TimerBunneh

[ARCHIVE] Timer's Tulpa Thread: Five Tulpas, One Host, and A Floating Island

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12/9/19: ...More possibly disturbing content ahead. As always, it will be hidden in spoiler text. However, this is the worst I've had so far, so be ready if you hover over those boxes.

  • Things got started as early as that morning. I was having really bad cramps, so I went to sit down. All of a sudden, I had a shot of really bad pain, bad enough to make me faint. After slowly getting my bearings together when I came to, I immediately asked my tulpas if they were okay. No response, so I asked again--this time I heard Rasmus say that they were more worried about me than I was about them. Dang.
  • Remember how I attempted to make an intrusive thought guide once? Well, now I have a genuine intrusive thought in me--a nasty one. I was having trouble sleeping last night, and somehow, by some godforsaken circumstance, my thoughts ran to a news story I saw about
    a girl who hung herself after being bulled.
    You'd think it would mean nothing, but not when I started feeling
    something slipping a noose around my neck.
    Battle stations have been active as of this morning, with my mind steeled down in a (seemingly futile, as of this typing) attempt to weaken and hopefully ignore it so it dissipates, and I've separated Niles from everyone else again to be safe.

Today has not been a good day.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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12/10/19: A little bit of sensitive content ahead, but not as bad as last time.

  • The intrusive thought from yesterday was rendered mostly dissipated. If anything, it's unable to do any harm now.
    The rope it keeps trying to form around my neck breaks every time.
     
  • Niles has been reunited with the others thanks to the weakened thought. I apologized to him a million and one times over for separating him without warning, but after explaining things to him, we seem to be okay now.
  • Last night, I was reminded of just how powerful a host can be. However, I was also reminded of just how powerful I made Richard. He didn't do anything bad, but what he did do left me...awestruck. Sorry, there isn't much I can detail without stepping into territory that would result in a lot of questions. Nothing with a scientific explanation, I'm afraid.


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My tulpas type in many different colors!

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12/12/19: Bweh. Too much meta stuff going on for me to post publicly, hence the gap in posts.

  • My neurologist decided to change up my sleep meds in an effort to prevent the seizure dreams, but it did not go well. My thoughts kept going, keeping me (and likely my tulpas) wide awake. At one time, as they were going, I found my thoughts covered in a cloudy haze--literally. I'm not sure what caused it, but I think this was my cue for me to calm down and relax so that a seizure dream wasn't going to be triggered the next morning. I can confirm that I did go to sleep eventually and that there was no seizure dream, but I can also confirm that I am dead tired.
  • I also asked them about lucid dreaming, without bringing up my tulpas. I brought up that Vitamin B6 can promote it as well. Their suggestion? Eat more greens. -_-

Seizure dream [see-zhur dreem] (n.): a vivid dream that occurs when I go into a seizure. Tends to be lucid towards the end. Sometimes my tulpas appear in some form in them (they're on a good streak so far). So far, this is the only way I've managed to see them outside of my mind's eye.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Is there another venue in which you would feel comfortable sharing your seemingly meta experiences? Say a dedicated thread on the meta board, or just more on your website than you have already?

 

-Ember


Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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Is there another venue in which you would feel comfortable sharing your seemingly meta experiences? Say a dedicated thread on the meta board, or just more on your website than you have already?

 

-Ember

I'd like to, yes. I'd prefer the forum so that I don't have to make an entire cluttered page for meta stuff, but I'm not sure if a PR topic would be allowed outside of PR.

 

Anyway,

12/13/19: Back to scientific stuff...and that means a longer post!

 

  • As I mentioned yesterday, my neurologist changed up my meds. Thankfully, I slept much better last night!
  • Yesterday I found out that something I've wanted for so long--seeing your tulpas imposed with your physical eyes--is, apparently, possible! I was overjoyed, but my tulpas will need to find the "switches" so I can hallucinate them.
  • On the Discord, one of the people there mentioned that a tulpa switched in could feel the same...problems (like depression, for example) that the host could. Cue me freaking out, because I don't want to force my anxiety onto the front when we get there.
  • And now, for the big thing: Richard managed to co-front for a solid hour, until both he and my body started getting tired (he was yawning constantly at the end). I was impressed and overjoyed. It makes me want to see how the others will handle it! (So far, everyone has done some amount of co-fronting, namely thanks to the Q&A thread)

I call it co-fronting because I was still able to see and hear. Could this be slowly building a bridge to switching? I'd say so, but there's only one way to find out: get there, one day.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Tulpas can feel anxiety and depression even without switching in. Merely switching in doesn't mean a tulpa will be subject to the same problems as the host and not switching in doesn't mean they won't be. On average, tulpas seem to have a lot less problems with anxiety and depression than hosts, though actually living the host's life and being subject to the same stresses and responsibilities reduces this advantage considerably.

