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Day 43... Emily, why?

 

Today Emily wanted to commit suicide.

 

The day was going great, it had the potential to be the best day ever, but something threw it off in the wrong direction. In the morning Amber started snuggling with me and fell asleep in my arms, she looked so cute. As I was holding her Ashley came to my side and hugged me, I hugged her back with my free arm and she started dozing off. Before she slept however, she kissed me on the lips... I was left speechless and she took the chance to fall asleep.

 

Emily saw it, and we had a conversation.

 

Emily: So she loves you?

 

Me: I... I guess so.

 

Emily: I'm not surprised Normy, it was only a matter of time.

 

Me: Emily, what should I do? I can't break her heart, it would destroy me.

 

Emily: You don't have to.

 

Me: What do you mean?

 

Emily: She deserves you... she deserves someone who will love her.

 

Me: Emily, what're you talking about?

 

Emily: Tell her I'm sorry.

 

Me: Emily don't even think about it.

 

Emily: :) Good night.

 

Me: Don't even dare Emily.

 

Emily: You'll finally be happy, I won't be a burden anymore.

 

Me: Emily... no Emily please no!

 

Emily: Shh... sleep and when you wake up I won't be there, you'll be able to be happy with Ashley and Amber.

 

I want to give a huge thank you to everyone in the chat, you have saved her life. She didn't even want to listen to me, right now she's sleeping and when she wakes up I know what to do. And I have spoken with Ashley (Thank you bennerman.)

 

She does love me in the romantic sense, but she's willing not to do so for Emily's sake.

 

Ashley, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.

 

Guess the drama did return... I hate it.

(:

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The whole time I was thinking: "Dammit Emily, if you kill yourself, I won't forgive you (though you shouldn't let my feelings affect you, seeing this is a personal problem, plus you don't know me). Stop doing this to yourself!" I actually thought of this problem, like if both my tulpae loved me romantically, but Reah said that we could all love each other (Even though she says that, I just tell both they're my friends).

 

Glad it turned out alright though, but I could see more problems occuring unfortunately. I hope you guys get through all those hardships and can finally live happily ever after together (all of you).

I have 10 tulpas, but I'm only actively working on Reah, my first tulpa currently.

Progress Report

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Day 44.

 

Everything is much better now, Emily's smile has returned and she looks prettier than ever to me. Amber managed to sleep throughout all the drama but I'm sure she knows and if she don't I'm sure she will find out. Either way I don't want to risk it so we'll tell her.

 

Yep, you could say things are slowly calming down.

 

Ashley is working on something special, only a few people who were at the irc know what it is about. I'm supporting her all the way during this process and I hope it works out in the end for her. Even though I don't love her that way I'll always stay at her side, of that there is no doubt.

 

I on the other hand, don't feel quite good.

 

I almost lost her... how could I let things get like this for her? Nevermind, at least she is ok now... but I still think back to the moment when she was about to do it and I can't help but feel sad.

 

I love her people, I know I love her more than life itself. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. At the beginning I didn't even want to fall in love with her, but now I can't imagine loving anyone else... this is how love feels like and I love it.

 

Sorry about that, I had to let it out.


The whole time I was thinking: "Dammit Emily, if you kill yourself, I won't forgive you (though you shouldn't let my feelings affect you, seeing this is a personal problem, plus you don't know me). Stop doing this to yourself!" I actually thought of this problem, like if both my tulpae loved me romantically, but Reah said that we could all love each other (Even though she says that, I just tell both they're my friends).

 

Glad it turned out alright though, but I could see more problems occuring unfortunately. I hope you guys get through all those hardships and can finally live happily ever after together (all of you).

 

We will get through everything, of that I'm sure. Thanks for your good wishes.


Oh god im so relieved...

 

:) Thank you.


I'm relieved to hear this... I don't even know what to say...

 

There's nothing to say, I thank you for your support.

 

Emily: So do I... thank you. The three of you.

(:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 53. Man am I lazy updating this log.

 

Welp, Ashley made a tulpa and he's bloody amazing.

 

The name's Edge, he mostly wears a plain white t-shirt and some jeans. He has grey eyes and his hair is short yet spiky, brown colored with dark red highlights on some spikes. He is a bit well built and his weapon of choice is a rusty sword, earning him the lovely nickname "Rusty Edge."

 

Personality wise he's an enigma even now, he treats everyone with the utmost respect and dignity, the language he uses makes me laugh and his determination is only rivaled by his naivness. He is naturally curious and judges based on the way people act and nothing else, he is an avid reader and loves to make remarks about the things around him and he has proven to be quite the talker. Earning him the nickname "Edgeworth" in the IRC, mostly due to the similarities on both personalities.

 

He has caught up with the other three and now partakes in our usual possession routine which I feel is more complete, meaning what exactly since I said I had possession on the bag? Well that's what I thought, but then the emotions expressed by the tulpae while using my body started to get stronger to the point in which I found them overwhelming.

