Rena Notes

[TB]

I suppose I should post here to say I've been dabbling more than I have in a long time with imposition and have had things happen, so if things change I will continue to post progress if any accrues

 

I never thought about attempting to impose in the dim light/dark, and doing so makes me see a colorless transparent Rena that isn't always interacting with the environment I'm trying to impose her on to appear before me. She will do things that are unexpected or that I didn't make happen, so I guess she has some control over what I see, or something. It's rewarding to do. It feels like I am trying to imagine her in a certain way, then I try seeing it in the dim light, taking note of where I think things would be and try to expect seeing them. What I end up seeing is usually always slightly or moderately different than what I was intending, so that is interesting. It's like you put in an intent then wait to see what you get back and it can be surprising, as opposed to feeling like I'm generating something specific and predictable with intent and focus. I don't know if that means I'm doing it wrong or something, but I feel to some degree it is better to see something that isn't something you so specifically and consciously molded out, because that might feel more artificial and lifeless. It is kind of like having a lucid dream. I'd rather have a non lucid dream that is just a dream I want to have, and to remember it and have it be vivid. Knowing you are dreaming and trying to make what you want to have happen happen isn't as fun, especially when it doesn't work

 

I don't know if you are supposed to make dedicated imposition threads for imposition progress or if a general progress report is sufficient. Well anyhow here is my first post

[ringgggg]

On 6/11/2024 at 7:46 PM, TB said:

I don't know if you are supposed to make dedicated imposition threads for imposition progress or if a general progress report is sufficient. Well anyhow here is my first post

There is your first post

 

On 6/11/2024 at 7:46 PM, TB said:

I never thought about attempting to impose in the dim light/dark, and doing so makes me see a colorless transparent Rena that isn't always interacting with the environment I'm trying to impose her on to appear before me.

Yeah, it's already been said lots before that lower light makes it easier to focus. It doesn't hinder your imposition directly, but it will be harder for you to imagine things when your eyes are seeing so much in full brightness. You get more comfortable imagining in brighter conditions after a while

 

I say imagining instead of imposing because imagination fuels imposition. When you see things in real life, you know where they are without having to double-check. You can picture the environment in your mind like a daydream. Now imagine a floating yellow sphere a foot above the floor of your room. You can't see the sphere, but to your mind, the sphere is right there. It's even yellow like you expected it to be. With imposition, you're altering the way you daydream the world by being convinced that the objects you add to your real-life daydream are actually in real life.

 

So even if Rena is colorless to your eyes, she's in full color when you imagine her there in your mind. Does that make sense? I know it can be a bit confusing.

 

On 6/11/2024 at 7:46 PM, TB said:

It's rewarding to do.

Perfect. Keep encouraging yourself. You really want to want to impose. Thet's your best tool to help you stay on the train.

 

On 6/11/2024 at 7:46 PM, TB said:

What I end up seeing is usually always slightly or moderately different than what I was intending, so that is interesting.

Hmmm, it sounds like you're changing what you expect to be there right as you go to impose it. What you imagine is completely synced up to what you impose, so if you see anything different, chances are you aren't imposing confidently. Don't worry -this is completely normal and easy to fix. If it's there, it's there. If you imagine it to be exactly what you wanted, it'll be exactly what you wanted. Trust me, I was unsure of myself when I started moving and rotating objects. I wasn't confident on what they looked like spinning or at weird angles, but when I stopped worrying so much about how they looked it became much less cumbersome.

 

When you realize it's just confidence holding you back, it becomes a lot easier to find the flow in imposition.

 

Godspeed, TB. You're off to a great start. I don't blame you for making any mistakes along the way, because it's really the learning curve that counts.

