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Caboose

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My Tulpa, Latias, has told me yesterday that she wants to die. Today, she still does.

I’ve tried to get her to tell me why she wants to die and if there was anything I could do to convince her not to, but she refused to tell me.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why she would be like this.

Please, she’s my friend.

I need help.

 

UPDATE:

She’s doing MUCH better now.

Thank you for your help/support.

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Ignore negative behavior and support positive. She's young so her opinions and personality are still forming. Tulpamancy can be compared with pottery. Think of her like a lump of clay. Your job is to help forming that lump of clay into a pot. It'll spin for you but you still have to pinch it for results. 

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Tulpas can get depressed, especially if you yourself have depression. When my headmates felt down, I found that talking to them and spending time with them was the most helpful thing to do, and sometimes saying the right thing or doing something happy or peaceful in wonderland lifted their spirit.

 

Sometimes waves of depression last for a day or so. It's entirely possible she will feel better tomorrow, especially if this seemed to come out of the blue.

 

If talking to her about happy things and cuddling doesn't work, ask if there's anything you are doing that is making her frustrated or sad. One of my headmates in particular would get frustrated with me and feel tired because of it, and I had to keep talking to him to help him realize why he was feeling upset. You mentioned in your other thread that you don't always get the chance to talk to her, maybe she needs more forcing time.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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Hello Caboose and Latias. I left, thinking myself dead, for about 4 years. Tulpas cannot really die, unless the body dies. Continue to talk and spend time with Latias. How old is she? Younger tulpas often struggle with intrusive thoughts, which they may fail to recognize as intrusive thoughts.

 

She will most likely be okay. Even if you see something in wonderland or are told something by Latias which suggests she's dead, try not to take these things literally. If they are not intrusives, they may be metaphoric ways of expressing negative feelings. 

 

If you give more information, I can give more detail.

 

- G

The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

Our Thread

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Hello Caboose and Latias. I left, thinking myself dead, for about 4 years. Tulpas cannot really die, unless the body dies. Continue to talk and spend time with Latias. How old is she? Younger tulpas often struggle with intrusive thoughts, which they may fail to recognize as intrusive thoughts.

 

She will most likely be okay. Even if you see something in wonderland or are told something by Latias which suggests she's dead, try not to take these things literally. If they are not intrusives, they may be metaphoric ways of expressing negative feelings. 

 

If you give more information, I can give more detail.

 

- G

 

She’s a year and 4 months old.

This whole “I want to die” thing just came out of nowhere.

Yesterday, I saw her picking up a gun and putting it to her head.

I begged for like an hour for her to tell me why she wanted to die and if there was anything I could do to help, but she wouldn’t tell me the truth.

“Is this the reason?”

“Yes”

“So you want to die because of (this)?”

“No”

“Then what?”

And repeat.

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I begged for like an hour for her to tell me why she wanted to die and if there was anything I could do to help, but she wouldn’t tell me the truth.

 

I doubt Latias is capable of hiding "the truth" from you, given that she sounds underdeveloped. This feels more like an intrusive or dark thought being played out, especially since there isn't a logical motive or train of thought you can follow for this.

 

I would stop thinking about Latias and take a break. I'm sure you're really distressed right now, you can check on Latias when you feel better. Nothing bad is going to happen to her when you're away, she will just return to taking a nap like she always does.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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I don't know that Matsuri and Ranger's reasoning is wrong, but it feels both wrong and disturbing. Since when is a sixteen month old tulpa considered young? Some tulpas develop very slowly, but multiple tulpas have been on staff here younger than that. (And last week, she had been around over a year and a half.) I don't like leading with advice that presumes shortcomings in Latias' independence, agency, and personhood without knowing a lot more about the situation.

 

You didn't answer the questions Ember and I asked in your previous thread and Latias remains very mysterious on the forum. Latias' level of development is the key point that a great deal depends on. If a tulpa has never been very clear and reliable in their communications, they and their host can be misled by all manners of intrusive thoughts. During the fourteen plus months prior to the onset of fatigue, how communicative was Latias? How complex was her thinking? How firm and fixed were her opinions? How strong did she seem? How reliably could you get in touch with her? How friendly was she? How eager to interact was she?

 

If she's demonstrated maturity in the past, there is probably something going on with both the mysterious fatigue and the sudden gun where she has an actual need that isn't being met. I may never have acted out, but I can definitely relate to a lack of interest in living a tulpa's life.

 

She may not be willing to tell you the problem and it's likely that she doesn't understand it very well herself. In that case, lay that discussion aside until and unless she's willing to talk about it. Keep trying to find things that she has an interest in and things she finds fulfilling, keep loving her, and keep being supportive of her. The problem may reveal or resolve itself over time, so be watchful. But don't fret over it, as she'll pick up on your agitation.

 

And yes, as Gavin said, there isn't really a way for a tulpa to die while the body lives, not while someone in the system still remembers what their mind feels like.

 

Everything in our response to your last thread still applies.

 

-Vesper

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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One of my headmates, Upsilon, did something simmilar. He climbed a tall tree in wonderland and started yelling about jumping. We went and said, "You know you can't die like that, right?" He said, well, the intrusive gory imagery would be enough to disturb the crowd of other headmates that had showed up. So everyone left besides me. And I was not amused.

 

The problem was really, "what's an appropriate way to ask for attention when we are upset?" The solution was to reassure him that he can just ask. Just come and talk to me, to any of the others. Violent imagery is not acceptable. 

