Is this progress? - noises in head

[KariSuzuno]

Okay so, ive been doing this on and off for a good while and recently i finally got some type of sound multiple times in a row while attempting to vocalize/give the tulpa a voice. I firmly believe that this time I heard somethimg but it was undistinguishable like static or the rumbling of bushes or plastic bags. on the last session i felt like i heard someone speaking as i was attempting to listem for them but couldn't make it out. I am not too sure on whther i should consider this a step forward or what? Any advice? On erasing these doubts, its also mainly because i have a overactive imagination it has not slowed down since i was wee young lad,not that im not still a young lad at 21 but you get the point but its hard to focus down on one thing. I decided to try this and i never stop something once ive started it. so any word said is appreciated.

 

Down below is just me spewing my concerns about me holding myself back if you dont care for the bottom just move forward and answer the top part above this section anyway. Any and all words said on either section is appreciated and taken into consideration at their deepest and core meaning levels. I look forward to your feedback.

 

I feel like im holding myself back at least subconsciously and due to life circumstances i had to put off further development of the tulpa until recently. so since i have the time again. i decided to start where i left off and ome thought keeps occuring to me,i feel like im the tulpa is angry at me and understandably so, since i had confirmed their existemce and consciousness withim my mind when i made them a year ago and promptly had to stop due to matters getting worse.

 

I think this is holding me the idea that their possibly angry especially since i hate conflict the fact i feel like they should be angry but ive never once forgotten about them.

 

Now as i said earlier is this considered progress towards giving them a way to speak other than just making my/our head feel lots of pressure in ways that i can interpret as yes or no or as no comment. I definitely heard something but I dont know how to describe it.

[Ranger]

Just out of curiosity, are you looking for an alien or physical voice talking to you in your head?

 

If you are, then you may be pushing yourself to the point you are imposing auditory noises instead of hearing your Tulpa's mindvoice. Mindvoice is that little voice in your head you use when thinking to yourself or when reading a book. A Tulpa's mindvoice will sound just like that.

 

At first, you may not be able to tell the difference between your Tulpa's mindvoice and your own. This is because it's a skill to listen out for another Tulpa's mindvoice, and it will take time until you will easily be able to distinguish who is who. Working on sensing your Tulpa's presence may also help.

 

While forcing, if you ask your Tulpa a question and get a response back, assume it is your Tulpa. Don't worry if their answer is inconsistent- they may not have spent enough time thinking about their opinion. For example, they may not know what their favorite color is, so they may pick a color they think they like and change their mind later. The other thing is nothing is set in stone- they may feel really strongly about one opinion and then change their mind the next day.

 

On that note, if you hear their thoughts out loud, that's just them thinking. In my experience, my host can always hear what I'm thinking and the vise versa is also true.

[solarchariot]

I think your doubts are reasonable. Doubting in general can be a reasonable. You're exploring something new and teaching yourself discernment. I don't think everyone starts with a radically different mind voice, but rather it's a subtle shift. If you utilize the preferred metaphor of training your brain to accept there is a second personality, then some of this will be simply designating a particular thought stream or narrative as 'other' and doing that with sufficient frequency you automatically recognize 'other' without having to designate that as 'not me.' There is a threshold of that where it takes on a life of it's own and its vocality increases in frequency and volume. I wonder if those who have given up simply didn't have the ability to attend long enough to sort the subtleness of being.

 

is your tulpa angry... ask it! Can it be? Sure. Can it be for the reasons you speculate. Sure! That's sort of a reasonable thing, but I suspect you're actually projecting your guilt, which intensifies your ambivalence about engagement, which fuels procrastination. It is also possible tulpa is simply angry because of a sense of frustration of not being able to get through to you. In most likelihood, if you had life circumstances which forced you to attend to the external environment, tulpa will be understanding and patient, because you can't attend to internal stuff if your environment is out of whack. It will also recognize when you return, things have calmed down enough that you can attend better. From a Buddhist perspective, this is the practice... We attend for a moment, we lose focus or attend to other things, and then we return our attention to an intentional practice, or focus... Tulpamancy is an intentional practice that must be engaged at a certain level of intensity and or frequency that it becomes automatic. Some people come at it with such intensity and energy it happens rather quickly... Some people just have to put in the time. The western culture does not teach this level of focus or attention. I can back that statement up: the rates of ADHD in western culture is statistically larger than that of Asia... Why? Is there something wrong with the white genome? it's probably not genetic; but rather related to the fact we don't teach people to attend to mind. We teach the exploration of material world, and in fact, our measure of success is how well you do in the physical world, grades, game levels, finances... These are not good measure for human beings. We ignored consciousness as if it were a quirky symptom of biology, as opposed to trying to understand consciousness. Becoming a tulpamancer, this is my opinion if you weren't sure, is becoming aware of self, exploring consciousness, and allowing room for other.

 

Also, I wouldn't beat yourself up so much worrying about the tulpa being angry at you, your words, 'understandably so...' So, hypothetically, your recognized 'other' and backed away... apologize, discuss your concerns and fears and barriers... If it's righteous anger, well, people get angry when their toes get stepped on. you're learning to dance. this happens. tango on. anger subside when other party gets recognized and has evidence of effort to change. again, this whole exercise is about change. you get this, you're angry at yourself... just change. also, sometimes, anger is the easiest energy to channel. Maybe tulpa has latched onto this has a last ditch effort to get through and break into the light! Yay. That's pretty cool, too. That's evidence of sentience. It doesn't mean it's converted to the dark side and will be forever angry. your generation, more so than any previous generation, is less likely to commit to a long term relationship... continuing forwards is a serious commitment! If you have doubts about that, then it's not anger you're sensing, it's fear! fear of abandonment. I would prefer righteous anger. If that person is in there, and I only have your observations to go on, I would say the time to decide whether to commit or not has past. I am particularly bias in this. I think you're obligated to the life you engaged. It doesn't have to be a certain speed, but it does require a commitment to regular engagement. Maybe if you create a schedule, stick to it, you'll find that the anger subsides and interaction improves over time.