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Deku's tree log


deku

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I feel like I never talk to Ashley anymore, but then I realize it's very often and she tells me to stop worrying about it constantly. She says, "if I need more, I'll bug you about it."

 

Ah, both of my tulpas say about the same, usually just "I'm not going anywhere" or something of that sort.. It sort of comforts me I suppose.

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  • 5 weeks later...
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7 - 21 - 19; New Tulpa?

 

Another post, how fun. Our system has been doing well, though I admit I've been neglecting to have active forcing sessions nowadays. They don't seem to mind too much, nonetheless. I don't know how they survive so many days of boredom.

Anyways, it's been 4 months now, and though it isn't long is still feels like awhile. C's form has changed a bit, and he's taken a form of a fictional character from a game. He hasn't been using his old form as much anymore, so I think he's probably finally settled in his new one? Terra has remained the same mostly. I'm glad to say that she's been talking a lot more, and I've made more time to speak to her during the day.

 

Recently, I've seemed to have some random tulpas come and go? I at least think they're tulpas, but I don't know. I take it as my mind being too active and trying to turn everything and anything I see into something. They're sort of intrusive thoughts in a way; I always subconsciously end up making another type of voice and talking to them for a bit. It's probably because I've been thinking about making another tulpa for a while now, which I know might be a bad decision? They're not formed so they always end up fading away eventually.

 

C opposes any of these new 'tulpas' that I make, he's just overall very territorial of our system when it comes to things like this. I can see where he's coming from honestly, he just wants to get rid of these things, since he knows it might be a bad idea too.

I wouldn't say that I'm ready for another, but I feel sorta bad that they just keep appearing then disappearing. It's sorta hard to brush off any of these urges to make another. C promised he won't bother the tulpa if I actually decide to make another one, so I don't think I'd have to worry much about that.

 

That's all for now, thanks for reading this trashy journey.

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Walk-ins do come and go. If you don't want new tulpas, just do as you have been and pretty much let them fade. For some, your mind will naturally gravitate toward having walk-ins.

 

Good luck.

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Walk-ins do come and go. If you don't want new tulpas, just do as you have been and pretty much let them fade. For some, your mind will naturally gravitate toward having walk-ins.

 

Good luck.

 

I see. I'll try and develop them for now I suppose.

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As far as we're concerned, since we self-force now, anyone who comes and wants to contribute to the system and develop their independence is welcome. Gwen was our most recent, she can't self-force as well as the others, heck, even Ren did that with no prior history starting in November, but since she's really helping a lot, I've tried to include her in everything as a co-front, helping her stay near front and not go dormant, and it's been working. I have noticed as opposed to Ren and Joy, she wants to be active more.

 

Good luck and say hi for us.

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  • 5 weeks later...

8 - 22 - 19

 

Heyy, uh, C here. There hasn't been *a lot* of internal changes in the system but there still is some. For one, the walk in we were talking about before now has an actual form now, they get along pretty nicely with all of us (Terra especially, she practically spoils him). 

Our mindscape has also changed a bit, mainly the house though; it's not a dull gray box anymore. 

Memory seems pretty comfortable here in the system, and we're all glad that this went well!

 

(Host) I'm mainly working on some more active forcing again, and other things like switching and such with C. The switching thing has been going well, I suppose! A few nights ago I had tried it, and C was able to fully switch with me without us being in that co-conscious nonsense. I always end up somehow pushing myself back in, though. I'm not sure why he's so enthusiastic about switching, but it at least encourages me to try more!

 

Oh and before I forget

Here's Memory's form

His old form used to be some sort of orange blob, but I think this fits him better. I'm sure he likes this one better too.

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8 - 25 - 19

 

Lately C has been practicing a lot with changing my emotions, again. I know a few months ago I had mentioned that he was able to 'change my emotions' to some extent, and we've decided to explore this topic a bit more. He did it a few times today, and each time the change felt more noticable. He's able to make me feel either less or more emotional. 

The thing is, I'm not sure if it is actually him doing it. Maybe me passively focusing on him sort of ends up manipulating my emotions, I'm not sure. Though I feel certain that in some way he's doing it. I would like to know if anyone else's tulpas can do this? 

 

In other news my communication with everyone is getting easier again, and I'm hoping to sometime have a proper forcing schedule that I can stick to.

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So, sort of, but we use switching to do that. If I switch in and push Bear to the way back position, the emotions of any type instantly vanish. We discovered this when I fronted for a week and Bear was still getting over things before his personality surgery. He was bound to get in moods several times a day, and I was sick of his emotional bleed (which I don't feel if he's fronting, for us all emotions flow forward only), so I pushed him as far away as possible without making him go dormant. Low and behold he lost his train of thought and all his emotions. In way back position,  there are no emotions, but you can still talk to them. Watcher position is like that too, but you can't talk to them, they're just passive.

 

We call this procedure manual reboot. I steal front, switch in, push him back, then pull him forward and switch again. It takes a second and all emotions are gone. Of course then we fix the root of that trigger through our other processes.

 

Shortly after personality surgery,  he learned to switch himself to way back position then back to front without switching with any of us. We call that autoreboot. Every time, we also 'fix the root' of the trigger. We have had about one mood per week in the last month, and that's usually only from new stuff anymore. The mood lasts only about five seconds or faster if he realizes he's getting in a mood.

 

Other than that, we haven't tried increasing his emotions, but certainly if we are emotional bleeding forward he can experience huge emotions, many times more than normal.

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So, sort of, but we use switching to do that. If I switch in and push Bear to the way back position, the emotions of any type instantly vanish. We discovered this when I fronted for a week and Bear was still getting over things before his personality surgery. He was bound to get in moods several times a day, and I was sick of his emotional bleed (which I don't feel if he's fronting, for us all emotions flow forward only), so I pushed him as far away as possible without making him go dormant. Low and behold he lost his train of thought and all his emotions. In way back position,  there are no emotions, but you can still talk to them. Watcher position is like that too, but you can't talk to them, they're just passive.

 

We call this procedure manual reboot. I steal front, switch in, push him back, then pull him forward and switch again. It takes a second and all emotions are gone. Of course then we fix the root of that trigger through our other processes.

 

Shortly after personality surgery,  he learned to switch himself to way back position then back to front without switching with any of us. We call that autoreboot. Every time, we also 'fix the root' of the trigger. We have had about one mood per week in the last month, and that's usually only from new stuff anymore. The mood lasts only about five seconds or faster if he realizes he's getting in a mood.

 

Other than that, we haven't tried increasing his emotions, but certainly if we are emotional bleeding forward he can experience huge emotions, many times more than normal.

 

Oh, that sounds interesting. I didn't even know those types of things was possible really. I suppose we can just play around with the idea for now, thank you for the reply :)

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