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Fastdash Attempts to Tulpa


Fastdash

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7/14/2019

 

Nothing much has happened with Wigglytuff and me. I've been getting distracted from him for a while, so progress has been slower. He still talks in short sentences but has added some more to his speech. 

 

We've been looking into possession a little bit. The two of us read some guides and want to try it sometime if we ever get around to it.

 

I'm not sure what else to say. I've lost a lot of interest in this progress report and I don't have much else to write about our activities. At this point, I'm worried I'm not giving enough attention to Wigglytuff as well. Active forcing is not a priority and I never get around to doing stuff with him other than play video games and watch Youtube sparsely throughout the day. This is in combination with not being as interested in learning about the tulpa phenomenon as before. 

 

The two of us don't talk about much. I don't know what to talk about and he usually responds with phrases without really expressing thoughts beyond what he thinks is good, bad, cool, or uninteresting. 

 

I don't know what to do at this point. Part of the reason I was trying to make a tulpa was to give me something more than watching Youtube and doing nothing with my life. it was working for a while, but now I'm back to this state and Wigglytuff isn't a major focus anymore. 

 

Maybe things will get better as he develops more. Perhaps a few more months and we can be having deep conversations, learn more about history and science, or just goof around playing video games like one of those couch gaming Youtube channels. That's the dream I hope to make a reality, but it seems so far off. The two of us could help improve each other and we could make something of our lives.

 

I feel like giving up, but I can't and I will resist that urge. If I give up now, I'd be failing both myself and Wigglytuff. 

 

Have any of you been through a similar situation? If you have, how did you and your tulpa get through it? Any kind of advice is appreciated.

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Of course I didn't know about Tulpamancy at the time, but when Joy first spoke to me as an independent person, I was geeking out about it for a short while, and when I was writing her first book, we chatted a lot about it. When I finished the book draft, we spoke a few more times, but outside of very specific subjects, there was nothing for us to discuss. I started the next book, and the next... and fast forward two years, I started her second book. She didn't skip a beat and we spoke a lot, kinda like she broke the 4th wall a lot to discuss what she wanted. Again, when that book ended, we parted ways.

 

I fantasized that she was indeed real in some alternate dimension that I could somehow tap into (not seriously), because the books write themselves once the characters come alive, it feels like all I do is type.

 

Anyway, when I started tulpamancy, on that day, she visited along with a couple dozen other characters. I seriously wasn't thinking of her or them, the rest is detailed in my PR.

 

The point is, once we had something she wanted to help with, like the relationship between me and my tulpas. She was finally interested in giving her opinions outside of her lore.

 

She became a full member, but she still doesn't come by too often.

 

Your tulpa doesn't have to be interacting every day, you don't have to 'abandon' him, and you don't have to 'give up' but straining to keep going when you're just not that into it isn't doing either of you any good.

 

If you stop forcing he might go dormant, but he'll probably still pop in from time to time. He may or may not progress based on this minimal interaction, but it doesn't matter. What matters is, regardless of what some say here, you don't have an obligation to him as much as he doesn't have an obligation to you.

 

If he's a mature tulpa, forcing is optional, I don't force anyone, they're here forcing themselves and others, he'll be watching and will interject every once in a while, you two might get a conversation in every once in a while, but only when you feel like it. If he's not mature, you'll probably rarely hear from him, but he's safe. His memories and experiences will always be there, even after two or three years, thoughtforms can 'nap' without any degradation.

 

So stop feeling guilty, discuss this with him and if you two want to take a break, do it. A few years from now, you might be able to pick this up with renewed vigor, or decide that he'll always be a part of you and move on.

 

The whole 'lifetime obligation' warning people in this community give is really pretty silly to us, it's fear of egocide that is entirely unwarranted. As we know when a tulpa or other thoughtforms is mature, you can't kill them, when they never reached maturity, what are they? Well we understand that if they're not striving to prove themselves and become independent, then they're not doing their part and are probably still a proto tulpa who never attained their independence.

 

It takes a little passion to do this, if that's not there, it's like learning the clarinet when you really don't care if you do, it's like checking something off a bucket list.

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What helped us get past simple short replies was deliberate practice. Really sit down with Wigglytuff and get him thinking about various topics, prompt him to expand on his thoughts. Give him time to think about things. If you're not sure what to talk about just look up conversation topics (https://community.tulpa.info/thread-narration-topics-to-talk-about-with-your-tulpa), try this guide (https://community.tulpa.info/thread-vocality-tulpa-vocalization-practice), ask him about what kind of person he wants to be. Lately Aya and I have been discussing personality traits, with Aya describing the trait and then talking about whether it fits them and how they would express that trait. Start simple and work your way to more complex stuff. You can even return to old topics and expand on them. I don't think Wigglytuff will develop in these areas without practice. Videos and video games are very passive activities (for the non fronter), in my opinion.

Host: YukariTelepath

Tulpas: Aya, Ruki

 

Imposition log

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Ember: If you don't want to watch Youtube, don't watch Youtube. Take a walk. Read a book. Call a friend. Pick up a new hobby. Write a story. Dance like no one is watching. Brainstorm things to do with your headmate.

 

I've always had more different things I urgently wanted to do than I could even think about in the course of a day. Vesper came into my life pretty much the same way, just with a different set of things. Iris, on the other hand, mainly wants to keep us company and support us. It was more difficult to give her a role in our life when she doesn't share many interests with us.

 

The most important advance in Iris having things to do and look forward to was when she started playing herself in my roleplaying games instead of me playing her. Not long after, I asked a friend to GM for Iris and I. We co-front, playing different characters in the same game, working together to solve mysteries.

