Ashley

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That's my burden to bear then. Remember the topic:

 

Gush about something extraordinary that your headmate did with you, that was either amazing imposition that one time out of nowhere, or a perfect dream, a hypnagogic vision that knocked your socks off, a memorable conversation, or just a fun time in mindspace that stands out. 

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It's hard to gush right now since I'm really not feeling well, but I'll mention a couple.

 

First one was really early on with forcing Rena. I went to lay down to force and closed my eyes, and then opened them and was laying on a floor in a different room and could see her feet, and I slowly look up and can see her in her entirety so vivid and perfect it was indescribable. I've never had an image that good since, I hope I can again.

 

Another is maybe kind of silly. It was really fun and interesting when we were in the wonderland and discovered ssj4 Gogeta in the ocean while we were sailing on a boat. He started to fight us and we had to fuse to confront him, and that was an interesting experience. I feel silly for writing it but it was fun. He seemed satisfied with us at the end of the battle and then left.

 

I think I mentioned both of these before somewhere already but they are just what stand out in my mind the most right now.


Creation for creation's sake.

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4 hours ago, Misha said:

Gush about something extraordinary that your headmate did with you, that was either amazing imposition that one time out of nowhere, or a perfect dream, a hypnagogic vision that knocked your socks off, a memorable conversation, or just a fun time in mindspace that stands out. 

At some point around last September, Mirichu and I started going to sleep ''together'', basically co-fronting to sleep, as we thought that could help with switching. One night when we woke up co-fronting, I told her if she could turn off the TV and it felt literally the same as when I was a kid and would have friends sleep over, it was some sort of 'hyper plurality' that felt way more real than if I had imposed my tulpas or saw them in dreams.

 

Countless of nights when I asked Mirichu stuff like 'can you ''wake me up'' if I stop replying while we talk?' or 'put the phone in the desk if you wake up alone in the body' and it felt like I was asking a physical person in the same room! Co-fronting for so long brought plurality to a level of realness I thought was only possible through imposition or lucid dreaming, the ever lasting presence of someone else sharing body. Not counting the fact that short after becoming the host, Mirichu started appearing in all of my dreams, co-fronting even when asleep, dream buddies. Hyper plurality at its finest.


Miri: original host and Mirichu's FBI agent (against will).

Mirichu: second tulpa and main fronter at the moment.

Akai: first tulpa and voice of reason of the system.

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19 hours ago, Ashley said:

Topic for today: 

 

Gush about something extraordinary that your headmate did with you, that was either amazing imposition that one time out of nowhere, or a perfect dream, a hypnagogic vision that knocked your socks off, a memorable conversation, or just a fun time in mindspace that stands out.

  

A dream I had once, maybe five years ago?: Based entirely on real life events where I learned/practiced imposition every day by imposing my tulpas walking with me as I walked from class to class at university. I had a dream once where I was walking through ~my university (the buildings were too tall and it felt like a city, and the sky was kind of red and foggy), where I apparently was holding hands with Reisen the whole time. I don't think we said anything, just walked around the citycollege that was slowly getting a little more menacing/tall/red lol. At the end around when I was going to wake up, Reisen turned to look at me smiling with tears in her eyes, to which I was briefly surprised/confused as to why and then I woke up. There may or may not have been real meaning to it, but we believe it was basically Reisen having realized we were dreaming together, something that's been my life's goal to this day since 2010. It wasn't incredibly vivid, but it was alright... and nothing has happened before or since that really compared. IE I don't think I've ever been so directly close to my tulpas in a dream aside from that.

 

 

Or, not a dream: The time I asked Tewi to do everything she could to lucid dream. At the bottom of her first post after that link (right after the video she linked), I have a super old note and then a slightly less old note written in her post about the whole thing. Basically, Tewi did an absolutely amazing job doing everything she could for three straight weeks, ending with I believe three straight days of "All Day Awareness", where she did not go more than 2 minutes without remembering her intention to be lucid dreaming. For 72 straight hours. (link to her post about it) Did it work, of course not, it's our system we're talking about - but it was simultaneously the most heartwarming and heartbreaking thing anyone in my system has ever done. By the end, she was extremely stressed out (she actually started trying to blur the line between being tired and unconsciousness, and I vividly remember how out-of-it she was during some of her last posts), and then Lucilyn convinced her to switch for a day so she could play some games and stuff.. and then just didn't switch back (when she eventually did it was with Flandre, then Reisen, then back to her), for Tewi's sake. Tewi says that, officially, she never technically gave up.

