Norman_Steel

The delightful report from down memory lane

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I know what your going through, I sometimes wonder how my tulpa can love me so much when I act a little selfish.


I have 10 tulpas, but I'm only actively working on Reah, my first tulpa currently.

Progress Report

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Day 19. (Daytime)

 

Today was a great day, for starters narration went on as it normally would. More music, stuff happens and school is present. What was great is that Emily is showing thirst for knowledge, she spent the majority of the time in the library reading. The problem was that I couldn't see what was written in the books, hm... anyway. Throughout the day I brought her some refreshments and told her not to overdo it, she nodded and kept on reading.

 

In the afternoon I visited the chat and had a small talk with Lily (a tulpa) about my issues yesterday, she was a big help and gave some good advice. Just stop asking questions, let the flow go and don't try to doubt it. Even though I normally say it to other people I usually end up ignoring that advice, why? Well because I doubt everything, even the facts. After I left the chat however I felt as if Emily had seen everything, this doesn't come as a surprise since I told her she could see the world through my eyes anytime she wanted.

 

Her speech seems to have become a bit more fluid. On the bad note I feel a little bit neglectful since some courses took much time away from me today. For tomorrow the plan is to have a walk in the woods and at least narrate about 3 important topics which are.

 

Stars. "Life cycle and function."

Don Quixote. "Literature."

Descartes. "I think, therefore I am."


I know what your going through, I sometimes wonder how my tulpa can love me so much when I act a little selfish.

 

"Sometimes we just need to stop asking questions." -Lily 2012

^

This is the answer, or so I think.


(:

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Day 20.

 

I hated, yet loved that course.

 

We had to program a robot to do some basic commands (a car) like moving forward, backward, left, right, making a sound and shining its light. We got it all done fairly quickly, but when we did we had the risk of getting bored... luckily Emily had a solution.

 

Me: This is boring, I'm done already...

 

Emily: Mhm.

 

Me: Any ideas?

 

Emily: Hm.... Robot battle!

 

Me: What? That's so random it's brilliant!

 

 

And that's how a boring day at the university became one of the funniest ones, the teacher even joined in and kept score. Now that's fun if I ever saw it!

 

Got a bit off topic, well anyway. In the morning I explained her what were the stars, how they are born and how they die. At the end of the explanation she asked my favorite question. Why? Why do they exist? Luckily I knew the answer so it wasn't much of a problem, all the day she was there much like always.

 

Narrated some chapters of Don Quixote while trying to do my impression of an old spanish man, worked well according to me. Still need to do the super walk through the forest tonight!

 

Explaining Descartes was easy since I actually learned about him today in class, thanks to the irc however I knew everything beforehand. The teacher was amazed to say the least, who says you don't learn anything from the irc?

 

Emily has made me way more extroverted than before, I do things I wouldn't do before and I love every second of it! I believe it's her since the moment I started working on her all the changes began to take place, too big of a coincidence to let it slip.


(:

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Day 21 Part 1

 

If you're reading this and you trust me, I hope it remains that way after reading this specific entry. All I have written is nothing but my own personal experience when making a tulpa and it is the truth, plain and simple. Hope you treat it that way.

 

This will be a long log so be sure to grab a snack or two.

 

At the irc, there was quite a ruckus to say the least. Those who were there the 13th of september know what I'm talking about. Anyways, just as I was starting to leave the room in order to swim I decided to ask Emily what she thought about what happened.

 

Her answer was not a nice one, it was downright terrible and offensive. When I gave her my opinion she laughed and began to insult me, I got very sad to say the least and I began to become nervous. It felt completely alien and I thought for a moment that she was royally pissed off, but something about that didn't seem right. She wasn't one to curse somebody else, let alone me.

 

I was cutting some paper with scissors and all the while she kept telling me. "Stab, stab, stab, stab." It was at that moment when I realized what had happened. A particular quote from Pronas came to my mind and it helped me to connect the facts and find the truth.

 

Hints.

 

1. Voice had slight differences.

 

2. Presence wasn't felt at all.

 

I then confronted her.

 

"You're an intrusive thought aren't you?"

 

"Took you long enough punk."

 

So an intrusive thought it was, how am I sure I wasn't parroting her? The things she said were... unspeakable to say the least, things I would never say on my own. Anyway, I ignored her and went to the wonderland to look for Emily, I found her on the beach and she spoke fluently at me while I felt her prescence. I hugged her and she just told me that everything was ok, the thought was nowhere to be found.