 

Within a few weeks of discovering tulpamancy, we concluded that active forcing doesn't fit well into our life. We're too busy for it. So instead, my headmates got involved to some degree in all parts of my life. With experience, forcing doesn't require much attention, though we don't experience the kind of self-forcing that Bear system does. So Vesper and Iris are constantly interjecting opinions, telling me the things I need to do and ought to do and how.

 

I can't endorse Bear's position on thoughtform endurance. I've had a number of characters that I remember having very clear personalities, a strong sense of presence, who almost seemed to play themselves. They're all gone now except Vesper and Iris. Some of them I never stopped playing, but it's different now. They've gone hollow. I know tulpas, alters, and others can sometimes return unchanged after years away, but there may be a non-trivial threshold maturity required.

 

Vesper: I have a different disagreement with Bear. If a character just shows up on the doorstep of your conscious, you don't owe them anything. But if you intentionally bring a new being into the world and tell them that they are a person and can have a life, you're morally obligated to them. It's up to them to let you off the hook if and only if they choose to do so.

 

But guilt isn't a good motivator. Keep brainstorming with your headmate for things to do together and keep trying new things you've never done before until you can find something you both enjoy doing together -- something where you can both have a meaningful role, something that can be made a habit, a part of your ordinary life instead of an obligation that you struggle to fit in.

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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You need to talk it through in any case, but ultimately, if you're not going to have the drive to continue, that's doing neither of you a service.

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7/18/2019

 

I think I needed to make something clear from my last post. I'm not being motivated to continue this through guilt, I truly still love and appreciate Wigglytuff's company. It's just for some reason I'm getting distracted from him even though I don't want to. 

 

So, the two of us are okay not worrying too much about us doing things. For the past few days, we've been just been using the vocalization worksheet created by Indigo and running through some of the exercises as well as the usual stuff we do, all while not stressing out about spending the entire day together. Hopefully small amounts of practice every day will eventually lead him to become more developed.

 

Along with that, the wonderland has become more interesting. Our home is now a castle with modern amenities installed. Wigglytuff is also king, which makes me realize that he seems to really like having positions of power. First commander, and now king. We are also working on designing the castle together, and so far we've made a dining room, kitchen, throne room, and a small bedroom.

 

Some other things I didn't mention before was that we are working on an on and off Pokemon Platinum playthrough. It's been pretty fun so far, and we have three gym badges so we're making decent progress.

 

Things are looking up already, and I hope things continue on the path they're on now.

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  • 4 months later...

11/27/2019

 

Kept you waiting, huh?

 

A lot of things have changed over the past few months. Some good, some bad. Mostly good on Wigglytuff's end.

 

A few months ago, after seeking help from the tulpa Discord server, I was contacted by anon, who seems to be decently known around the community. Wigglytuff was still stagnant at this point, not progressing very much, if at all. I was worried about him, as well as questioning if it was a good decision to bring him into this world.

 

He recommended me to try meditating on the thought of his form. After a while, I was able to get the hang of it, visualizing him and watching him doing things in a black void. Then as time passed, I created a simple wonderland. It wasn't much, we just brought whatever we needed into it.

 

This turned out to work really well. Wigglytuff began to talk more and seemed more active in the wonderland. Our adventures and activities seemed more lively. Even outside of it, the two of us seemed to be able to communicate better, and it was absolutely fantastic. At this point, I was meditating for about 40 minutes a day, with one 15 minute session in the afternoon, and a 25 minute one before bed.

 

I discovered Wigglytuff has an interest in painting. He has already made a few paintings and they're hung up in an art gallery in our wonderland. This is a huge step in the right direction, and I believe only good things can come from this. I'm really thankful for anon's input, as he gave me a method that worked. I'd probably be still lost without him intervening.

 

But sadly, I began slacking, and we haven't done much in a while. Even though I'm still trying to think of new things to do, the two of us don't have any ideas. I've gotten distracted with other things, but thankfully he hasn't regressed. However, he hasn't had any inspiration in a while to paint, and that troubles me. We were making such good progress before. It doesn't help I've got more stuff on my plate such as a new job and worrying about stuff for the future.

 

This needs to change. I need to help Wigglytuff develop more and become even closer to him. I've got a method, and I have no excuse to procrastinate. From what I can tell, Wigglytuff and I can become the best of friends, I just need to put in more effort and spend more time with him.

 

I'm not sure how much I'll keep updating this progress report, but I'll see if I can stay on top of it. If you have any advice for me and Wigglytuff, please let us know.

 

It's time for Wigglytuff to become who he wants to be.

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12/1/2019

 

So, there's one major issue the two of us need to solve. Wigglytuff seems to continually make repetitive motions or does the same thing over and over again, seemingly without control over himself, or just acting on impulse. For example, he often tries to jump and can't seem to stop leaping around the room, or he leans from side to side, alternating feet, without end unless I stop him.

 

Some solutions I have tried was playing Simon Says with him. If he was acting on impulse, playing a game about needing to control yourself and follow directions might have been helpful. However, it doesn't seem to be working at all. I've also tried going through simple exercises with him to make sure he can control himself, such as raising his arm and putting it back down. However, it seems any progress I've made from yesterday has vanished.

 

I'm not entirely sure what is causing this, whether it's an impulse or just not being able to properly control himself. I've tried being sterner with him, but it doesn't seem to be working and I'm afraid it might make him more bitter towards me if he really can't control it. It's also been a distraction for my active forcing sessions as well, so it needs to stop.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation before? What could I do to help him? Please leave any advice you have.

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