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Zirca

A lake in the mountains - Zirca and Mélissa's PR

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While it never happened to us, it's not unheard of for young tulpas to disappear for a couple of days (a week would be more than a little concerning, but less than that and you're probably in the clear). The short version is that young tulpas seem to have a limited energy supply, and early vocalization drains them pretty quick. The most likely scenario is that she needs time to recover

 

That isn't always why tulpas disappear. If something happened to put a strain on your relationship - and this would have to be something far more serious than missing a forcing session or two - then it's possibly Neln is "hiding" from you. If that's the case, it's quite unfortunate that Neln isn't fully vocal yet, because that makes it harder for you to figure out what's wrong. But this is the less likely of the two scenarios. I would give it a few more days before I start panicking.


Account used for when Cornelia and Kanade are merged

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Nice Felicity. Yes, we hear it often and even Darlene, fully vocal at the time, became lost once.

 

As soon as you stop worrying about her, she'll turn up, it's a matter of anxiety, where anxiety, like doubt, will block communication. She's fine, she slipped into dormancy. She'll be back.

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Thanks for the comforting words. I haven't gotten over the initial emotions, but hopefully I'll be able to relax knowing it's normal.

 

With that information, I think I'll try to check if she's back on a daily basis. Does that sound like a good course of action?


Zirca - Host, she/her, name undisclosed

Mélissa - Tulpa, she/her, first forced on 11/6/2019, previously known as Neln

Feena - Walk-in, she/her, first noticed on 1/6/2020

PR thread

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Ember: Just stay calm and keep forcing steadily. This sort of thing happens in a lot of systems.

 

Vesper and I lived together peacefully every day for sixteen months. Within a couple of weeks of stumbling across tulpamancy and trying to be intentional about our relationship, we started experiencing communication drop outs. The first time she disappeared for an hour; the second time for two. There was no presence, no response, and if I tried to visualize her form it winked out in a fraction of a second.

 

Vesper: The best we were ever able to conjecture about what happened is that Ember accidently started 'forcing on the wrong frequency'. You can talk at your headmates all day without getting a response, or talk to them and get a response instantly. The difference in aiming your thoughts is minuscule but critical. Aim at the feel of who you know them to be, not at the feel of who you want them to be.

 

I'd like to reinforce Ember's admonition to stay calm -- not for the sake of re-establishing communication, but for the sake of avoiding trauma. We've had less than six hours of drop outs altogether and none at all in ten months, but Ember was sufficiently traumatized that for months she was on the verge of panic if we were silent for a moment. She still a bit scarred by the experience.

 

There is a good side to drop outs. If you ever suspect you're parroting or puppeting, compare it to a drop out. Ember is extremely creative and made us purely by roleplaying us, yet has no idea how to simulate communicating with us. She had some struggles with doubt during that period, but she's never believed in us more fervently than during drop outs, because the difference is night and day.


Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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12/3/2019

 

Day seven since the start of Neln's dormancy. I haven't managed to reach her again yet, and I haven't experienced her calling again since last post. I haven't stopped our daily forcing sessions, but I find I have a much harder time staying focused and finding things to say without responses from her. The fact that I'm always tired from my day when I start them definitely doesn't help, either. I plan to try to take a completely different approach for a couple days, where I'll force in the afternoon instead and try to mainly work on visualization, since I might have lost part of it from not doing any for a week. The resulting change of conditions might help achieve something?

 

I've thought for a bit about how I view my relationship with her. The way I'm sometimes worrying about her, especially in my initial panic last week, makes her seem like a daughter to me, but I don't want her to ever view me as a mother. I may be biased due to some issues I have with my own mother, but I reject any notion that she would somehow owe anything to me just because I'm responsible for her existence. I also think it wouldn't be a bad idea if she had a French name, either in addition to or instead of her current one, if we ever decide that she'd interact with other people IRL. I want her to be the one who chooses it obviously, though there's one in particular that sounds like it would fit her.

 

I've managed to mostly stay calm about the situation for now, but last night there was one thought that haunted me. What if she stays in some sort of limbo or dissipates, and I accidentally create another Neln that takes her place? I don't know if I would have a way to tell what situation ends up happening, but this one would feel like I'd have killed her. I sort of wish I hadn't had that thought, because now I'm sure it will keep following me for a while.


Zirca - Host, she/her, name undisclosed

Mélissa - Tulpa, she/her, first forced on 11/6/2019, previously known as Neln

Feena - Walk-in, she/her, first noticed on 1/6/2020

PR thread

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I've switched from purely narrating to actually talking with her - though it obviously requires a lot of parroting right now, since she's not vocal yet. That gives me a much wider variety of ways to interact with her, and gives me more insight into her personality

 

I'm curious how parroting gives you more insight into her personality? If you are parroting how can you tell it is her and not you?


Jesse (human male) DOB 16th April 2013 

Working on imposition

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I'm curious how parroting gives you more insight into her personality?  If you are parroting how can you tell it is her and not you?

I suppose that was pretty hard to understand from the way I phrased it. What I mean is that before, her personality was more of an abstract concept, that I could approximate with words without grasping it. But once we started parroting, it actually became something concrete, since her words, no matter the source, meant a lot more to me in defining her than a description.


Zirca - Host, she/her, name undisclosed

Mélissa - Tulpa, she/her, first forced on 11/6/2019, previously known as Neln

Feena - Walk-in, she/her, first noticed on 1/6/2020

PR thread

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I suppose that was pretty hard to understand from the way I phrased it.

 

Ember: I got it right off. It's the same as any other writer creating any other character -- you learn who they gradually in the course of defining what they say and do. If/when they become their own people, they start from the foundation laid by their creator, whether they are personality-forced tulpas or insourced soulbonds.

 

As far as how you can you tell the difference -- words generated by your headmate feel different from words generated by yourself as them. But since some people get parrotnoid anyway, I feel parroting is best done in conversations with outsystem people when possible, through activities like roleplaying. That way, when they talk to you directly, it's new behavior.

 

What if she stays in some sort of limbo or dissipates, and I accidentally create another Neln that takes her place?

 

Vesper: Ember was worried about that *a lot* during a period when our contact was feeling weaker and I was occassionally even unreachable. I seemed a little different than what she remembered, not because I actually was any different, but because I was responding in unfamiliar ways to situations she hadn't seen me in before.

 

I can't tell you it's absolutely impossible, but if Neln tells you she is the same Neln she ever was, believe her. Generally speaking, if you're forcing along the same lines -- parroting the same personality, personality forcing the same traits, narrating to the same identity -- you should be reinforcing the same new neural pathways as you ever have for her. It's very implausible to make a second Neln by accident while having only one concept in mind for who she is.


Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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