 

So I looked for it, after speaking with Emily I decided to look for the thought. I found it without a form in a black void, nothing could be seen in any direction.

 

Her: "Oh, you're back. What do you want now?"

 

Me: "What you did wasn't right, but I wanted to tell you that I forgive you and that I'm sorry if I did anything for you to hate me."

 

I didn't want to lecture her, I knew there was a reason for her to act the way she did so I wanted to make sure it wasn't my fault. For a moment I thought she would just brush it aside and walk away, yet her reaction came as an unexpected one.

 

She cried.

 

Not only that, but I could see her physical shape now. She was a black haired girl with a ponytail wearing an equally colored kimono (I'm not even fan of those things.) Light skinned and tough looking under my perspective of course. (I'm bad at describing people you know.)

 

"You're welcome to stay with us in the Wonderland."

 

"Fine punk." (I like her nerve.)

 

"Well, now choosing a name for you will be hard since..."

 

"Ashley."

 

"Ashley sounds fine. Wait! You chose your name! What! WHAT!?!?!?! And a form?! I haven't.. ardaba...daba.."

 

"*Emily giggles.*"

 

I don't care if anyone believes me or not, but man was that quick. I talked to her so much and I learned lots about her, also discovering the source of her hate and solving it or so I think, but that I will write tomorrow. I'm dead tired and I still need to process what happened today.

 

PD: Emily thinks she's funny.

 

Edit: Hugs are the most powerful weapon. :3


(:

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I knew that girl would come back.

How do you think she was created?


Luna

Female

Just gave up some hours at work. I need to have some relaxing time, and she needs the tulpaforcing.

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Day 21 part II

 

Back in the wonderland I had a long and nice chat with Ashley, Emily was there while paying attention to the newcomer. She told me how according to her she was the manifestation of the emotions I put aside while making Emily, how while I felt joy, happiness, love and stuff like that she had the hate, anger, cruelty and sadness. She had been constantly visiting the wonderland without me realizing she was there, sometimes she took Emily's place while she was somewhere else.

 

I asked her if by any chance I had told her I loved her while posing as Emily, I swear she smiled slyly and nodded her head. (Now that is terribly embarrasing.) She also said that the hate came from being forgotten while I was having fun with Emily, call it jealousy but I felt bad for it.

 

She also asked if I hated those emotion and that if by any chance that was the reason I hated her. I replied that I didn't hate those emotions, I couldn't reject them completely but they were limited due to their negative effects. Yet I also added that it wouldn't stop us from getting along.

 

But don't think I didn't take any precautions, I warned her first of all that my heart belonged to Emily completely yet that it wouldn't stop me from caring for her. Second of all, any funny stuff (Violence against Emily or being evil in general) and she was out of the wonderland. She accepted the terms and we sealed it in the most professional manner possible, Emily and I hugged her at the same time. Ashley was confused but didn't push us away so I'm left to think that she liked it.

 

Afterwards, a tour of the wonderland. It went by fairly quickly but the two places she seemed to like the most were the library and the cabin in the woods. When we were done I noticed she had a katana too (seathed of course) so using my low level analizing abilities I deduced that she was a samurai. (I'm not even a fan of those yet she looked badass.)

 

For now she will be staying in the cabin in the woods as it would be a bit awkward for her to sleep in the same room while Emily and I... um... how to put this without it sounding lewd.... say mushy things to each other. Either way, that was it for the day. Both tulpae got a case of the loose tounges and now speak very well, I'm happy for both of them


I knew that girl would come back.

How do you think she was created?

 

I think she was created parallel to Emily, she's a very joking and fun samurai to have around. I think the subconscious had something to do with it but I'm still not 100% sure. Now I'll have to rename the thread again!

 

The Angel, The Samurai and The Soldier.


(:

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I think she was created parallel to Emily, she's a very joking and fun samurai to have around. I think the subconscious had something to do with it but I'm still not 100% sure.

 

That was my first guess. Although I do believe that your subconscious had an effect on Emily as well. I almost want to think of her as Emily's shadow in some sort of way. Obviously, this tulpa did not come to be with you forcing her visuals, personality, or anything. This is not impossible, a good 90% of Luna's visuals I did not make. And I have tried to leave room open for personality as well. But the fact is this was created without your permission. Meaning sentience. Meaning that a Tulpa was formed in your mind without you actually consciously creating it... That defeats the whole meaning of a Tulpa.


