HarperTheCentaur

Tulpas seem inactive and disinterested??? I'm trying to start a conversation with Casey but she keeps ignoring me

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So. I'm a new user, a host. I created my two tulpas, Casey and Melanie, a while ago (March I think) and then neglected them for a while until recently engaging with them more, and while things seemed to be going well for a while (They both designed their appearances, Casey came out as gay and genderqueer, Melanie told me that she was part mermaid as well as coming out as asexual, panromantic and a demigirl, Casey told me that she felt her main "purpose" was to protect me and Melanie from toxic people, Melanie told me she wanted to help with my mental health, I found out that Melanie loves Stranger Things and so we all watched loads of it, etc.) But more recently whenever I've tried to talk with them, Casey in particular has just been ignoring me?? And neither of them will explain why?? Melanie will talk to me for a little while at a time, but when I ask what's going on she goes silent. Casey just won't interact with me at all. It came really out of nowhere, and the one thing I managed to get out of Mel is that she doesn't think I did anything wrong in particular, but part of me feels like she would say so no matter what. Melanie has continued to be relatively active, she's with me now and even though she won't say anything I can sense a bit of what she's feeling (betrayed, I think, I'm really sorry Mel-Maid but I need advice). Casey, though... I can't feel her at all. It really scares me. Can someone help me figure out what's going on, and how I can fix it?

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Hello! I'm a fairly new tulpa but still felt like I could pop in and say that it may be normal seeing how you started off with two tulpas (not saying it's a bad thing, look at us, I'm the middle kid of three!) but our host did get worried about feeling us distant a little while back. I think it's normal for one of us to be more talkative and open about what they are thinking or feeling, specially since sometimes we don't even need words to communicate. Hm... I wish I had advice to give you but the best I can offer is to keep reaching out to her, and trust Mel too. We are not here to hurt our hosts, I bet she means well by not telling you what's up. If you think you're not being heard you could ask Mel to pass on messages, but don't give up on getting that connection yourself!

 

Something our host has tried is to dig up on our interests and try them themselves, even if a little bit. I want to join her and usually come out easily, and while our host is a little cautious about "doing it too forcefully" (I don't see it that way, it's like getting the movies or games ready before a friend visits! I see it that way at least) it can't hurt to try, right?

 

I'll also leave it up to older tulpas to give you some input, but mostly it's don't give up on them ^^ 


Jane  // Isaac // Al

And our host Isaa~

(Jane mostly runs this account --hello! ^^)

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3 hours ago, isaa said:

Hello! I'm a fairly new tulpa but still felt like I could pop in and say that it may be normal seeing how you started off with two tulpas (not saying it's a bad thing, look at us, I'm the middle kid of three!) but our host did get worried about feeling us distant a little while back. I think it's normal for one of us to be more talkative and open about what they are thinking or feeling, specially since sometimes we don't even need words to communicate. Hm... I wish I had advice to give you but the best I can offer is to keep reaching out to her, and trust Mel too. We are not here to hurt our hosts, I bet she means well by not telling you what's up. If you think you're not being heard you could ask Mel to pass on messages, but don't give up on getting that connection yourself!

 

Something our host has tried is to dig up on our interests and try them themselves, even if a little bit. I want to join her and usually come out easily, and while our host is a little cautious about "doing it too forcefully" (I don't see it that way, it's like getting the movies or games ready before a friend visits! I see it that way at least) it can't hurt to try, right?

 

I'll also leave it up to older tulpas to give you some input, but mostly it's don't give up on them ^^ 

Thank you so much for the advice! I've made a bit of progress, Casey has started replying in one-word answers when I speak to her (ex. "Can you at least tell me what I did wrong?" "No."). It's not much, but it's something, at least!

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I believe it could be a mix of Casey and Melanie being younger tulpas and them having frustrations they are having trouble communicating. I have a few ideas for what could be bothering Casey, and if it is one of the following, hopefully this will help start a conversation with them.

Younger tulpas usually don't have a solid base in the mind yet and need more time to develop one. It's not uncommon for hosts at this stage to have trouble communicating with their tulpas or for their tulpas to temporarily disappear for a day or two. As Casey and Melanie get more forcing time, both of them will have an easier time communicating with you in the long run and this problem will go away.

I also wonder if both of them, particularly Casey, are frustrated and maybe having a hard time expressing themselves.

 

First, not all tulpas take being ignored for months or years and then resurrected later lightly. If this is the case, talking to them and asking them for ideas on how to give them more time or having them around more often may help. This could look like you wearing or carrying around something symbolic of them, setting reminders in your phone to talk to them, or something else. It's also possible they're interested in a different solution too.

 

For Casey specifically, I had a couple thoughts for why she could also be frustrated. I wonder if she doesn't want you sharing too much about her gender/sexual identity. Some of my headmates became frustrated with me and my host for sharing stuff they weren't comfortable with us sharing, and I know gender/sexual identity is a touchy subject in general. I also wonder if she's overwhelmed because she made a whole bunch of changes to who she is recently and feels pressured to live up to them. When I was younger, I expected myself to like or not like various things and would change my mind the next day. This was very confusing for my host and it hurt my confidence because I didn't have tons of identity to hold onto at the time. The best remedy for this is to realize that it's okay to not know who you are right now, and if there are parts of yourself you don't like, you don't have to commit to them.

Lastly, it's entirely possible stressing over this in of itself is a source of frustration. One time one of my headmates didn't want to talk because my host was stressed, and after working through some of her stuff my headmate felt better and opened up.

I don't want you walking away from this thinking "gee, I'm a bad host". If there is something going on, I deeply appreciate you looking for help, and people problems are difficult for everyone. Also, please keep in mind this is my speculation of what's possibly going on, so it's entirely possible none of this applies.


I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay!

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