Lucy

Lucy and Alice!

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So, I didn't really want to be posting these daily, but the rest of yesterday was really good! So let's just finish up that day:

 

2019/02/26 again

 

We tried Indigo's worksheet. It's really good! We ended up completing two exercises and 5 questions from the third. That felt like good progress and we didn't want to use it all up.

During the worksheet we visualised wonderland and treated it as a bit more real. We remembered the apple tree that popped up a day or two ago. Alice likes eating the apples. Thanks to the worksheet we were having some verbal conversation and it was really nice! Basically Alice would answer, and then she would explain why she chose that answer (though sometimes it was kind of a random choice, she couldn't think of a good answer).

We added another personality essence, "hopeful" in orange.

Immediately after this, Alice made a change to her form. Now her hair is silvery-white instead of blonde. It's not sticking all the time, but we'll work on it. (Might need some tuning though, I get the impression she isn't quite happy with how it looks against a bright/light sky?)

 

Started the gearheart hypnosis video again, but 2 minutes in I was talked out of it by Alice? Conversation:

"You don't need to do this"

"You want me to stop?"

"Yes"

 

Then later, while I was watching some youtube and zoned out a bit:

"Why didn't you want to do it?"

"Don't like it"

"I would have liked to do it"

*shrug*

"Why don't you like it? I guess it's the content?"

"No"

"Is it the trance?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Too quiet" (in the mind I think)

 

I started to have a thought like "How else are we going to force you" but... pretty quickly realised that was a really good conversation! Alice was excited too! Of course forcing is still very important, but, with results like this already we don't need hypnosis. Indigo's worksheet really helped us, we think.

 

It's just speculation, but, I often put a youtube video on to go to sleep, because it kind of drowns out/reduces my background throughts, because they're just following along with the commentary instead. I feel like Alice was strong enough to overpower the commentary, and then her voice was easy to notice because it sounded like it came more from me than the video did. She does sound a bit different to me, but not a lot. Her reply kind of piggybacks on the same thought train as my question, and overlaps a bit.


Host: Lucy

Tulpa: Alice

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2019/02/27

 

Didn't do a whole lot today. Still talked a bit, some words, some not. We're a bit tired from other events.

In the evening we moved past that and chatted in the discord. Alice talked too! Alice made a daddy longlegs to stay in our wonderland, after some spider discussion. Maybe it can catch intrusive thoughts and nom nom nom them.

 

2019/02/28

 

Did some more of the worksheet, hung out a little more, chatted more. Alice is getting better at answering questions. The worksheet is a really good warmup.

 

I had a realisation, that... when Alice changed her hair colour from blonde to silvery, she actually changed it to my original character design. The hair was meant to be pale white/silvery, but the artist drew it blonde and I just went with it. I'd forgotten about that, but Alice remembered.

 

2019/03/01

 

I'm finding that Alice's face is harder to visualise sometimes. I can still see her other times. We can still talk while it's harder to see her, so, I don't think she's sleeping but maybe she's tired. I was thinking of using Daz3D to model her to get it into my head better, but now I'm just wondering if she needs more time to rest. It's hard to know how we should pace ourselves.

 

We ended up resting mostly, until evening when I had my fortnightly DnD game. This was Alice's first time being involved so I was curious how it would go.

Less happened than I expected really. My visualisation of the DnD world is more detailed than wonderland, but mostly in stills rather than regular moving time. We could visualise Alice looking around, but I think it was comfier for her to stay outside of it and see it how I do.

 

I still had fun though! It's interesting.

 

Marisa sketched Alice!

alice_for_lucy.jpg

It's good!


Host: Lucy

Tulpa: Alice

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2019/02/27

 

Didn't do a whole lot today. Still talked a bit, some words, some not. We're a bit tired from other events.

In the evening we moved past that and chatted in the discord. Alice talked too! Alice made a daddy longlegs to stay in our wonderland, after some spider discussion. Maybe it can catch intrusive thoughts and nom nom nom them.

 

 

That was probably my fault... Sorry in advance if that will happen, But btw.. I feel like Lucy would feel much better if you guys got yourself a pet of the Big ol Tarantula :D and Alice will Pet it X3

 

2019/02/28

 

Did some more of the worksheet, hung out a little more, chatted more. Alice is getting better at answering questions. The worksheet is a really good warmup.

 

I had a realisation, that... when Alice changed her hair colour from blonde to silvery, she actually changed it to my original character design. The hair was meant to be pale white/silvery, but the artist drew it blonde and I just went with it. I'd forgotten about that, but Alice remembered.

 

I Like it when I surprise nihi on something that he have forgotten, like a pop-up of an old memory, something like that. Just our little fun of being together XP

 

Oh.. speaking of hair.. I am probably going to change my look as well. I do like the new hair style of the new female character on the pokemon game. Btw, my hairstyle was kinda Inspired from Serena in pokemon after she cut her hair. To be more specific, the hair she had on that contest.