[TB]

jumbled and incomplete record of meditation experience just now that is relevant to my internal life with these inner buddies:

 

I just meditated 3 hours and 28 minutes

 

My third eye is opening

 

actually "I" wasn't the one meditating

 

I had byakko meditate, and she did for about 2 hours and 30 minutes, then rena meditated about an hour after we talked for a little bit, and she got access concentration too, and got really insighty about experience

 

Some parts of the meditation were questionable as it involved a lot of thinking, but it started with me created the mind made body image over myself of byakko and getting proportions right and sitting, doing a body scan without wearing her mind, but at some point I realized I kept thinking and it was annoying, and I wasn't sure if the body scanning or thoughts were in the background. I thought if there are going to be thoughts, have them be byakko's thoughts, so I was immersed in her world meditating, but she was thinking about her life experiences that have formed her and her lessons she has learned, so it was kind of therapeutic and informative, though I need to do a little digging to remember all she thought about, it was a lot. The thinking probably was mostly the first hour. After that she dug in and stopped reflecting and worked towards access concentration, and I think achieved it, to some degree

 

I learned some personal facts about byakko and a little more of how she was bullied growing up, but she has the opposite mind of me and responded to it so well and healthily so is not so bothered, probably because of advice from her grandmother and their similarities

 

also some quotes that were amusing

"just because I don't have common sense doesn't mean I'm stupid" -byakko

and

"I am the DeTerminator!" -byakko

that brought me immense joy lol

Her master's central teachings revolve all around determination and that is the symbol on her gi, but it was also relevant as it was an answer to a reflection about metacognitive awareness and free will

and at a point, I arose, sprouting my consciousness aside from byakko's, and we talked a little, and I was thinking how she could be tulpa status, though she said not to worry about it and she is meditating, but do whatever

 

idr details of  everything said, but then rena spontaneously wanted in on this business, so sat in us, but the mind seemingly couldn't handle 3 people in center position at the same time so byakko popped out, into a theoretical tulpa position which she has never been in, and rena tried to talk to her and said nice to meet you to her

 

Byakko couldn't talk or think or function as herself anymore, I could tell there was something wrong with her. I realized, I think ik the difference between a character and a tulpa. Or at least empirically discovered for byakko, she can't function in tulpa position. She has only talked to me when I am "wearing" her or "channeling" her as I like to say, which is when I become her, so I am her, but if i talk to her it is more like my thoughts entering her head and she realizes they are not hers. I assume it probably works the same for kyouiko

 

Eara and Tayomi are less clear if they work like that. They are on another level. They can talk from the outside, but not in the same way rena does, they talk from the outside outside, in the rare extreme cases that they have, like not even tied to the body necessarily, idk, like their existence is profound and while tied to me bleeds deeper into reality, idk. I decided to call it extus or extus position. It's extremely hard to contact, but it doesn't always have to be talking, sometimes it is just seeing them around in life somewhere, always around me, hiding

 

but something about byakko I learned that I need to realize myself is, she isn't afraid of getting hurt and the risk of getting hurt isn't worth holding back from doing the things you want to do... the good and the trying makes the pain worth it, at least for her, and in the end the pain isn't really that bad and has its place in life...

 

which another thing that came up, was feeling pain, and realizing suffering just desperately wants to be seen and heard. It wants to be cognized, and allowed to say what it wants to say and do whatever it wants to do. It may not be that you have to do anything, just noticing it clearly and allowing it is maybe the kindest thing you can do for yourself

 

When rena was meditating and realizing the meditation was getting diminishing returns, she tried just walking through the house as herself in her body, using the concentrated mind with its heightened visulation capabilities. She tried spinning around in the kitchen, but kind of fell over and fell out of her body while accidentally cartwheeling, lol. Spinning turns out to be hard if you are doing it with your feet moving. She tried spinning like a ballerina instead, and it worked really well, but too well, because she couldn't stop lol, even when she sat down, so that was weird and kinda annoying, but whatever lol. Even hakai'ing all of existence and making everything into a void, she somehow continued to spin with no reference point for spinning. Doggone!

