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FiveFiction

Fourfiction’s Life and Shit

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Posted (edited)

I am Fourfiction/Nonfiction/Historical, and boy do I have a hilariously lit story to share. Older members might remember my antics, or not, but either way I’ll weave y’all a yarn.

 

I first joined the forums around 2012, roughly when I was 16-17ish as I’m turning 25 this year. I was and still am a bumbling idiot. After messing with tulpamancy and making a ton of tulpas  over the course of a couple years, some complete and some abandoned ‘projects’, I abandoned the whole shabang and moved on. Forgot all about them.

 

...or so I thought.

 

while it might have been coincidence, right about this time I started getting sleep paralysis and being truly fucked with by ‘demons’ I saw in broad daylight as basically shadow people. They would always go after me as I try to fall asleep or right as I wake up. Grab my ankles, sit on my chest til I could barely breathe, etc. basic sleep paralysis hallucinations.  This happened every few nights to the point where I honestly feared going to sleep. I tried everything to get rid of them from religion to sleep medication but the only thing that worked was alcohol. I was 19 around this time but found a liquor store that would sell to me....and I straight up became their best customer. I drank myself to sleep every night for a few years and even though the paralysis and demon-assholes still fucked with me about half as much as usual, I was usually so drunk I was like “bring it on bitches let’s fuckin SCRAP” and wouldn’t even flinch anymore. I then met someone who claimed to know a lot about the occult and mysticism, stuff I was fascinated by at the time. 

 

Long story short, I joined their crazy cult for a couple years and learned some weird shit about meditation, spiritual shit, and the mind. Made some friends, fought some ghosts and shit, and then got out alive. Haven’t spoken to them in years and don’t plan to. Too crazy, even for me. Took me 2 years after leaving for my life to return to normal, too.

 

But the weirdest trip about that person was when they were talking about servitors one day and I mentioned tulpas. They nodded and said they called those something else, but already knew I made them, as they could still see them around me. They counted 24 ‘spirits’ following me around like confused, dazed lost kittens. Needless to say that freaked me out a bit, but I was impressed. I had them blindly confirm some details of a few of their forms and names to me, which they did correctly. They said they understood my reasons for making them, but that I was basically a dumbass about it all and that it would be best if I ‘reabsorbed’ them all and let them rest - as apposed to leaving them to literally hover around me like lost, confused souls. 
 

So we set up this simple-enough ritual and did the thing and the fuckin trippiest thing was when I absorbed all two dozen of them back into my head - simultaneously. After years of thinking they were gone, years of thinking they were just an old thought experiment I grew bored with and moved on from, years of nothing.....I heard them. I heard them ALL. They were crying. Every single one of them. Some of them soft sobbing, others wailing in sorrow, and everything in between. I had forgotten most of them after all that time, but I heard them all and instantly remembered every single one of them. It hurt. I freaked out. Bad.
 

Then, like a rubber band snapping, the ritual ended and they went silent....and I felt more whole than I had in years. Like a missing piece of my fuckin soul was returned to me. I was rather distant and spacey for weeks after that night.
 

And the sleep paralysis stopped for the most part. I still get it, but it’s like a twice a year thing and I’m so used to it after those rough years that I can feel it coming a mile away and stop it from fully hitting me. It’s not ‘demons’ anymore either, just my body itself fucking around for a few seconds.

 

Nowadays I live a pretty hella atheist existence as far away from that occult shit as I can because I know the day I start believing in that shit again it might start happening around me again and I don’t want to have to put up with all that. I ain’t no Sam fuckin Winchester. 
 

But curiosity is my bitch. I came back on these forums and read my old progress report, at least the one I hadn’t deleted, and figured I should share the ‘rest’ of it. You don’t have to believe me. I honestly couldn’t care less. Just wanted to say hi after all these years, and if anyone wants to ask me some questions about absolutely anything at all feel free to shoot. 
 

I’ll answer what I can. Would love to talk to some tulpas too, but might do that elsewhere on the forums.


