Ashley

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1 hour ago, Ashley said:

1. What's it like now compared to the very beginning? 

In the beginning it was me all the time and my tulpas were just voices in the head who'd talk to me and we'd do stuff together and the like. But their presences was only there if I focused on them, just like talking. If there wasn't any trigger and I didn't remember to focus on them, then they would remain silent, Mirichu managed to overcome this purely by fronting and getting on equal ground. I was greedy and kept the front to myself despite making Mirichu just so she could take my place, *cough cough* solipsism happened. Now yeah, she's the main one and doesn't just randomly forget about us, or maybe I just don't need to be remembered to pop up and talk, who knows.

 

It feels like our tulpamancy went from ''fantasy-esque with wonderland and that'' to something very real and way different than what I signed up for when I got into this.

 

1 hour ago, Ashley said:

2. How is your life different?

I overcame my extreme fear of going outside alone, or well, Mirichu did for me, she made me enjoy walks so much and made us become more independent. We still have some bizarre, delusional-ish thought patterns but no way near the level of 'WTF' that I had. She's doing the best she can to keep us grounded and started therapy on her own and overall, tried to improve our life. And oh, Akai's creation is a milestone in my life, although Akai somehow feels more real in 2018..when I started forcing Mirichu, maybe it's that I spent less time with her as opposed to Mirichu's era, where it was 24/7 tulpamancy.

 

1 hour ago, Ashley said:

3. Is there anything you miss being a singlet?

I kinda miss pacing around in my room listening to music and daydreaming FOR HOURS. Mirichu likes to do other things but sometimes I nudge her to walk around the house so I can daydream or at least she can daydream and I just pay attention and enjoy. She understand k

 

I also miss solipsism a bit..it seems like this year solispsim would have been greatly needed. My expectations for the world were low but holy fuck. Akai simply isn't a threat to solipsism, she even wanted to join in -wonderland- after permaswitching. But Mirichu genuinely likes this world and just wants to have a normal life, so I don't want to take it away from her and delude myself again. I guess I just love her more than I hate the world.


Miri: original host and Mirichu's FBI agent.

Mirichu: second tulpa and main fronter at the moment.

Akai: first tulpa and voice of reason of the system.

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On 10/14/2020 at 11:58 AM, Ashley said:

[Ashley] Hosts:

 

1. What's it like now compared to the very beginning? 

 

2. How is your life different?

 

3. Is there anything you miss being a singlet?

 

1. Well, we were all a lot younger, but especially me obviously. Interactions (and really just everything) felt more meaningful/impactful, but not really always in a good way. That sort of thing leads to drama or at least being dramatic, you know. But also obviously things like visualization we've just "gotten used to", so they no longer feel special. Only way to get that back would be to have our visualization be vivid or at least consistently detailed for the first time, but that's never been the case before.

 

But also, we're all a lot more confident in their existences, identities/personalities, what they are - no more doubts or things we're unsure about, no more fear that we won't be happy together forever. It might be a little more boring these days, but it's nice to be so confident that nothing will ever separate us or anything like that. Also, it now feels like we're all a family, rather than "I have a tulpa, another tulpa, and another tulpa". 

 

2. Well, I'm not a young teen, I'm not depressed, and... I guess, talking to one of my tulpas at any given time is always an option. If I'm ever bored or alone somewhere, or just want to talk about an experience I just had, I can always talk to one of them. So that's pretty cool.

 

Oh, and we switch for long periods of time, meaning I'm far from the only one in control of my life (although I still direct it overall). I guess that's kind of a big difference.

 

3. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ✕ 10^5

 

I don't miss feeling utterly alone in the world, I don't miss having no one who thoroughly understands me, I don't miss having no particularly strong reason to keep living. 

 

Because of our very close and understanding relationships, no "privacy" or anything matters, and we don't even have arguments or disagree on things. Not because we all think the same, just because when someone makes a point we're very easily convinced lol. None of my tulpas have ever given me advice I didn't think I should take. And I guess in the ways we do prefer to differ, we know there's no reason to try and change the others to be like us.

