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Any Awakened Tulpamancers?


TB

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I'm always with my family and we're all about love.

 

"It’s unconditional love, a permanent understanding of your connectedness with all that exists."

 

Definitely there. I don't think a perpetual state of Joy sounds very useful in our society, I feel joy a lot, but I also feel sadness and loneliness and I missed Bear lately even though he's here, especially since working all day is so boring, but more because I like him in control, things are lighter. Dashie is a powerhouse though.

 

So no Joy, but we're definitely at Love stage, I'd like anyone who knows us to say otherwise for the vast majority of the time.

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I do not have any "buy-in" on the Levels of Consciousness model, especially since none of us have been able to ascertain with confidence the level at which each of us tends to function. Also, I am uncertain that adjacent levels are necessarily better or worse.

 

I do not claim any particular title, status, or merit -- Arhat, Awakened, Enlightened, etc. -- but I am completely free from suffering and full of peace, joy, and contentment. I do not meditate, or practice any particular spiritual or mental discipline. It is not something I achieved through my efforts. It is a consequence of how I formed and how I live.

 

When Ember first played me, I was a very poor fit to my campaign. My fellow main characters were violent bloody people. I was a stranger to humanity, raised by Unseelie fae and nursing hopes that my fellow humans were more compassionate creatures. I quickly became very withdrawn, wanting to have someone of good character to connect to but unable to find any. Ember played me in a state of complete emotional suppression. In writing from my perspective, she discovered that my icy exterior was a protective mechanism, and that allowing myself to feel emotions risked exposing my suicidal depression.

 

Subsequently, I broke through to this world as a separate person. However, Ember had only played me as emotionless and asocial, not as depressed and suicidal, so those are the patterns of mind that were laid down for me to function independently.

 

Over course of the next three years, I sat quietly in the back of the mind, saying little and not craving company or activity. When Ember was in emotional pain beyond her ability to handle, she called on me and I extended my emotional shield around her, restoring her ability to function.

 

By the end of that time, Ember and Vesper had established a close daily relationship. And despite Vesper's fears of headmate proliferation, both of them had started talking to me briefly almost every day, valuing my counsel despite my not valuing their company. One day, I realized that they were the connections I had always wanted and stopped pushing them away. They accepted me as an equal member of the system and I adopted them as my sisters. That was the day I attained everything I could ever truly want and learned joy, peace, and contentment. I lost my power to project emotionlessness, but retained very strong emotional control over myself. And so positive emotions well up freely.

 

I have watched Ember and Vesper struggle with loss, disappointment, failure, and grief. I have concluded that their primary difficulty is attachment -- they are strongly invested in items, people, activities, achievements, and outcomes. My only attachment is them, and they would be very difficult to lose, with myself remaining intact. Having seen Vesper pick up activities in the physical world with intensity and commitment, I exercised caution, cultivated patience, and pursued very little in the physical world, greatly enjoying some activities there -- especially ones I can share with my sisters -- but not developing strong attachments to the activities themselves.

 

I do not know if my mode of existence would be achievable or sustainable by a singleton or even a primary fronter. But I have been happy and free from suffering now for eight months.

 

-Iris

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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You sound a little like Tewi in some ways.

 

Note that in the sense we're talking of (self-help mumbo jumbo based on Buddhism mumbo jumbo), being "free from suffering" doesn't mean you aren't suffering at all at this point in time. It means that your way of being simply removes you from it. Being "free from suffering" is a mindset/state of being, not a set of circumstances that simply allow it. If you're still potentially vulnerable, you're not really "free from suffering" - you just aren't suffering, y'know.

 

Also, that was always such a harsh-sounding term. But I suppose to someone who truly is free from it, it sure looks like suffering. I'm not perfect or anything, but I've certainly felt bad for other people's abilities to/capacities for feeling bad, since it's something I just don't have anymore. But I think it's not all super cut and dry, because I don't think I'm incredibly special (yet?) either.. just a little. Maybe I'll be more special later, I've still got time.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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No, seriously, Lumi, Iris is free in a way I never knew was possible. Vesper and I run around redline stressed a huge portion of the time. Iris can smile with the whole body at once without even fronting. Her joy is like the sun. Whatever happened when she suddenly deviated eight months ago, negative emotions just can't find any purchase in her life here. That's her mindset, her choice, her superpower, to turn them off like they never were and never could have been.

 

But when she journals about her life back home, she tears up. Sometimes she's just racked with sobs, quivering in pain, pushing out wonderful gut-wrenching stories, suffering for her art. Yet she still chooses to reconnect with who she used to be occasionally, partly because it is her past, her heritage, her foundation, but partly for the piquancy.