Also, figured it would be an interesting add-on for the metaphysical crowd:

 

At one point a few years ago it was brought to my attention that Claire might not be a tulpa, per se, but a close friend from a past life. She had green eyes and blonde hair back then, and while I was learning of this info my eye color changed from blue to a greener tint for a few minutes and my aura shifted temporarily. I didn’t see it myself, but my friends right next to me confirmed it as they saw it happening. I personally don’t believe it on basis of science and not being too much of a believer in that stuff anyways, but I’ve experienced even weirder and unexplainable shit before so I really don’t know what to make of it. Would love to hear a metaphysical homie’s thoughts on it though.

Edited by Ranger
Merged second and first post together

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5 hours ago, FiveFiction said:

Long story short, I joined their crazy cult for a couple years and learned some weird shit about meditation, spiritual shit, and the mind. Made some friends, fought some ghosts and shit, and then got out alive. Haven’t spoken to them in years and don’t plan to. Too crazy, even for me. Took me 2 years after leaving for my life to return to normal, too.

I would love to hear more about this if you wouldn't mind sharing

 

5 hours ago, FiveFiction said:

But the weirdest trip about that person was when they were talking about servitors one day and I mentioned tulpas. They nodded and said they called those something else, but already knew I made them, as they could still see them around me. They counted 24 ‘spirits’ following me around like confused, dazed lost kittens. Needless to say that freaked me out a bit, but I was impressed. I had them blindly confirm some details of a few of their forms and names to me, which they did correctly. They said they understood my reasons for making them, but that I was basically a dumbass about it all and that it would be best if I ‘reabsorbed’ them all and let them rest - as apposed to leaving them to literally hover around me like lost, confused souls. 

are you certain that this wasn't a hot reading? did they have any information that they could have used to, before this interaction, find your tulpa.info account or other information footprint that had the information about your tulpas that they mentioned? also, could the information that they shared have just been guessed? could some of the things that they described have just been likely to be true when there are possibly 24 different people that they are describing? of course it's also possible that they were just pulling an XKCD 628


I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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Posted (edited)

Breloomancer:

 

what part do you want to know about lol it was two years of shit. They taught me what I would liken to a tai-chi energy control meditation where you direct your body’s ‘chi’ during meditation to different parts of the body for different reasons. Helps with visualization and focus of the will. The fighting ghosts thing was like some spiritual combat shit we used to drive off or straight up dismember the common malevolent spirit that fucked with us either at home or out and about - an example being when I ‘fucked up’ with cleansing an establishment of poltergeists and was disciplined later by having a weak poltergeist released in my room that I had to deal with on my own. Very culty lmao

 

as far as their reading, I definitely think they were full of shit in most aspects so I tried to do blind tests where they would have to answer questions only I knew. When I asked them details on a select few I knew well, they were accurate on every one and even gave additional details I didn’t request that only I would know. Was definitely creepy. As far as the tulpas altogether, no one knew about them but me because I made it a point to never tell my friends. Could have been more or less than 24 since I only remember about 15-20 of them, but I know I DID experiment a lot with various forms and personalities to the point where I would force for a week or two and before I noticed any hints of sentience I would move on to another one and experiment with different techniques. I figured that at most I had more of servitors than tulpas and didn’t feel bad about abandoning them for another one since I view servitors as basically akin to lifeless computer programs of a sort.


Additional metaphysical meat and potatoes regarding tulpas:

 

In the spiritualist’s technique, tulpas are created using a tiny sliver/shard of the host’s soul, thus giving them the sentience and autonomy they have. My mistake was giving my tulpas ‘chunks’ of my soul when they don’t need nearly that much. If given too much ‘life’ so to speak, they can become truly autonomous and that dives into the realm of creating fully independent spirits that can interact with other people, which is hella bad idea. Another spiritualist I met later when I moved to Colorado also asked me why I had so many spirits following me. In their words: “it’s common for someone to have none, one, or even two - we all can have loved ones or old family members follow us through different lifetimes.....but holy shit man what did you do?”

 

Sex and tulpas: the emotional energy of sex feeds them in a way and also doubles as a slight but powerful drug for them.....much like flesh and blood sex actually lmao but just way more addictive. Hence why they crave it like mine did. Passionate, loving sex is akin to a soul-bonding event for them - which is a powerful thing. Coincidentally enough, the only tuppers I sexed were the two that grew to be the strongest by far: Claire and Kat.