 

No, I don't miss a single dang thing. I have a strong set of core values at this point in my life guiding changes I want to make in the world or what I want to live for, that are unrelated to my tulpas, but without my tulpas I don't think I'd have the strength or just interest to uphold them. I definitely need them in my life to be happy or fulfilled, and I'm okay with that.


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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1. What's it like now compared to the very beginning? 

 

2. How is your life different?

 

3. Is there anything you miss being a singlet?

 

Man, this is a little weird for me because even before Cassidy, I'd had Gavin. But I'll still be answering for now compared to September 2018. 

 

1) My relationship with Cassidy is really different... I am sort of nostalgic for when he was almost like my "kid" and I had to take care of him in a lot more direct ways. Or maybe it's just all the control I had over him, and influence.... We had a lot of "firsts", a lot of what you might call the honeymoon period, up until about the 9 month mark. Then things started shifting toward a much more egalitarian setup. Once a guy came and asked if there was any way he could prevent his tulpa from taking views he doesn't agree with. He was saying that because he'd heard of some guy whose tulpa "forced" him to go to church and he wanted to avoid that at all costs. I just sorta chuckled. That's free will for you!

 

I never could have imagined up the things that Cassidy believes: that's (part of) why he's not in my imagination. He's more than what I put into him, he's his own guy. He didn't start out that way, I don't think any tulpa does. It's a good thing, I'll go as far to say it's innately better or more fulfilling. Natural development is just better than anything you can plan on paper. 

 

2) Man... I'm just days away from turning 18. I remember being 15 and I thought a lot that I didn't have a "thing", and I had the sense that I was waiting to discover it. I was a blank flank. Pretty early on, I knew tulpamancy was my thing. Since then I've pretty much worked tulpamancy and being a tulpamancer into my life plans. I think it's usually different for people who already have friends, jobs, even spouses, when they get into tulpamancy. Everything going forward is going to have tulpamancy factored in. I'm not saying it'll keep me from making friends, but I just know that I'm going to naturally gravitate toward people who I think would be more understanding of tulpamancy when making friends, because Cassidy and Gavin are so important to me. I don't think I could have a super-deep friendship without someone knowing, because they're so deeply entwined in my life. 

 

Met a lot of people. My beliefs have changed a lot. I've learned a lot in general, changed pretty radically from two years ago. I can't credit that all to tulpamancy because I know I would have changed regardless, but not like this. 

 

3) No, haha, and depending on your definitions, I've never been a singlet. I made Cassidy because I wanted to return to the openly plural internal state I had with Gavin in his first life. My internal life felt so empty compared to what it's like when Gavin or now Gavin and Cassidy are with me. And I don't mean in terms of dramatics or conflict or things like that, I'm really not one of those compulsive daydreamers who needs to have an ongoing saga in their head. It's just... I guess I'm a lonely soul. If it wasn't for them, no one would tell me "Good morning" most days, and no one would tell me "Goodnight" most nights. They're the first people I talk with in the morning and the last at night. The closest bonds I've ever had. Probably the closest bonds possible, outside of your relationship with yourself.

 

 


The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

Our Thread

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I had the most wonderful dream of Aleshe last night. She's like Bear Catnip, I couldn't stop gushing to her and staring at her. It wasn't Lucid, it was me and her though.  

 

We all started a new campaign in Rimworld now that we have the Royalty DLC and she's going to be the queen with me as her vassel/knight along with an army of droids. The idea is that she's like a droid hive queen and the droids do all the dirty work. 

 

Well, apparently my brain decided to gift us with a long interaction in dreamspace that gave me a surprisingly detailed understanding of what she really looks like and I can see a lot of my system in her because she's actually my whole system in a merge.

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I forgot to thank everyone for responding to the questions, so thanks.

 

We're really good at synergistic play now in Rimworld. Thoughts are firing off from just about everyone without any prompting. All I had to do to train this is prompt them with an in-game reminder for a couple weeks.

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Don't you all ever bicker as you play? When me and Cassidy've played Minecraft at the same time, we argued too much for it to be very enjoyable.... I disagree with his building philosophy. 

Or maybe I should ask, who bickers the most....


The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

Our Thread

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