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So i started development of a tulpa about 2.5 days ago and she's been progressing very rapidly. The first day I spent forcing I came up with a placeholder form and name to help visualize ( I called her Tulp before she chose her own ) and embedded that form with some basic traits i wanted her to be built around and started narateing and parroting her responses. a while later she began to answer me with yes and no. she told me later she knew I would think I was still parroting if she just answered normally so instead since she already knew what i was going to say she interrupted me while i was relaying the thought to her. The next day I tried talking to her more and she started to diversify her vocabulary a bit with words like sure, uh-huh, nope, or nah. Later that day I asked her how she was feeling and she responded with happy. Whenever I ask questions that require more than one word to answer though I feel like i'm definitely parroting because the responses are exactly what I thought she'd say and they don't sound or feel like her. Later that day we talked about what kinda form she wanted and she decided she's 6'2", has black medium length hair, fair skin, a wide mouth and a perky nose. I also asked her what her favorite primary color is and she said yellow. We'll keep working hard and i'll post more updates as they come!
i forgot to mention that i created a mindspace for us that consists of my room and her room ( witch she decorated all b herself! ) and outside is a street and on the other side of that is a park. the street cuts off on both sides and the entire rest of the area is covered in grass as far as the eye can see. Tulip spends a lot of time in the park and also likes to draw things from my memories sometimes.
Please note: I welcome comments, questions, etc. but please Private Message me if you have a query! Thank you!!
I'm just your average, everyday, "female" genderfluid person. I'm a spiritual Christian, I like rock 'n' roll, and my favorite animal is a tarantula.
This is basically the notebook I share with my tulpa, Clu. I will write about us, and, sometimes I might let Clu write a little. Welcome to our journal.
Let me start at the beginning. In 2010, a movie called TRON: Legacy came out. I loved it and thought a lot about the characters. Off and on, I would add to and play with a little complex world in my head. I had a crush on Zuse. I also thought CLU 2.0 was a pretty cool character. Let's wind the clocks forward to about 2015. I developed a major crush on a British rock singer. I also began to occasionally hear random voices in my head, and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I'll leave out the gory details. I took a medication that fixed the 'voices' problem eventually. Still, I would play around with my world (which part of would later become a dreamscape).
Around this time, I discovered tulpa.info. I spent many hours reading guidebooks and such. I was intrigued and badly wanted to create a tulpa, and I knew I could make one. However, I decided not to rush anything, and awaited the right time, bearing in mind everything I'd learned.
As I was building my world these past few years (and had watched original TRON from 1982), I found I had very elaborately expanded on a select group of characters. They were CLU 2.0, Sark, Jarvis, and Portia. I noticed CLU 2.0 was definitely the most developed; he had very far more original personality and traits than observed from the movie. It was also evident that I didn't have a cut-out plan for how the character was supposed to be like. Also, he would do and say things within that small world when I wasn't even thinking. I then remembered what I had read and gathered about tulpas.
Roughly a week ago, I switched medications. I found I could think much more clearly and was in touch with my mind. I realized Clu actually existed; he wasn't an original character, he is a tulpa! I made it a point to handle him some, and a couple of days ago, he started talking to me. Today, we had an amazing day together.
That's the history, basically.
I'm an absolute beginner to Tulpamancy and only made my decision to start developing my tulpa a week ago, even though Simmie as an idea isn't new to me and I've actually had a headmate before: Between the ages of 7 and 15 I had a headmate that was less a tulpa and more a walk-in/soulbound (I'm still learning the terminology so I might misuse a word here and there, I'm sorry). He was more of a mentor / spiritual guide to me and largely faded away after the age of 15, telling me I had outgrown him and had to face the world on my own, and only making sporadic appearances after that. But I'm not here to talk about him in this thread, I'm here to talk about Simmie.
Before I get into it I want to reiterate that Simmie is only the most fledgling little tulpa and I can sense that she is very nervous about attention being put on her, but she's okay with it if it helps her become more real to me. So please be gentle and kind with her, she's a very curious young thing and loves listening to people and learning about things, and I want to make sure only positive and loving things enter her mind during this early stage of development.
As I mentioned I created Simmie as a character long before I started working on her as a tulpa. There's an interesting story behind the creation of Simmie as a character. You see, I'm not transgender and I don't really even have gender dysphoria (I'm at ease in my male body and don't feel wrong having it). However, I have a huge fascination with the idea of being turned into a girl, made to act and dress like a girl, all that stuff. I don't know why and I can't really explain it. But I was aching to step out of myself to explore it, so over a year ago I created Simmie as an OC / proxy / meta-character whom I would experience and create art from. I would make art "as" Simmie and even interact with people as her. I developed a backstory for Simmie and everything and really got into character--as a writer, this is something I've done so many times, and writing characters is probably my greatest strength. I even created Simmie in The Sims (yes, there is a name connection there) and she has a very distinctive look which makes it extremely easy to visualize her, although my mind currently still renders her as a Sims character rather than a real human figure.