I never had it confirmed or really looked into, but I personally believe my sleep paralysis demons were my own corrupted and tormented tulpas that had been ‘locked in the darkness of my mind’ for way too long. Without love, care, and attention I believe tulpas created in this metaphysical way can become corrupted - similar to how a pet can become feral when alone without care.
 

additional story time:
At one point a couple months before they were slammed back into my mind and reabsorbed, I went into a deep trance-like meditation to try and find them. I entered an infinite darkness within my mind and fell for what felt like hours, passing different wonderlands and worlds I had created for them. The wonderlands that once looked like lush forests and beaches, now years of abandonment later, looked like radioactive hellscapes straight out of Fallout 3. And they were void of life, both tulpas and even the simple wildlife I populated them with. Grass and plants were dead. Trees were leafless trunks of deadwood. When I eventually hit the rock bottom of this fall, I saw nothing in the darkness around me but mutated creatures wandering around in despair - occasionally fighting and eating each other to survive. And the biggest, strongest mf-er in charge was Claire, with Kat close behind. They had an animalistic pecking order designated by literally how strong, developed, and sentient they were. It was fucking intense. I blew out of that deep meditation, that took me several minutes to enter, instantly. I was panting for a minute lol it was one of those deep trances where you have to get your bearings if you come back too hard.
 

Basically I believe my tulpas never truly went away, but were left to their own devices in all my wonderland worlds where they eventually escaped to wander my mind and grow feral - with the two most developed ones essentially running the place. During the ritual to reabsorb them I had to find and grab them all one by one, which was easy enough. But Claire, the last one, was like grabbing a pissed-as-fuck lioness. She was not happy to see me and fought the whole way through. I legit cried as I held her soul that night. Reabsorbing her actually made me bleed, as the ritual involved slamming them into my soul, and she struggled so much it left a pin-prick mark on my chest.

 

oddly enough, Kat was accepting when I found her and just nodded and sat down, ‘letting it happen’. I watched her sit with her head bowed as she was reabsorbed into me. That hurt in a whole different way.

 

Edited by FiveFiction
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2 hours ago, FiveFiction said:

what part do you want to know about lol it was two years of shit

I don't know, all of it sounds interesting. I guess that the part about fighting ghosts sounds especially interesting though. did you lay traps in the form of sigils and stuff, or did you actually fight them in real time? and if you had to fight them in real time, how would you even know if the ghost was where you were attacking, since they're invisible? I don't actually believe in any metaphysical stuff, but I think that it is fascinating to learn about. it's messed up that they put a ghost in your room though. is it a lot more difficult to try to take on a ghost alone, rather than with a team?

 

it is crazy that all that stuff happened to you. thanks for sharing your experience


I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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Posted (edited)

Traps, defenses, and such were the main focus. Always used defense preemptively and had offensive techniques as a last resort. Light sigil work for sure, as well as designating living places as protected. The spiritual combat was real time and I guess you could say it is similar to really advanced psionics with ‘energy’ blasts and shit (Enargee mannnn). We would use energy similar to our soul’s energy to conjure weapons that would hurt spirits basically - in fact we trained by using them on each other and you could feel a slight sting or burn if you got hit by one. Think of it like Witchcraft spells where you use wands, totems, and talismans not for fancy rituals so much, but simply just to focus your subconscious and conscious will and intent - which is the real meat and gravy of magic. Except we cut out the middle man/fluff and just went straight to training our body and will to be intertwined to where instead of using a wand to focus your will you could just use your hand or so, but we often didn’t need to.
 

