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Yea I get a mental brick wall that pops up randomly when I want to say something. Sometimes I'll stutter or just not speak at all. Usually when I'm tired, stressed, uncomfortable, self conscious, etc. I'm okay (I hope) with social cues but it's iffy if I don't know the social group super well. I never know fully when appropriate to interrupt or interject because I don't want to be rude or talk over anyone but I also want to share my thoughts. That's why I almost prefer texting sometimes. Certainly that over doing phone calls. I'm telephobic for some reason I guess 😄. Maybe because I never feel prepared for them and it's awkward carrying my phone around listening trying to do literally anything else.

 

On Gweneth's question, I have had before that someone gave me the okay to talk about something or do something but internally it still felt wrong or presumptuous or that I shouldn't want to. I think it's related to that feeling of wanting to run away from appointments or planned events. Maybe it's some sort of low-key fight or flight response to social interaction or stepping outside of my routine. 

 

Hm, didn't know it was self-assessment day. 🤔

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[Ashley] Today we were practicing trying to enter hypnagogia and somehow I spawned in as a guy. Bear did not approve.

 

Also, all of Bear's dreams are filled with bugs. We can't figure that one out.

 

Lastly Bear's been having mini-sleep paralysis except he doesn't get paralyzed so it's really just weird noises or vibrations and aliens chasing him. It's creepy as f***. Again, no idea why. Anyway he managed to spawn Misha next to him in bed and rolled over to touch her amidst the ominous presence which was pretty brave and also proved there was no "paralysis".

 

[Misha] he actually felt me, heat and softness, so that's neat! 

 

[Joy] Insecurities perhaps. Though it's quite a stretch, it may have something to do with changing laws regarding EVs and small engines. 

 

[Ashley] That's literally all Bear is insecure about. Well also that he got bit like 20 times by mosquitos which are somehow now a thing here. It seems more plausible that the bug dreams are because of that then aliens. Though bugs are kinda alien, hmm. 

 

[Joy] That does sound more plausibe, but still not great.

 

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Today Bear's dreams took an even more nightmarish turn, somehow having to live at his childhood home which was nightmarish enough but it was worse in a very strange and embarrassing way that I'm not saying. 

 

We talked about it and felt like it was a result of lack of empathy on Bear's part. Essentially Bear didn't console Bear when Bear was legitimately crying in his dream. While Bear was looking for support, Bear told him to stop crying and basically toughen up. Well Bear felt like that was a missed opportunity to release stress.

 

Aaaand Bear had basically just done this to his major client but not in a crying sort of way, it's hard to explain but it's appropriate symbolically. It's a long story.

 

Also more bug dreams, like it's a meme for us now. If we had time Bear wanted to color a group of cockroaches blue, pink, brown and amber.

 

Instead, enjoy a break with this.

 

Chocolate-Covered-Scorpian.jpg

 

We heard recently that eating bugs with their exoskeletons intact is actually not good for humans because we have no way to break down chitin and it can easily become an irritant or develope an allergy.

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Well at least you had some interesting dreams. We can't recall any lately.

 

Chitin is basically cellulose. Very hard to digest but no problem for humans. On the contrary, it's one of those dietary fibers. Mushrooms are also mostly made of chitin. Never heard of developing allergies from eating chitin, a lot of peoples eat insects. It's only a potential allergen when you breathe it in as a dust. So don't huff bugs. The classic crustacean and mollusk allergy is against proteins, not chitin.

 

I've never eaten any arthropods or molluscs and I don't plan on doing so. We've regularly seen that famous scorpion in Asia, both deep fried and in chocolate but uh...

 

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31 minutes ago, Ido said:

Chitin is basically cellulose. Very hard to digest but no problem for humans.

 

We might have heard it wrong the first time so we found the source and what we heard exactly was "prolonged consumption of insect chitin can cause irritation." 

 

So you're more right than we are, still not letting Bear eat cricket burgers.