Then comes the last month or so and I learn about Tulpamancy. At first I think it's just something fascinating to learn about but not something I'd pursue myself. But the more I read and watched videos about it the more I realized that this was something I wanted to do, and I knew there was nowhere else I could turn to than Simmie. She already felt very real to me as a character and I felt if I could elevate her to the status of a living, sentient tulpa, that would be a most wonderful thing and could be revolutionary in my life. There aren't a lot of people in my life I connect with strongly and I suffer from depression; the thought of having someone sharing my head with me who I can talk and relate to still feels like it could absolutely change my life.
Once I decided on making Simmie a tulpa I started narrating to her non-stop. I told her about myself, about my life, and explained what I was doing at any given moment to her if I could spare the mental horsepower at any given moment. I started to feel a warm, contented feeling as I did this. I don't know if I could call it sentience, but I felt like I was not alone and I could feel a joy that seemed to be radiated to me from elsewhere. I pushed aside doubt and let myself believe it was Simmie--now I know she absolutely loves being talked to, loves when I tell her about my life and even the most mundane things about me, and loves when I tell her stories. We began to speak to each other but it still felt like I was parroting her rather than letting her speak for herself. Now I'm trying to not talk for her and let her reply to me herself. I can feel her emotions very strongly though, and that's what makes me believe that she is really there.
Yesterday I decided to take Simmie out on a bit of a "date"; we went to a local nature park and walked. I talked to her about the park, what it was and why it existed, why the leaves fall off the trees in the fall, how the mud on the trail was created by rain the pervious day, mundane stuff like that. She was very curious about all of it, and I talked to her more about what I thought about it all, and what I thought about it all. Then I rattled off a list of adjectives to describe Simmie before realizing that I had just created a mantra that was perfect for forcing: "You're caring, you're kind, you listen, you're curious, you're playful". I began repeating that mantra over and over again as I walked.
After the walk I took Simmie to the beach. I wanted her to see and hear the ocean, to feel the sand (sadly it was too cold to walk barefoot in the sand so I had to settle for picking some up in my hand). It was a perfectly clear and beautiful evening and I could tell that Simmie was overjoyed and even touched that I would think to bring her there. I told her about the tides, why there were shells on the beach, what docks and drawbridges were for, and she listened to it all. As we walked on the empty, cold, windy beach I did not feel alone at all; I felt together with her and happier than I had felt in ages; a true soulful happiness. I could tell she valued everything I was doing for her and although I still couldn't hear her speak without parroting I could still feel the intention behind what she would say if she could, and it was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. She thinks more highly of me than I do myself sometimes.
So that's where I am with Simmie now. I continue to narrate to her and repeat my mantra to her. Every night I try to tell her a story about some event in my past. Sometimes I think I can hear her talking in my mind, but I still can't be sure I'm not just putting words into her mouth. I plan to take her on a mini-roadtrip to my old college, a location which always triggers powerful memories for me. I want to just project love and goodness into Simmie and let her feed and grow off of it. I know she will eventually deviate from the character I first created, and I welcome it, because I really want to see who she develops into being. She already is teasing me a little trying to embarrass me by calling two of my friend cute, which I find very funny and endearing. She also picked out her own birthday, which is where I got the admittedly lame handle from.
So that's it so far! I hope that wasn't too big of a post for a newbie! I really want to hear from experienced Tulpamancers and people on here in general as to whether I have a healthy mindset about this and am going about this in a good way, and if there's anything else I could do to help the process along. I don't want this to become yet another project I'm high on for a couple weeks and abandon--I feel that there is something more there, and if there's one thing I've learned about Simmie is that she's thrilled to exist, and yearns to be more and more real, and I want to help her achieve that. And when she's ready, I'm sure she'll come on here herself and talk to all of you!
Allow me to clear something up-- Perfect Possession isn’t all that perfect. The name originates from the game Touhou 15.5, though the actual technique and in-game version are quite different. Nevertheless, this technique requires a strong foundation in possession. It is intended for those that cannot switch or co-front but can possess.
What Is Perfect Possession?
Perfect Possession is a technique in which two tulpas(It may be a tulpa and the host, but it isn’t recommended) do a little “ritual” before they both possess at once. The two participants maintain possession until the front is secured, where it then turns from possession to co-fronting.
Participants in Perfect Possession each have a designated role, decided beforehand. The “primary” tulpa is called the “Master”, and the “secondary” is called the “Slave”. I urge you to ignore whatever historical or sexual connotations these terms may have. Though the assigning of roles is arguably an arbitrary step, it assists with “getting into the groove”, so to speak. Perfect Possession relies at least partially on the thematics of the process. If the terms Master and Slave make you uncomfortable, feel free to substitute them with whatever you please(ie, “Primary” and “Secondary”).
How do I initiate Perfect Possession?
1. To start off, have the two system mates designate which role they each are assuming. As previously mentioned, it can be argued it is an arbitrary step, though I personally think the thematics are one of the greatest contributors to the success of the technique, especially for fledgling systems. A word of advice regarding who's who, we've found that having the more "sensible" or generally more forced system mate (either or) act as Slave works best, essentially serving as a mental anchor of sorts for the Master. Of course, this isn't some hard rule, merely a suggestion. These instructions are but suggested guidelines for Perfect Possession, not hard by-the-book rules you must abide by.