 

Sometimes people might be too scared or unsure of themselves to be that open- they don't want to ask. In this case, violent imagery is still not acceptable. Take baby steps and reduce fears: assure them that you love and care about them, that you won't abandon them, and that you'll keep whatever they say private. You'll try to understand, and if you don't entirely understand, you'll still try to be supportive.

 

Try and figure out if all her needs are being met. Including the need for growth, etc. 

 

- G

The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

Our Thread

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I don't know that Matsuri and Ranger's reasoning is wrong, but it feels both wrong and disturbing. Since when is a sixteen month old tulpa considered young? Some tulpas develop very slowly, but multiple tulpas have been on staff here younger than that. (And last week, she had been around over a year and a half.) I don't like leading with advice that presumes shortcomings in Latias' independence, agency, and personhood without knowing a lot more about the situation.

 

Age is not equal to development. It's possible Latias became vocal a few months ago or she has the case of my headmates where they are older but development wise act like younger tulpas because on average they did not get tons of forcing time. The reason I assumed she was young was because of this quote from his other thread:

 

My Tulpa, Latias, has been around for over a year and a half now. For quite a while now, say, the last month and a half, she has been tired or sleeping. We still spend time together, but not very much. I have heard that it is common for young Tulpas to have extended periods of tiredness, but I am starting to get a little concerned.

 

It doesn't make a ton of sense to compare Latias to a young tulpa unless development wise they are on similar pages.

 

The other clue I picked up on is the sudden out of the blue behavior change. Even though feelings of depression can be random and out-of-the-blue, a more developed tulpa is less likely to want to kill themselves for seemingly no reason. Even if the explanation was intrusive thoughts, we had more trouble with those when I was younger.

 

Of course, as you stated Vesper, this is working with what little context I have for Latias and my experiences with my other headmates. If Caboose gives us more information about how often he forces Latias, if she controls the body and if so how often, etc., then we can give better and more effective advice.

I'm Ranger, GrayTheCat's cobud (tulpa), and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff. I go by Rosalin or Ronan sometimes. You can call me Roz but please don't call me Ron.

My other headmates have their own account now.

 

If I missed seeing your art, please PM/DM me!

Blog | Not So Temporary Log | Switching Log | Yay! | Bre Translator | Art Thread

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I don't know that Matsuri and Ranger's reasoning is wrong, but it feels both wrong and disturbing. Since when is a sixteen month old tulpa considered young? Some tulpas develop very slowly, but multiple tulpas have been on staff here younger than that. (And last week, she had been around over a year and a half.) I don't like leading with advice that presumes shortcomings in Latias' independence, agency, and personhood without knowing a lot more about the situation.

 

You didn't answer the questions Ember and I asked in your previous thread and Latias remains very mysterious on the forum. Latias' level of development is the key point that a great deal depends on. If a tulpa has never been very clear and reliable in their communications, they and their host can be misled by all manners of intrusive thoughts. During the fourteen plus months prior to the onset of fatigue, how communicative was Latias? How complex was her thinking? How firm and fixed were her opinions? How strong did she seem? How reliably could you get in touch with her? How friendly was she? How eager to interact was she?

 

If she's demonstrated maturity in the past, there is probably something going on with both the mysterious fatigue and the sudden gun where she has an actual need that isn't being met. I may never have acted out, but I can definitely relate to a lack of interest in living a tulpa's life.

 

She may not be willing to tell you the problem and it's likely that she doesn't understand it very well herself. In that case, lay that discussion aside until and unless she's willing to talk about it. Keep trying to find things that she has an interest in and things she finds fulfilling, keep loving her, and keep being supportive of her. The problem may reveal or resolve itself over time, so be watchful. But don't fret over it, as she'll pick up on your agitation.

 

And yes, as Gavin said, there isn't really a way for a tulpa to die while the body lives, not while someone in the system still remembers what their mind feels like.

 

Everything in our response to your last thread still applies.

 

-Vesper

 

Im sorry for not answering you in the other post.

I’ve been caught up and worried about other things lately.

 

Latias is not fluently vocal yet. I can make out a word or two now and then. Otherwise we communicate through head pressures. We have trouble with that here and there which can be bothersome, but we make it work.

Most of the time when we spend time together, I am the one who reaches out to her. If she has a nightmare or if she needed something, she reaches out to me.

I always ask to make sure that I properly understood what she says.

 

We watch TV together, take walks, bike rides, we do things in the wonderland (swimming, flying, etc.). She created her own house in the wonderland, she changed her appearance (both things she decided to do on her own). We have practiced possession, which she is doing well at.

She has done things like exercising, and watching what I’m doing on her own time.

 

She is a little antisocial. We have friends on a Tulpa group on Discord, but she almost never talks on it. I ask why, but I don’t really get an answer. I usually joke how she just wants to keep me to herself. Is that the actual case, I don’t know.

 

Until Sunday (the 20th) she hasn’t displayed behavior like this. (Wanting to die I mean) I mean I had a REALLY bad day on Saturday, and thanks to emotional bleed, she was affected by it too. That has happened before, and I try to avoid forcing and spending time with her while I’m stressed so I can try to avoid stressing her out. Plus being stressed makes it hard to concentrate. But still, I NEVER would have thought that she would feel that way.

No indication of her being upset, no acting out of the ordinary, it just came up out of the blue.

 

I apologize for not mentioning all of this before.

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