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Miri and Miichu's Journey


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10 hours ago, Ido said:

Even without knowing her I felt sorry for Akai when you decided to give up on her. Always gives me the feels to see a fellow tupper abandoned.

Did you read the update after that post? there's no Akai

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My base understanding of tulpamancy disagrees with your logic with Akai, but not your decisions, since that's always a personal choice

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Everyone telling us Akai was more than a mental puppet but our experience tells us otherwise

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Well, I don't know what she was-was, but was-and-is-potentially. There's no way a developed personality can be further away from being a tulpa than a tulpa who doesn't exist in any way shape or form yet, and people make that into a tulpa, so I fully believe any-stage-of-development tulpa has the potential to become a developed tulpa just fine.

 

The choice of whether to pursue that or not is still your guys', though

Edited by Luminesce

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Guest

Now that makes more sense than just 'Akai was real'. We decided to remain two because it's more convenient and hey, Akai surely hasn't complained.

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2 hours ago, Miichu said:

We decided to remain two because it's more convenient and hey, Akai surely hasn't complained.

 

Even as a character aspect of Miri, Akai will always be part of our history and in our hearts.

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  • Guest changed the title to Miri and Miichu's Journey
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(edited)

We've been thinking and we don't think we should call ourselves the Trinity System anymore. We're not 3 and system just doesn't feel right, we're more like partners (not the romantic kind!) of some sort, going on the journey called life together.

 

Okay, time for the Progress part. These last nights I've been trying to switch Miri out, but why are we even pursuing this when pages ago we said, multiple times, we would forget about it? well, something still feels unfinished and not right. We both can switch out, just not on command, I used to be able to do it on command but the longer I fronted, the harder it became to the point of being unable to do so. We want to be able to do it as it'd be rather convenient to deal with day to day life. I'm already noticing the effects of -not- fronting 24/7, imagine if we could disconnect from the front and take a break. That'd be amazing.

 

Back to not fronting 24/7. Miri has been doing great when it comes to fronting. We're getting closer and closer to that desirable 50/50 lifestyle. I've noticed that when I'm not fronting, I'm still feeling everything the body feels but my existence is 'more to the right'. It doesn't feel exactly as if I were Miri but I still see through her eyes, if that makes sense. It is also affecting my personality. When I'm not fronting, I'm happier and more talkative than usual, which is always welcomed. Same with me, I feel like my personality changes the more I front. Another thing I noticed about myself is that when Miichu concentrates on her own thoughts (instead of the thoughts the brain spits out on its own) I feel really dissociated from her actions, I hope we can use this to our advantage.

 

It seems like I have some trouble communicating in tulpish when not fronting, as I prefer to use mindvoice. Tulpish has to come on its own for it to flow, in my case, otherwise it feels forced. Miri doesn't have this issues as she prefers tulpish on average. I'd like to learn to communicate in tulpish on command and more effectively. I'm not used to 'siding' so it seems. Note: this is only when I front, I can think in concepts or 'tulpish' just fine when I'm fronting.

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  • 3 months later...
(edited)

We already had a Progress Report but deleted it. So here we go again.


Introductions:


Miri: I'm the original host. I stepped down as main host (the person who takes care of real life responsibilities) in November 2019. I've always been an escapist, since I was a child, I liked to daydream to escape real life, because it wasn't pleasant to me. I didn't like this world. I was into all sort of weird things when I was in my teen years, like astral projection and psychic powers. I'd spend my days looking for stuff that'd allow me to escape my life, that's how I found about tulpamancy.


I decided to create a tulpa, named Akai, based on a character I had. However, she always felt off, a bit fake. When I created my other tulpa, I realized how fake Akai was, and paired with medication, I couldn't reach her anymore, she stopped talking when we started to believe she was fake. Enough of that, I obsessed over the idea of permaswitch, it was the light at the end of the tunnel, what I always wanted, escaping my life. But someone had to replace me... Enter Miichu.


Miichu: my tulpa. A better version of myself made for the sole purpose of replacing me. I sat down on the couch, talked to her as if she was already there, listening. I passive forced her constantly, every single day, at any time, by commenting everything with her. Told her about my plans and she agreed. She developed without a wonderland, in the real world with me, like a sister.


