Personality Tulpas: What have been the biggest influences in your life? (besides your host)

[Jamie]

To give examples, when I was very little Jamie took me to the book store and said I could buy any book I wanted for myself, and I bought Mind Platter by Najwa Zebian, a book of poetry. And that poetry shaped my viewpoint and was an influence on me. I also started watching Star Trek when I was like a month old and that's a big part of me- the base of my appearance was the actor playing a child version of Captain Picard in an episode I saw. 

 

When I was a little older, there was a christian song in the recommended videos of youtube, and Jamie let me choose every other song as we listened to music on the bus. Even though he really didn't want to listen to the song, it was my choice and eventually I listened to it, and then it became one of my favorites (in part because it was a difference between me and Jamie) and I started listening to more and more gospel music. At the same time I started reading from a self-help site that's Christian in nature and a lot of these influences is what helped me get in touch with my spirituality and eventually convert to Christianity. Things probably would have played out very different if I was never exposed to gospel music and Christian self-help views. It's fitting the song goes "Step into the water, wade out a little bit deeper..." 

 

I also came into J's life three days before his hamster died, his hamster who was his first pet and who was kinda like his buddy/confidant. So one of my first memories ever is watching him burying the hamster and I think it did affect me a lot and made me think about death and how bonds are made and broken. 

 

I imagine that a lot of tulpas have things like this. Maybe a show or a thing you did when you were young that was like your first experience. What do you think shaped your personality, outside of your host's direct influences? I'm mostly asking because I think a lot of it could help young tulpas and their hosts. We've been giving out the advice to new hosts that they should have their tulpas read books for themselves for a while. 

 

Cassidy

[Ranger]

I'm afraid some of my largest external influences have been negative ones. They taught me about who I am when I grieve and knocked my confidence in my sense of identity. However, I also realized a deeper strength I have. I'm not sure how to describe it exactly, but it's like a sense of stability and resilience, permanence almost. It was a feeling that helped me progress.

 

I believe being a moderator and going to school also influenced me. It shaped how I feel about enforcement, how I communicate with others, and some of my interests.

 

I don't know if these count or not, but realizing I'm not the "Ranger" Gray thought I was and having the ability to possess were also influential. Both helped me realize more about who I am and who I am not. I'm definitely not our Sub Rep, and I essentially prize possession for lack of a better way to describe it, having it shape my ideas on bodily control and my ideal state for happiness.

Edited July 12, 2020 by Ranger

[Desmond]

I think host's dad has always been a kind of a role model, though I'm not sure if I'd call it influence. Though I suppose L's a little bit like him, so he might've picked up on it. After 6 years and host's crappy memory I really can't say.

 

For me though, cliche as it is, I think falling in love and being in love was and still is one of the biggest influences in my life. It's my main source of happiness and has definitely mellowed me, and calmed me down from aggressive flirting and daydreaming about the other men in my life lol.. I think just age had something to do with that one too, I've grown up a lot over time.

Another big influence: depression. Enough said, I believe. I'm deeper in it than host these days.

 

Having friends and losing friends has also done a lot to me, both positive and negative, but I don't want to get into that.

 

Sorry that I don't have a better answer, I really wanted to because I'm sure there's something there but I just can't remember it all.

[TB]

Rena: Meditation! TB and I share an interest in it. For me in particular, I really love Metta meditation, aka loving kindness meditation. When I get to do this meditation with them, it feels like forcing for me on top of the general good it does for the both of it. Now if I could get TB to keep that in mind better... I"m trying to train him to make better choices. They sometimes get into places where they don't really feel there and it is a bit scary. Oh, I'm getting off point though. Hope our insights were a nice contribution!

 

Host: Yeah. I don't seem like the best example, but meditation has changed my life for the better to such great extremes I can't imagine what I"d be like if i didn't discover it.

[EngelandOthers]

Christian: Books. Reading. I can distinctly remember when I wasn't quite speaking yet, Engel would ready to me, show me words in the books, try to get me to read. At first it confused me, but now you won't find me without a book. They're great.

 

I don't personally care for shows or movies, so my influence comes from literature. I especially found that my biggest influences on me or my personality or what have you are high fantasy books. Anything with elves and monsters and such. I love it. Maybe I'm a nerd, but that's ok. I also like comics. Just reading in general...

 

That's my biggest influence. If you'd ask Bob he'd probably say popcorn or something weird like that. But if he chooses to answer at some point I'll put his response. 

[not_taylor_swift]

Mary: Magic! It's the fist thing I really liked for myself without being directed to it. It was the only thing I enjoyed reading with my host when I was really young. She liked it too, but it was really my thing. All the old symbolism is really interesting and there's a lot of historical stuff that isn't widely known. It was also one of the few things my host didn't know anything about so we got to learn together. I even got her interested in tarot, so we can do readings together. And we're trying to lucid dreaming to work so we can spend time together in separate bodies. We can laugh at the people who don't know what they're talking about too. 

I remember one passage (can't find the citation) where a European wizard wrote a ritual where you cause a spirit to inhabit a rock by talking to the rock as though it were a baby and carrying it around and giving it milk for a few weeks. Eventually you heard in your head the voice of the spirit, which would "age" from baby to adult in a short period. CLEARLY this was an actual demon he was summoning. I thought that was funny.