 

2019/03/01

 

I'm finding that Alice's face is harder to visualise sometimes. I can still see her other times. We can still talk while it's harder to see her, so, I don't think she's sleeping but maybe she's tired. I was thinking of using Daz3D to model her to get it into my head better, but now I'm just wondering if she needs more time to rest. It's hard to know how we should pace ourselves.

 

We ended up resting mostly, until evening when I had my fortnightly DnD game. This was Alice's first time being involved so I was curious how it would go.

Less happened than I expected really. My visualisation of the DnD world is more detailed than wonderland, but mostly in stills rather than regular moving time. We could visualise Alice looking around, but I think it was comfier for her to stay outside of it and see it how I do.

 

I still had fun though! It's interesting.

 

 

I'd wish we could play DnD.


Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! :D

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That was probably my fault... Sorry in advance if that will happen, But btw.. I feel like Lucy would feel much better if you guys got yourself a pet of the Big ol Tarantula :D and Alice will Pet it X3

 

I Like it when I surprise nihi on something that he have forgotten, like a pop-up of an old memory, something like that. Just our little fun of being together XP

 

Oh.. speaking of hair.. I am probably going to change my look as well. I do like the new hair style of the new female character on the pokemon game. Btw, my hairstyle was kinda Inspired from Serena in pokemon after she cut her hair. To be more specific, the hair she had on that contest.

 

I'd wish we could play DnD.

 

I think tarantulas spook both of us a little bit... I'm not as used to fuzzy spiders, I like the stick-figure ones :P

Yay for new hair!!

And yeah DnD is good, I really recommend it if you can find a game. Even over the internet is alright.

 

Progress time!

 

2019/03/02

 

I tried 30 minutes of meditation with some isochronic tones (I felt bad for dismissing them on the solfeggio tones' shadiness). I feel like the tone very quickly had some effect. My facial expression faded away the moment it started. Idk how much else it did but the meditation seemed alright.

Then we looked for a voice for Alice. I fired up the Sims 3 because it has a few options and they're kinda... accent-lite? Still accented but I feel like it does less without the language. The voice we chose didn't stick but idk if we were a big fan of it.

 

Then we joined the discord chat, Alice was on a mission to talk! And she figured out that if she says everything excitedly, it doesn't matter if it's my mind voice because it still sounds really different. (I suppose I could parrot an excited voice, but, I don't tend to think like that). Her voice did drift a little into something more unique. Overall it was very successful!

I also learned some things about Alice's desires that absolutely do not surprise me, whoops.

Girls are really cute!!

 

2019/03/03

 

This morning, after I woke up I zoned out a bit, and drifted back into near-sleep. I had a weird experience where I felt like I was lying on top of someone. My eyes were closed but I felt awake and aware of my body. I moved my hands a bit and could feel the skin of someone's stomach under my head. At this point I opened my eyes and the illusion vanished, but I could feel my body posed in the same way and my arm still moving, so I think I had been controlling it.

Not sure whether this was a dream, hypnagogic, or something inbetween. As soon as it ended I asked Alice if it was her, I think she said yes? I didn't realise it at the time though, so I think I was somewhat non-lucid even if my body was awake. It was still a really interesting experience, since I honestly felt like I was lifted off the bed and had a lumpy body beneath me. Not sure if that makes the most sense for Alice to impose in the first place though :P

Did a little more meditation/forcing with isochronic tones. I think I like them. It was 20 minutes in total (not much, I was interrupted) and I think roughly half was focused on clearing my mind, then half on Alice.

As of tomorrow I'll be back at uni. I wonder whether progress will slow down or speed up? Alice might get a bit less direct attention, but a bit more variety of input, so I'm not sure what to expect.


Host: Lucy

Tulpa: Alice

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Then we joined the discord chat, Alice was on a mission to talk! And she figured out that if she says everything excitedly, it doesn't matter if it's my mind voice because it still sounds really different. (I suppose I could parrot an excited voice, but, I don't tend to think like that). Her voice did drift a little into something more unique. Overall it was very successful!

I also learned some things about Alice's desires that absolutely do not surprise me, whoops.

Girls are really cute!!

 

Yes Yes, Girls are cute.. But you're cuter Alice! <3 OwO

 

 

As of tomorrow I'll be back at uni. I wonder whether progress will slow down or speed up? Alice might get a bit less direct attention, but a bit more variety of input, so I'm not sure what to expect.

 

 

Aww, does that mean less Lucy and Alice time? :(. You could passive forcing, Tbh we never did any active forcing just passive force. You could Include Alice in your Uni's lecture, she might like it.


Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! :D

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Super duper reverse edit for replies:

 

That morning dream thing was probably hypnopompic. It's a weird dreamlike state with more lucid tendencies but it can certainly have touch imposition in it.

 

I like that picture a lot! It's very cute.