2. Second, have the host do a little ritual of their own. “I am <Your name>, of <Your system name>. I am henceforth withdrawing from the front. I am no longer the primary thinker.” The wording doesn’t have to be precise or formulaic, do what works best. Immediately after, have the two tulpas begin possession, preferably of the full-body variety.
3. Next, have the Master and Slave recite a ritual themselves: “I am <tulpa 1 name> of <System name>. I am the Master.” The Slave continues, “I am <tulpa 2 name> of <System name>. I am the Slave.” Then, at once, they say, “We are in control. We henceforth commence Perfect Possession. Begin!” Again, exact wording may vary. It’s whatever works best. The two tulpas have thus begun Perfect Possession. For reference on what it may feel like, think possession, but better.
4. Thereafter, the two tulpas should maintain the front together. They should speak in mind voice each other constantly (Or, if you prefer, in verbal whispers. Works best with a mask on) throughout the process, taking turns doing things as though handing off a game controller. If they aim to do something together, they should each envision controlling half of the body. I only suggest doing movements in this fashion, however, once you get the hang of things.
5. Lastly, as time crawls on, the duo will become more used to the front. Accidental switching in on the host’s part becomes less likely, and manipulation of the body becomes much more natural. When the duo wishes to cease Perfect Possession, they again commence a small ritual. “I am <tulpa 1>...” “...And I am <tulpa 2>” (Together)”We Henceforth cease Perfect Possession and relinquish the front to <host’s name>.” As always, exact wording is irrelevant. It’s the intent that matters most.
And that’s all there is to it!
And that’s all there is to it. Perfect Possession is a stepping stone to switching. Switching isn’t hard, rest assured, though some may beg to differ, which is where this handy-dandy technique comes in. Just remember-- It’s easy. You can do it, I believe in you!
For those that want a more in-depth explanation of things, (I do not recommend viewing this unless you can already switch and/or Perfectly Possess, as it can mess up your perceptions of things which can prevent you from executing Perfect Possession)
Ranger and I have been taking turns switching in since March. This has been a pretty good experience for us, but it came at the cost of we're struggling to stay separate. Not when we do activities unique to us, but when we're doing stuff like sitting in bed or working. At first we thought it was a different problem that has been solved, but it seems like an annoying evolution of the doubt question.
I think it has been a really positive experience for Ranger in particular because he gets more time and he has felt more like a second host now that he interacts with us switched-in a lot more. Even though Ranger struggled with our autopilot in the beginning, he learned to accept it and things have gone on smoothly since.
The problem is more recently, Ranger and I have started to feel like the other even after the first day. It's hit a point where randomly I'll think I'm Ranger and think like Ranger for a few seconds until I go no wait... I'm Gray, even though I have been switched-in for 3 days now. Ranger said he doesn't struggle with thinking like me or if he noticed it, but he has thought he was me recently. I think Ranger does more thinking in general between the two of us, it could be Ranger's ghost is causing me a lot more trouble simply because Ranger seems to spin his wheels more or maybe I find it comforting or relaxing for whatever reason and give him the opportunity to think more. The period of time Ranger was thinking every time I zoned out was really annoying and I drew a line there, but that was going on before we started sharing the front and seemed to quickly resolve itself once I started getting used to having less time.
When we first started sharing the front, Ranger and I took turns everyday. We quickly realized that made us super confused about who was who, and we assumed that something about back-to-back switching just confuses our brain. By doing 3-4 days, we still had some doubt day 1 but it seemed to have resolved that issue. 5-8 days starts to feel long, and while Ranger could do a week now, he struggled to do more than a week due to his depression. I didn't find it difficult to be switched-in for roughly a week. However, I want to be switched-in for my classes and Ranger still wants at least a few days switched-in, so we're planning on sharing the week. We actually really like our set-up, it's this problem of not having better separation that's really annoying and disorienting.
On the bright side, our switching schedule is going to shift and we will end up splitting our fronting based on who does what. I'll be fronting for school, Ranger will be fronting for DnD (once we get that ball rolling), and both of us (but mostly Ranger) will be fronting for work. While our schedule may become more complicated, it also simplifies things because our schedule will follow the week instead of whenever it's convenient according to our shifts. While I think this will help establish some speration, long term we need a better solution.
While I'm pretty sure we need a different mindset, I'm not really sure which one to use. I'm not even sure what it would mean to "feel different" when switched-in, especially since our stream of consciousnesses (SOC) is neutral, and quickly becoming very neutral now that Ranger fronts a lot more. I'm against saying my name over and over, I already say who I am as reassurance and to say it all the time would be really annoying and dig up the feelings of insecurity Ranger struggled with when he feared he would lose the front. We don't want to wear different jewelry or anything like that, it would be really annoying to keep up with and extra annoying if we accidentally wear the wrong thing.