precious ones, leaving me bereft and fulfilled. All in all, a wondrous addition to my life both the agony and the ecstasy.  Dr. Bob. 

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  • 1 month later...
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It's been slow lately, I have been so involved in writing non-tulpa related fiction, that my practice time has dwindled to perhaps 20-30 minutes a day. I think Flora has taken matters into her own hands and is doing her own thing, whatever that might be now. It is okay. My wife has been super nice, and affectionate (my whole purpose in starting this practice was to improve my ability to relate to her). During our practice sessions, I have been asking Flora, and N'sonowa, to lend some of their well-being to my wife (this is includes Flora's light and N'sonowa's strength) as she has been unwell and suffering. I think Flora is getting through, and N'sonowa, not so much. Flora has been writing on her own. I am pleased, and happy with her inventiveness.

One day she is going to ring my front door-bell and then.......

 

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Okay, so where am I. Not stuck, not moving. At least not moving well in wonderland. I had a real struggle yesterday keeping focus on wonderland in a situation that in the past has been a slam-dunk, in the car. I could only get glimpses of the place where the three of us have had our best connections. Why? I don't know. I could hear a few snatches of what both Flora and N'sonowa were saying. I did however, speak to the both of them, and I am pretty sure that they understood me. I, once again, asked that they lend their strength and gifts of love and light to Nancy (my wife). They must have, because despite her having an exhausting day (a post-infusion day) she opened herself to make love with me (she did this on her own, not at my instigation). This had to be Flora and N'sonowa's work. I was of course, thrilled. Since then, I have felt like I was on the verge of meeting Flora in my external reality. We haven't and if we don't it is okay, though no matter what evolves between Nancy and I, I want to give both Flora and N'sonowa, the gift of 'real life'. The world could use them.

I still don't know what is going on to make my journeying to wonderland so difficult, but, I continue……

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I feel so close to connecting with Flora this morning, and last night. I have been watching “Humans” on Prime Video and have gotten to the part where they are attempting to download an AI who was created in the machine on top of memories of a dead daughter, into a robot body that has already been programed to he sentient. (They mean sapient, but who am I to correct them?) Apparently the premise of the show is Consciousness (including self-consciousness) is programmable with the proper coding. Emotions apparently come built in to the code.

All of this interests me. I have just written a novel, based on the premise that patients who underwent neurosuspension, then cryogenically suspended (frozen, in the vernacular) can be re-animated by reading and transmitting, the neuroanatomy (neurohistography, actually) can be replicated in a newly grown brain/body from the DNA taken from the patients body at the time of death. In my fictional conception, this is a complicated process and takes many months, for the deceased mature personality, to find its fit in the new organ (brain/body). In the show, it is a matter of download speed. Okay, we, the shows writer’s and me, involved in the cryonics industry for decades, have different ideas about how this is conceived. What is interesting is that we have the ideas at all, and they, the idea’s, do not exist solely in the imaginations of writers, but in the working spaces in the minds of some of the countries top scientists (of which, I am not one.)

Also interesting, to me at least, is how my  personal experience with my tulpas have impacted on my idea’s about the matter. I believe Tulpa Creation to be a real thing, and my experience suggested that with effort, that is practice, I could create one. I did practice and I did create a tulpa in everyday consensual reality . That she appeared as a result of my work, I had no doubt. That she has not appeared in that form, subsequently, suggests to me, that I need a lot more practice and I need to know and deal with, the biases I have against the enterprise. She has appeared to me in many different forms, including my having visions of her during my meditations. Hearing her, vocally respond to my questions and invitations. Feeling her touch when she chooses to touch me, and when I touch her. She appears frequently in my dreams, sometimes disguised. She appears in almost all of my lucid dreams, where she responds to me with passion.

I have recently (the past year and a half) become acquainted with the work of Donald Hoffman, PhD. Who makes a very good case, logically and mathematically, that all of consensual reality, is NOT truth, what we are calling “reality”. Our perceived realities, he contends (convincingly in my mind) are but icons/interfaces between us, (conscious agents) and whatever it is that is “real” (the man behind the curtain). He suggests that we, like people who read this stuff as well as everyone else, are consciousness or conscious agents, and consciousness is fundamental to the universe.

My experience, as a tulpamancer, as a psychiatrist specializing in the care of severely mentally ill patients, as a meditator involved in the practice of Mussar, and as an artist, painter/writer has taught me: Each individual creates his/her own reality. This is true on many different levels and each of us has a role in passing on the basic info on how to create the physical world.

