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Saturday, 8/7/21


I've been thinking about what I talked about earlier in this thread, about two years ago now. I mentioned that C was able to influence my emotions, such as calm me down or raise my spirits a small amount. He was able to make me feel either more emotional or less emotional. We didn't really understand it before but I feel like I can better understand it now!


One of our members, Odezenne, has a natural ability to replace any negative or stressful emotions with peacefulness and calm. Sometimes emotionlessness. This usually happens when he fronts, but it also happens at a lesser degree if he sits near the co-front. It leaves my head feeling very heavy, and like a fog is surrounding me I guess. It's like how you feel when you're in a dream, trancelike.


Some of us can do the same thing to some degree. I know being around Memory makes my mood brighten just a little bit. Or when my system offers support and breaks into the little stress-bubble that I created around myself, it eventually calms me down as well.


Yeah, our emotions really aren't consistent when it comes to who's fronting. The aftermath of those feelings stay but it fizzles away and gets replaced by their own emotions soon enough. Being in the same body and all, probably gonna be bound to feel some overlap despite that.


Anyone who feels like answering, how do you experience emotions? Is there a separation when you front?


I ask because I recall someone saying that they don't really experience any kind of cut-off when it comes to emotions like that.


Also! here's an entry I wrote a few months ago involving an adventure in our headspace ^-^ was the first immersive adventure that we had in a very long time actually. I hope to write more of these sometime.

https://pastebin.com/Utgv8XGe 6-27-21, Memory's headspace


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We're I think pretty messy and undisciplined in our approach. There's definitely some emotional bleed, which I, Darron, feel guilty over when I'm feeling depressed for exposing Jaina to it. Luckily she's much stronger and resilient than I am. We're kind of polar opposites in that metric actually. I'm super impressionable and Jaina is stoically optimistic. So usually I'm feeling whatever then when Jaina makes a stronger presence of herself it boosts my mood and makes me feel comfy and safe. I worry sometimes she's a crutch for me but she doesn't see it that way. I just need to make sure I'm taking responsibility for myself. Tldr Jaina wears the pants 😄

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

(Raccoon Queen 🦝👸)

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦Dain and Nova

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺


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I guess I experience emotions the same general way as the host does when fronting.  But the emotions we feel definitely changes depending on who's in the front as different things piss me off as well as make me happy than the host.  The others (and especially Xiri) can help the host calm down / feel happier and they aren't the ones who can switch.  I can't as much though.  So maybe the whole influencing emotions thing is just a C thing instead of a switching thing?

One of the people that shares an organism with Akinkinit.

Here's his and by association mine progress report thing.

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3 hours ago, Sabari said:

I guess I experience emotions the same general way as the host does when fronting.  But the emotions we feel definitely changes depending on who's in the front as different things piss me off as well as make me happy than the host.  The others (and especially Xiri) can help the host calm down / feel happier and they aren't the ones who can switch.  I can't as much though.  So maybe the whole influencing emotions thing is just a C thing instead of a switching thing?



Perhaps ^^ I just feel as if there was something going on that I didn't realize at the time. Thanks for the response :)


5 hours ago, Glaurung26 said:

So usually I'm feeling whatever then when Jaina makes a stronger presence of herself it boosts my mood and makes me feel comfy and safe


oo thats interesting. thanks for the reply!

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  • 6 months later...

Wednesday, 2/23/22


hi again!


we've been doing very well. I think we're at our highest point, honestly. with the amount of baggage that we've been feeling, we're very happy to be in a more lighthearted mood as of late. C fronted for over a day straight without much influence from me or anyone else, which he says was a very nice experience for him. I didn't mind it much, as there wasn't anything wrong with him spending time out, but coming back was quite a weird feeling, like just waking up in the morning. I had to sleep it off before I started feeling up to speed again.


besides all that, our systemday is coming up! meaning the day I discovered our very first member, C, because I suppose thats what started our path of discovery. maybe it's silly to be excited about things like that, but personally I see it as a 'cheers to us' kinda thing. C will be three years old in about a month, and so will Terra!


I suppose I'll save all the sappiness for when the day comes :P


I'm thinking about renovating our headspace just a bit. all this time its been here, and we haven't even had a bathroom in it. the thought never came to add one, but C and I were thinking that a nice bath now and then would be good for them. either that, or a hot spring! or a bathroom that leads to a hot spring :o


might as well use all my mindpower and make it big and luxurious, or something.