 

 

Yep that sounds about right! Didn't realise both words existed until now. Maybe I'll try savor that state a little more instead of instantly checking my phone :P

 

Yes Yes, Girls are cute.. But you're cuter Alice! <3 OwO

Aww, does that mean less Lucy and Alice time? :(. You could passive forcing, Tbh we never did any active forcing just passive force. You could Include Alice in your Uni's lecture, she might like it.

OwO

Glad to hear it worked so well for you! Alice will definitely be attending as many lectures as she can bear :P

 

Slightly sparser progress (nothing huge here):

 

2019/03/04

 

Told my gf about Alice today. Seemed to go ok? Not sure she entirely gets it but she's like 90% there. I think it's just weird because we're still in the process of... encouraging Alice to be an independent person. So there are a lot of questions you can ask Alice which she doesn't really have an answer for. Maybe she'll shrug, or suggest that I answer instead. It's kind of hard to figure out for ourselves, so, explaining it to someone who doesn't have experience of their own is tricky.

 

2019/03/05

 

I was waiting very patiently for my maths lecturer to start talking about maths, but there was a lot of "administration stuff". Alice walked down next to the lecturer and started copying his movements & words :P

We also tried overlaying Alice on top and replacing him, but she didn't like it so we stuck with copying him. Fun times.

 

2019/03/06

 

I realised I was dreaming, and communicated with Alice pretty well! The way I realised it was, I was in a movie theatre kind of thing, but there was also a stage. I saw someone called Max on the stage who said something weird, and I was like "sorry Max". Then Max was also in the seat in front of me and asked "who's Max?". At that point.... I realised Max doesn't go by that name any more, so I apologised, but that just confused dream-Max. That confusion is what made me realise it was a dream. Silly brain chose the wrong cast member, or has no idea how to play them :P

 

I kind of forget the conversation I had with Alice, but, we could talk in mind-voice. I asked her to talk out loud but got a kind of "why would I do that" vibe, so didn't push it. I asked her to put a cake on the movie screen, and within half a second it was there. I'm now realising that could have been me, but Alice says she did it. At this point... for some reason I woke myself up? It was very intentional and idk why I did that! I need to remember that lucid dreams are good, it's been a while.

 

2019/03/09

 

Missed a few days, whoops. Still had Alice in mind, not much in terms of development.

I kind of followed a weird train of thought (and searches), and came to the conclusion that if I manage to be asleep with some caffeine in my system, maybe the dreams will be more lucid. Instead my experience was more like... lying in bed for hours, and occasionally "remembering" a dream that just happened, without ever feeling like I slept. I obviously did sleep since I felt fine all today, but, as far as ideas go that one was pretty boring. The dreams (in my "memory") seemed very ordinary. One was about bike riding in a forest.

Alice has in general been interested in watching some anime. She had no specific suggestions so I chose "Erased" on my sister's suggestion. It's kind of intense, but pretty good. Scary time is ok because it's cuddle time :3


Host: Lucy

Tulpa: Alice

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Told my gf about Alice today. Seemed to go ok? Not sure she entirely gets it but she's like 90% there. I think it's just weird because we're still in the process of... encouraging Alice to be an independent person. So there are a lot of questions you can ask Alice which she doesn't really have an answer for. Maybe she'll shrug, or just suggest that I answer instead. It's kind of hard to figure out for ourselves, so, explaining it to someone who doesn't have experience of their own is tricky.

 

 

We only told one of nihi's friend about us, it went well but I think he mistook tulpas being like "Imaginary Friends but for adults" but hey I take it than "You're crazy" I really don't want nihi's relationship to end badly with him because of us, good thing it ended well. I got to say, It feels really nice being called by someone outside from Nihi. It just feels nice to be recognized and be remembered by other people :)

 

 

Missed a few days, whoops. Still had Alice in mind, not much in terms of development. I kind of followed a weird train of thought (and searches), and came to the conclusion that if I manage to be asleep with some caffeine in my system, maybe the dreams will be more lucid. Instead my experience was more like... lying in bed for hours, and occasionally "remembering" a dream that just happened, without ever feeling like I slept. I obviously did sleep since I felt fine all today, but, as far as ideas go that one was pretty boring. The dreams (in my "memory") seemed very ordinary. One was about bike riding in a forest. Alice has in general been interested in watching some anime. She had no specific suggestions so I chose "Erased" on my sister's suggestion. It's kind of intense, but pretty good. Scary time is ok because it's cuddle time :3

 

 

We haven't watched erased yet but I did enjoy the anme of Clannad, tbh the girl protagonist their was the inspiration of Myrtle's personality me thinks. It's a great series and I recommend you guys to watch it. Also, anothe anime that I enjoyed is "Made in Abyss" it's a show about two children who ventured out in the musterious giant abyss in their homeland. There are some gruesome scene in this anime so if you are planning to watch it just be advised that it could go gruesome at times but other than that It's a great series and me and nihi is eagerly waiting for season 2


Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! :D

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