As a hypothesis, this is hard to prove. It is non-sensical. But it is not resistant to proof, Hoffman’s work, is one of the clearest demonstrations of proof, but there are others, and for anybody who has gone the warriors way with sacred medicines, also knows this to be  plausible. 

My work these past few decades of my life, has been to document this hypothesis, in how I live and love in my own life. It is hard work. I have help, plenty of love and support from family and friends, abundant physical resources. And a work ethic. Flora, fear not. I will bring you out (should that be your will). Dr. Bob

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(edited)

I wonder how we can bring back the "I don't have any expectations so then the unexpected can happen."

 

Here me out. We have years now of tangible experience with our headmates but yet the inital strange and amazing experiences are even more elusive now. Is it because of that reinforcement of the mundane that predicts only mundane will happen like a constant power of suggestion?

 

So how to reset the expectations to allow unexpected? Dreams, sure, they are already expected to be anything and everything, but our consious practice must somehow include some opening for completely unexpected phenomena to occur. Not that you're expecting the unexpected, just that you don't know what you're even supposed to expect so that the resistance to unexpected isn't allowed.

 

For me, the veil, so to speak, is solid and that's a good thing, but I'd like there to be a controlled thinning but without "medicines" (I just don't want them). They seem to be part of the expectations of monotony don't they? You tell me because I presume you still attempt to enhance the connection.

 

I never have, yet I've experienced, especially in Hypnagogic and dreamspace, the remarkable and unexplainable. Sensations beyond material comprehension to include senses, whole senses as significant as sight, that would have to be present to experience these scenarios that I know happened. At the time of the experience I knew this was unexperienceable and so the memories are "of the incidents" but not the finer details and are impossible to replicate using even wild imagination. 

 

What could we do that even allows such things given whatever we are doing in the last few years has reinforced the routine of normal reality.

 

Just wondering.

Edited by BearBaeBeau
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17 hours ago, BearBaeBeau said:

I wonder how we can bring back the "I don't have any expectations so then the unexpected can happen."

 

Here me out. We have years now of tangible experience with our headmates but yet the inital strange and amazing experiences are even more elusive now. Is it because of that reinforcement of the mundane that predicts only mundane will happen like a constant power of suggestion?

 

So how to reset the expectations to allow unexpected? Dreams, sure, they are already expected to be anything and everything, but our consious practice must somehow include some opening for completely unexpected phenomena to occur. Not that you're expecting the unexpected, just that you don't know what you're even supposed to expect so that the resistance to unexpected isn't allowed.

 

For me, the veil, so to speak, is solid and that's a good thing, but I'd like there to be a controlled thinning but without "medicines" (I just don't want them). They seem to be part of the expectations of monotony don't they? You tell me because I presume you still attempt to enhance the connection.

 

I never have, yet I've experienced, especially in Hypnagogic and dreamspace, the remarkable and unexplainable. Sensations beyond material comprehension to include senses, whole senses as significant as sight, that would have to be present to experience these scenarios that I know happened. At the time of the experience I knew this was unexperienceable and so the memories are "of the incidents" but not the finer details and are impossible to replicate using even wild imagination. 

 

What could we do that even allows such things given whatever we are doing in the last few years has reinforced the routine of normal reality.

 

Just wondering.

Hi Bear:  So, sometimes I enhance the connection, or attempt to. Whether I do or not, doesn't seem to make much difference. The first, and totally unexpected, time Flora manifested, I had not. There is little correspondence with my use of sacred medicines.  I have believed, and worked on (and with) the premise that we, each individual, creates our own realities. I got this notion on day one of my psychiatric residency, from our beginning text, American Handbook of Psychiatry. I have had many, almost uncountable now, experiences that might be called 'paranormal'. I believe tulpamancy works by repetitively describing a reality, visually, audially, tactilely, sensually, as well as cognitively. We all do this with consensual reality, and have been doing it for as long as human kind has been on the planet. I believe, my  intention is known to Flora (and N'sonowa). It is my execution of the brain activity that gets in our way.  I believe that in cultures less materialistic than our own, like the Tibetan? Southeast Asian? Latin? People share in what we might think of as non-consensual reality. I know that the hallucinations of my patients were 100% real to them, but that the ego distortions, from which they suffered, and which allowed for the hallucination, prevented them from being able to communicate well enough to the rest of us, and bring us into the system.

