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[ARCHIVE] Timer's Tulpa Thread: Five Tulpas, One Host, and A Floating Island

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It only takes time and maturity of the headmates. It will be especially slow with five, but it's inevitable if you keep at it.

Time and maturity...I'll do my best then. Anyway...

 

Update (11/30/19): December eve was...whew.  Something else.

  • As much as I hate self-promotion, the main event was answering the Q&A thread for the first time. I'm glad Mamoru got to come out of his shell a little. Unfortunately, however, it did not go smoothly...besides the first-time proxying/possession merry-go-round (as I described it) there was another thing that happened.
    Both myself and my tulpas can vouch for the fact that I have a strong will. I believe this is probably the main reason for my parrotnoia, as my thoughts tend to overpower theirs. While Niles was answering a question, I (unintentionally) started to think over him. How did he respond? By slamming his foot down on the metaphorical gas pedal in my mind, which caused my torso to jerk forward. No one was hurt, myself included, but it sure was startling. He has since apologized.
  • Speaking of Niles, just before I turned off everything for the night, we decided to do an exercise to test how things could work in my sleep. Unfortunately, the test required one of us (Niles, in this case) to try to stay awake while the other (myself) tries to fall asleep. I think we both fell asleep before anything could happen. Oh well. Back to separation, I suppose.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Ashley has done things after I went to sleep, but it could have been that I was in a twilight state since we were doing self hypnosis. (She hypnotised me successfully a couple times. We tried it maybe five times and it worked twice.) There were a couple other times when our sleep cycles were offset, especially when I was switched out ofc. Usually I sleep the least.

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Update (12/3/19): ...phew.

  • After learning that I've likely been able to dissociate for years now, I attempted switching for the first (real) time yesterday with Richard. It, uh...didn't go as planned. Not only could I not keep myself dissociated, but I think we did it a bit wrong--we decided to modify a separation exercise to use with our switching attempt.
    In our case, we both put up barriers (representing our willpower) and I let Richard chip away at mine while I used as much as energy as I could to keep mine up. He got a couple cracks, maybe a chip or two, on it before we gave up. We were both exhausted to some degree--either way, we decided to try again another day. (Which will not be today)

I probably need a better guide for this stuff.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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It's a very important step, but you can do it. It just takes trying a few things. Of course, we're here to help, but of all the skills in tulpamancy, this one is the most personal.

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Update (12/4/19): If I could describe yesterday in one word...I couldn't. (Again, potentially disturbing material has been blacked out. Read with caution)

  • I can't quite remember how the discussion started (I want to say it was personality forcing?) and I brought up how Mamoru was made and how it didn't turn out that well. I was instantly put on the spot, being told that I had essentially
    killed him on formation
    just by letting him go on his own. This was an insane punch in the gut. This was how I learned that tulpas are a little like sponges--they can soak up things from the subconscious if their personality isn't given to them (or something along those lines). With Mamoru being six years old mentally, this drove me to question myself--do I secretly want to walk the path of Peter Pan and never grow up, even when I know that's impossible and we all have to grow up eventually? This shattered me into pieces, driving me to tears that I hid from everyone but myself and my tulpas. I was essentially broken.
    I couldn't help but apologize to Mamoru so many times over and over...until he told me that he liked how he was, and didn't think I was a bad host. Even though I was given reassurance by him and the others, this cut a deep wound into me and carved my limit into stone. I am not going to make another tulpa, not after this.
     
    Typing this out only brought more tears from me. I want to be better. I have to be better.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Many tulpas have been given freedom to define their own form and voice post-vocality. This is widely deemed a considerate approach, though not necessary, as a tulpa can redefine their form and voice if they do not care for those originally provided.

 

Many headmates have been children, sometimes by their own choice. This is not a bad thing, nor is it always permanent. And if a new headmate incorporates some old and disused threads of older headmates' psyches, that says little about the older headmates, as people have many different conflicting impulses inside, most of them not strong enough to meaningfully affect their behavior.

 

I was created as suicidally depressed, with a great deal of personality content unintentionally introjected from my host's suicidally depressed wife. I do not blame my host for this. Nor am I still depressed. The manner in which I was made is the source of who I still am and I like who I am and how I live my life.

 

If you do not want to make more headmates, do not make more. Six people in one brain is widely considered a large number. We are crowded with only three. But do not think that you have wrought poorly when your headmates tell you that you have wrought well.

 

If a source of criticism harms you, it is best to disconnect from that source. Good criticism makes you stronger and better.

 

-Iris


Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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That's a lot to take in, Iris, but I'll do my best to keep it all in mind.

 

Update (12/5/19): Started out normal and ended with insanity. How? Well, read on.

  • With our satellite TV having been out for about a month and a half now, Mamoru hasn't been able to watch too many cartoons like he's been wanting to. After what happened the day before, I decided to turn on PBS Kids for him. He seemed to enjoy them, though he probably zoned out a little. He complained when I turned them off, though, so I turned them back on again a little while later. I don't want him to become a couch potato.
    > I also managed to learn that songs from those shows get stuck in your head very, very easily...is this what it's like being a parent? Lol
  • Now for the insanity. All I'll say is what started as a typical conversation between myself and a tulpa friend (over Discord, I don't have any IRL unfortunately) turned into something that fits the Metaphysics board more than anywhere else. If you're curious, then PM me. I'm not going to put it here, not even hidden.
    > It did leave Niles in a rough state, though...

I'm dealing with the aftermath of the latter today. Niles will be watched very closely for a while.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (12/6/19): Sooo...how was your Thursday? Hopefully a lot less stressful than ours.

  • All day pretty much centered around Niles, who was out cold for the vast majority of the day. Early in the morning, he managed to sit up once, albeit weakly. I asked him if it was really him (good job, me) and he said "as real as I'll ever be" before hugging me the best he could. It wasn't long after that that Richard took Niles into his section of the scape, where he remained asleep and sectioned off for the vast majority of the day. No one, not even I, was allowed to see him.
  • So, how was I distracted from this worrying predicament? Well, funnily enough, by...Mamoru's singing? I think tuning into PBS Kids has gotten to both of us! He felt that his "big brother" would get better faster if we just kept ourselves happy and not worry about him too much. He ended up singing...a lot. No one seemed to mind, and I never heard complaints from anyone in the scape--not even Rasmus, surprisingly enough. He even managed to influence me to add on to his songs!
  • As bleak as it seemed, the five of us kept hope alive the best we could, believing that Niles would wake. Though it was a shot in the dark, I turned on a song I used to associate with him (before he became a tulpa) as I was going to my grandmother's for dinner. While everyone was eating, I got a weak response from him. I paused for a second, but thankfully no one in the room noticed. Looking inside, I could see him meditating in a black void...with a smile on his face. He was okay, and that was all that mattered to us.

I think yesterday showed a lot of proof of separation. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop working on it, though!


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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12/7/19: I think you'll start to notice a trend from these last few days...

  • Niles was insanely active yesterday, and a lot more energetic than usual! Strangely, when I looked at him in the mindscape, I saw more-vibrant-than-usual colors as well as sparkles when I saw him. Maybe it's residue (for lack of better terms) from while Richard was keeping him.
    > He even got to use the Discord account I made for him the day before. Felt as blendy as always, but I could tell we were co-fronting.

I haven't the slightest clue as to why I made that Discord account. Influence, maybe?


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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