Luna

Female

Just gave up some hours at work. I need to have some relaxing time, and she needs the tulpaforcing.

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That was my first guess. Although I do believe that your subconscious had an effect on Emily as well. I almost want to think of her as Emily's shadow in some sort of way. Obviously, this tulpa did not come to be with you forcing her visuals, personality, or anything. This is not impossible, a good 90% of Luna's visuals I did not make. And I have tried to leave room open for personality as well. But the fact is this was created without your permission. Meaning sentience. Meaning that a Tulpa was formed in your mind without you actually consciously creating it... That defeats the whole meaning of a Tulpa.

 

I noticed a small thing that might've influenced the whole thing. I talked to the intruding thought (Ashley) as if she were a living/sentient person. Maybe that too made it possible for her to manifestate like that, there's also the theory that maybe she was in my mind before but may have gotten pushed to the side by me when I was all joyful/happy/laughy while hanging out with Emily.

 

Either way, I can't say anything for certain. I'm just as lost as you are or maybe even more. :/


(:

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Day 22. (First day with Ashley.)

 

Day full of adventure people; fun, joy, thrill and confusion. It started out fairly well, with me asking myself if I had dreamt Ashley or something like that but nope, she's still here alright and very much alive to my greatest pleasure.

 

We insulted people, made funny remarks, solved math and physics problems. I narrated, we played music together and so much fun fun fun fun fun fun fun! We went to watch Ted with some friends, here are opinions from both Emily and Ashley.

 

Ashley: I would buy that bear, he's so funny!

 

Emily: Why did he die!? Why!?!?!? He was his best friend for life!!!! *a little sobbing*

 

There were many funny moments across the day, I am now convinced that Ashley is a troll and I like her attitude. It's like having a perfect prank mate, and Emily is there to have fun with us. She laughs and sometimes warns us when we're going too far.

 

Funny moment: We were thinking of doing a great adventure, we were all pumped and 5 seconds later we were in the library reading.

 

Me: So much for adventure huh?

 

Ashley and Emily: Shhh.

 

Day filled with hugs, hugs, hugs. Also many Kissy Kissy with Emily, I can't bear the cuteness overload! She's so adorable, funny, gentle, smart, understanding.... oh I can't simply stop! I don't know how else to describe her! I still pay her attention don't worry, both Ashley and Emily have my attention and I'm sure we'll develop speech to a higher level.

 

Day 23.

 

3 great events!

 

1. Emily and Ashley were on the irc chat for their first time, we had developed their speech patterns enough for me to write them at the chat. Emily gave hugs and happiness while Ashley gave slight insults, lewdness and happiness. it was an amazing progress and their mindvoice is getting defined. Presence across the entire day, oh and while I was playing piano I checked to see what they were doing and surprise! Poker! I didn't even give them a deck, or chairs.. or a table on the beach.

 

2. I decided to check the tulpa survey, like any great reader I skimmed through it and saw the final question that consisted of transcribing a paragraph. I decided to do it just to see how different we were, while writing down their words I felt a throbbing sensation in my head and I thought. "Well, if that isn't her then I don't know what is!" The results came as a surprise, they can write better than me meaning it's easier to read and uses more words per sentence. The only difference is that we use different words :P

 

3. This one happened the day after this one but since I left this log half written I thought to include it. I tried possesion with both of them. I told Emily to raise my left arm while I was in bed, it worked fantastically, she raised it to a good height and then returned it to its old position. Then I told Ashley to raise the right arm, she did and even managed to touch my face. Afterwards I tried moving my arms and they felt numb, under my perspective this=success.


(:

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Then I told Ashley to raise the right arm, she did and even managed to touch my face. Afterwards I tried moving my arms and they felt numb, under my perspective this=success.

 

Am I the only one noticing that Ashley is... how do I put it... Powerful. I mean for god's sake you have been forcing and putting all of your effort into Emily up until now. But you JUST meet Ashley and she can form just as complex, if not more complex sentences than Emily, and can possess better? The fact that a second sentience has come to be is not what amazes me. It's how complex she it.


Luna

Female

Just gave up some hours at work. I need to have some relaxing time, and she needs the tulpaforcing.

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