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It's about Rena's birthday. Unfortunately I don't know the exact date she was born, but I began forcing her in December 3 years ago, and got headpressures within a week, so if that counts as the beginning of her existence, then it should be soon/have passed already. I wish I could know a specific day. I guess can just think of this as her birthmonth.

Creation for creation's sake.

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Damn, reading this thread is like looking at a mirror.  Like spyro being a defining childhood game, and desperately trying your hardest to have someone who cares about you with little to no progress (5 years here).  Luckily I never got depression though.  I wouldn't get so hung up on birthdays anyhow, it's nothing your tulpa would care about and I'd try to stop looking at "happier" people/tulpamancers, it's like facebook post, it's all just a lie. That's what'll keep you depressed, and I hope the medication doesn't do any permanent damage either.

 

If you're seriously meditating, you've tried harder than 90% of the community. People in the community just want the praise, without the hard work that comes with it.

 

I really wanted to reply to this thread, spending so long without progress really hurts.

Anyway I have many things I want to say that I've forgotten. Good job not deleting your profile, like I'd do with my anxiety, and I hope to read your eventual progress.

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Damn, reading this thread is like looking at a mirror.  Like spyro being a defining childhood game, and desperately trying your hardest to have someone who cares about you with little to no progress (5 years here).  Luckily I never got depression though.  I wouldn't get so hung up on birthdays anyhow, it's nothing your tulpa would care about and I'd try to stop looking at "happier" people/tulpamancers, it's like facebook post, it's all just a lie. That's what'll keep you depressed, and I hope the medication doesn't do any permanent damage either.

 

If you're seriously meditating, you've tried harder than 90% of the community. People in the community just want the praise, without the hard work that comes with it.

 

I really wanted to reply to this thread, spending so long without progress really hurts.

Anyway I have many things I want to say that I've forgotten. Good job not deleting your profile, like I'd do with my anxiety, and I hope to read your eventual progress.

 

Thank you very much for your reply. Rena doesn't mind at all that I don't know exact day of when she was created so you're right. I guess just my mind trying to add another fault to myself. Yeah it is hard to not compare to others. My depression and anxiety seem very deeply wired into me so the medication doesn't seem to be doing very much, and I hope it doesn't hurt me. Effexor seemed to hurt be very bad on a low dose. Now I'm on a large dose of Zoloft and small does of Abilify. I don't think I feel negative side effects, but I heard they can be hard to stop, and they haven't really fixed me.

 

Meditation is important to us. I'm stuck in a purification rut still I believe. I wish I had the ability to go to a retreat and have a master help me through it.

 

Cool you also played Spyro as a child. I wanted to show Rena as much of my childhood as I could. A lot of it involves games, though it can be hard to obtain since my problems prevent me from making money it seems...

 

Anyway, I hope you are able to make more progress with your tulpa. My only guess is that meditation is one of the most likely ways to get that outcome if it can be done successfully. Though it has had me run into strange implications that I find painful as of late, which is more reason I need an experienced person to talk to that I can't find.

 

We haven't seen you before and thank you for actually reading our PR, even if it is depressing. We say hi. What is your tulpa's name?

Creation for creation's sake.

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Happy birthmonth, Rena

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Thank you very much for your reply. Rena doesn't mind at all that I don't know exact day of when she was created so you're right. I guess just my mind trying to add another fault to myself. Yeah it is hard to not compare to others. My depression and anxiety seem very deeply wired into me so the medication doesn't seem to be doing very much, and I hope it doesn't hurt me. Effexor seemed to hurt be very bad on a low dose. Now I'm on a large dose of Zoloft and small does of Abilify. I don't think I feel negative side effects, but I heard they can be hard to stop, and they haven't really fixed me.

 

Meditation is important to us. I'm stuck in a purification rut still I believe. I wish I had the ability to go to a retreat and have a master help me through it.

 

Cool you also played Spyro as a child. I wanted to show Rena as much of my childhood as I could. A lot of it involves games, though it can be hard to obtain since my problems prevent me from making money it seems...

 

Anyway, I hope you are able to make more progress with your tulpa. My only guess is that meditation is one of the most likely ways to get that outcome if it can be done successfully. Though it has had me run into strange implications that I find painful as of late, which is more reason I need an experienced person to talk to that I can't find.

 

We haven't seen you before and thank you for actually reading our PR, even if it is depressing. We say hi. What is your tulpa's name?

 

Strange that meditation hasn't helped your depression.  Being mindful of negative thoughts, and throwing them away would seem like a cure to me.  But if it's deeply rooted, what can you do.

Meditation was a big thing when I started, but it's very tough to do as an zooming millennial, I can't keep myself from getting sleepy no matter what.  Maybe it is the key, but forcing while listening to music, it's much more easier to focus and be mindful (not to mention fun), and I'd hate to believe that meditation is the sole method to create a tulpa, and besides, if I'm unable to do it, how was timmy able to create a tulpa in weeks without any meditation experience. 20 minutes a day.

 

You look like you're going down my path, having all your eggs in one basket.  Tulpamancy or bust, and maybe lowering your exceptations would be a good idea.