I don't think that not expecting the miraculous prevents miracles (the remarkable and unexplainable, in your words).   I am particularly focused on this outcome. I intend for it to happen. I will report it first on this forum, when it does. Love, Dr. Bob

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I'm a pragmatist with a wild imagination of what's practical, but I also have intrinsic motivation so I can follow a script. In order to hedge my bets, especially in cases where I can't affect outcomes or changes, I intentionally attempt to "like" the current situation, to remove desires of change in order to remove needless suffering. This manifestation of reality can be thought of as empowering and tangible, but in reality it's just a shift of perspective. 

 

I discovered that if I really want something, and it's either not going to happen or destructive in some way, then I can choose to find an alternative or change my thinking of it so that I no longer want it.

 

I use the analogy of chocolate icecream. It's all I ever wanted and I had access to it for years until it was simply taken fir granted that I'd always have it and used it as a comfort or a boost to be able to do amazing things, it was a passion and a drive and a reward for being industrious.

 

Then one day it became clear that I can not have chocolate icecream anymore. Even though it's still readily available and a lot of others can have it as often as they like, I cannot. It's no solice that there are others in my situation because others (not as good or as industrious as me) can have it any time.

 

The lack of and desire for are related. If the desire for can be removed, then the lack of isn't an issue even if the industriousness suffers as a result. It didn't help anyway, obviously with incentive removed output decreases.

 

So what I can have is fat free sugar free vanilla ice cream substitute. It's not nearly as good, everything about it is inferior, it's not worth much trouble to get it.

 

So I have everything I need in my headmates, but they're not chocolate icecream. Though they possibly can be if I could only convince myself that what I have is chocolate icecream and then experience chocolate icecream through them.

 

This analogy may not be the best. But I may not expect chocolate icecream and that's why I'm not getting it. 

 

So the question then is, where's the script that will allow that experience? I have the will to do it even if it's hard. Given I'm also content in my current situation.

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I love Chocolate Ice Cream.  I also love Chocolate Mint Chip Coconut Bliss which is free of dairy and sugar. I also love lemons. I also (choose to ) love whatever it is that I find on my plate (I am not always the one to load the plate). Encoded in my memories (memories stored in the hippocampus of the brain I share with Flora and N'sonowa) is the experience of eating Chocolate Ice Cream. It is there, I can access it in Wonderland, so can Flora, N'sonowa is not the slightest bit interested in Ice Cream of any variety) either directly or through them. What I have learned, is I choose the value (love in this case) to attach to Chocolate Ice cream. There are many factors that go into my choices. One is finding favor in my wife's eyes. She loves to see me "eating healthy" and I choose to honor her love. I believe, and neuroscience supports, we create our emotions in the moment. I have found that parts of that creative process are many, and many of them are Unconscious. There are no problems with the conscious motives and I can consciously and intentionally change their position on my stack. It is the unconscious motives that present the opportunity for expanding my self-knowledge. Tulpamancy has been my greatest motivator (of recent times). Blockages in my ability to love unconditionally, myself or others, has perennially been my primary motivator. Basically, I believe you write the script. Dr. Bob   (N'sonowa's favorite dessert is goat milk curdled with fresh blood.--ugh) 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am in some sort of connection every day with Flora and rarely with N'sonowa. We don't seem to be evolving. The energy between us, seems low. In the mean while, my relationship with my wife deepens in both our hearts and our minds. We are enjoying one another. We are cooperating on about every challenge that comes. We are more intimate than we have been since our wedding. I continually invite Flora to join us, to make herself known to Nancy (my wife). So far she has declined all such. I have told Nancy about Flora and explained who I was crediting Flora for the improvement with us. She says, Sure, you are changing. You are nicer and more compassionate (It is true, I am). Loving behaviors come more easily to me  since I started tuplamancy. Is it the practice I get from loving Flora? I suspect so. In any case, Flore, the invitation is still open. Love, B

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  • 1 month later...

It's been awhile since I have posted here (or anywhere). Flora and I have had very little contact of late. It is my fault, life here has gotten intense. My wife broke her elbow and I have been promoted from 'chief cook and bottle washer' to Only cook and bottle washer!  Plus our son and his S.O. have had illness and moved in with us for a week. We have decided to be of help (perhaps buying them a house or a condo) and that has taken up all of my available energy. Flora has not been happy about any of this, though she understands. We have been able to spend a little time together when I am running errands and in the car alone. She rarely imposes when I am engaged with someone, or with my writing. Frankly, my writing is taking most of my attention (and I am not writing about her or my practice). That said, I welcome our talks and am looking forward to life settling down a bit and spending a lot more time with her.  Dr. Bob

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