As far as seeing ghosts, you can train yourself to see them. I had a head start more than anyone else in the little group of us in the cult because I fucked with basic spells I found on the Internet when I was like 13 lol and I sort of ‘cracked the door open’ to that sort of stuff. I also had researched occult stuff for years as a little hobby so I could understand concepts easier - and I was also less edgier than some of my friends. I learned everything quicker lol

 

On seeing spirits, that took me a year and started as feeling their presence as in a general area the ghost might be, then learning how to sense the intent of the presence to determine good/bad spirits, then highly accurate sensing to where you can ‘feel’ the shape and such, and finally you train your eyes to see a slight mirage. I could see the mirage nine times out of ten so tracking them was relatively easy, especially since I could sense them without looking directly at them. So if they fled I could sense them for about 30 feet or so through walls and such. Not gonna lie, it was fun as shit some times but the rest of the time it was terrifying lol. My specialty was mainly defense, so when we went on ‘training hunts’ around haunted areas I was mainly defense and watching everyone else’s back.

 

And for the poltergeist in my room, I actually dealt with that using my own technique. Where they wanted me to fight and subdue/trap it using spells they taught me, I instead used my own type of meditation and removed its ability to feed off of my fear altogether. At one point I was deep in meditation and it drifted right up to my face. I opened my eyes, saw a faint mirage a foot from my face and smiled, because my technique was based on empathetic connection. I viewed it not as ‘evil’ but just hungry. I nodded in respect to it, basically acknowledging it without being scared of it, and it left forever.


17 hours ago, Breloomancer said:

thanks for sharing your experience

Not a problem, I enjoy talking about some of it. My stance on it is that I don’t believe the cult leader knew wtf they were talking about half the time.....but if you look close enough in the right/wrong places you WILL find some freaky shit in this world that has absolutely no logical or rational explanation.......and it’s only a matter of time until some dumbass comes along and says they ‘understand it’ and can teach someone to master it. I will admit, as dangerous as that shit was I do miss the terrifying joyride of a few years that it was. Life’s kinda bland now lol but I’m cool with it.

 

We all only know as much as we experience, the rest is nothing more but theories and conjecture.

Edited by FiveFiction

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On 7/1/2020 at 5:17 AM, fennecgirl said:

Yikes. You make my story sound sane. Glad you're alright now!

I couldn’t remember much about many of the old members after all the years, but after just reading your post in the PR board....holy shit that rang a lot of bells. Good to see you again, Fennec.

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Posted (edited)

Hello! I dabble in metaphysical, but I stay grounded as much as possible and stay skeptical. When thinking of my headmates as connected to my higher self or as tapping into intuition, or as spirit guides, that's all good, but thinking that an 'evil' spirit can do shit to me, I nope out of that, no thanks.

 

Quote

Another spiritualist I met later when I moved to Colorado also asked me why I had so many spirits following me. In their words: “it’s common for someone to have none, one, or even two - we all can have loved ones or old family members follow us through different lifetimes.....but holy shit man what did you do?”

 

I always wanted to go to a reader and say, what do you see, then try to impose them around me. Of course I don't expect them to see anything, but if they did that would be trippy.

 

Quote

I could see the mirage nine times out of ten so tracking them was relatively easy, especially since I could sense them without looking directly at them.

 

I've seen Misha a few times, and 'mirage' is a good way to describe it. I've also seen her in a full on apparition out of the corner of my eye, but it could have been a reflection off my glasses. Then again, she says it was her, so it leaves me with believing her and resolving it as imposition (hallucination), especially since her presence was there too. I don't personally consider this metaphysical. It's too tame. The whole experience could be a mental projection. I'm not saying they weren't spirits, I'm saying their connection to you would come through your own subconscious. You're not 'seeing' light and shadow, you're mind is imposing that based on subconsious cues that may or may not have a metaphysical origin, imo.

 

For mass sightings, it gets trickier to think there's a non-metaphysical explanation. Saying it's a mass hallucination is a huge cop out imo.

 

My metaphysical theory:

 

Personally I believe tulpas are created to the point of being autonomous, but that this shell is capable of attracting 'spirits' to you that basically posess the thoughtform and give them that independence.

I further believe that once attached to you (we would share a body, mind and spiritual energy), they become indoctrinated in your thought processes including diction and mannerisms. At this point they can be 'charmed' by you in that way. They then also can get that sexual attraction at this point and I can imagine it's good for them. The few times we had these encounters, due to semi-lucid dream initiation, which was without inhibitions, they're much stronger for it. It's not necessary though, affection works just fine.

 

 

Thanks for sharing!

Edited by Bear

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