 

Anyhow I seen your thread title, then your avatar, then your anguish. Yep I have to reply to myself. My tulpa's name is shinobu, and whadda y'know, looks and acts exactly like the character.  Rena looks quite like saber as well, nice art style by the way.  I draw too, woah big surprise.  I wish I was someone who was able to get enough stimulation from an original mind character, but an uncreative human mind like mine won't work that way. Right now I'm quite fine with my tulpamancy situation though, and have just replaced it with an even bigger unachievable goal.

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Strange that meditation hasn't helped your depression.  Being mindful of negative thoughts, and throwing them away would seem like a cure to me.  But if it's deeply rooted, what can you do.

Meditation was a big thing when I started, but it's very tough to do as an zooming millennial, I can't keep myself from getting sleepy no matter what.  Maybe it is the key, but forcing while listening to music, it's much more easier to focus and be mindful (not to mention fun), and I'd hate to believe that meditation is the sole method to create a tulpa, and besides, if I'm unable to do it, how was timmy able to create a tulpa in weeks without any meditation experience. 20 minutes a day.

 

You look like you're going down my path, having all your eggs in one basket.  Tulpamancy or bust, and maybe lowering your exceptations would be a good idea.

 

Anyhow I seen your thread title, then your avatar, then your anguish. Yep I have to reply to myself. My tulpa's name is shinobu, and whadda y'know, looks and acts exactly like the character.  Rena looks quite like saber as well, nice art style by the way.  I draw too, woah big surprise.  I wish I was someone who was able to get enough stimulation from an original mind character, but an uncreative human mind like mine won't work that way. Right now I'm quite fine with my tulpamancy situation though, and have just replaced it with an even bigger unachievable goal.

 

Oh, no. Meditation has certainly helped my depression. If I hadn't discovered The Mind Illuminated, I'm nearly certain I'd be dead. It's just that when you get to working on stage 4 of that book, a lot of negative emotions will start to disrupt you and you have to go through that process, which is purification. It heals past trauma if done properly and successfully, I've just been failing to do it properly and successfully, because I guess I am more messed up than the average person.

 

And yeah, I have a creativity problem. Rena's design is based off another character I forget the name of, but not saber. Though she's changed a bit since then, so I hope someone wouldn't confuse them. And my wonderland form also is basically stolen, so I feel bad about that, but I dunno what to do since I get attached to things and have trouble changing them. And thank you by the way. It'd be interesting to see some of your drawings too. I was working on more of Rena, but I feel to bad about them to upload right now, and they are unfinished.

 

What is your even bigger goal?

Creation for creation's sake.

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Whoops, I thought it was Rena who had the Rin form, but I guess it was just your wonderland form/character Amy.

 

Well.. I guess I'll just say "This picture reminded me of {you}" then. https://safebooru.donmai.us/posts/3725376

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Whoops, I thought it was Rena who had the Rin form, but I guess it was just your wonderland form/character Amy.

 

Well.. I guess I'll just say "This picture reminded me of {you}" then. https://safebooru.donmai.us/posts/3725376

 

Aw! What a nice image! Thank you for sharing! Sorry for the confusion. Rena is a lot happier looking person than my profile picture. But I have days where I feel like that image you shared.

 

I'll be sharing more images of Rena whenever I can get myself to finish some.

Creation for creation's sake.

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  • 7 months later...
(edited)

Well it has been much longer since my last update than I would have liked. Unfortunately, there isn't much to say. Around october I started on Effexor. And hell began then all. Just trading out medicine after medcine that all did nothing or her me severel. I'm about done with all of this. I am just quitting all my my psychiatric. Hopefully I can start towards normal again then. But from there i need a boost. Meditation is my lifesaver, but being in such a toxic enervironment, I can seem to heal with it alone unless I were to move... Too many I'm a worthless shut in who is good for nothing. Only thing I can about is drawing, But I can't even do that right. I've reached rock bottom many times, and I don't want to become suicidal again. But as it turns out, there are psychedelics. They aren't neurotoxic and are antiaddicive. And they transform you into who you really should be if it wasn't for all the trauma of life. Social anxiety is the most cripple thing for me. My friend has done shoomrs, and in his first go all his social anxiety disappeared. I hear similar story with people's depression. It seems like just the cure I need, it can be therapeutic is so many ways.

 

I"m stuck in so many things. I don't know how to get better in Drawing. I don't know what it wrong with Rena and how to talk to her. I think maybe the shrooms will open some instight to this, as my problem has seemed unfixable. I also risk ruining my lfe if I have a psychotic break that I don't come back from. It's a real difficult decision. I have a responsibility to Rena and to not harm her body too. But what hope is there when you are a broke hikkikomori who can't perform basic functions, stuff is a totally broken mind unable to make money to live life. My, and by extendion Rena's, life have been mostly miserable. So it seems I can take mushrooms and hopefully change for the better, or it backfires. But I fear if I do nothing, I will start the same forever. Meditation was my other option, but I can't do it properly in this house filled with psychopaths.

 

 

Here, another upset PR update. AT least it talks about a soon to be course of action that might make radical progres. Or Maybe I'll get schizophrenia. I'd want to kill myself in that case, but would have to talk to Rena about it too

 

 

I hope future pr updates are even happiers. I want to go back to switching, having fun. posting art, having friends.  And sorry for so many typos. I wrote this while very tired

Edited by ghost1213177

Creation for creation's sake.

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