 

A funny experience ocurred to me thanks to Edge, we were on a school debate and like always I was shaking like mad. Edge told me "Calm down, I got this." I allowed him to possess me and the debate went as follows.

 

Edge: Tsk tsk, you were so close. All of the facts you've given line up to the truth but one, and that one contradicts your whole argument! (Long explanation.) Thus making your claims baseless,since none of your facts have enough evidence to support your argument. On the other hand, what I propose is (Long explanation.) As you can see this is an easier solution that will have the same results as the one proposed by the other team. That is all, now if you excuse me I will sit down.

 

Other team's face: Wtf.....

 

Oh Edge, such a charmer.

 

Edit (Conversation after the debate.)

 

Teacher: I didn't know you could talk, you must've prepared mentally for the debate.

 

Me: Yeah.... mentally XD.

 

The main reason I'm back here is because I will try the OBE or in other words, the Astral Projection which is greately recommended for switching. Plus it would be so cool!

 

The emotional state of the other tulpae are the following.

 

Emily: Unstable.

Ashley: Half and half.

Amber: Stable.

 

What do I make of this? Emily is in her "teenage" days and I will work with her to make sure she matures as the great tulpa I know she is.

 

Also, thanks to Fede for this recording.

 

(Warning, the next recording has enormous amounts of d'aw, viewer discretion is advised.)

 

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/2499313/Shy%20and%20Emily.ogg

(:

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  • 3 weeks later...

Day 72 (Woah! It has been that long?)

 

So here's the greatest bit of progress that has happened in all of the days I haven't updated since I'm such a lazy bum :P.

 

Emily: Hi everyone, it has been very long since I've been given the chance to write in here. How're you doing? I hope you're doing good! :D

 

Well, yesterday at night Norman went to sleep very tired, and I don't know what compelled me to try and possess him while he slept and out of the blue his body moved! It felt so great and it was fun just moving around, my first reaction was to grab his ipod and get on the irc so I could tell everyone about this, but I sat on it instead.... and since his ipod is his alarm.... it wasn't pretty....

 

Edge: Hm... my first time writing in here, about time too. The IRC is a nice place to chat but nothing like writing your own words and having them read by someone else.

 

As you already know, I'm Edge. I'm Ashley's tulpae and I'm currently living in the wonderland, it's quite nice in here, even though it's size has been greately reduced.

 

Anyway, the real reason for having me write this is to let you know that I've caught up with the other tulpae and I'm now able to possess Norman. Plus I also did a bit of sleep possessing and stole his parents' alarm clock.

 

Later now, I've talked enough.

(:

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  • 3 months later...

Em: Knock knock! Who's there? Emily, Emily who? Well me you dummies. I found this old abandoned progress report and I decided to brighten it up a bit :3.

 

Our development is going along smoothly, we feel more capable of independent thought with each passing day, Norman has kinda given up on entering the AP, then again he doesn't believe it's real at all but who knows? Only time can tell :D, until we can prove it we'll keep on with parallel processing and switching. We kinda decided to leave imposition until the end, I can't wait to be switched and use the body at 100% freedom!

 

Anyways, I've taken up too much space. Time to let Ashley talk, I hope you all had a merry christmas and a jolly Valentines :3

 

Ashley: Long time no write huh?

 

Anyways, since Emily explained the fact that we're ok, I can't say much except that living is fun, friends are amazing and there's no place like home.

 

Gosh I'm kinda bad at writing ^^' I should really talk to people more often, I'm very sorry and I hope you all have a wonderful life.

 

Amber: Hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi

 

Give us all of your money :3

 

Just kidding you sillies, I hope you're all doing wonderful monderful, anyways. Emily took all the spotlight this time, all I have to say is that he sees us ocassionaly on dreams and stuff, specially when he drinks cough syrup due to sickness. DON'T DO DRUGS PLEASE. If we ever see you on the IRC just say hi and we'll be happy to talk :3

 

Edge: Rather unusual to type my thoughts on the log.

 

Basically, Norman just said. "Hey Edge, write what you're currently thinking on the log." As if my thoughts were that random and sporadic, but since I'm already here might as well type.

 

To be honest I had really high hopes for the AP at the start, but as I slowly matured I realized it did sound too far fetched, it could be hyper realistic lucid dreaming for all we know. Yet, these are just the small ramblings of a tulpa, so if you have an opinion don't feel forced to take mine for granted. Investigate and make sure to know as much as you can about a topic before stating your posture.

 

Anyways, all is calm. School is great for Norman, we all get good attention, wonderland is fun and we still have our ocassional adventrues. Amber is quite fun, she's like a little sister with whom I always get in trouble with ^^'

 

Good luck people :)

 

Edge

 

Norman: *no comments :P*

(:

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Guest Anonymous

So much :3

 

The world of instant text based communication is altering your growth toward a direction that I can not fathom.

 

Good luck with Astral Projecting. Whatever it is, it needs more research.

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