I haven't fiddled with our mindscape in so long though, besides changing a few small things that I don't end up noticing anyway. any new 'room' that we wanted to go to, we'd go through the door in our laundry room that'd just bring us there without any need for construction or anything.


I'm already imagining a place to put the door though, right next to the reading area of the living room. then we'll have a nice spacious blank area to workshop on.


it's about time we do something different with it though. our headspace house do be looking like the backrooms.


An artistic rendition of what I mean:





oh yeah, C had been thinking a lot about his selfhood while he was fronting. wasn't anything negative, as far as I'm aware of. he was thinking about his existence as a headmate, why he's here, things like that. we're even working on a personal video about it, voiced by him and edited by me ^-^ he's very happy with himself, and so am I!


I think I'll end this off now. thanks for reading :D

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Saturday, 2/26/22


I was rereading this log a few days ago and noticed there weren't a ton of pictures of our members here. I thought I would've shared some more by now, but I guess not :o


these were all done by the lovely Iyunia for about $12 a piece. I couldn't help but commission her multiple times in a row *_* I still remember the happiness I felt when I first got C's art!


C's form: 




If you're aware of C's old form, he changed it sometime in late 2019 or so due to some of the negative connections he had with it.


Snowy's form:




+ the icon *and* extra sketches we got of her ^^" perhaps I'll post it at a later date


just wanted to share these. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wednesday, 3/9/2022

Card games


hey again. me and C played Garbage today (or Trash, apparently). it was a card game that I learned a few years ago during a hospital stay. I've always wanted to play some kinda physical game with my system, it's the reason I held onto the cards in the first place!


C sat in front of me as I set the cards out. 10 cards for both players. he was in his pony form. the way we'd play it was that I'd pull cards for the both of us, and in the cases where he was able to put his card wherever he wanted, he would point to where he wanted to put it and I'd put it there for him. maybe I just have very bad attentive skills, but it was sorta difficult to play on behalf of both of us.




the version of Garbage that I learned was a bit different than the actual one, and C insisted that we just play the actual version instead of my "cheater version". I won the first two rounds against him, but as soon as he won once he immediately decided that we should make a bet. the bet was that whoever lost had to be the others pet for a day.


I didn't even know what that would entail if I lost, so I made sure to try and win >:)


By the time the score was 3 - 1, C made himself feel better about his horrendous skills by making fun of the way I shuffled cards. I promptly told him off while proceeding to drop the cards all over the place. he kept snickering at me whenever I went to shuffle the cards after that.


Snowy had caught wind of our competitive jesting and decided to oversee the match. and then she made fun of my shuffling as well... z_z


we were doing a best out of 5, and in a surprise turn of events we were head to head! I was practically sweating, I was not going to lose.


in the end the winner waaaaas.... me!


I swear I would've looked crazy if anyone was spying on me silently cheering and celebrating after I won a game against myself :classic_laugh:




after that I cleaned up the cards, hopped in the shower and chatted with him a bit more. he seemed okay after the sorry-for-beating-you-at-this-game hugs. me and C have been hanging out a lot more often, but its been a while since we had this much fun! I'll try and figure out what other games we could play with just a deck of cards

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day 1,650


Hey, it's been a while. I've been reading some of the progress logs here again and decided to apprehensively log into here again ^_^


We've changed a lot over these past few years. I don't want to categorize it as a good or bad thing, because that doesn't really help at all. I think we've just figured out a lot about ourselves, our origins, and how we work, and that tends to change things a bit.


I won't get into the nitty gritty of all of our personal stuff, but I don't know if what we thought about ourselves in 2019 to 2021-ish really applies to us anymore. The end of 2019 to late 2020 was a big shifting point in ourselves, and since then we've been discovering stuff about ourselves.


I've been thinking about how we function, why we function like this, etc etc. I mean, it's not like we just spontaneously started functioning a certain way, we were kinda like this all along. Except now it's just.. more.


This sounds really vague and stupid, but I'm a little bit more personal with a lot of our ordeals haha.


Sometimes C laments to me on how he wishes we just stayed the same, but we both ultimately accept that we're changing whether we want it or not. I think I have a harder time accepting, sometimes. But, yeh. 


I'm still very close to C - I consider him my other half and easily a very valuable part of my life. I think it's to the point that we've seen each other experience every emotion possible. Now it's just about living the rest of our lives as best as we can, which is all that we've been doing.


Yeah, well, just a little bit of an update just because. Who knows if they'll keep coming (probably not).


Edited by deku
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