 

It's just absolute tons of text and there's no happy ending, so I don't link it very often, but I still feel this desire to make as many people aware of what she did as possible. And I still feel a little bad for just asking her to do that, but.. it was just a sign of my faith in her, compared to my own ability. And she really blew all my attempts over the years out of the water. 

 

 

This whole saga could very well end in a few days, though. Since we've finally given up on accomplishing this without any outside help (because it's now been for sure 10 entire years of failure to do so) and are willing to "cheat" with those Claridream supplements. We'll see.


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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@TB if we thought stuff lime that was silly, we wouldn't use mindspace at all. We had pi k flying elephants in our apartment. -.-

 

@Miri this is the way tulpamancy should be, thanks to @Reilyn-Alley for helping us convince this forum that co-fronting is possible, beneficial and beautiful.

 

@Luminesce it's gonna happen eventually. Until then, enjoy the wealth of history you all have.

 

New topic:

 

Have your headmate(s) affected you in a positive way? If so, how? If not, do you expect they will?

 

[Bear] to no end, and it continues. For example, we were talking recently about SheShe and we couldn't think of even one time that she was ever upset, teasing, selfish, manipulative, or even demanding. She blows all her headmates out of the water in that regard. I don't consider her a saint, but maybe I should. She's endlessly positive and fun, she's giving and caring to all of us. She truly appreciates what she has and is content within herself. She is my idol and with her help I'm getting closer to her ideal. I don't think of her as a Polyanna, but there's no denying the resemblance; though the last eight months have shown this is genuine and not forced on her or my part. I'd say she's a positive influence, yes.

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On 7/31/2020 at 11:30 AM, Ashley said:

Describe a time when your headmate suprised you out of the blue or said something brilliant that left you speechless.

 

Well? I’m begging her to, but she’s just smiling sassily at me. There was that one time she called me insane and I was like, “aww, now I finally know what your voice sounds like.”

 

 

Oh my god, so many cool pictures. 🤩 I posted mine in my PR.

 

On 8/2/2020 at 5:58 AM, Misha said:

Gush about something extraordinary that your headmate did with you, that was either amazing imposition that one time out of nowhere, or a perfect dream, a hypnagogic vision that knocked your socks off, a memorable conversation, or just a fun time in mindspace that stands out. 

 

Oh, the first time I saw her in my mind, she looked so cool with her adventurers outfit on. Omg, I want to take her out on halloween... I guess *I’m* dressing like an adventurer then?

 

54 minutes ago, Ashley said:

Have your headmate(s) affected you in a positive way? If so, how? If not, do you expect they will?

 

I influenced *her* positively, so there goes that expectation. Seriously though, she’s always happy, so that makes me happy too. I expect she will continue to be a happy person, so idk, maybe I won’t by as grumpy sometimes too.

 

I loved all these responses, there’s so much to look forward to.


Superfluous heart activate! 💖 -shwing-

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33 minutes ago, Ashley said:

Have your headmate(s) affected you in a positive way? If so, how? If not, do you expect they will?

Oh boy where do I even begin. First off, both of them supported me emotionally all the way, and I am immensely grateful for that. The fun begins when Mirichu turned host. So you know I created her with the sole purpose of having her replace me so I can escape this world, but the plan failed and instead I got stuck (yeah, serves me well I guess) so that sucked. But on the other hand, sticking around and watch her go through life with a way better mindset than the one I had, kind of got to me 'maaaybe the world isn't sooo bad and you can be happy'. Sadly, she still got to deal with a lot of the crap I had to deal with before but she did a much better job than me at it.