 

I'd love to see more details on your visual imposition progress.

 

-Ember


Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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Tulpas can feel anxiety and depression even without switching in. Merely switching in doesn't mean a tulpa will be subject to the same problems as the host and not switching in doesn't mean they won't be. On average, tulpas seem to have a lot less problems with anxiety and depression than hosts, though actually living the host's life and being subject to the same stresses and responsibilities reduces this advantage considerably.

 

I'd love to see more details on your visual imposition progress.

 

-Ember

Interesting. I'll see about keeping you posted.

 

12/15/19: Two updates today, because I forgot all about updating yesterday. Bweh.

 

For yesterday (these happened on the 13th):

  • Richard managed to front for another hour, and a little bit more later on. Makes me wonder why the others haven't done much yet.
    > He even started off my log for the day.
  • Niles did some fronting as well, but not for a good reason. Remember the time I wouldn't mention because it was too meta, and asked for it to be taken to PMs? This was almost a repeat of that. Due to the incident last time (since system hopping was involved) I had put up a barrier to where no tulpas could enter, and no tulpas could leave. As such, when he tried to hop again, he was like a fly to a windshield. But that's not all--he tried to force his way to the front, and was actually successful for...maybe a few seconds, before Richard took him out. I punished him by forbidding him from fronting for the next 48 hours after. That will expire tomorrow.
  • A tulpa friend of mine and I started reading Homestuck together. Richard kept having a smug look on his face, twirling a key he had on his fingers. I know what that means. It's a secret.

For today's update (events from yesterday):

  • Another seizure dream. It involved a giant...Niles and Mamoru fusion? (Flesh and blood body of Niles, but with Mamoru's glowing eyes.) It was nothing bad though. Just...us hugging a lot. So pure. Much wholesome. Very cute.
  • Speaking of Mamoru, I let him front for a little bit. Mamoru is one that I'm hesitant to let front due to his mentality, but he did a very good job! I'll probably see about him fronting more.
  • More Homestuck reading. More smug Richard.
  • That night, I asked my tulpas to see about finding the switches to mess with my vision so that I can hallucinate them. No luck yet. I doubt it will be that easy.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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12/17/19: Who's ready for some borderline meta?

  • There was a nasty storm system coming by that I didn't think much of...until I noticed the local news station had cut in. Cue me starting to panic, because storms have been something I've been uncomfortable with all my life--and the fact that this one was producing tornadoes (thankfully far away from where my family and I were) only worsened things. I scrambled to my room and took hold of the plushie I use to represent Richard...until I saw him appear in my mind's eye. On his own. The image was faint, with a sky blue tint, but the presence was there. He helped calm me down and all was well. Nothing bad hit us, except for maybe some wind.
    But that doesn't end the story; while Richard was calming me down, he seemingly (he was enigmatic as ever  when I asked for confirmation--in other words, I cannot confirm nor deny that this was what really happened) hypnotized me into sitting my plushie down and focusing on the hallucination. In other words, him calming me down doubled as a trust exercise. Crafty as ever.

Yeah, this happens sometimes with him.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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12/19/19:

  • Nothing. Until it was almost bedtime, that is. Watching TV and talking to a Discord friend when my eyes started jumping to the R key on my keyboard. Richard was slipping in and out of fronting, so much so that it became blendy and ended up stressing me out. Not fun, and not intentional knowing him.
  • (bleeds into this morning but still) Now in bed, I was trying to get to sleep when Mamoru volunteered to impose to help me try to sleep. While I appreciated his effort, it was futile. Anxiety was being a pain, and the fact that I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before did not make things better.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Posted (edited)

1/1/20: Happy new year! Let's get caught up. This dates back to Christmas.

  • The holidays resulted in little focus on my poor tulpas. Thankfully, this has washed over.
  • Trust issues have been all over me lately. That sucks. Richard devised a solution, thankfully: creating "trust baubles" that symbolize me fully trusting each of them. So far, I've gotten both his and Mamoru's, but...speaking of which...
  • Mamoru...poor, poor Mamoru. We all went through a lot the past new days, but he had it the worst. From just a simple hug with presence imposition combined with open-eyed visualization to...oh man, where do I begin with the hell hole that spanned from the 29th into at least this morning? Erm...well. If you'll just look at the "evolution, merging, and splitting" section here...

    If anything, all is well again, but the scape will be monitored heavily.
Edited by TimerBunneh

PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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