 

Here's a fun fact, some termites may taste like peanut butter, yum and ants work instead of pepper. Luckily Bear doesn't like pepper.

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[Ashley] We discussed a bug free dream! 

 

Bear moved to a new house that was on the bay I mean like his front door was 1 inch above sea-level.

 

He wondered if storm surges would be a problem but then got distracted by the cave system that came with the house with big enough passages to drive his truck. Covered parking!

 

Before the whole bug dream sequence he would just dream about NSFW related but mostly wholesome stuff.

 

[Joy] Curious that he hasn't encountered any mosquitoes for a while and no bug dreams.

 

[Ashley] yes, that was pretty obvious in hindsight bugs = bugs... and aliens. And no more sleep paralysis, minus paralysis.  

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More dreams about wholesome NSFW, so yeah. I guess being bitten two dozen times in August after not even once in 10 years caused Bear's dreams to all skew toward nightmares. 

 

The nights are dipping back below 60F and the mosquitos are apparently gone now.

 

We've been discussing what's next for us since Bear's pretty well "fixed" from our perspective.

 

We still have some wonderland fun and we all pretty much mash together when playing games. It's not required to specifically ask one of us what we think because we all chime in, not just me, though I like to chime in during battles and Misha comes forward during creative times especially for color and decorating, while Gwen likes to forage and organize, Joy and SheShe will usually get interested if there's something diplomatic happening and Ren only usually if there's a chance of NSFW or romance stuff. (Think woohooing in Sims).

 

We're not involved in Bear's IRL life, like at all, and that has always been okay with us.

 

 

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Bear's self ban from Reddit among others has left us with the realization that there was something else inside him. There's a sort of stub, I don't know how to describe it other than a partially formed aspect that was fed as we were appalled by the negativity and toxicity of the division and derision.

 

Something in that partial aspect was affecting those accounts that were allowed autonomy to indulge for experimental reasons. 

 

This post sounds more grandiose than I intended but we were looking for something to do so we searched for something just like this and realized it was right under our noses.

 

So was this partial aspect always there or was it created recently, say in the past year in particular, and was it growing? These are only questions we can speculate on currently until we find another data point. Only shadow work can determine that and there was a lot of similar evidence in the past but nothing yet that can be tied to this.

 

The formation of a negative aspect wouldn't be tolerated and that's precisely why Bear triggered the self ban. Unfortunately our experiments might have proven more useful given this new light. 

 

So the next task for us is to draw out whatever this is but in an isolated way to determine the roots. Nothing you will see here obviously.

 

This post is just mostly self-reflection but it wouldn't hurt to ask if there are any other perspectives on this subject since you've all had experience with thoughtforms and whatever this is might qualify as a stub of a thoughtform. 

 

Namely, has anyone experienced an unformed source of negativity, something that feeds on that type of activity?

 

Any mention of DID will be ignored. We've exhausted that avenue of discovery and we're missing nearly all key factors involved. 

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Hmm, isn't it merely a natural reaction to an increasingly hostile environment? A very human thing to do. Needless to say you're right - such primitive and ultimately pointless emotions cannot be tolerated. But what to do?

 

A common advice is to simply not concern yourself with things and events beyond your control and focus on what you can do but this poses the threat of becoming increasingly detached to reality. Witnessing and acknowledging what's happening in the world without letting it get under your skin seems more of a healthy goal - but hard. From my experience such raw emotions are not part of host but classic BodyOS stuff. You know, unconscious processing of sensoric stimuli, limbic system, yada yada...

And this things are not easily controlled or overwritten. But just being aware and treating them as what they are should help.

 

So I have little advice beyond what you already know and are surely better in than me with your shadow work. Identify negative emotions, deconstruct and rationalize negative emotions, transform negative emotions into something productive. Generally don't argue with people on the internet.

 

And ofc lots of yelling at host as soon as he even considers committing wrongthink.

 

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