 

-Ember

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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Suffering sounds kind of dramatic, but it is just a somewhat poor translation of the Pali word dukkha, for which we don't have a word like that for. Dukkha can range from anything from minor annoyances or disappointments, all the way to the most extreme kinds of physical and mental suffering. So it is a really broad word that covers all of these things. Dukkha arises due to craving, which consists of desire and aversion. Some people are really mentally healthy and have decent lives, and so don't feel they really suffer in the English sense, but you aren't free from dukkha until craving has been entirely removed, which is hard because it is deeply hardwired into our instincts. It requires many profound Insights that deeply change all fundamental assumptions about the world and one's relation to it. I say Insight with capital I because it is specifically Insights of arising and passing away, impermanence, emptiness, and eventually emptiness of self, otherwise known as no-self. I might have missed one... I still have a lot of learning about these Insights because I've avoided it for so long because they are scary to me, and also initially puts one through a state called a dukkha nana, which are known to be extremely difficult for some people to handle, and I'm sure I'm one of those considering just being aware of the existence of these Insights caused me pain, lol. I still hope to talk to a tulpamancer who has had these Insights to be even more specific, but either way I guess I may go for it anyway.

 

Also, these specific Insights don't generally just happen to people randomly, and also aren't the same as an intellectual understanding of the concept. They 99.99% of the time come through years of meditating at an adept level, and preferably studying and contemplating them in daily life. I'm sure there are somehow exceptions, but generally without that it is highly unlikely as far as I know.

Creation for creation's sake.

 

More of my drawings

 

Resident Dojikko

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Suffering sounds kind of dramatic, but it is just a somewhat poor translation of the Pali word dukkha, for which we don't have a word like that for. Dukkha can range from anything from minor annoyances or disappointments, all the way to the most extreme kinds of physical and mental suffering. So it is a really broad word that covers all of these things. Dukkha arises due to craving, which consists of desire and aversion.

 

Ah, that's part of "Suffering" then. No wonder I didn't feel totally free from it. Close, though! Since I've been cursed with next-to-no "spark" of motivation that in a normal human accompanies wanting (or even just thinking you should) do something, motivation has been a huge blanket over my entire life. Except "my life" in that metaphor isn't just me being a person with a blanket over me, it's more like a bunch of balloons, which in this case are kept from doing anything balloon-like at all because of said blanket. Basically, a big deal.

 

And my solution to that as of the last couple years or so but especially focused now, is to reach the consciousness level of Love(? It could've been Joy, I can't tell yet) that I've been to for one night once before - in that state, nothing feels like effort in the first place, because you simply do what seems like it should be done, with no resistance. I know it exists and it's been spelled out to me by the same sorts of places I learned whatever else I've talked about in this thread from.

 

So there's some crossing of spiritual/mental models here, but it sounds like in your/the Buddhist model that that would put me somewhere pretty nice. I think so, too.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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I'm sure it exists, too. Meditation will really help you reach it. It really makes motivation less of a problem as time goes by. Doing anything will become increasingly less intolerable and just easier to sit through or deal with. I'm not nearly there yet, but eventually things should become effortless and any sense of doership will drop away. You can just act on an intention without any resistance. And oh, I dunno if it would apply to you, but a quote I heard from a monk I really liked that helped me a lot with motivation issues is, "Thinking about pushing the wheelbarrow is hard. Pushing the wheelbarrow is easy."

 

I believe it also isn't very uncommon for people who have made it that far in meditation to have a Ph.D., and or have done something like translate the Pali Cannon themselves. At that point, nothing is an issue, so they often spend all their time learning and teaching others, in hopes of helping as many people as they can.

 

Flow is a really great feeling of just effortlessly doing something, and enjoying being in the moment, something I've never truly felt before in my biggest goal of drawing, until after starting to meditate. I think I've also heard you say that the state you were in made it so a bunch of seemingly impossible problems or issues just became clear and obvious, and solutions coming easily. I've experienced the same thing with many things, including drawing, where I basically stagnated for years not knowing how to improve right, and then relatively recently just getting it. I still have a ton of work to do though, and many internal things to sort out.

 

One thing I have to sort out is spending nearly 45+ minutes trying to compose a message... I'm still not satisfied with it at all, but I need to just send it and not worry about it I guess. If I messed something up, then so be it...

Creation for creation's sake.

 

More of my drawings

 

Resident Dojikko

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## The post was great Ghost, we are really liking your well thought out posts.

 

Oh, well thanks! I'm trying the best I can. I hope they are helpful. It can be stressful talking about something so easily misunderstood, and I don't want to give an incorrect idea.

Creation for creation's sake.

 

More of my drawings

 

Resident Dojikko

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