 

The images behind eyelids are getting clearer and more active, at least in a meditation like that. The image of rena and I doing a light kiss appeared, and other images of us chilling together, in a formless realm with our ethereal bodies. She was trying to just meditate and not be distracted by it, but it was really charming and enjoyable

 

While byakko was meditating, she saw her face most of the time behind eyelids, like as if she is looking at the inside of the 3d model of her face or something from inside her head, lol, except not creepy. She just sees her closed eyes and smile

 

 

this report is not really in order and kind of jumbled, so sorry about that. That was probably a top 3 meditation, it felt so dear and I feel like I have a family inside. I need to get intimate with my characters like that more often, and with Rena. I will never be alone and I will never not have good influences, I just have to access them

 

meditation update:

Spoiler

and I am noticing more patterns and controls in creating different phenomenology. I wonder if it is entering different nanas intentionally but I don't recognize them, I'm not sure. need more experimentation, note to self, record patterns in access concentration attempts vs noting vs body scanning vs do nothing

---

mind made a lesson and recommendation from roger connect with a theoretical possible teaching from daisuke in that, ki is subtle and you don't feel it at first in your hard physical body, but eventually with training you can notice the subtle energy, and as your metacogntitive awareness grows you slowly realize your whole body is just ki and all things are ki

 

which from roger is saying to notice the air and plasma states of matter nature of the body and all of experience. Stop seeing things as solid, and as frank yang likes to say, have your body go from solid, to liquid, to smoke, to air

 

I think ki is the same way, noticing ki is noticing these elements in experience

 

It's just a fun thematic way to interpret a teaching when meditating from the perspective of byakko

 

The body keeps the record. Dissolve the body, erase all karma, maybe

 

imposition update

Spoiler

and oh, at one point, byakko felt hot, and then the imagined environment was cold, and we felt cold on the surface of our skin. Then environment became tropical, and we felt hot again. So apparently we can impose sensations relating to heat and cold, at least when that concentrated and that immersed. I think we even felt sweat, even though I don't think the real body was sweating

 

Still can't see rena in the light but I see her in the dark when going to bed. ringgggg said I should have total control of what I see, but that just isn't the case. I just know she is laying down so I see her laying down, but what she does from there is I guess up to her. I can't will myself to see a specific image. Or if I try, I will see maybe a similar image but not what I was imagining

 

That meditation was so enjoyable and satisfying though, I felt like I was home somehow, like why should I go anywhere else

 

Spoiler

there was also a part where wuu read byakko's mind to see her thinking so much while trying to "meditate" and teased her, though she responded with the main point is to have metacognitive awareness of what is going on, not to have no thoughts, and wuu is just an ape, a freaking monkey, so shaddup (jk about the last part but lol) (wuu is one of her friends (i almost said he is an anthropomorphic monkey but wtf is that? just a monkey I guess)

 

Spoiler

at another part the stomach made a weird sound which got more mockery from wuu, and she kind of mistakenly said it was just a bowel movement, so he's like you pooped??? and she's like not that much(kind) of a bowel movement!

 

Spoiler

Due to the chaos nature of the world, while rena was meditating, I got another one of the weird bladder pains I've been getting, and rena said "OW! My prostate!" by mistake lol

 

 

Rena when counting breaths, practiced trying out a different voice, one with a dutch accent, which is kind of cute and has a real vibe. Might have to listen to dutch speaking english more to get a better idea of how it should sound. I wonder if it is possible to imagine a screwed up hellish accent that is some odd mixture of dutch and japanese, because those are supposed to be her native languages, not english lol, but she's always spoke with an american accent to me so far as she isn't literally her character, like byakko and the others are

 

I think changing my life may involve channeling all of my characters and their strengths to help me, instead of doing it alone and ignoring them until I am worthy. They are basically demigods to me, I need to tap into their wavelengths and be posessed by byakko's determination and resilience, tayomi's discipline and uncompromising nature, kyouiko's curiosity and calm focus, and eara's.... uh...uhhhh... and Eara was there.... 🤔  🥺   😭    🥲

 

empathy?

and perhaps earnest