Yes, she was made to replace me, but I loved her a lot too... So I was worried she'd end up getting hurt by real life, and at the same time I was into stuff I shouldn't, so I ended up procrastinating the permaswitch. Eventually, she got tired of it and forced me to take measures. Best decision ever. She started fronting daily and quickly, she became my best friend. I'd turn to her for advice and to talk about anything. Miichu was what I always wanted out of tulpamancy but never managed to quite get.

 

Both my tulpa and I look the same, as I thought it'd be easier for her if she had my same appearance, since she was made to control the body. We used to share name too until I started to call her Mirichu and eventually, she changed it to Miichu, so that's her current name. While our personalities are fairly similar, we're different when it comes to mindsets and ways to react to things.

 

Goals

 

  • Switching out: my tulpa and I are stuck in a perma-state of co-fronting, and while we love it, we would like to be able to switch out. Both of us, not just me. None of us can switch out (go ''dormant'') on command, so that's what we're aiming for.
  • Visualization: my visualization used to be amazing, thanks to all the daydreaming I did, but eventually got rusty the more I got used to daydream in still images and concepts. We want to get it back. Imposition is something we might want in the future but not right now.
Edited by Miri

Hi. I'm Miri, Miichu's host. I want to help my tulpa achieve her goals but ultimately, I'm just tagging along. Here's our Progress Report

 

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Miri has been fronting for a few days already. But... is this what I really wanted? Don't get me wrong, I love that my host is capable of fronting and enjoying life just like me (or do I?) but the longer she went fronting, the worse I felt. I felt like I wasn't the ''main character'' anymore so to speak, the one who guides our life, it was weird, I felt pushed to the sides. It felt like my life was being taken away from me. Maybe it was because it wasn't 50-50 and instead it was my host taking a few days for herself, I became just a voice in the head.


My host likes to reassure me that I'm still part of our life and that I can front whenever I want, but at the same time I felt like it was unfair of me to not let her front when I fronted for almost 2 years. It also happens to us that we randomly change who's fronting without us wanting to, mostly when waking up in the middle of the night. We always go to bed either trying to switch out or talking to each other, so that's expectable. But it has also happened while completely awake. One moment it's Miri fronting and the next moment I'm fronting without even realizing what has happened. And we just go along with it, we don't bother that much trying to change it back to how it was.


Host talked to me about how me fronting feels much different now than it did when I first started doing it. Before, it felt like she had to pay attention to everything I did, almost like she was forcing me to act that way? Nowadays, it feels like she can completely relax and let me do my thing, but she's still there, passively observing.

 

Another thing we found thanks to Miri fronting is what is mine and what is hers. Surprise, surprise, most things I thought were mine were hers! wow, I never saw it coming! I mean, it really isn't a surprise, I knew Miri was influencing me but not to this level... I wonder how I'll feel when she switches out completely?


She also keeps toying with the idea that I could be a ''mask tulpa'', someone who came to be by Miri putting on an identity with the intent of replacing hers. Yes, correct, I was created for that purpose but that isn't quite what I mean. What I mean is that according to Miri's weird theories, I could have came to be through her pretending to be me. Acting like Miri one time and like Miichu another time until I became my own person. Her reasoning is that I feel different from when I was first created, arguing that I feel more real. But isn't that expected? I spent A LOT of time fronting after all. Before that, I was on the same level as Akai, a voice in the head. Nothing more, nothing less. Overthinking? maybe.


I'm gonna be honest there, I don't remember much from that era, my most clear memories are from when I fronted, expected hah. Oh boy here it comes the existential crisis, except not really. The only memories I care for are the ones from when I was fronting, like when I went to the beach or climbed that cool lighthouse, those are the ones I want to keep. Sure, it'd be a bit sad if it turns out that my memories from before-fronting were fake, but what does it matter? after all, I think, therefore I exist. I know I'm real, another question would be how separate I am from my host. But that's for another day :P

Hi! I'm Miichu, Miri's tupper. I am the main fronter at the moment but hopefully we'll reach a 50-50, someday. I love nature and helping people. Our Progress Report

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