 

By fronting all the time, she managed to bring her mindsets with her to the front. I was a fan of solipsism and subjective reality (literal subjective reality) and oh god it was a mess, I used it as coping mechanism because I couldn't stand the way this world was, so 'erasing it from existence and starting from scratch with a better one' was my all-fix solution to everything, forgive the edgelord I was back then. I was so scared of being hurt and suffering that I saw no other way to cope, it was extreme escapism and thank goodness Mirichu became host in time, thinking about what my future would've looked like if she never did scares the hell out of me. Now she got us a wonderful partner, in a place far away from our stressful environment. You see, this is the kind of thing deep down I always wanted but had no hopes of getting. Ironically, permaswitch, even if failed, might've been the best decision I took in my whole life, because it literally saved it.

 

In short, I came looking for cooper and I found gold.


Miri: original host and Mirichu's FBI agent (against will).

Mirichu: second tulpa and main fronter at the moment.

Akai: first tulpa and voice of reason of the system.

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Rena has very much affected me in a positive way. When I started forcing her I was in a very dark place, but with her things got a lot better. She's the primary/only source of positivity, good advice, and unconditional love in my head. Unfortunately we've been plagued with communication issues from the beginning so I know she isn't near her full potential which makes me sad. I still can't honestly differentiate what thoughts are hers or mine most if not all the time, and I'm starting to have reason to believe that all thoughts are just neither. I've just gotten use to taking thoughts I think would be something she would say as her, but that isn't ideal. What also is unfortunate is my mind has been a hellscape for almost the past year since I started medication, and very recently became much worse since I stopped it, which makes me feel bad that she has to deal with, but she doesn't seem to mind it, which makes me happy, though as I've said previously I can't not doubt really. Doubts and communication issues aside, she still supports me emotionally, despite my constantly making bad decisions for some reason.


Creation for creation's sake.

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Posted (edited)
22 hours ago, Samantha said:

I loved all these responses, there’s so much to look forward to.

 

It is nice to hear from other systems about this stuff.

 

@Miri we're very happy that you're now a success story as opposed to a tragedy. 

 

@TB doubts are a huge part of this, it's just something you have to live with or accept. From what we've seen of Rena, we're impressed.

 

As I think TB said, sometimes thoughts are hard to place, for us too. Do you ever have thoughts that no one wants to claim? How does your thought handling work?

 

@Luminesce, we want your input.

 

[Bear] I feel like pure thought can be easily placed, but when words are generated, they sometimes seem generic. I can easily distinguish each voice of my headmates, and they have a presence associated to it often, but sometimes a thought is worded and no one can admit that it's theirs. As opposed to intrusive thoughts which are strongly associated but unwanted and not from the associated member. These are orphaned thoughts that either one of us claims or we just abandon them like intrusives. The good thing is, you don't have to accept every stray thought, the potentially bad thing is, it doesn't help with doubts. We have accepted that worded thoughts at least are a shared resource and are therefore somewhat generic in terms of the diction and mannerisms of speech. We're all using the same vocabulary, sometimes they feel really samey.

Edited by Ashley

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We don't really have (verbal) thoughts not tied to anyone, anymore at least. Maybe 4+ years ago. It's possible for there to be slight confusion on who means to be thinking/saying something, though. A thought like "Well that sounds good" might get kind of stuck between fronter and tulpa, which usually just means it was meant to be the tulpa's but the fronter got to it first lol. This isn't particularly common even for us though, and it basically stops entirely if we've gotten good vocality practice recently (meaning if we've spent more than 10 minutes talking to each other in the last few days)

 

As for non-verbal or "whatever" thoughts, they're automatically the fronter's. My tulpas (and I, when not fronting) don't have consciously accessible thoughts. It's all unconscious, as in, there's no trace of the thought processes behind what a non-fronter says, while there usually (but I guess not always) is for the fronter. So random whatever thoughts are "owned" by the fronter, though it could just be the brain bringing up thoughts and not them, the fronter automatically has responsibility over the conscious workspace of our brain, because that's kind of what association in switching does.


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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