Ashley's Lounge

[Redacted System]

I'm good thanks! :)

[Ashley]

Hey Jamie, if some of your alters are from the past, could one or more be from the future? That would explain the prophetic intuition.

[Jamie]

When you play a flashback cutscene in a video game, are you in the past? Maybe within the experience, but not outside of it. Alters that are "stuck" get unstuck, and are generally much happier when they get updated to the now. Gavin's still 12 :/

 

Mu says, within wonderland, she's 26, but it's important to realize we all only have 16 or fewer years of experience to access. And Nu goes with 28, and Tau says 60. She looks good for 60. They all kinda look like my grandmothers, in certain ways...

 

Wouldn't that be freaky? An alter who thinks they're you from the future? What happens when the date they think they came from, comes to pass?

I mean... I guess that's what it felt like for Minty and Queenie and Tile. "Hello, you are not dead, I'm also you and I'm like... a lot older. Also a guy." Everyone hopped very quickly on that last point, for the most part. I think I would have loved if someone just, started treating me as a boy.

 

You don't think about how many things you write your name on, until you have a new name and you can't... stop... finding things with the old one... why did I have to write in Sharpie on my sewing machine? All my old Pokemon games. Oh boy.

 

Weeeeekend.

 

I thought way too much about that. Do I have alters from the past? What does that mean? What's an integrated identity even like? You, just, know things about your identity? About twice a year, I'm a completely different person, basically a stranger to my predessesor. I'll know when it happens, I'll reflect and go "I have 0 identity" and rebuild from there as if I woke up in a stranger's life. I become Jamie because I'm Jamie, duh. I've said this for a very long time. Now... I realize, maybe that's a plural thing. When I was 12 I thought it was just derealization. But... idk. All the conversationalists recall those events when trying to answer "what's my first memory as an individual?" Wandering around my house, feeling like a complete stranger, and coming to terms with being Jamie. It's no biggie though, you get caught up in like two days, a week max. Derealization is definitely involved.

 

Do people really feel like they've been one person since the start? I doubt it. -J

[Bear]

Part of me feels the same. Based on our experience with merging, I feel like a newer stronger personality merged with me twice now, about a decade apart.

[Ember.Vesper]

Do people really feel like they've been one person since the start? I doubt it. -J

 

Yes. I absolutely feel that I've been just me all along. I strongly identify with the opinions, actions, and emotions that I've experienced through all thirty-seven years of my exceptional memory.

 

On the other hand, my ex-wife thinks I'm an alter with a radically different personality than the woman she married. But then my parents and my best friend, who I've known sixteen years, haven't noticed a change any more than I have.

 

Based on our experience with merging, I feel like a newer stronger personality merged with me twice now, about a decade apart.

 

The most shocking part of merger for us was that the mergers were born without any trace of emotional connection to our identities or memories. While they clearly contained important parts of us, other critical parts of us just went dormant for the duration.

 

For years, I believed that nothing was lost when DID systems integrated, that every component of every alter was contained in the whole. Now, having experimented with merger and watched my ex-wife and her other wife go through integration, I think important parts could very easily get lost and not be missed.

 

-Ember

[Ranger]

I don't want to be in any community that would ban for something like that simply being associated with you on an unrelated site. Unless you linked it there, they removed it and warned you not to, and then you did it more, that's not an okay reason to ban.

 

I don't even feel like getting into the morals of it. It's just stupid.

 

I agree with Tewi, the ban is stupid. They should have given you a lot more warning.

 

I probably shouldn't dump my thoughts out here because I'm still reviewing that guide, I don't know. I think the questions you raise Jamie should be given a thread of their own.

 

Do people really feel like they've been one person since the start? I doubt it. -J

 

I think of myself as one person, but I don't really remember what I was like in the past. Everything before late middle school feels like a blur, but part of it was I didn't have any strong feelings or opinions on anything. I feel like the person I am started existing in high school once I started learning who I was.

 

I don't have much news... One of my systemmembers Laryx changed his name to Exabier. In retrospect, I wonder if Darlene inspired him to move forward with it.

[Misha]

We're just polishing up by settling old arguments. Ashley is very pleased, though Bear's probably always going to call her by her nickname.

 

Darlene is very happy that Bear is calling her 'Darling' again. "Ashley" is an epic name, almost as epic as "Misha" ;) so Bear used it over 'Darling' because it's just so 'smooth'. "Darling" is super smooth, but no one but Bear is tolerated to call her that, and she calls him "Love" it's their thing. Though I have beem calling him "Love" too, not everyone in the system wants to call him that publicly though.

 

[Joy] "Love" is the nickname of a drug we used in my lore. It must have simulated Oxytocin, but added more euphoria and removed all inhibitions. It was a very dangerous drug to take without at least one sober person there to keep things from getting crazy. There were "Love houses" that were absolutely filthy and wrecked but with a constant supply of Love, no one could be bothered to care. People were using ripped carpet for blankets... it's interesting how strong those memories are.

 

[bear] I officially lost 10 lbs. 5 more to go. This low carb diet is actually really easy and what it really does that works is not starve you, but keep you fron eating empty calories. You're forced to eat fruit instead of sweets and you don't get that sugar over-response.

 

Benefits for not being above 200 for me: no back pain when sleeping, no snoring (I would wake myself up), I'm not hungry all the time, I don't think about snacking, and I don't graze at work, and dangit they have donuts, candy, and always foreign treats like from Japan and other asian countries. It's so hard to pass up a bright yellow wrapped thing with bold red writing.

 

 

[Ashley] I need to taste that cheerful hamster curry!

 

[bear] It's empty calories, there's probably just artificial hamster flavorings anyway.

[Jamie]

It's pretty dark, but Love reminded me of drooz in The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas, this piece of flash fiction.

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/d317/ba42f5716881c691d652672f66de87b4d677.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwijxvyH6pvkAhUFnKwKHVxDD7IQFjABegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw25dQRulzUP3KJd6fFhAoDQ

 

Fruit is always banging and good work on resisting the office snacks. -J

[Ashley]

We'll have to read that, thanks Jamie

[Ranger]

Between the two of us, I may be more prone to junk food than Cat. I hope that doesn't cause us a problem later...